A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading this! Please comment/review because that means a lot to me!

Nepeta groaned and slapped the alarm clock. The familiar song she'd set her alarm to wasn't as nice to hear first thing in the morning. Normally, hearing Caramelldansen would make her want to jump out of her seat and start dancing. But at seven AM, not so much. Not to mention that it was a frigid day in the middle of a cold Minnesota January. Her normal sleep cycle called for about six hours of sleep at night and several naps throughout the day. Trying to keep a "normal" schedule was really messing with her head.

Nepeta put on a pair of jeans and comfortable shirt with the ASPCA logo on it. She slipped her favorite necklace over her head, put on her favorite hat, and checked her wish anklet. The same one she'd had since seventh grade.

It still hadn't fallen off.

She made a bowl of Froot Loops for breakfast and drank a glass of orange juice. Then she brushed her teeth.

Which was a really bad idea.

She spit out the toothpaste and washed out her mouth with water. Then she brushed her teeth again. She threw her backpack over her shoulder and headed for her first class.

She had an early class in romantic literature (the time period, not the genre—everyone asked her that) every Tuesday and Thursday. It was the first Tuesday of classes second semester and she was already tired. She stumbled into the classroom and plopped down somewhere, without noticing who she was next to.

"Nepeta?"

She jumped about a mile in the air. "K-Karkitty?" she asked in disbelief. This was too much for seven thirty AM.

"Yeah. Haven't seen you in, what, a year and a half?"

"Y-Yeah. Why…why are you here?"

"Uh…I went to gogdamn George Washington cuz of Terezi…and, uh, she sorta dumped me for Dave…and I fucking hated it there, so I fucking transferred here cuz this was my first fucking choice."

"Oh! That's nice!" she said. She hated to admit that she still fostered feelings for him, even after Alex. She reached down and felt the wish bracelet on her left ankle. Still there. It wasn't some magical difference.

"Yeah, I guess," he shrugged.

"You seem sorta down," she said.

"Yeah, well, it was a fucking bad breakup, what do you fucking expect?" he snapped.

She shied away briefly, but came back with a very sarcastic, "So-rry."

"Oh gog, I'm sorry," he apologized. "Like I said."

"Bad breakup," she finished for him.

"Yeah."

"Well, if you want to do something, some friends and my boyfriend and I are going to the movies tomorrow. We're meeting at the Century theater around seven," she said, gauging his reaction carefully.

"Oh," he said, but he didn't sound disappointed or happy. "Uh…sure?"

"Great!" Nepeta said.

"So…who's your boyfriend? You never mention him in your fucking long emails."

"First off, I haven't seen you in more than a year, so yes, the emails are long. Second, his name is Henry and he's tall and blonde and he's got green eyes. He's just dreamy. He's in this class, actually. But he's always a little late." She did have a boyfriend named Henry, but she might have been slightly exaggerating how she felt about him…

Just then, a tall boy with blonde hair and green eyes walked in. Nepeta waved cheerily and Henry walked over to sit next to her. She kissed him and said, "This is my friend Karkat. Karkat, this is Henry."

"Nice to meet you," Henry said, holding out his hand. Karkat took it and shook once. "You too," he said tersely.

"Nep's told me all about you," Henry said. Nepeta smiled at his pet name for her. "How you've been friends since you were five and everything."

"Yeah, I've known him since we were in kindergarten!" Nepeta exclaimed. She knew she was acting weird, but exhaustion had never been her friend.

Karkat crossed his arms and looked away grumpily. Alright, what was going on with him? He wasn't exactly the most outgoing of people, but he didn't act this rude around her friends.

"So the movie offer is still open," she added.

"I'll pass," Karkat answered, opening his laptop and beginning to type.

Don't get your hopes up, she reminded herself. He's probably just tired. You know he doesn't sleep enough.

But she persisted in trying to get him to go somewhere sometime, usually a cosplay club thing, because her cosplay club friends were awesome. It wasn't until mid-March that she finally talked him into going (of all things) bowling with the club.

"It's cheap, I promise, and it'll just be other cosplayers there. They'll all be nice, I swear! I told them you were coming and they all said you sounded cool."

"Okay. Fine. But just this once," he conceded.

She smiled brightly and hugged him. "See you Friday!" she called, jogging to her room.

"Kate!" she shouted. "Karkat's coming bowling on Friday!"

"The Karkat?" Kate asked. "The one who you said you've crushed on since eighth grade?"

"Yes, the Karkat!" Nepeta exclaimed excitedly. "Except I sorta told him I'd already told everyone…"

"You really talked yourself into a corner this time," Kate acknowledged. "But don't worry! We're meeting tomorrow, remember? So we can tell everyone then."

"Oh yeah! Thanks a million, Kate," Nepeta said, smiling like an idiot. "Gog, I'm so nervous."

"Why? It's obvious he likes you!" Kate teased. She shared math with Nepeta and Karkat.

"Oh yeah right," Nepeta retaliated. "He always acts that grumpy."

"No, but with Henry, he's always annoyed."

"Oh. 'Bout that. Okay. I sorta want to break up with Henry. But last time I broke up with someone, not Alex, it didn't go so great."

"What happened?"

"I sorta walked away right after he shouted that he loved me and didn't speak to him again."

"I thought you were the romance expert!"

"Not when it comes to my own life!"

Kate smiled and spun around in her desk chair. "You could just be like, 'It's not working out, we really don't fit?'"

"I dunno, that seems insensitive."

"Hell, I suck at breakups."

"Oh come on! You've had, what, two girlfriends and a boyfriend since college started, and not one has been sobbing or some shit!"

"Except Joanna."

"That's different," Nepeta said. Joanna had been…different. It was not something that was discussed.

Kate shrugged, her ever-present smile sliding off her face for just long enough to say. "Yeah. Different." Her face clicked back into happy mode and she continued. "Anyways. You could try just being like… 'Hey, Henry. So, there's something I want to talk to you about. I don't think we're right for each other.' And he'll be all like, 'What the shit, are you breaking up with me?' And you can be like, 'Yes. This isn't going to work out.' And he'll probably be like…"

"I got it, Kate," Nepeta said. "Thanks."

"Sooo…when're you gonna ask out Karkat?"

"Kate!"

"I am one hundred percent serious, Liechtenstein. You've gotta ask him out at some point."

"No I don't!"

"Then why break up with Henry?"

"Because we've only been going out for three months and he's pressuring me to do shit!"

Kate stopped. "What?" she asked dangerously. It was a tone that said, "Do I need to murder someone?" It was a tone Equius used often enough that Nepeta recognized it from other people.

"No, I don't mean like that," Nepeta insisted. "I just mean that he's been asking a lot and I don't want to. He's not pressuring me or anything."

"Drop him like a hot potato."

"What the hell?"

"You heard me."

"No, I was wondering why you said that."

"Okay. Whatever. But seriously!"

"Okay. I've got romantic lit tomorrow morning. I'll do it then."

"You better."

This was definitely because of Joanna.

Nepeta crossed her fingers before class the next morning and silently hoped that this would go better than the whole deal with James. That had been just humiliating. Honestly, she was a little afraid that Henry would flip his shit and attack her or something. Maybe she should wait until Karkat was there. Normally, she'd wait for Equius, but he wasn't around anymore.

She missed him sorely.

Karkat arrived early, as always. He'd probably woken up at five AM and gone to sleep around midnight. She really had to talk him into doing something about that. He sat next to her, plugged in his ancient laptop, and started typing.

"What're you typing?" she asked.

"Screenplay," he answered. "Director is too much work; I'm gonna go into script writing."

She nodded. "I was thinking that I'd like to be a vet."

He looked up from his computer and up at her curiously. "I thought you said actress? Hell, you've done acting since we were kids."

"I know. But I'd really love to work with animals; I used to volunteer at the shelter and everything."

"Yeah, I remember," Karkat said. "Why the fuck are you here so early?"

"Uh…nothing. So. Scriptwriting? Sounds cool!"

"Yeah, it is. I'm not going to listen to your fucking 'nothing'. I got fucking enough of that in high school."

She shifted awkwardly. He was right; she'd spent half of high school nothing was wrong, and the other half stuck in situations that made everything wrong. "Fine. I'm breaking up with Henry and I'm sorta scared that he'll flip and attack me."

"Fuck," Karkat said, shocked. "Why?"

"Uh…it's not important?" she tried.

"Yes it fucking is, moron."

"Cuz he sorta tried to get me to…do stuff when I didn't want to."

"Fucking shit, I will not let him fucking near you."

"Oh my gog, calm down," Nepeta said, rolling her eyes. "Seriously. It's fine. I can deal with this one on my own."

Karkat gave her a look that was exactly identical to the one he'd given her back in seventh grade in acting class every Saturday.

Henry's arrival saved her from answering. "I'll be right back."

No need to panic, right? No need at all to panic. Just…calm, cool-headed, look together. Be like Lila. Lila was the most levelheaded person Nepeta had ever met. Be like that, she thought.

"Henry," she said. "I need to talk to you."

"What is it, babe?" he asked. His voice sounded slimy. How had she never noticed that before?

"This isn't working out. We're just not working out. I know it sounds cliché, but it's not you, it's me. I just feel like we're not going to work."

"Why?" he asked, and she couldn't tell if his tone was pained or angry and that was terrifying.

"Because…we don't get along. I feel like you don't listen when I talk to you and you sometimes talk when I'm not listening. I think we should break up."

"What?" he asked, much louder, and it was definitely angry this time. But Nepeta no longer felt the need to make herself be level-headed or calm or subtly position her feet to defend. She was doing it all on her own. She wasn't afraid anymore, not much anyways.

"I think we should break up," she reiterated, looking him in eye.

He looked livid. "Fine! FINE!" he yelled. "It's not like I ever loved you or anything."

She nodded and walked away.

"I'm going to kill you!" he screamed. "I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Oh, there's where that fear went.

Karkat looked at her searchingly. "Okay, what the fuck do you plan to do about that?"

"If he shows up at my room, I'll punch his lights out," she said calmly. So what if she was barely keeping it together? No one had to know.

"Are you sure?"

"You've known me since we were five. Do you think I couldn't?"

"You sure as hell could. But would you?"

She paused. Would she knock him out, possibly give him a concussion or worse? "Only if I had to," she responded carefully. "If he tried to kill me."

He nodded and turned back to his screenplay.

That night, Nepeta was on red alert. She had one eye on her textbook and her notes and the other on the door. She felt sick to her stomach. What if he did come to…to kill her? She'd been through that before and had no plans to let it happen again. The dread was the worst. It brought back memories of that damn smell, of the lights, of the dark. Of the fear that she wouldn't wake up. That would not ever happen again.

It was about midnight when there was a knock, a set of four knocks to be precise. Kate looked up. Nepeta stood from her Ikea desk chair and walked slowly to answer the quadruple knock.

His breath smelled like beer and smoke. Shit, she thought. He's drunk. She held her math textbook in front of her as a shield and said pleasantly, "You came for your history book, right? Hold on, I'll go get it."

He didn't move an inch.

"I'm gonna kill you!" he slurred. "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

She was shaking, but she stood her ground in front of him. He was a good foot or more taller than her and that was terrifying. This was one of those times when she hated being short. She'd kill for two extra inches to her height.

He struck out with his right fist, but she blocked his blow. He tried to kick, but she dodged away, pulling out her phone and tossing it to a stunned Kate. Kate caught the phone and dialed 9-1-1 with shaking hands.

"Hello? Hello? My friend's boyfriend is trying to kill her! In our room!"

He screamed in fury and slapped her across the face. It was loud and unexpected and Nepeta knew it would leave an ugly bruise. And it gave her the anger to fight back.

He'd backed her into the room and Kate had run out onto the fire escape. She was still fighting him off with everything she'd learned in self-defense and Meulin's karate classes when the elder was ten and the younger eight. But then he pulled out a knife

Fuck.

It was just a penknife, but plenty enough to maim or even kill. "He's got a fucking knife!" Nepeta shrieked. Kate was talking fast and confused into the phone and Nepeta could hear sirens in the distance. Horrible memories of utter pain, of crimson blood, of that damn smell, invaded her mind as she just kept fighting.

She had an idea that really came out of nowhere. She reached out and grabbed his wrist, the one connected to the hand holding the knife. She gripped as tight as she could, squeezing the nerves and forcing him to drop the knife. "Not—again," she grunted, punching him in the gut. He doubled over, clutching his wrist, and she gingerly kicked the knife away.

It wasn't long before he stood again to fight. But she was ready this time. She struck when she had to, dodging away from all of his attacks, anger burning in her whole body. She was full of adrenalin, her blood still full of the chemical, when the police arrived. Assault and battery combined with underage drinking (maybe it hadn't been smoke; there was no drug offense) bought him a hefty fine and (she thought) some jail time.

She thought he deserved it.

The swollen bruise on her left cheek that bled into her eyelid was too dark to cover up. She tried, too; no one could accuse her of not trying. She piled on concealer and foundation and blush, but there was still a shadow of the black and purple swelling.

No one noticed, or maybe no one pointed it out. Except one.

"What the fuck happened last night?" he asked loudly. She glared at him. "Sorry, sorry," he said, backing down.

"He tried to kill me," she said tersely. "Like…like in tenth grade."

"Oh. Uh…sorry?" he tried.

"'S'fine," she said. "Police caught him, plus he was drunk as fuck."

"If you're sure," he said warily.

"I'm sure. I'll be out of town this weekend anyways."

"What?"

"ACen, back in Chicago! Edward and Natalie and Kate and I are going."

"Hm," Karkat answered vaguely.

"Well, wish me luck at the Masquerade!" Nepeta grinned. "We're going to do the FACE family."

"That still means fucking nothing to me, no matter how many gogdamn times you fucking say it."

"France, America, Canada, England."

"Hm."

"Are you sleeping?"

"No!"

"Well, you're obviously not listening. I know I don't make sense to you, but am I really that boring?"

"Not at all. But there's this thing called fucking insomnia that I've had since I was fucking ten that can really fuck you over."

"I know, Karkitty. Get some sleep tonight, alright? Take care of yourself."

"Fine, fine, fucking whatever. Gog, paranoid much?"

"Yes. Because you need sleep."

"Okay. I said fine, dammit. So back to Chicago…just for the weekend?"

"Mm-hmm."

"On your own."

"I can stand up for myself!"

"I fucking know, jeez. I'm not the only around here who's gotta take care of themselves. If you're not back I'll call." There wasn't any venom in any of his angry words, like in eleventh grade when she burned the metal.

Don't get your hopes up.

As usual, Nepeta and Kate took the train home together. They bypassed their normal stops, instead heading straight for the Hyatt Regency O'Hare. They were the first to arrive, therefore they checked in and began changing for Friday night's convention.

On Saturday evening, Nepeta extracted her best cosplay things for the Masquerade. This was the first year she was going as a group with her best con buddies. Edward was England, obviously; Kate was America, no surprise there; and Natalie was France, because she had the best accent. That left Nepeta to assemble the best, most canon Canada cosplay she could.

On stage, she was ready. "I'm Canada," she nearly whispered, holding her hand-sewn Kumajirou close to her body. She could barely see through the cheap reading glasses perched on her nose. But she could smile, and she did. The rest of them finished the sketch and left the stage.

Please, please win.

She latched onto Natalie's hand on her left and Kate's on her right. Kate must be holding Edward's hand on her other side, too, squeezing with the white-knuckled, anxiety filled grip.

"Best in novice…" Gog, could they just get on with it? "Best craftsmanship…" Seriously, this should not take so long! Could they really put it off that long? "Best in group division…" Nepeta crossed her fingers. "Natalie Lumier, Edward Brown, Kate Zygerman, and Nepeta Leijon!"

No way.

No fucking way.

Kate pulled the four of them up on the stage to get their award. She smiled like a day-old light bulb, absolutely glowing. Natalie looked shocked; Edward was red-faced from laughter. Nepeta threw her arms around her friends and said, just loud enough for them and no one else to hear, "Good job, guys."

Leaving to go back to school was the saddest part.

About a week later, Nepeta was sitting at her desk, studying for spring finals, when her Etsy made some sort of notification. She was making progressively more money from selling costume and animé tokens online. Not nearly enough for her to quit her job at the coffee shop, but enough for a better wig or the nicer fabric or a new pair of costume shoes.

Another summer of mothers and sisters and house chore and Zero and Mimi. And Meulin's graduation, but that was different. Another "I can't believe I'm leaving my mother again," goodbye, because Nepeta's mom still stayed at home with the cats a rather lot.

Junior year was a bit less stressful the second time.

She was getting much closer to her desired major and to her desired career. She had an internship at the local vet's office that was going pretty well (except that there were three of them and one was this absolute dick who refused to help anyone because he was simply too good) and she was doing decently in class.

Up until there was a huge blizzard in the middle of December. Nepeta got home and was halfway through her math homework when she turned to the window and couldn't see out. It was pure white, like a fresh sheet of paper. She couldn't even see the fire escape.

Where the hell was Lila?

The brunette girl joined Nepeta in their room a few minutes later. "Do we have bottled water? What about the heat? Is the power out?"

"We're in Minnesota," Nepeta reminded the Floridian girl. "Don't worry about it."

The lights flickered out.

"Okay, so if the power goes out, we just keep warm till it goes back on. I grew up in the snow; it'll be fine." This was honestly the only time Nepeta could recall ever seeing Lila loose her cool.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

The snow didn't stop for three days. Classes were canceled because no one could leave their rooms. She texted her friends, and everyone was alright. But no one really called, except for one.

"Are you alive?" Karkat shouted.

"Yes, I'm fine. Have you been sleeping?"

"We're about to fucking die and that's what you're worried about?"

"Yes."

"Yes, I've been fucking sleeping, gog."

"Good."

"Fine. I've gotta go."

"Bye."

"See you."

Don't get your hopes up.

It was practically a mantra by now. Don't fool yourself into thinking he actually likes you. Until one day, just before the end of the semester.

Nepeta woke up, went to Bio, acting, romantic literature (still the time period), and math. She spent her hours in the coffee shop and got her paycheck on this boring old Friday. She didn't have anywhere to go this particular night, because she was studying for finals in just a week. Gog, she was so tired.

Nepeta was half asleep with her face on the desk, when she heard the plinking sounds. She adjusted her book so she wasn't sleeping on it anymore and fell back into a fitful sleep.

But wait—was that Karkat's voice?

She sprang out of her chair to hear Lila say, "You must have the wrong window."

She shoved her roommate out of the way and called excitedly, "Nope! Right window! Hi!" She felt her face flush cherry-red.

"Hi," he said. "They wouldn't let me come in at the front door for some reason...so...uh…" He held something up and it was hard to see in the dim moonlight, but she thought it was a rose.

"I'll be down in just a sec!" she shouted. Oh gog, she was a mess! Her hair was mussed from sleeping in her textbook and she wasn't wearing any makeup so that pimple on her left cheek was painfully obvious and she was wearing pajamas for Pete's sake…

She threw on something sort of nice, ran a brush through her hair, and prayed that he wouldn't notice that pimple. She grabbed her key and jogged downstairs to meet Karkat.

He was standing right where he'd been before, luckily. She ran up to him and breathlessly said, "Hi."

"Hey," he answered. "Okay. So...uh...I was wondering...I mean...if you wanted to go out sometime?" He stumbled on his words nervously and it was the most adorable sound she'd ever heard. He held out the rose and she blushed the same color as the fragrant flower.

She couldn't open her mouth. She was too shocked and too overjoyed and too sleepy to speak.

"It's okay if you don't want to go out...but—"

She cut him off. "Of course I do!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear that," she admitted. "No idea."

"I think I have some idea," he smiled.

"Since eighth grade," she said. "That's how long I've liked you."

"Since eleventh grade," he replied. "Since...since that day when you found me with the craft knife…Eighth grade? That long?"

"Since we were in school play together that last year," she answered. She let go of him and they stood about a foot or less apart, red-faced and a little sweaty. There was a long silence, in which Karkat fidgeted and Nepeta tried to think of something to say. A long, long silence, in which Karkat started to lean over and Nepeta stood on tiptoe out of apprehension and okay, maybe she just wanted to kiss him. It was still silent when all of a sudden, the last inches between them disappeared and her lips met his.

It was like flying, she decided. Ever since the first time she'd imagined kissing him, she'd thought it would be like melting. But this was like floating, flying, being free. His lips were soft and warm and everything she knew he was. It was just a gentle touch at first that became a deeper, more passionate kiss the longer it went on. His hands rested lightly on her hips and the touch barely registered in comparison with everything else. Her arms, thrown around his shoulders in a moment of excitement, now seemed loose and mobile. She rested one hand on the back of his neck, feeling the skin with tiny strands of baby hair that were just so soft.

She parted her lips ever so slightly, ready in case he didn't. But he followed suit and she felt his tongue slide against hers and it was simply blissful. She pulled him closer; she wanted to feel him. Feel his warmth against her skin and his existence so near her own.

When they finally broke apart, it wasn't for awkwardness or lack of air. It was because someone on the third floor shouted down, "What the HELL are you two doing down there?" It took Nepeta several long minutes to realize that said someone was Marina. She pulled away and wrapped her fingers tightly around the red rose. Bright red and olive green; their favorite colors. "See you tomorrow," she said quietly, kissing him one more time before going back to her room.

"See you," he answered, and he disappeared into the inky night.

Maybe getting her hopes up wasn't such a bad thing after all.