A/N: There are so many typos in the last chapter because I finished it at 1:30 AM after coming back from a convention so thank you for bearing with me. This one should be proofed a bit better! (If it's not, feel free to point it out). Thanks to my sister dearest for helping me come up with Falling Stars.
Edit: I did a proofread of this and must apologize again for horrible spelling and grammar and so on. Also, if you have any prompts, feel free to message or comment or whatever and I will write them!
P. S. Please comment/review and a kudos/favorite would not go unappreciated!
Chapter 10: A Cat Named Riley
She woke up and sighed. Another day. Another seven hours at the shelter. Another four hours at Anderson's getting harassed by drunk people and rude customers. Another stack of paperwork. Another call or text from one of her friends inviting her to a weekend outing she probably wouldn't have time for. Another day worrying about her boyfriend and her sister and her mother and her friends. Another day, another dollar.
She reached for the alarm clock and nearly screamed.
It wasn't her fake wood nightstand, and it wasn't her alarm clock, and she was up fifteen minutes early. She sat up and felt her own hands, as if it was a dream. She ran her fingers through her hair twice and gripped her head, sure that this was not real, this was a dream. She looked at her hands again and the bright stone glittered back at her. She rested her fingers on her diamond engagement ring for a long moment before squeezing her hand tightly, the metal digging into her skin.
A second alarm went off and she nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Karkitty, wake up!"
"What? Five! No, one coffee—wait."
"Karkitty. It's me."
"Right. Uh...sorry 'bout that. I was dreaming about really expensive coffee and then for some reason the guy gave me two and then I was skiing with a cup of gogdamn coffee and then I think someone turned into a butterfly and then I had two fucking coffees again and then you woke me up."
"What the hell?"
"I dunno. My dreams are weird."
"Yeah. I think everyone's are."
There was a long, long moment of silence. "Hi," Nepeta giggled. And she didn't stop, either. She kept laughing, because she was engaged, and she was in love, and she was going to get married, and…she didn't quite know what. And he started laughing, too, for whatever reasons he had.
"Wait—today is Saturday."
"Yeah."
"Why's your alarm set?"
He stopped laughing. "Because otherwise I might forget to eat."
There was a long pause. "I'll make pancakes," she said, swinging her legs around in front of her and climbing out of bed.
"Why?"
"Because you're not going to forget to eat ever again and pancakes are delicious. You said they were your favorite breakfast food, remember?"
"No, I forgot my own food preferences."
She smiled affectionately. "Brush your teeth and everything and I'll have everything ready."
"You sure?"
"Of course, Karkitty."
Pancakes. Flour, salt, baking soda, water, milk, eggs, butter, a sprinkle of sugar. She'd memorized the placement of every item in his kitchen, purely by accident, and she had no trouble finding the ingredients or the old electric griddle to cook on.
A huge crash. "Are you alright?" she called.
"I knocked over a lamp."
"A lamp."
"Better than a broken bone."
"Fair point."
She flipped the first three pancakes and they landed just right, the way her mother used to. Maybe she had picked up some cooking skills from her mother.
It was another cold, clear morning, sharp as shards of glass. Chicago winters, the kind she'd grown up with. As her mind wandered idly, she wondered how her friends were doing, if Aradia was any closer to her degree, if Vriska was any nearer to her desired job at the Field Museum, how Jade was doing alone in Europe. How they were doing back in the cold Chicago air where they were raised.
She opened the window just a crack letting in a swirl of chilled breeze and a gust of warm nostalgia. Snow forts, thick coats, being bundled up in gloves and hats and boots, snowball fights on school grounds where they weren't allowed, hot chocolate handmade in the microwave, silent snowstorms that never seemed to result in snow days, back before...everything.
He was still bleary-eyed and his hair was still as messy as hers when she set the plate of pancakes on the table. "Feeling better, love?"
"Bit," he shrugged. He yawned hugely, covering his mouth with one hand.
"It is a Saturday. We could stay here and watch movies all day. You might even get some sleep."
"You have no idea how good that sounds right now."
"How about She's the Man?"
He nodded. "You're the best."
"Nope. You are."
"You."
"You."
"You."
"You."
"This is ridiculous," he said. "You're the best and-" He was cut off by another yawn.
"Do I have to carry you to the couch?"
"I got it." He stood and plodded to the couch. She slipped into the bedroom, took all the blankets off the bed, and joined him on the couch, wrapping the swathes of warm fabric around them. His heartbeat wasn't frantic or even all that palpable unless she was right next to him (which she was). His breathing was calm and controlled and slow, and it made her feel calm and a little drowsy, too. She rested her head on his shoulder and let him rest his head on hers. His eye fluttered shut and she gently shifted so his head was resting on her lap and a thick, fluffy blanket covered him. Her financé was not going to be at all uncomfortable as long as she was there.
"Nepeta?" he mumbled.
"Yes, Karkitty?"
"Why're you so nice to me?"
"Because I love you. And you deserve it. Anyways, what sort of girlfriend would I be if I wasn't nice to you?"
"Why do you even bother with me, though?"
"Because you're sweet and smart and kind and you're just the most compassionate, most romantic person I've ever met. And I've always known that you're extremely handsome."
"But I'm a hot mess."
"You're not."
"Yes I am."
"Well, you're my hot mess. And I love you."
She waited for an answer, but there was none. She heard a soft snore and realized he'd fallen asleep in the middle of the day right next to her. Because of her.
Cold air drifted in and tickled her hair again, reminding her of one eighth-grade trip to play at a musical clinic (back when they were both in orchestra) and then to the mall food court for lunch. But they'd gotten up at the crack of dawn and the clinic was so far away from the mall that there was ample time to drift off. She and Karkat had shared a school bus seat with a violin and a viola, but they'd sat right next to each other, her chatting and him being exhausted. She'd chatted away until she'd noticed a weight on her shoulder, the weight of one of her very best friends. His eyes had been closed and his breaths had been slow and deep. So she had let him rest until they arrived at the mall for lunch.
Of course, at the time he pretended it never happened. She doubted he remembered it anymore; she only did after her burning crush forced her to relive every moment she'd ever spent with him.
His hair, which she'd never had cause to properly examine before, was spread out on her lap like so many snowflakes. She ran her fingers through his messy strands of dark coffee-colored hair, separating each out and spinning each between her fingers like a top. Whenever she fell asleep next to him, he played with her hair. She might as well return the favor.
Another spiral of frigid air. Another school days memory.
Acting classes had always been important for them. At the time, they were almost the oldest in the group, because it was kindergarten through eleventh grade (for whatever reason) and they were sophomores. It had been a dress and tech rehearsal day, and they'd been practicing a certain scene for forty-five minutes. Everyone had been more than ready for pizza, the traditional meal between tech and first show, including the director, Mrs. B. They'd been so close, so damn close, and then Mrs. B had flipped and started screaming at every single cast member she could find. Nepeta, fearing her director's angry tirade, had ducked behind a stage piece, a chair or table or something, and hid.
As soon as Mrs. B had finished her rant and everyone had left for pizza, Karkat had joined Nepeta behind the set piece.
"You alright?" he'd asked.
"Fine," she's lied.
"Nope," he'd answered. It had been all he said, but he'd enveloped her in a tight, warm hug that she'd returned gratefully and wholeheartedly.
He probably didn't remember that day, either.
Her memories comforting her, she drifted off, too, her hands going limp as her eyes closed.
A few hours later, she felt someone shaking her. It was Karkat, of course. "Nepeta. Nepeta. Nepeta."
"Mmm?" she murmured.
"I found chocolates."
"Well, sit down and let us eat chocolate."
He sat, drawing her closer, and let her snuggle against him. He'd put in the first season of the modern Doctor Who, which Nepeta had recently borrowed (been forced to take) from Aradia.
After Dalek, she was hooked.
She watched Karkat's show (Falling Stars) of course, because it was good and he wrote it, but truthfully she was more into animé than sci-fi. But this was sweet and exciting and she was finding herself cheering aloud for the characters, completely enraptured.
About halfway through The Empty Child, she felt eyes on her and turned her head to see Karkat staring not at the story, but at her. He blushed violently and covered his face with his hands.
"You were staring."
"Was not."
"You so were," she giggled, poking his belly. He yelped and playfully poked her back.
"Maybe a little. I'm branching out into poetry and I need a subject, you know."
She blushed at the compliment. "You're sweet," she said, nuzzling his neck and planting a gentle kiss there. He blushed even deeper, as if anyone could see. One of his hands danced down her back to rest on her hip. She kissed his neck affectionately again, because she loved him beyond measure and because he was right there next to her.
It was getting dark by the time the last episode played. She snuggled even closer to Karkat, because it was getting pretty damn cold out. They'd both been periodically drifting off at random times all day, eating and sleeping and kissing when they pleased.
It was one of her better Saturdays.
She didn't go home until Sunday morning, and then only because she had to do laundry on Sundays. A lingering goodbye kiss still tingled on her lips as she sat on the el and rode the one stop to her apartment.
When she got home, there was an actual snail-mail letter from her mother and it made her feel like there was something she'd forgotten.
Right. She was engaged. She should probably tell her mother and her sister. And her friends.
She mentally prepared herself, picked up her phone, and called her mother.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Click.
"Hi, Mom. How've you been?"
"Hello, Nepeta! How are you?"
"I'm good, Mom." She took a deep breath. "I'm engaged. To Karkat."
"Oh my goodness—really? That's amazing, love! When did—wait—are you pregnant? Is that what this is about?"
"What? Mom, I'm not pregnant!"
"Because I wouldn't be mad, Nepeta. And I won't judge you, if that's what's going on between you and him—"
"No, Mom, it's not because I'm pregnant! I. Am. Not. Pregnant. Gog."
"Alright, love. Whatever you say. Will you and him need any money?"
"Mom!"
"Anything you need, love. I'll be there for you."
"Thanks, Mom." She briefly considered telling her mother about their other plans, but decided against it.
"Is there something else, Nepeta?" Dammit, she'd forgotten that her mother was practically psychic. "What is it, darling?"
"We're moving in together soon." Fuck, she didn't mean to say that.
"Oh really?" Curiosity tinged with suspicion.
Might as well tell all now. "There're a few places around here we talked about."
"Mm-hmm."
"You said you wouldn't judge," Nepeta pointed out, a little upset.
"Love, I'm just worried you're living downtown."
Nepeta didn't bother to suppress her laugh. "Mom, I'm fine. I've defended myself before, and I can do it again."
Her mother's laugh echoed on the other end of the line. "I know you can, darling. But I'll always worry. I'm your mother; it's my job."
She smiled, even though her mother couldn't see it. "Thanks, Mom. I've gotta go, laundry and paperwork."
"I love you, dear."
"Love you too, Mom."
Meulin would be even worse.
She pulled up Skype so her sister could lip-read, an art Meulin was incredibly good at, and called her sister.
"Meulin?"
"Hi, Nep! What's up?"
"I'm engaged to Karkat!" She held up her left hand, where the narrow gold band and clear diamond shone.
There was static from her computer and she could only assume Meulin was squealing like she did. "Ohmygog really? That's amazing!"
"Funny, Mom said about the same thing."
Meulin grinned. "She's our mother, little sister."
"I know, I know."
"So, how did he propose?"
"He set up all these little items and notes all around his apartment for me to follow and the last one was a ring and it said, 'Do you remember the time I proposed to you? Probably not, because I don't either. Not yet, anyways. But if you take four steps forward, I hope you will.' And then he was down on one knee and everything and…" She bit her lip excitedly and let a broad smile spread over her face.
"It's just my sister," Meulin said suddenly.
"What?" Nepeta asked.
"It's Kurloz," Meulin said. The man in question sat next to her sister and signed, "Hi." That was all.
He was still creepy as ever.
Nepeta forced a smile and signed, "Hello," back, not asking anything else. She honestly didn't know her sister's fiancé all that well, partly because he reminded her a bit too much of Gamzee and partly because he was kind of scary, with his whole "vow of silence" thing and some other stuff she preferred not to talk about. But hey, her sister loved him, and she was clearly safe (Nepeta could tell; it was a sister thing), so Nepeta only worried a little.
Just a touch.
What else were sisters for?
"You two are just so cute!" Meulin squealed. "Moving in together soon?"
"How did you guess?"
"I write an advice column, Nep. I see this all the time."
"Right. How's work going, by the way?"
"Pretty well! Did I tell you about Kurloz's new job?"
"No…" Nepeta responded warily.
"Mortician," Kurloz signed. Nepeta's eyes widened a touch. Ooo-kay then.
"Nice!" she said aloud. Time to go and finish laundry. "I've gotta do laundry and paperwork, sister dearest."
"See you, Nep!"
"See you, Meu."
She closed the Skype window and took a breath. The papers on her desk would make her officially fostering a cat named Delly for three months. Their new apartment had better be animal tolerant. Otherwise, she was screwed job-wise.
Their apartment. She'd been living alone for...three years? Or four? Long enough that she wasn't used to sharing space anymore. Not that she'd ever mind sharing space with Karkat, of all people, but she had a feeling she'd be sitting at home and do one of those things she did because no one was around and faint from humiliation.
Their apartment.
It took them two months to choose. There were originally five, then three because of Delly (who was a good cat), then two because one was way too far from the shelter to work. In the end, they chose the one with a nicer courtyard.
He liked writing outside and she liked drawing outside.
Two people and a cat. Too much furniture for the small apartment. And too little time to move in before summer set in and the entire apartment was completely miserable.
"I fucking hate Midwest weather," Karkat said, staring at the air conditioner.
"You haven't been in an animal shelter with all the animals going nuts because they can finally go outside all damn day," Nepeta pointed out, swapping her thick cotton T-shirt for a much more comfortable tank top and her jeans for short shorts because dammit, it was a hundred degrees in the shade. "Can't you turn that thing on?"
"Can't afford to fix it."
"Oh. I could work more time at Anderson's." She'd gotten a different job at a different restaurant since Tony from Hackney's (her coworker and the same Tony from middle school) had been being an asshole again.
"Don't do that! You said you hate working there."
"I do, but you don't have time for another job."
"You are working on paying for a fucking master's degree and you already have two jobs!"
"I'm fine."
"Nepeta. Is that all you say in response to life decisions? What do you want outside of the fucking expensive A/C?"
"I want to quit the restaurant job."
"Then quit."
"How'll we get enough money?"
"Well, Falling Stars got exported to Europe and someone agreed to look at and probably produce the romcom I'm writing, so I'm about to get a break with any luck. That'll bring in some more money."
"Suppose so."
"And don't force yourself to do something you hate."
"Like perhaps living in this awful apartment?"
He laughed and wrapped one arm around her waist. "You shouldn't do anything you hate, either, Karkitty," she added.
"I'm writing for a cult classic and I should have a romcom done in a month or two. What could I hate about my job right now?"
"What about that kid's show in which animals talk and operate electronics?"
Karkat winced. "Please don't remind me I'm involved in that piece of shit."
"And why don't you quit that?"
"Well...uh...because it's kind of nice putting really profound and meaningful stuff into those shitty shows when I can cuz, I dunno, maybe some kid might see it and feel better about themselves or life because I never had that when I was a kid."
"Really," she said, smiling. "That's really sweet."
"Thanks?"
"It is, though. You're really sweet."
She thought he blushed again, but it was hard to tell in the thick heat of a poorly air-conditioned apartment, because his face was scarlet anyways.
"Hey, where's Delly gotten to?" Nepeta asked.
"Hopefully off my damn keyboard."
Nepeta smiled fondly and got up off the couch to find Delly, her cat for the moment. "I'll be bringing her back to the shelter in a couple weeks. She's recovering really well."
"Is that good?"
"Well...sort of. I'm kinda getting attached to her."
"Except the keyboard thing…I kind of am too. Gog, never thought I'd get attached to a cat."
"What about me?"
"A real cat, not a cat enthusiast."
"Here's Delly!" Nepeta called, finding the cat behind one of the chairs. Delly mewed and struggled to escape Nepeta's hold. Nepeta rolled her eyes and let Delly down. "Poor kitty, she's been through a lot."
"What happened?"
"Neglectful owner. One hell of a court battle for her sake."
He tilted his head to the side and looked at her like he was examining her. "You know, you're amazing."
"Thanks," she said. "You are too."
"No, I mean it. You get up every morning way too early and you spend your day doing everything from talking people into adopting animals to practically being a vet to fighting in court for the animals. And then you go to that shitty excuse for a restaurant and put up with drunk people and rude assholes and stuck-up pricks and all sorts of shit for four hours and then you come home and work on your degree so once you can pay you'll be really close and then you still say you'll take more hours at Anderson's! And even with all that...if I ever need you you're right there and you're still really nice and empathetic and compassionate and happy and…" He blushed so deeply that she thought he might pass out and did not continue.
Her face searing, she managed to stammer out, "Thanks, Karkitty." She sat next to him on the couch once more and took his sweaty hand as softly as she could.
"But I mean what I said to," she began once she'd collected herself. "You could've opted out of writing for something that made more money, but you stuck with writing! And you're always busy, always editing and coming up with new ideas and you're just so creative and funny and sweet and smart and have you seen the stuff people say about your show? It's profound and you wrote it and you don't see it, either. You're this amazing writer and you followed your dreams and you're such a wonderful person and you don't even see it." Her face was hotter than the air outside by now and he was looking at his feet.
"Thanks," he muttered. "No one's ever said anything that nice to me before."
"It's all true," she said, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. "I mean it."
"I do too."
Delly had to go back to the shelter a week later. It was one of the weirdest el rides Nepeta had ever experienced, and she spent all her el rides with a tall, muscled, almost silent man who carried around half-finished robots.
"What is in the cage?" Equius asked her while she tried to fill out one final form by balancing the cage on her lap and the paper on the cage.
"That cat I've been fostering, Delly."
"Why is she being returned?"
"She's recovered from the surgery now and she'll be adoptable."
"That is a positive turn of events, correct?"
"Yeah."
He nodded and took a half-finished circuit out of his pocket, fiddling with the pieces.
"What's that?" she asked curiously. His work was insanely complicated, especially to someone who'd never taken much interest in engineering.
"It is a part for my most recent robotic creation."
"Which is?" She'd long since stopped asking about the pieces of his robots.
"Another prototype for the personal aide robot. This has been my project for five years as of presently."
"Wow."
"Thank you."
She dropped Delly off with one of the volunteers and headed to the back room to examine a couple animals. She had to talk with some church group today, then gather evidence for a new animal's case (something she always ended up in charge of), then care for all the animals back here, most of whom needed at least antibacterials.
And four hours at Anderson's with her crazy boss Sally Donovan and that nice girl Molly Hooper who was far too shy to be working at Anderson's.
And balancing the budget so she and Karkat wouldn't keep frying in the summer heat.
She couldn't wait for the weekend.
She dropped Delly off with one of her coworkers and proceeded to make a stab at completing her daily projects.
Days passed and she still hadn't worked up the courage to quit Anderson's. Partly because Molly really was very nice, partly because she was kind of terrified of Sally, and partly because they really did need money to fix the damn A/C.
Weeks later, she still hadn't quit. But this time, it was for a different reason.
Her hand was shaking as she filled out the death certificate. Animals died in the shelter a fair bit, because so many were sickly or old, but this...this was different. Delly had been her favorite cat, had reminded her of Pounce de Leon from before seventh grade. Her fingers habitually found the scar on her left side from back in tenth grade and measured its memorized size and shape. The rippled skin no longer hurt when she touched it, and it no longer glared in sharp contrast with the rest of her skin, but it was there and it was a reminder of…of that. Of blood and lights and aching and no hand to hold and laying in the street, praying that she wouldn't get run over before someone found her. Or before she died. Sometimes, if she forced her memories enough, she remembered wheels screeching to a halt in front of her, someone clambering out of a car and saying, "What the hell? Oh my gosh! What the hell happened?"
About a week later, a curiosity poked at her. "Karkat," she began one day at dinner. "Back in tenth grade, you remember that day after ice skating when…when I nearly died? Because there was someone who knew me and found me called 9-1-1…was that you?"
He nodded. "I heard you screaming and I was halfway home and I kinda panicked…you and Equius were nearly dead and there was someone next to a car just sort of staring and…I was pretty freaked out," he admitted.
"Mm-hmm," she nodded. "I just sorta always wondered."
"Yeah," he said vaguely.
"Gog, I'm tired," she yawned.
"It's only nine PM," Karkat pointed out.
"Long day."
"Right."
"I'm gonna go to bed."
"I've gotta finish my romcom, so I'll be up late."
"Don't give yourself another one of those stress headaches, Karkitty."
"I won't, gog."
"I'll have the Asprin and water if you need it."
"Thanks."
She did indeed set two pills and a glass of water on the bathroom counter before collapsing into bed and passing out.
She was woken at some insane hour of the night she hadn't been awake for since college by a panicked voice from the other side of the bed.
"Nepeta. Nepeta! Nepeta, please wake up!"
"What is it, Karkitty?"
He tried to answer, but all she heard was sobbing and the words, "Panic attack."
Suddenly wide awake, she rolled over to face him. Or, more accurately, face his back. He was shaking visibly and when her fingers brushed his arm, he was damp with sweat. He'd curled up as small as he could and she couldn't tell for sure, but she thought he was clenching his hands into anxious fists.
"Can you move?"
Slight nod.
"Face me, love?"
He rolled over and faced her. His face was wracked and pale, except for his eyes and the tear tracks on his cheeks, which were red from crying. His eyes were wide and unfocused and that alone was scarier than anything else.
She pushed his lank hair out of his face and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. She rubbed his back gently in smooth circles and rested one hand on the back of his neck, where he said he put a warm pack when he was stressed.
"But I'm scared, and I'm worried, and I'm stressed, and I don't know, and what if you die or I die or one of them dies and my brother when he's downtown, he might get attacked and my dad because since he's been really active in the gender-fluid rights movement people might get him and now I'm getting married and I love her more than I could say but what if something happens to her because an animal could attack her or someone at her restaurant could get drunk and go after her or-" It was like he was talking to someone else. She'd heard him say that he usually woke up from nightmares when he had panic attacks and guessed that he was still half in his nightmare. He paused for breath and she jumped in.
"Karkitty, I'm right here. I'm safe, and I'll keep being safe. I'm fine. So are your brother and you dad and all our friends. I'm here for you. You're safe. I promise this'll pass and you'll feel better soon. You're safe and protected and as long as I'm here I won't let anything hurt you."
His eyes seemed to focus on her and his tears seemed to at least partially subside. "Nepeta?"
"I'm here, love," she said tenderly.
He returned her hug gingerly, as if testing his world again. "You're here. I'm here too," he said, at least half to himself.
"Exactly." She ran a thumb over his cheek, wiping tears off his face and letting her fingers soothe his tensed face.
He took three rattley breaths, air grinding against tears and a sore throat. "Sorry," he half whispered.
"Don't apologize. Never apologize."
"But…"
"But nothing," she said, cutting him off with a gentle kiss. His sweat had made her T-shirt damp, too, but she didn't care. She'd stay by his side, no matter how sweaty or scared or panicky he was. As long as he was happy, she was happy.
She could feel his frantic heartbeat slowing and his ragged breathing evening out. "Better, dear?"
He swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Better."
"I'll be here as long as you need me."
He smiled weakly and she returned the smile much wider. "Thanks."
"Any time." She thought for a second before deciding it would be in his best interest to tell him. "You know, I used to turn up the volume on my phone right before I went to bed back in high school and college in case you called and you needed someone."
"Really?" he asked, a bit of shock trickling into his tired voice.
"Really."
"I...I had a nightmare."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Uh...I guess?"
"Only if you want to."
He didn't talk for a long time, but he didn't close his eyes or let go of her.
"I dreamed you didn't survive back in tenth grade."
The words hit her like the club that had nearly killed her. She spent many idle days wondering what would've happened if she hadn't survived. What would've happened if Equius died and she didn't, if no one called 9-1-1, if the person in the car did call, if she died and Equius didn't, if she hadn't sprained her ankle, if someone else had been there, if...her list went on.
But he wasn't done. "I dreamed that when I got there, it was just like in real life, and Gamzee had run away, except that Equius was already dead. I don't even know how I knew that, I just did. But you were still alive and you were breathing just like when I found you, you know, all ragged and labored and everything. And I did what I did in real life, like, I ran over to you and I screamed for you to wake up but you didn't move and I called the police but…they didn't come. They said they couldn't. So I screamed that my friend was dying and they still didn't come and...and you died in my arms. And I was covered in blood and...and you were dead. And then...then it was a different dream. I…" He started sobbing quietly again in her arms, his head drooping to her shoulder.
"It's alright. I survived, didn't I? Might've lost a toenail or two, but I'm fine. And the police would come if you called 9-1-1."
"You've got that scar."
"I know. I think about it a lot, too. But...stuff happens. And it sucks. And it's hard. But there were doctors and they patched me up and I got over it and I had to see a therapist for a bit but I made it through and I'm alive. You saved me, you know."
"I know. But still…"
She nodded sympathetically. "Your other dream. Do you want to talk about that one?"
He nodded almost frantically. "Okay...you know when you have a dream and there's someone there who you just sort of know? There was this girl, this really scary girl. I think she was about twelve. Anyways, she had this pale face and super-dark eyes and hair and every time I saw her, she was bloodier. And I'd have these crazy visions or some shit of something happening to someone I love in my dream. And for some reason, I kept talking to this freaky girl whenever I saw one. And none of them ever quite happened, but they nearly did. Like, I saw one of a tree falling on Sollux and then I was passing a park and this huge tree branch was about to land on Sollux so I shoved him out of the way and it just...it made me nuts and then I started screaming at the freaky girl because I saw one where you and I were murdered in our bed and all our friends were too and then I woke up and I was in bed and...yeah."
"Oh my gog...I don't even know what to say."
"Yeah."
"Well, we're up on the fifth floor with two locks downstairs and two up here. There are no creepy little girls around here and you're wide awake. You're completely safe."
"Thanks. I needed that."
"That's what I'm here for."
He finally released his tight hold on her and instead opted for a gentler embrace. He kissed her and ran one hand up her back delicately. But he gave no indication of letting go. "Can...can you be here? When I fall asleep?"
"Of course." She held him close to her and waited until his eyes closed before she let herself drift off into soft slumber.
The next morning, she couldn't help but gently run her fingers over the scar on her left side. She doubted it would ever fade, and she knew it would never disappear completely. But it was there, always there, no matter what. It wasn't visible except when she wore a swimsuit, but she could feel it.
She was completely spaced out when Karkat came up behind her and rested his hand exactly where her scar was and kissed her cheek. "Morning, dear."
She yelped and jumped, surprised. He held up his hands and asked, "Are you alright?"
"Fine," she said, waving one hand as if it couldn't possibly matter. "It's just that scar from way back when."
"Oh. Sorry."
"S'okay."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
She kissed him quickly and threw her bag over her shoulder, headed for the el stop.
She was just about to leave the shelter when her phone went off. "Aradia? Hi!"
"Hi, Nepeta!"
"What's up?"
"So, do you still play violin?"
"I don't have a violin anymore."
"Well, would you like one?"
"I guess so...are you giving one away?"
"Yep! I inherited my grandma's old viola."
"Karkitty'll like that. What does that have to do with a violin?"
"Sollux's computer shop got a break and I can afford a better violin now."
"Here I thought you were going after a career in archeology!"
"I am! But I play on weekends for extra money and I really love string instruments!"
"Well, sounds good to me. I'd love to play violin again!"
"So can you pick them up...Saturday?"
"Sure. How does two PM sound?"
"Great! See you then."
"See you!" Nepeta ended the call and smiled. She hadn't touched a bow in...ten years? Far too long, at any rate. She opened the door to their apartment and called, "Do you still know how to play?"
"What, tag?"
"No, silly. Viola."
"Right. Viola. Maybe?"
"Do you remember Dragonhunter?"
"Are you kidding me?"
She grinned. "Because Aradia called and said she'd bought a new violin and inherited a new viola and we could take her old ones."
"What size?"
"Full size. What'd you expect from Aradia?" She was among the tallest girls Nepeta had ever met.
"Did you keep your music?"
"I kept all the music we ever played, all six parts."
"Six?"
"Cello, bass, viola, violin one, violin two, violin three."
"Ah."
"You always complained that viola was the single most forgotten instrument in all of music, remember? Oh, remember that one time at the mall when that old lady came up to us with Aradia and her cello and said, 'What a nice pair of violinists!' and you flipped out at her?"
He winced. "Yeah, I do."
"Come on, it was funny!"
"I got a detention for that."
"You stood up for your instrument. And anyways, I thought it was cute."
That was the end of that, she knew. His face softened into a smile. "Really?"
"Yes, really."
"So I presume you already told Aradia you'd take the violin and viola?"
She shrugged guiltily. "Well...she did need to get rid of them."
"Awesome. I'm ready to re-teach myself that damn instrument."
"I thought you remembered how to play?"
"Well, I forgot how to play well. What about you?"
Her smile faded. "I never did."
The music for the first real song anyone in orchestra learned was incredibly simple; they never even used the E string (the highest pitched). It had been next to impossible at the time, but now playing this piece was second nature.
It was kind of nice, finding something that was so stuck in her memory that it could no longer be forgotten.
She played first violin for that piece; it was the only time she'd ever played first. She was never good enough at her instrument to play first, barely even second sometimes. She remembered a good chunk of the notes and fingerings by heart, too, because every time they played somewhere, they inevitably brought out Dragonhunter to play.
Karkat stared at the viola for a long, long time. "This fucking looks just like my old viola. It's got the scuff mark on the right side right there"-he pointed to a spot just below the neck- "And the fine tuners are all red except the C string one that's blue. And in the peg box, all the string-ends are purple. If I didn't know better, I'd say that this my old fucking viola."
"Wait-didn't you sell your viola to the music store?"
"Yeah."
"What if Aradia bought it?"
"Fuck."
"Check the number!"
"I don't remember the number!"
"I wrote it down!"
"Why?"
"In case you ever lost the thing, you know how disorganized you were in middle school."
He peered inside the viola and read the number aloud. "Suzuki six-one-two-four-one-three."
"It's the same viola," Nepeta confirmed, laughing. "Wow."
"I was not expecting that," he said, giving his old instrument an alienated look.
She laughed again. "Well, I'll put the music on the counter and you can play if you like."
"What about you?"
"All the girls on our group are going to dinner tonight."
He rolled his eyes. "And you couldn't've mentioned this earlier."
"I thought I did!" she snapped.
"Well you obviously didn't!"
"I have pretty fucking long days, sometimes I forget shit!"
"This is pretty fucking important shit!"
"Wait," she said, holding up her hands in surrender. "Sorry. I should've told you."
He looked confused for a second, before saying, "S'alright. It's just with money and everything…"
"Don't worry, it's a cheap place. We're all on shoestring budgets here, except maybe Rose and Kanaya."
"Okay. That almost got seriously blown out of proportion."
She smiled. "Eh."
"Shit happens," he agreed. "When're you leaving?"
She glanced at the clock. "Now, actually."
"Have fun, see you later!" he called as she grabbed her coat and keys and left.
"See you too!" she shouted. She couldn't wait to get together with all her friends again.
Hopping on the el, she headed for Pond and River's downtown, a cute little restaurant that wasn't too expensive. All the girls would be there, even Jade, flown in from Europe for two weeks. Nepeta couldn't wait to hear about Jade's life in Europe, Aradia's job at University of Chicago, Terezi's adventures in law school, Feferi's time in Oregon, even Vriska and her spiders. She practically jumped off the el with a happy heart and proceeded to the restaurant.
"Nepeta!" Feferi called. "Hi! Oh my gog, I haven't seen you in forever!"
"I know, right? How've you been? How's Oregon?"
"It's great for marine biology, actually! I live by the coast and everything, and I've got this great job at a lab there! What about you?"
"Well, I quit that job I hated at the restaurant and I'm so glad I did! And I don't know if I told you, but Karkitty and I got engaged!"
"That's amazing!"
"What about you and Eridan?" Nepeta teased, drawing out the name.
"It's complicated," Feferi answered, shaking her head. "Come on, we've got a table and everything."
"So I'm late?"
"No, everyone else was early."
"Same thing!" Nepeta laughed, her eyes glittering. Feferi grinned right back, and Nepeta could see the traces of laugh lines that were forming in the corners of Feferi's eyes, like Aradia. Nepeta couldn't resist hugging her friend who'd moved so far away.
At the table, Jade was telling a story in a very animated fashion, waving her arms and gesticulating wildly. "And then, I swear, this guy just tells me that women can't go into physics! I'm not even kidding! And Emily was walking by, and she hears him say this, and Emily is so shy with people she doesn't know, but she just comes up to this guy and she just slaps him across the face! And he looks so stunned, and Emily just starts talking to this guy, and she just takes apart his argument like he's a five-year-old, and he's too shocked to even answer. So he just stammers, "I…I…I…" and she goes, "Yeah, I thought so," and does that sassy arm-crossing thing and she just walks off and I swear, that guy just gaped at her and he just about sprinted away! It was hilarious!"
"Wait, really?" Nepeta asked, taking a seat. "Wait—Emily who?"
"Emily Thomas."
"Did she go to Carleton?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I knew her! We were in cosplay club together."
"Wow!"
"I know, right?"
Jade smiled and laughed. "So what's the news around here? Most everyone's in Chicago, right?"
"Except me and Feferi," Terezi said. "I'm gonna move back around here with a couple school friends and start a practice once I pass the bar in a few months."
"I live in Oregon," Feferi said. "Oh my gog, they have the best marine biology labs where I live! It's so cool!"
"Wait—Rose and Kanaya, when're you guys getting married?"
"Once we have the funds," Rose admitted, shrugging her shoulders.
Nepeta nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I know how that is."
"Oh really?" Jade asked. "Is there a special someone I should know about?"
"Karkat and I are engaged," Nepeta said again, blushing carmine.
"D'aw, so cute," Jade teased, and the whole table started laughing again. Nepeta laughed, too, because though she often saw her friends on weekends, there was never a time when all of them could just sit together like this and enjoy each other's company, and some food that was excellent, especially considering the prices. It was some family place, parents and a daughter, and their food was really excellent. Even if the waiter was notoriously odd.
Much later, she left the restaurant with a light heart and a huge grin and a promise that they'd definitely do this again. She felt like skipping home.
Karkat was asleep on the couch, a half-written script on his computer screen and the TV turned to Syfy. "Karkitty," she said softly, tapping his shoulder. No response. She moved the laptop to the coffee table and shook his shoulders, saying, "Karkitty!"
He woke in a panic, flailing wildly for a long moment before seeing it was just Nepeta and calming down. "Coffee! No, wait, that was a dream. What happened?"
"You passed out on the couch and if you stay here, you're going to be really sore tomorrow."
"Okay. Okay. Right."
"It's nearly midnight, I'm going to bed."
"Yeah, that sounds pretty fucking awesome right about now."
"No kidding."
She fell asleep quickly, not even bothering to brush her teeth.
She woke with a start at two AM, a familiar sort of feeling in her stomach. She jumped out of bed, not even bothering to put on a robe or something, and ran to the bathroom, where she promptly and painfully threw up.
She finished and fell back so she was sitting on the cold tile and leaning against the counters, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. She hated throwing up more than anything. It was just…ugh. Bile surged up her throat again and she pitched forward, because she didn't want to throw up on the floor and have to clean it up.
"Nepeta? You alright?" Karkat mumbled, half asleep.
"F-Fine," she called, stumbling on her words. "I'm fine."
"Honestly," he said, getting out of bed and walking over to her. "Do you have a point in a relationship where you stop saying you're fine and start accepting that I genuinely want you tell me what's wrong so I can help?"
She had no response to that, because she wasn't sure she did.
He flipped on the lights and squinted in the sudden brightness. His bathrobe was tied loosely and his hair was an utter mess. But she probably looked even worse. She was shaking and pale and covered with sweat and lonely.
He sat next to her and started rubbing her back. "What's wrong? Are you sick or something?"
She shook her head, not trusting her mouth to open.
"Then what is it?"
"It just happens sometimes when I'm gonna get my period."
" 'It just happens sometimes'? That sucks ass."
She nodded, crossing her arms over herself protectively.
"What do you need?"
"I dunno."
"Well, what helps?"
"Not a hell of a lot. Pepto if I'm lucky."
"We've got some, you know."
"That's yours."
"Ours. What part of living together and being engaged is not being comprehended here?"
"The part where someone is actually willing to help when I'm like this."
"Do you think I'm somehow going to just be like, 'Oh, my fiancée is barfing for no explained reason, I think I'll just leave her there and go back to sleep'?"
She shrugged.
"Hold on a sec. Let me get the Pepto and some Sprite."
"What?"
"Some. Stomach. Medicine. And. A. Sprite. Be right back."
He stood and walked out. She heard the fridge and a couple cabinets open. She stood, braced herself against the counter, and brushed her teeth to get the vile taste out her mouth. He returned in less than two minutes with a can of Sprite, a few crackers, and two chewable Peptos.
"Why did you bring Sprite?"
"Whenever I threw up, my dad would give me Sprite because he said it made nausea better."
"And crackers?"
"I dunno, people always eat crackers when they're barfing because of a hangover."
"Thanks." She took the two dry chewables and opened the Sprite. She stared at it for a long, long time, for whatever reason, before she took a sip. And it did help, and so did the crackers. They went down as if they were poking her throat with needles, but that didn't last.
"Feeling better?"
"A bit. You can go back to bed."
"What if you throw up again?"
"I'll be fine."
"Remember what I said earlier? I'm serious. I'm not just gonna leave you like this."
"Karkitty, I'm fine."
He took her hands in his and looked at her the way she sometimes looked at him, as if over a pair of librarian glasses. "Nepeta. I am one hundred percent certain that you're not feeling to great right now. And…I bet you feel sort of lonely. Right?"
She nodded timidly. "So, I'm not going to get up and to back to bed. Because if you're feeling lonely, you deserve to know that I love you. So, I am going to stay here with you until you feel better."
The tears that had been barely there before now doubled, tripled, quadrupled, until she was completely sobbing, something she hadn't done in four years.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't even know anymore."
"Is it happy crying or sad crying?"
She thought about it for a second. Why was she crying? PMS was probably part of it, but she didn't cry without provocation. Why? Throwing up sucked, yes, but not enough to make her bawl like this. It was something connected with Karkat, obviously. But he was being nice to her, acting like he cared about her…why would that make her cry?
Oh.
"I guess…cuz no one's ever been this nice to me. Like, ever."
"Well, you deserve it, for putting up with all my shit."
"I don't put up with it, Karkitty. I never put up with you."
"There you go. That's why I'm not going back to bed."
Oh gog, there were the sobs again. He'd chosen the best and only way of explaining himself to her and it was the best thing she could imagine: to be loved so much that you no longer "put up with" a single thing they do.
He started rubbing her back gently again. "Anything else you need?"
"You."
"I'm right here, as long as you need me."
"Thanks."
"Any time, dear."
She tried to smile, but failed. She instead settled for resting her head on his shoulder and letting him put his arms around her until her eyelids started drooping again.
"Karkitty?"
"Hm?"
"Is it okay if we go back to bed?"
"Of course."
She leaned on him and he supported her all the way back to the bedroom, where she crawled into bed, curled up, rested her head on his chest, and fell asleep.
She knew if would be a long day at the shelter as soon as she walked in, and she was right. It was nearly eight by the time she got even close to leaving for home.
"One more?"
"One more. Crazy old cat by the name of Riley."
"Okay. Bring her in."
"Right."
Nepeta's coworker, Grace, brought Riley in and set the cat on the examining table behind Nepeta. The dog she was currently giving antibiotics to was being very docile, luckily, because she'd need energy to deal with Riley if Riley really was a "crazy old cat".
The second Grace left the room, Riley attacked Nepeta.
The cat jumped on Nepeta and started attacking her back, the evil cat's claws scratching her skin through her thin shirt. Nepeta shrieked and spun around violently, but the cat clung on. "Get off! GET OFF!"
Grace ran in to see Nepeta trying to fight Riley off. "A little help here?" Nepeta asked, deeply annoyed and in a good deal of pain.
Grace's eye went wide and, without speaking, she pried Riley off her coworker. "Did she just attack you?"
"Yeah," Nepeta panted. "You go ahead, I'm gonna have to stay late."
"Okay, sounds good. Make sure to keep Riley from attacking again!" Grace agreed.
"I will," Nepeta grinned. "See you tomorrow!"
"See you!"
Grace left, flipping off most of the lights. Nepeta sighed heavily and examined the demon cat quickly, noticing that Riley had marks from a too-small collar and clear signs of starvation, possibly beating. She winced and gently scratched Riley behind the ears. That explained the aggressive behavior. "Poor kitty," she mumbled. "Let's get you fixed up." She wrapped the cat's two back legs, which were likely sprained or strained, and bandaged the visible cuts. Riley would need some blood work done, clearly, and a more thorough exam by someone less exhausted. She decided to just give the animal some antibiotics to guard against infection and something for pain. Nepeta gently carried Riley to an empty cat bed and closed the cage door, wincing all the way as the devil cat swiped at her arms with those sharp, sharp claws.
Riley asleep, and the rest of the animals in good shape, Nepeta closed up the shelter and climbed in the car, one hundred percent ready to go home.
This went on for a good few days before Riley stopped attacking Nepeta's back (likely because there were a pictures of cats on the back of most of her shirts, she later realized) and Nepeta decided she needed to patch up the cuts.
She managed to twist her head enough to check her back in the mirror and winced at the red marks all over her back, drops of blood oozing out of one or two of them. She needed to put some of the salve on them, but she couldn't exactly put anything on her own back. So she enlisted her boyfriend's help.
"Karkitty?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Can you put some salve on my back?"
"Why?" he asked, walking over to where she was sitting on the couch.
"Cat at the shelter went nuts and attacked me."
"Mm-hmm." Was he being sarcastic? It was hard to tell; she was so tired. "Which one?"
"A new one, Riley."
"Right." Okay, that was most definitely sarcasm.
She turned around suddenly. "Alright, what's up with you? A cat attacked me. I work at an animal shelter, remember?"
"Then why have you not been home when you usually are for three weeks?"
"I've been working overtime because there's a dog in recovery from surgery!"
"Oh yeah right!"
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because you've hardly been home when I am for three weeks and your back is covered with scratches that make it look like there's another guy involved here!"
"Karkat—we live in the same house! WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED! In what UNIVERSE would I EVER CHEAT ON YOU?"
"IN THE ONE WHERE I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, REMEMBER?"
"WHEN DID I EVER SAY THAT? WHEN HAVE I EVER SAID THAT YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?"
"I SPENT HALF MY FUCKING LIFE BEING USELESS! I DON'T NEED THAT FROM YOU, TOO! AND YOU TOLD ME THAT ALL MY IDEAS SUCKED LAST TIME WE FOUGHT! DO YOU THINK THAT COUNTS FOR NOTHING?"
"WELL MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE SOME OF YOUR IDEAS SUCK!"
"AT LEAST I MAKE MONEY!"
"EXCUSE ME, WHO PAYS THE ENTIRE RENT IN THIS PLACE? THAT'S RIGHT, I DO! AND WHO PAYS FOR THE FOOD? I DO! AND WHO PAYS FOR UTILITIES? OH, THAT'S WHO, ME! I THINK I MIGHT BE DOING MORE WORK HERE, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?"
"I DO ALL THE HOUSEWORK AND ALL THE FIXING AND ALL THE BILLS AND ALL THE TAXES AND EVERY OTHER DAMN THING YOU'RE CLEARLY TOO GOOD FOR!"
"YOU DO THE STUFF NO ONE CARES ABOUT! WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE THINGS YOU DO?"
"OH, SO NOW I AM USELESS!"
"YEAH, MAYBE YOU ARE!"
"LIKE YOU'RE NOT? YOU'RE THE CRAZY SHIPPER CAT-GIRL! YOU'RE THE INSANE WEIRDO, NOT ME! IF I'M SO USELESS, WHY DO YOU BOTHER WITH ME UNLESS YOU ARE TOO?"
"WHY ON EARTH DO YOU THINK I DON'T LOVE YOU? WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME? "
"YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU'D JUST OWN UP TO CHEATING MAYBE THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
"I'M NOT CHEATING!"
"OH, IT'S JUST A CAT NAMED RILEY, RIGHT?"
"YES, IT IS!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M OUT OF HERE!"
"YEAH, YOU BETTER BE!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
He stormed into the bedroom and stomped out a few minutes later with a suitcase, not even looking at her. She refused to look at him, instead opting to bore a hole in the wall with her eyes. She heard a car start outside as he drove off.
She didn't finish her dinner. She threw the whole thing down the food disposal, changed, brushed her teeth, and went to bed. She covered herself completely in blankets and curled up as small as she could. She reached out to brush the blankets on his side of the bed, where his warmth always spread from, but the sheets were cold and empty. A tear trickled down the side of her nose and she rubbed it off harshly. She was not going to cry.
For the first time in six months, she fell asleep cold and alone.
A/N: *maniacal laughter* PLOT TWIST!