So, I'd planned on the earlier story being a one-shot, but I kept having ideas for other people's reactions, so I wrote an additional chapter.
The Normandy: Starboard Observation Lounge
"Another beer, James?"
"Thanks, Captain. I'm gonna need plenty of booze if it turns out these putas really demoted me to an extra."
A flicker of biotic energy from Kaiden's finger opened two bottles. Passing one of them to James, he sighed with exaggerated sympathy. "It's nothing personal, Lt. Commander. Jacob got cut almost entirely. I think he was in the credits as 'Cerberus Soldier #2.'"
"What the hell? I mean, without my 15 minutes, all I have is my killer bod to impress the ladies."
"Listen, it's all about money. According to Tali, the focus groups said there were too many humans in the series."
"Too many humans?! The Normandy is an Alliance ship."
"Sure, but they need to sell this thing to the whole galaxy. I mean, I don't remember Captain Kirrahe being around nearly that much while we were hunting Saren, but the salarians are a big market and they're pretty ambivalent about Shepard to begin with."
"Cross-species appeal, huh. I guess that explains the shower scene with the mujer atractiva playing Samara."
"Yeah," said Kaiden taking a drink, "Everybody loves an asari."
Vega laughed. "Including the commander, especially if you believe this pedazo de mierda. Did she really hook up with the Consort?"
"All I'm gonna say, James, is that that incident was before she met Liara and leave the rest to your overactive imagination."
"Way ahead of you, Captain."
Grissom Academy: Instructor's Quarters
"Jack dear, did you actually used to wear that as a top? It's barely a bra."
"Nah, they changed it for the show."
"That's good, I mean, they shouldn't have altered it, but…"
"The real one was smaller."
"Smaller?! God, how did it even, I mean, what kept it on?"
As Samantha Traynor sputtered, her girlfriend laughed uproariously. "Fuck me, I dunno. Biotics helped. Just as well they covered me up a bit more; the ink on that chick is all wrong."
After a brief pause, Samantha got a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "Do you… do you still have it? The top, I mean."
"Probably. Why?"
"Well, we do have that vacation on Eden Prime coming up."
Jack grinned wickedly. "No problem; I'll find it. At least as long as you stop hiding those videos you dug up of Aria from back when she was a dancer." As Sam blushed an adorable shade of red, the ex-convicted slid a hand up her thigh while adding, "What, you think you're the only one that appreciates a tough bitch?"
Omega: Aria T'Loak's Private Chambers
Normally, Aria wouldn't have bothered watching such nonsense. Still, she did have a healthy appreciation for what the humans called bread and circuses, and it had been a long time since she remembered a spectacle being as heavily promoted as this Shepard series: the sheer number of credits they'd dropped on making it impressed even a woman of her means. Hell, she'd even gotten a piece of the action for herself; the film crews shooting exteriors on Omega had brought in a nice chunk of change and only a few of them had gotten robbed while they were there.
She had to admit, it was a decent effort. Rumor had it the producers had even gotten Shepard herself to give them a couple of interviews and despite some creative liberties, they'd even taken a stab at something resembling accuracy. Still, these things were never quite right. Retaking Omega together, the commander's skill in battle had impressed Aria more than anyone she'd ever met and that fire could never be properly replicated by an actress, at least not if you knew what the real thing looked like.
Despite it's shortcomings however, Aria had been enjoying the vid well enough until Shepard made her first visit to Afterlife. The actress playing "The Queen of Omega" actually had pretty good delivery, but then they got to her monologue. As the remote shattered against the wall, the asari remembered why she didn't watch this sanitized crap. "Don't mess with Aria," indeed.