Buffy needed to kill something. She wanted to rip the demons apart with her bare hands, but they were no shows. She looked over at Spike as he stalked along with her, Holding her hand gently. They'd been here, in winter wonderland hell, for four days. She considered ripping up a tree and beating Spike with it.

"Something wrong, Pet?" He smiled at her and squeezed her hand gently. She shook her head and dropped her eyes down to the cold white stuff crunching under her boots.

He was the perfect boyfriend. He cuddled in front of the fire, he brought her breakfast in bed, he only complained a little bit when she forced them to watch chick flicks, and he held her, secure in his arms through the day as they slept. He would spend at least two hours in the hot tub before coming to bed, so she could cuddle with a warm body. Perfect, perfect, bloody damn well perfect. When had Spike learned to be so patient? She sighed and squeezed his fingers gently.

Maybe she should try beating him at his own game. What would a perfect vampire girlfriend do? She could roll in the snow to cool her body down before going to bed, but that seemed beyond silly. There was the black lace teddy she had tucked away In the back of the drawer. She took a deep breath. Nope, not ready for that. She could imagine going to bed with him and doing the things she'd read about but never tried. She could imagine curling up naked in his arms, but thinking about putting on those scraps of lace was making her wig. She sighed. Another shaving accident might do the trick, but she didn't want to seduce him with her blood. It didn't squick her the way it had, but she wanted him to lust for her not her blood. She stopped, pulling him to a halt.

"Do you want me?" She stared intently at their laced fingers. "I know I'm young and I like sappy movies. I can't do much about the first one. It's not like I'll ever get to be old, but I like horror movies cause they're so funny, and, bonus, blood. I like poetry, at least the stuff you've been reciting. It's pretty. I've never been anywhere much. I mean I went into a hell dimension, but it wasn't interesting like Paris."

Spike tilted his head as he looked at her, but offered no response. Beating him with a tree sounded better and better.

"Just ignore me. I'm an idiot." She grumbled and kicked at the snow.

Spike stepped closer to her, chuckling softly.

"You are bloody adorable." He pushed her chin up with his finger and looked into her eyes. "I want you. Want all of you, the silly girl, the skittish woman, the determined warrior, and every other face you've got. Drives me as barmy as Dru ever was to hold you each night and do nothing more, but I need you to be sure. I'm not sure I could survive being the monster in your closet."

"What?" She bit her tongue. Could she sound any more stupid?

He didn't answer her. His eyes trailed down her body and then back up. He tilted his head, just the tiniest bit. She knew that look now, like she knew his battle faces. His mind was considering his options, trying to see the long term in the right now.

She took a deep breath and watched it escape her, white in the dark night. She watched his eyes track her breath. It was probably just the novelty of it. He was breathing. He always did, even in his sleep, but his breath never showed in the winter air.

"I get it." Buffy moved closer and leaned against his shoulder. "You don't do things by halves. All in means all in. If we make love, you will be there in the morning and every morning after that."

Spike nodded.

"Your holding off because you want me to be sure that's what I want, that its you I want." Buffy swallowed. "They won't like it. Mom will hate that there are no fat grand babies in her future. Xander and Willow will wig. Giles will be concerned you'll turn on us and talk about responsibility, like constantly. They will try to make us miserable if they can, but let them."

"If the chip fails or I find some way to get the damn thing out?"

"You don't hurt the women you care about." Buffy met his eyes. "You won't go back to killing because I would have to stake you and it would destroy me."

Spike shivered and yanked her to his lips. This was her vampire. He could play the perfect boyfriend, but she wanted him, snarky, annoying, and hers. She trembled, gripped his shoulders, and broke the kiss.

His breath escaped white and swirling into the night. They both watched it fade.

"I think this life could drain me dry faster than any vamp. I mean being a slayer. I'm taking classes I don't like to build for a future I don't have. Xander and Willow don't get it, Mom resents it, and Giles ignores it. I am doing it because its normal, and everyone wants normal." She cupped his cheek. "But normal is subjective. I want our normal. I want to wake up with you, watch movies, laugh, cry. I want to go to bed with you. I want the whole ball of wax. What does that mean, really? Why is the wax in a ball?"

"You want this? You're sure?" His fears were so clear in his eyes as he asked.

"When Willow's spell broke and we had to face reality, I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg her to do it again. The you and me thing worked. It felt good. You were honest with me, there for me. Then you were gone. It hurt. I said all the right things. I know the script by heart. I tried real hard to do the normal thing. I went on that picnic with Riley. He's what they want me to want, but him and me? What a disaster that would have been." She shook her head. Spike squeezed her hand and she smiled up at him.

"You didn't want to come here, Pet. I was there or the discussion. Remember?"

"I was still trying to be good for them, but I figured something out that day. I don't want to lose them, but I can't lose you. I don't know what that means, but it feels big."

Spike stilled. His constant movement was just gone. She patted his face. No reaction.

"Spike, are you okay?" She shivered and he burst into action, half dragging her back toward their temporary home.

"I'm fine, Love. You can't live without me." He spun around and lifted her into the air in a swirling dance. "I'm bloody marvelous. Got my Christmas miracle early. It's only Christmas Eve."

"I'm your miracle?"

"You are. You chose me. No one ever has." He kissed her, his cold lips pressing to hers gently.

"This isn't going to be easy. Everybody will fight us. My friends, my family..."

"Demons, too. It doesn't matter, not a jot. You chose me. I'll fight the world to keep you if I must. Hell, I'll enjoy the battle. I won't be driven from your side. Now, can we get back to the cabin? I want to get in the hot tub and warm up. Need to touch you properly." His emotions were all there on his face.

"Not too properly, I hope." Buffy grinned. "I don't need you to warm up. I just need you."

"Buffy, we've been out here for hours, and I am a vampire. Want you to burn for me. Want to make you so hot, but I am the ambient temperature which is cold as bloody fuck. The hot tub is necessary. You could always join me." He raised his eyebrow, part question, part dare.

She smiled and took off for the cabin, tossing a smile back to her guy.