A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! They are very helpful and motivating.
xxxxx
David had observed the happy, hopeful look on Regina's face when she first looked at him from the diner booth, but he also noticed that it melted away after a mere moment. If her sobs in the stables hadn't convinced him, that look of near-joy had.
She loved the man she'd killed that day.
His heart ached for her. But she was unlikely to accept any further comfort from him now, especially in public.
"Granny's ready for you in the back," he said gently, indicating a door bearing a sign labeled "Employees Only."
She nodded and followed him through the door and down a narrow hallway to a small back office. Where Granny must do the books, Regina surmised.
Granny was ready and waiting for them with her first aid kit open on the desk, so David closed the door behind them. Though not typically one for small spaces, Regina appreciated the privacy—even as her instincts told her to bolt.
Regina was once again reminded of why she liked Granny. The older woman only allowed her shock at the violence of Regina's injuries to show for a moment before her face became a mask of clinical detachment. No nonsense . . . or prying questions. After a glance at her neck, Granny thrust a bottle of painkillers into Regina's hand.
"Here," she said. "As soon as the shock wears off, your throat is going to hurt like the dickens."
Regina smirked in agreement, but handed the bottle back. "No, thank you," she said firmly.
"Don't be ridiculous," Granny replied. "You should probably be on a prescription painkiller."
Regina just looked at Granny, the humorless smirk lingering on her face. "You're probably right," Regina said. "But I plan on getting completely and thoroughly drunk this afternoon, and painkillers interact with alcohol."
The pain in my neck is not the pain I'm trying to stop.
Granny gave Regina a brief nod in understanding. "Please, sit," she said, pointing to her desk chair.
"This is completely unnecessary," Regina grumbled, more to David than to Granny, but she sat down anyway. The sooner they got this over with, the sooner she could start drinking.
David was a bit concerned at this turn of events. He had expected Regina to punish him for his unwanted "babysitting," but he hadn't expected this. He had trouble getting Sober Regina in and out of his truck; he found it hard to believe it would go better with Drunk Regina.
Besides, as she had so aptly put it, she was very powerful and very angry. Very drunk did not seem like a good addition to that combination.
"Well," Granny stated, stepping back from Regina, who was rolling her neck after twisting it in various directions during Granny's inspection. "She can talk, swallow, and move normally, so she seems to be just fine."
"I am here," Regina said, irritated at Granny's use of the third person.
"I know," Granny said. "But this charade was clearly more for his benefit than yours."
Regina gave Granny a small smile at that, "Fair enough."
"Can't say I recommend the alcohol though," Granny added.
"You don't have to recommend it," Regina replied. "You just have to serve it."
Granny hummed noncommittally in response and handed the other woman a bright red scarf from a hook on the back of the door.
"Thank you," Regina said, as she wrapped the cloth around her neck.
"Can't have you scaring the customers," Granny said. "Now, out with both of you. I have to get back to the kitchen, and this office stays locked when I'm not in it."
xxxxx
Regina was attempting to savor her third scotch after making short work of the first two.
It was easier to enjoy the smokiness and the smooth burn of the liquid now that David had given up trying to 'talk some sense into her.' Really, did the man not understand how to appreciate liquor?
She wasn't sure why she preferred scotch to other, more conventional alcoholic beverages. She's sure that Archie would claim it had something to do with the fact that her father drank it or that she was only able to start drinking it after the death of Leopold. Archie would call him 'her husband' rather than 'Leopold,' though.
He'd probably have something to say about the fact that she avoided the word 'husband' too. Damn cricket.
Maybe she didn't need to savor this scotch after all. Just as she was about to throw it back, however, David's hand appeared on her arm.
"Please, Regina," he said, the remainder of the request unspoken. It was bad enough that she was getting drunk. Why she had chosen to get drunk at Granny's instead of in the privacy of her home, he really didn't understand. He supposed she had the right to grieve in her own way, especially since she wasn't killing anyone, so he maintained his post on the barstool beside her. But draining a third scotch in under an hour was not something he could allow her to do without some kind of protest, even if Granny was kindly pouring them a bit light.
Regina stilled at the feeling of his hand on her arm. That magic . . . his magic . . . it was working better than the alcohol.
She didn't feel better. That would be absurd. But she felt like maybe she would feel better.
Sometime. In the future.
With his hand on her arm, she thought she might feel better.
And that felt great.
She slid her other hand over her arm and interlaced her fingers with his as she turned away from her drink to face him.
Bewildered by her actions, but relieved she'd—however temporarily—abandoned her drink, David remained passive as Regina absently stroked his hand with her thumb and gazed at him with an expression he couldn't begin to interpret.
After a pause that would have made anyone else uncomfortable, Regina spoke. "You should kiss Ruby."
"Excuse me?" David said, shocked. Of all of the ideas he thought could be running through her mind that was not one of them.
"What?" Regina asked, confused. She had been perfectly clear. She'd enunciated and everything. Slurring was tacky. "Does she have a boyfriend or something? I thought the mouse asked her out before George killed him. I assumed she was single."
"I'm married," David told her. "And Ruby is Snow's best friend."
Regina quirked an eyebrow. "Because kissing her mortal enemy is more acceptable," she hissed. The alcohol must be affecting her; she knew that was better left unsaid. At least she'd said it quietly.
Surprisingly, the diner patrons were mostly ignoring them at this point. When she had sat down to pour her first scotch directly down her throat with David beside her, the other customers had watched them in uneasiness and a bit of fascination. Thanks to Granny's scarf and a quick touch-up in the back room, though, Regina and David were mostly presentable despite the dirt from the stables. When the townspeople, then, couldn't uncover any more clues as to why the Evil Queen was getting drunk on a Saturday afternoon and why Prince Charming appeared to be her designated driver, they returned their attention to their respective meals. As curious as they were about how the Evil Queen would behave intoxicated, many of them still feared her and didn't want to risk incurring her wrath by drawing her attention.
David couldn't believe they were having this conversation. And in the diner of all places—even if the townspeople were pretending to ignore them.
"I don't want to kiss Ruby," he replied lamely. He didn't feel equipped to deal with whatever it was that had been happening between him and Regina. Predicting her responses was tricky on a normal day. On a traumatic day and after two scotches straight up . . . well, he didn't like his odds.
"Why not?" Regina replied. "She's attractive." Regina quickly scanned Ruby's appearance, as if checking her statement. Finding no fault with her assessment, she nodded her head to agree with herself and looked back at David.
Dear Lord, David thought. Regina and Ruby was the stuff of every red-blooded male's fantasy. He'd have to be dead not to respond to the images Regina was conjuring. Be a gentleman, David. She's drunk. You're in public. And you may be headed to divorce with your wife anyway, but that does not make it okay to hit on her best friend and—or!—her step-mother.
Step-mother. David smacked his free hand against his forehead. What kind of mess have I gotten myself into?
"Why do you want me to kiss her?" David asked. There, at least now I'm not talking about Ruby's attractiveness with the Evil Queen anymore. That has to be a step in the right direction.
"Fine, don't kiss Ruby," Regina replied. "I just thought she'd be the natural choice, since you are friends, and she's pretty. Kiss Chuck for all I care."
"Chuck?" David was really confused now. "Who the hell is Chuck?"
"I assume he is," Regina replied, gesturing in the general direction of the pimply-faced teenager at the cash register. "I suppose he could have left his uniform at home and borrowed someone else's shirt, but the past couple times we've been in here, his nametag has said 'Chuck,' so I assume that is his name," Regina explained, slightly out of breath. She had a bad habit of forgetting to breathe while she spoke after a few drinks. Her drink! That's what she needed, she thought, as she released David's hand and took a long pull from her glass.
"Otherwise," Regina continued, "Granny should write him up for improper workplace apparel. Or labeling. Or something." She paused, clearly thinking hard. "I'm not really sure what the infraction would be, but mismatching one's own name should certainly warrant some kind of correction."
Charmed despite himself at her earnestness in assessing whether the cashier's name was indeed Chuck, David had temporarily forgotten why they were talking about Chuck. "Wait, what?" he asked. "Why do you want me to kiss someone?"
"Not just someone," Regina said, her exasperation disproportionate to the fact that she hadn't really explained anything to David yet. "Someone besides me," she said laboriously.
"You'll see," she said in a suddenly bright tone, as she stopped Ruby who was walking by. "Ruby," Regina said with more animation than the wolf-woman had ever witnessed from the straight-laced former mayor. "Settle a bet for us?"
Curious about the bet and entertained by Regina's obvious inebriation—especially since they had only just finished the lunch rush—Ruby replied, "Sure thing."
"Kiss him," Regina told her.
Ruby looked at David. "What the hell is she talking about?"
David just shook his head, "I have no idea."
Regina looked back and forth between them, utterly confused. "I don't understand either of you. I kissed Maleficent's toad boyfriend with less fuss. You'd think you were both lepers rather than ridiculously good-looking people."
Ruby's jaw dropped as she watched Regina take another swallow of scotch. She was shocked and more than a little flattered, if she was honest with herself. "Toad boyfriend?" she repeated, confused.
"He was her boyfriend. Then he was a toad. Then he was her boyfriend again. Though not for long," Regina explained with a smirk, as though she had made everything perfectly clear. "Now, would you please just kiss him?"
What the hell, Ruby thought. If Regina was putting people up to kissing David, Snow would rather it be her than someone else, right? What's the harm?
Without warning, Ruby turned and planted her lips on David.
"Ouch!" Ruby said, putting her hands to her mouth. Before she could ask Regina why her lips felt like they'd been burnt, she noticed David was on the floor, looking dazed. "David! Oh my god," she exclaimed, extending a hand to help him up.
Regina's bright mood, however, had vanished as quickly as it had come. With a grim expression, she pulled cash from her wallet and placed it on the counter. Hopefully 'Chuck' would make sure it made its way to the register as some point.
With a surprisingly sober appearance, she finished the remainder of her glass before turning to face an irritated Ruby and a bewildered David. Giving David a serious look, she said, "I'd like to go home now."
"What the hell, Regina?" Ruby exclaimed, irate that the bet wasn't as harmless as Regina had implied.
The drunken queen merely pulled the scarf from her neck and handed it to Ruby. "This is your Granny's. Please thank her for me," and she gently pushed past her to head for the door.
"Regina," Ruby gasped as the woman walked by her. "Your neck . . ."
"Will heal," Regina said without turning around.
At this point, David had—mostly—recovered from the electric shock that had jolted through his body. A jumble of emotions, he pushed them all aside.
He would give Regina a ride home.
He would pour her a glass of water.
And then he would ask her some questions.
xxxxx
A/N: I know a few of you have been waiting for the closing of that loophole to Regina's true love experiment. I hope you got a kick out of it. Next chapter: Regina sobers up—but not too soberly—and David wants some answers. It might take a few days for me to get it organized, but I'll try not to keep you waiting too long.