A/N: I have this new rule where if I get five reviews on a chapter then I will write another one as soon as I get the fifth review. I was NOT expecting to get five reviews from you all so quickly and I really appreciate the alerts, favorites, and reviews. One reviewer stated that they had just read my summary and were in love already. That made me feel so good and warmed my heart. I really appreciate that. A lovely reviewer named Lxo also said that they loved the story. I'm so glad you're enjoying it. Shout out to my committed lovelies: Missycole23 and JustAnItalinFan. You both rule so much! And yes JustAnItalinFan, Trevor is... a piece of work. When you compared him to Gale I laughed out loud. I did compare it to the Hunger Games so it's pretty accurate.
To SilverLining33: Superficial is the right word. Katara isn't necessarily superficial, but she loves using things like that to get under Zuko's skin. Men and their egos. Thank you for the review and story follow! You're awesome.
I hope you all enjoy! (Both my shout outs and people that read and don't have time to review and people that are just reading through this story for the first time). Love YOU ALL! MWAH!
I Hate Being Married To You
Chapter 7
"Your face is pasty because you've gone and got so wasted
What a surprise, don't want to look at your face because it's making me sick
You've gone and got sick on my trainers, I only got these yesterday
Oh my gosh, I can not be bothered with this"
Katara slowly walked up the stairs, her still traumatized kitten shaking in her strong arms.
Katara opened the door to the master bedroom and there was Zuko, lying on his toned stomach, spread eagle. He took up basically all of the king sized bed, and his drunk snores filled the room.
It had been hours after the Trevor incident and Trevor had left and Zuko had gotten some sleep and should be somewhat sober.
Katara shook him gently and he opened one eye to glare at her sleepily.
He grumpily pulled a pillow over his head. "May I help you?" He grumbled, although his words were muffled immensely by the fluffy pillow.
Katara poked his shoulder and he lifted the corner of the pillow to scrunch his yellow eyes at her.
"Is your hunk with the perfect body gone?" He growled and Katara felt guilt gnaw at her chest.
She knew that she would never live this down but it had to be said.
"I'm sorry." Katara choked out and Zuko lurched up straight in bed.
"Please say that again." He smirked and crossed his arms over his bulging chest.
Katara grinded her teeth together and huffed under her breath. "I'm sorry." She repeated and Zuko smiled.
Katara realized that she hadn't seen him smile in a long time... and she felt her heart start to palpitate.
She then immediately felt silly.
All of this time she was focusing on her attracting to Zuko and Trevor and she needed to stop. She fell for Zuko all those years ago because of how he was as a person, not because of his looks.
"We should go to counseling." Katara blurted out. In response, Zuko clamped the pillow over his head once again and groaned.
"WWWHHHHHHYYYYYY?!" Zuko groaned and Katara sighed in frustration.
"I don't want to give up on us. I said I was sorry and I meant it." Katara said, her tone forceful and sincere.
Zuko peeked out at her from under the pillow.
"Fine." He growled, tossing his pillow at his wife. She caught it and threw it back harder. She threw it so hard that it made a whistling noise as it flew through the air and nailed her husband in the nose.
"WHAT THE FUCK, KATARA?!"
…...
"So, Zuko and Katara, what may I help you with?" The counselor asked, her waist length blonde hair swinging as she asked the couple seated on the love seat (yes, they did get the irony).
"Well Katara is a selfish bitch." Zuko stated, leaning forward on his knees as if he was extremely concerned.
"And Zuko is a pompous douche bag." Katara said, holding a hand to her chest and fanning herself with the other as if she was devastated.
"Hmmm, I see. Do you two always try to belittle each other with these barbs?" The therapist asked, crossing her long pale legs that could go on for what seemed like days.
"Yes." Zuko and Katara said simultaneously. Then they both whirled to glare at each other.
"Why did you say yes?" They both questioned each other at the same time.
"Stop mimicking me and answer the question!" They both commanded, once again at the same time.
Both members of the couple sighed and threw their hands in the air.
" I DO NOT BELITTLE YOU!" They both yelled, leaning in so that their noses were almost touching.
"Okay okay, enough of the weird talking at the same time thing." The blonde bombshell of a marriage counselor instructed and Katara and Zuko crossed their arms in a pout.
"Now, can you tell me what the actual current problem is?" The counselor asked sweetly, flashing a smile with her pink botox injected lips.
Katara reached for the cup of water on the table that the counselor provided and took a cooling sip, trying to figure out how to word what their 'current problem' was.
"The problem is that Katara wants to fuck my best friend who has been trying to get his weird ass eyes on her naked body since high school." Zuko explained bluntly.
Katara was not expecting that response, and she promptly spit her water out of her mouth.
"ZUKO!" She exclaimed, swinging a hand and popping her hand against her husband's arm.
"And she beats me." Zuko continued, slowly rubbing his hand dramatically up and down his 'injured' arm.
"Is that true, Katara?" The counselor asked, directing her gray eyes at Katara.
"Which part?" Katara asked, a frustrated sign escaping her lips.
"Both." She responded.
Katara resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the Barbie-esque woman.
"First of all, I do not beat him! Look at him, he's about three times my size!" Katara rationed and Zuko winked at her.
Pervert.
"Secondly, yes I find Zuko's friend attractive, but he comes after me. Also, Zuko is so focused on work and high memories of having sex with his sister's best friend and snorting cocaine that he can't pay me any attention." Katara snapped, darting her aqua eyes to her husband, who had a look of disgust on his face.
"You must let go of the past, both of you. If you hold on to the past, you become bitter." The counselor instructed.
"And your lucky numbers are 5,65, 7, and 21." Katara smirked. Zuko looked over at her and snorted.
"That was a good one." He complimented, and the two smacked hands.
"Well I can see that you two do agree on some levels." The counselor observed, her eye brow twitching in annoyance. Or it would have been if her face wasn't frozen in that smooth state.
After a moment of silence, the counselor began speaking again. "Katara, is Zuko the only man that you have ever been with?" She asked and Katara sighed for the millionth time and nodded, her chocolate brown tresses falling into her face.
At that moment, Zuko had just turned to look at his wide and he saw her hair fall into her face. He felt the indescribable need to run his hands over her soft locks and smooth it back into place and kiss her forehead like he used to.
"Have you ever thought about spicing up your intimate life?"
That got Zuko's attention back to the matter that he was supposed to be focusing on in the first place.
"We don't even have a sex life anymore. It's been a year." Zuko confessed, his tone serious.
"Well... have you ever considered a threesome?" She questioned and Katara smirked and shared a look with Zuko, whose eyes were narrowed in thought.
Silence.
Silence.
Then, finally, he spoke.
"I'm going to need aaaaalllllllooootttt of alcohol for that to happen."
…...
(DO NOT READ IF UNDERAGE OR IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. COMEDIC AND EXPLICIT SCENE ABOUT TO OCCUR HERE)
"I don't know if I'm drunk enough for this." Zuko slurred as he swayed on his feet in the bedroom.
He stood at the foot of the bed, facing it. Trevor stood to the right of the bed and Katara to the left.
Katara observed Zuko carefully. His pale skin was not even pale anymore but pasty instead.
Just looking at him made her want to barf.
"Okay so... how do we do this?" Katara asked, looking at the two gorgeous men for answers.
Zuko shrugged, still swaying unsteady on his feet. He was too drunk to even form words.
A damn shame.
Were they raping him if he was too drunk to consent.
Katara's thoughts were interrupted by Trevor's rumbling voice.
"How about we all just dim the lights and undress ourselves?" He suggested and the couple in the room nodded their agreement.
As they all slithered out of their clothes, Zuko slid his eyes to his wife.
Agni she was beautiful.
Muscles, curves, those full lips and breasts, and those bright blue eyes. She caught him looking, and smiled awkwardly at him.
Zuko then shifted his eyes to Trevor and saw that he was starring at Katara too, unashamed, and thinking that Zuko would not notice.
Why did he pick Trevor as an investor and best friend again?
Friends didn't lust after your wife the way that Trevor did.
After they were all undressed they all starred at each other.
Zuko found himself starring at Trevor's penis.
WAS HE BIGGER THAN HIM?! OH HELL NO! NOT IN HIS HOUSE!
Zuko cocked his head and starred directly at Trevor's penis, holding up an imaginary ruler beside it in his head.
Maybe he was already hard.
"Zuko, seriously? Do you have something to confess to me?" Katara accused, crossing her arms over her chest and unconsciously making them stand out more.
Zuko blushed, opened his mind to retort but shut it at the last second.
He just wanted to get this over with.
Katara moved and sat on the bed, and the two men clamored to be the one to sit beside her.
"DIBS DIBS!" Trevor called as he jostled Zuko out of the way with a perfectly thrown elbow.
Zuko glared at the other man but accepted his position on his knees behind the couple, who were sitting in front of him.
He was too drunk to argue.
Trevor leaned over and captured Katara's lips in a passionate dance of the tongues.
Zuko was trying to remember what happened in pornos...
He reached his hands around his wife and began to massage her breasts... but the angle was weird.
He felt like he had t-Rex arms.
Katara moaned into Trevor's mouth and Trevor slipped his hand in between Katara's legs, and she moaned louder.
Zuko felt the urge to win erupt inside him and he began pinching Katara's nipples and rolling the peaks between his fingers.
Trevor opened one eye and shot Zuko a death glare, to which Zuko responded to by drunkenly and childishly sticking his tongue out at him.
Katara laid back on the bed and Trevor laid on top of her, leaving Zuko sitting on his heels awkwardly.
Katara and Trevor did not notice however, but kept making out and making slopping noises.
Sex really sounded disgusting and looked disgusting.
He was also sure that he had just heard Katara queff.
Zuko suddenly felt sick, his stomach turning.
How many shots did he have? 20? 30?
Half were whiskey and half were... water? No it was the other clear stuff. Oh yeah, vodka.
"I don't mean to interrupt but what do I do here?" Zuko asked, feeling his stomach cart wheel.
He couldn't give up now, they had come too far!
All of this was for Katara, to give her the excitement that she craved... but he hated this. His best friend was touching his wife.
But, the marriage counselor said that things needed to be spiced up so that's what he would do.
"Um... you can go in the back door?" Trevor shrugged, and Katara pushed him off of her and starred at him.
"That is for my shit to exit, nothing else!" Katara warned, shaking a finger at him.
"You two can do that stuff to each other."Katara stated seriously and Zuko and Trevor looked at each other.
(YOU MAY CONTINUE READING HERE)
"I'm gonna be sick." Zuko shouted loudly.
"No dude, no. I've been waiting years to bang your wife! Please don't!" Trevor begged.
Zuko whirled around to face him.
"What did you just say?" Zuko asked, anger lacing his tone.
"Just don't burp, Zuko, and you won't puke." Katara advised and Zuko nodded as he felt the bile rise in his throat.
Don't burp.
Don't burp.
Don't burp.
Don't burp.
Don't burp.
Don't burp.
Don't burp.
"BBBUUUURRRRPPPP!" Zuko suddenly let his flatulence fly.
"Uh-oh." Katara whispered and suddenly Zuko leaned over the bed and threw up.
Katara rubbed his back affectionately, and she leaned over to survey the damage and she screamed before raising the hand that was just rubbing soothing circles and whacking Zuko on the back of the head.
"You puked on my new Miss Me jeans that I just bought yesterday for my Olympic interviews tomorrow! Those jeans cost me $65!" Katara scolded and Zuko looked at her in disbelief, still hunched over.
"Who spends that much on a pair of jeans?! You're an idiot!" Zuko tried to yell back but his voice was hoarse from the bile.
Suddenly there was a soft meow and Katara lifted herself off of the bed and to her feet to find her kitten, hiding under the bed.
Katara beckoned her out and when she did, she saw that she was also covered in throw up.
She learned her lesson... Don't wear your brand new jeans when you're planning to have an intoxicated threesome with your husband and his best friend. And also, to always put your cat in her walker before you do.
Now the cat was scarred in more ways than one.
"You puked on the kitten!" Katara exclaimed and Zuko sighed, flopping onto the bed in exhaustion.
Katara threw her hands up in the air. She could NOT be bothered with this.
The room was silent until someone finally spoke.
"Ssssooo... is the threesome off?" Trevor asked.
Katara grabbed a robe and crossed her arms over her chest and Zuko lifted his head from the bed.
"Get out." They both commanded in unison.
Operation threesome=fail.
A/N: Pure fuckery. That turned into pure fuckery. I think I tried too hard with the funny but I hope you all still enjoyed nonetheless! Love y'all! MWAH! **blows kisses to the crowd**