Chapter edited 3/3/19, due to the atrocious author's note which had been here previously. It was still making me anxious six years later (because what is moving on?). No changes to the chapter itself were made. Thank you to the people who reviewed this chapter.

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just me - Ahaha I'm sorry love, I just couldn't help myself ^_^ Sorry it took a while, but here's the next chapter xox
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Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

I'll Never Say

.:{*}:.

Heartache

September 6th

I feel as if my life has taken on some form of dumb stupor since Gaara proposed. I… how can I tell what happened? It feels so rushed – like a blur of happenings in my head, I can barely make sense of them. I suppose I should start at the beginning, should I not?

I stared at him, completely dumbstruck and lost for words. My mouth was gaping like a drowning fish, and I had no idea how to answer.

Yes?

No?

His eyes demanded I give an answer, and I swallowed thickly, hoping that the motion would alleviate the feeling of having my wits completely addled.

But before I could so much as take a breath to answer, Sasuke spoke first.

"Go on, take her. Fuck her. See if I care. It's like exchanging a whore, only I get far more in return for the trade." He shot me a fathomless glare and stalked off, the muscles on his back quivering with suppressed emotion.

I watched him leave, my breath hitching with his words. My heart ground to a shattering halt, before speeding up as if I'd run a marathon.

"Sasuke," I muttered, shock coating my tone, before I realised that Gaara was still waiting for an answer. "I… I can't Gaara San…" I whispered, looking him in the eyes. "I'm so sorry, I just… I can't… Sasuke…"

He stood up, peering at me with narrowed, intelligent eyes. "You love him, don't you?"

Slowly, feeling realisation fruit within my mind, I nodded my head, tears beginning to leak from my lashes.

He stared at me for a moment, and I could almost hear the gears in his brain turning, trying to figure everything out, trying to come up with an appropriate answer. And eventually, his shoulders slumped, and he turned away from me.

"Then you should go to him," he eventually managed to choke out, still refusing to look at me.

I could barely comprehend what I was hearing. "Gaara?"

"Go."

It was an order.

"Thank you," I whispered, hoping that he could hear the apology in my words, and I made to go, but a strong hand on my arm halted me. I turned to look back at the red-headed man, but felt his lips crash on to mine without warning. Knowing it was the least I could do, I relented, and melted my lips to his.

His kiss was desperate, hungry, seeking something which could never be attained. Coarse hands pressed me against him, fisted my hair, drinking his fill with every lustful breath. His tongue slid into my mouth, searching, pleading, begging me to return some feeling. But I couldn't. To feign love for him would be a lie. It would break him apart, knowing that every kiss he gave me, every touch he made would never be enough. Would never be Sasuke's. I couldn't do that to him. He deserved so much more. "Just this once," he murmured into my ear, then let me go, suppressed emotions breaking free from ever widening crevices. "Go," he said one last time. "Before I do something we'll both regret."

I nodded, and fled.

He'd gotten a fair way from me, I realised, as I raced through the corridors and past corners. I was sure he was heading to his room, for where else would he go? Even if he went out to train, he kept his katana in his room. In my dizzying haze, I'd almost forgotten the words he'd said, and once I'd remembered them, they crashed through my memory and brought a seething monster of pain into my midst. The force of the shock nearly sent me reeling, and I had to lean against a wall just to keep myself upright.

A whore.

Is that how he saw me? As just another whore? One to fuck around with, out of pity and spite, willing to throw me aside should the occasion arise? It felt as if an ice-pick had been stabbed through my chest and my gut, and suddenly even breathing resulted in massive amounts of exertion.

A whore?

I flinched, and desperately tried to heave in lungful's of air, denying my tears passage across my cheeks. He must have been lying. It must have been said because of emotional turmoil. He couldn't have meant it, could he? All those sweet whispers, counting to null. He couldn't have meant what he said! I refused to believe it.

With renewed determination, I sprinted back through the corridors, not stopping or slowing down, despite the searing stich in my side. I had to find him.

And there, just in front of his door he was standing, on the verge of letting himself in to his room.

"Sasuke!" I cried, and watched as he turned to look at me, surprise briefly flashing through his onyx eyes before being encased by a hard, withering look.

"You should get back to your fiancée, Sakura, lest your reputation as a whore precede you."

I skidded to a halt, shock and pain swimming in my eyes. "Wh… what?"

He strode up to me. "You heard me," he sneered, and wrenched my chin up to look at him. "Stop whoring around when you have a fiancée."

The blood drained from my face with both pain and humiliation "I… how… how dare you," I breathed, barely able to force the words out past my thick tongue. "I… I never -"

"Save it, Sakura," he interjected, cutting me off. "Two can play at that game." He turned around, where a serving girl was walking past, newly pressed towels balanced expertly in her hands.

I barely had time to protest before Sasuke strode up and smashed his mouth firmly onto the girls, purposely sliding his tongue into her mouth; I quickly recognised her to be Karin. Appalled, I backed up until I was leaning against the wall, clutching at it desperately to keep my body upright and my heart in piece. Surely one should not feel such heartache?

"Get in my room and undress yourself," Sasuke ordered her, and Karin quickly nodded her head before throwing a smirk at me.

"Sorry sweet-cheeks," she said nonchalantly and walked purposely into Sasuke's room, already untying her bodice as she went and letting the towels fall in colourful flags to the ground.

I could do nothing but gape and implore my tears to stay back as I watched the scene before me. I was dimly aware of my whole body shaking, and I didn't even notice the brooding midnight-haired man until he was standing a few feet in front of me. As soon as his shadow fell over me, I choked back a sob and said, "Why?" I couldn't even look at him; my eyes were plastered to the wall in front of me. "I… I didn't… why…?"

"I've tired of you," he said simply, and followed Karin into his room.

I didn't wait around to hear any more incriminating sounds, and fled to my old room – Yue's room. The one place in this god-forsaken kingdom I could find solace. The pond brought back harsh, vivid memories, and Sasuke's room… I thought of that room and its current occupants… it was all I could do to restrain my tears and not collapse in a broken heap before I got to the safety of my old four walls.

I finally made it back, and wrenched the doors open before flinging myself inside. I didn't even have the strength to go to the bed, and slid down the door, harsh cries wrenching themselves from my throat. The pain in my chest had only intensified until it became an aching throb, tearing through the muscle in time with the beats of my breaking heart.

"Sasuke," I sobbed into my arms, as if saying his name could erase his harsh words and actions. "I… I never… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Sasuke…"

I cried myself to sleep by the door.

Even now, over a week later, thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I don't understand how he could be so cruel, so quick to judge. I just… I don't understand. There are a thousand things I want to say to him, and a thousand things more I want to scream at him, but I no longer feel I have the strength. It's as if his words have pulled the strength out of me, and only the idea of escaping gives any semblance of life back in to my veins. Gaara left a few hours after my refusal, as he could no longer stay away from Sunagakure. To do so would put his position in jeopardy. I wish I could have given him a proper farewell, but I fear I would have begged to go with him if I had. If only to get away from Sasuke. But how could I leave? Then Naruto could never go home. I could never do that to him after everything he's done for me. To deny him a final homecoming after months away from home and the one he loves? I'd be a poor friend to willingly allow that.

But I know that once I go back to Konoha, things will never be the same. Neji may still be hoping to retain my affections, but I don't think I could go back to him. Not after Sasuke. For whenever he would try to kiss me, I would find myself wishing it were Sasuke's lips, Sasuke's hands, Sasuke's warmth, instead of his. And that's not fair to Neji. Neji deserves one who can love him in turn, not one who feigns and pretends. He is far too good for me.

And now the idea of leaving is coupled with more heartache! When will it end? For Kami's sake I… I love him. I love Sasuke. I cannot tell how relieving it is to write that, but I do! I am in love with Sasuke. And as fate would have it, I fell for him in time to have my heart wrenched open. Fate is cruel, and I wish that, just for once, it would be kind. For, in the end, I still want the same thing: a simple life. Truly, I don't ask for much, do I?

.:{*}:.

He was so freaking furious with himself, he wanted to find Naruto or Itachi or someone to punch him in the gut. But that would require energy, and he really didn't possess any of that.

When he thought of what he'd been reduced to… It sickened him!

Sasuke was moping. Moping! Sasuke, as a rule and fact, did not mope. He was calm and detached, silent and calculating, an oiled spring, ready to pounce…

Oh who was he kidding? He was moping, and it was all her fault. Well, half her fault, half that bloody Kazekage-to-be's fault. And maybe just a little bit his fault. But, as per human nature, it just could not be his fault, as that would place blame upon him, and that was unacceptable. Sasuke could not be at fault, dammit!

His eyes glared holes into his ceiling as he thought back to when he first introduced them. He introduced them! He was such an idiot! It was all his –

No, no. It was not his fault. He was just being polite and respectful. How was he to know that that incredibly idiotic and egotistical and above all selfish almost-Kazekage would try and take advantage of her? Would try and pull her away from him? He was not possessed with foresight (a trait which he now desperately wished he had been gifted with in some form) and so could not have possibly known that that… person would try and take her from him.

And succeed, a voice in the back of his mind mocked.

He growled, and turned away from his ceiling. But it had to be her fault too! She… she was some weird sort of unconscious seductress, constantly luring him in, pulling him to her where other women had so epically failed. She had instantly become a drug to him, and he couldn't get enough of her. Dammit, he wanted her back! And that… that Gaara had her… he had the one girl Sasuke was denied, and the younger Uchiha hated him for it. No doubt Gaara was already in Sunagakure, ravishing the girl whom Sasuke had ravished just over one week previously. Tasting her, kissing her, holding her, loving her… all the things Sasuke desperately wished he could do, yet couldn't. Because there was no doubt that Sakura had accepted his proposal and had gone with him, all smiles and happiness, not even sparing a thought for the grieving man she'd left behind…

Sasuke hadn't gone to the farewell. Hell, he'd barely even left his room in the past week. He denied all visitors, and demanded that food be left at his door. Because he was moping, and for the sake of his pride which remained completely intact, he refused to let anyone see him like that.

He thought back to the events of that day and immediately groaned, desperately trying to push the images and those horrid emotions away, all to no avail.

They permeated his mind like flash cards, filing past his eyes and filling him with a sickening, hurting sort of feeling, one which he had eventually been able to attribute to loss, as he was sure he'd felt a variant of it when his parents and sister were… murdered.

Gaara down on one knee, asking Sakura to marry him.

Her soft eyes looking down at him in wonder.

Her shocked expression when Sasuke had crashed through the garden only to stare horrified at the scene before him.

Gaara's annoyed look upon realising that they'd been interrupted.

And those words which had slipped from his mouth without his permission, sealing her agreement and abandonment of him.

"Go on, take her. Fuck her. See if I care. It's like exchanging a whore, only I get far more in return for the trade."

Walking back to his room in a daze, unable to get the scene of Gaara proposing out of his head.

Making to go into his room and break something, but hearing her voice.

Pain at seeing her there, sure she was only going to rub it in or provide some flimsy excuse, all resulting in the same conclusion: she was going to accept Gaara's proposal.

His anger rearing up like a serpent and lashing out on the closest thing: a passing maid. Did he even know her name?

Being blinded by temporary hate and telling the roseate to leave when he really wanted her to stay with him and let him hold her and kiss her and never leave…

Storming in to his room and waiting for Sakura to leave before ordering the serving girl out.

Not caring that she tried to implore him to take her, eventually throwing her out, completely bereft of clothing. He gradually threw it back out to her. He didn't want anything of the other sex in his room except Sakura.

He hated that his last words to her were so cruel, but he couldn't take them back now. Sakura was a long way from him, and Sasuke was known to have volatile emotions at the best of times.

Why had he called her a whore? He should have said 'Please don't go to him.' Why did he say that he had tired of her? He should have said 'You belong here, with me.' And of course it was only once it was too late that he realised that. He'd berated himself over and over again, as if his chastising words could bring her back, though he knew that they wouldn't. She must hate him by now, and was off giving Gaara her love and her bed and her warmth and her body and her heart…

A smart rap of knuckles sounded against his door, and Sasuke growled a barely audible "Go away," to the perpetrator. Naturally, whoever it was ignored him and entered anyway.

Itachi stood at the doorway, his brow in a cross furrow as he shot an angry look at his younger brother.

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" He questioned scathingly, to which Sasuke groaned and rolled away from him.

"Mourning. Now piss off and leave me in peace."

Itachi huffed, unamused, then went to the windows and flung the curtains open. "You're being a prat. Get up."

"No," Sasuke protested, shielding his eyes from the insulting sunlight. "I fucked up, now leave me be."

"You're emotionally constipated, and you've been even more so for the past week. Now get up, stop bottling it up, and let it out. Slowly, so as to not send your brain in to fits." Itachi grabbed the corner of Sasuke's bed sheet and pulled it off. "Why you're upset in the first place is completely beyond me. And why you're denying yourself to see Sakura. Did you do something to hurt her again? She's barely come out of her room this past -"

"What did you say?" Sasuke interjected, suddenly alert.

Itachi shot Sasuke an annoyed look, and continued. "I said that Sakura has been really upset this past week. I don't know what has gone on between you two, but you have to resolve it right now. You have a duty to your people, and as harsh as this is, you can't let your screwed up emotions get in the way. You have a job to do, Sasuke. As prince to Otogakure and next in line to the throne, you cannot allow personal issues to get in the way of your duty." Itachi continued to stare at his brother harshly until said man finally flung his legs over the side of the bed and made to stand up.

"You said that Sakura's still here?"

"Yes."

Sasuke felt his heart shudder. "So she didn't accept Gaara's… proposal?"

"No, she did not."

The younger Uchiha pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "What have I done?"

Itachi narrowed his eyes at his younger brother. "What happened, Sasuke? Why does Sakura refuse all contact? Why have you locked yourself in your room and refused to come out? What did you do?"

Sasuke's shoulders slumped. "I fucked up, Itachi," he whispered, feeling his body shudder as the new knowledge saturated his being. "I thought she was going to accept. I got angry. So angry. I… I called her a whore. I said that I don't want to see her again." He looked up at his brother, a look close to desperation filling his eyes. "Itachi, I don't understand. What is it about her that makes me want her near? Why does the idea of anyone else touching her make my skin crawl? It's like the answer is being screamed at me, yet I'm too deaf to hear it. It frustrates me to no end. What is this feeling?"

Itachi sighed, and walked around to sit beside his brother. "For all the knowledge you hold, Sasuke, you're still incredibly naïve. Think back to those story books mother use to read us when we were kids. Compare your emotions. Maybe that'll help you figure it out."

"Can't you just tell me?" Sasuke whined, acting like a child himself.

"No, little brother. This is something you've got to figure out on your own." He crinkled his nose. "But before you start thinking, I suggest you bathe. You reek."

The two brothers laughed companionably, before Sasuke stretched and finally stood up. "Thanks, Itachi," he said, then went to his bathroom.

Sakura sat in her room, picking at the few morsels of food on her plate. How she wished that the fourteenth would hurry up and come around. She could barely stand Otogakure anymore. Every wall seemed to be permeated with the ghost of him. Every nook and cranny held some sort of memory from when he was with her. When he would hold her, whisper to her, tease her, make love to her…

No. Not make love. He had never made love to her. He didn't love her – his words had proved it. But she loved him, and it made the knowledge even worse. Unrequited love always hurt the most, as she was beginning to find out. Followed closely by betrayal.

The very thought of Karin had Sakura's heart palpitating with rage. How dare she do that to her? Did Sakura – did her friendship mean that little to the red head? Of course she knew that Karin was rebellious and spoke her mind, but she thought that surely, surely she would have some compassion! Was she truly that wrong about her?

Although not usually a violent person, Sakura felt the urge to punch a hole in the wall, if just to release some of her anger. Surely she couldn't sulk for the rest of her time! She wanted to get back at Karin; make her feel a little of the pain that was coursing through Sakura's veins. Revenge usually revolted her, but in light of Karin's actions, Sakura was blinded to sense. She wanted Karin to hurt. She wanted her to feel betrayed, even if just for a moment.

Her spiteful thoughts coalesced into a plan, and before she was aware of what she was doing, she had snuck out of her room and pelted towards Sasuke's room.

She met no one in the halls on the way, which she found odd, but didn't question. Maybe the Gods endorsed her plans for once? She sincerely hoped so. If that was correct, then that must mean that she was doing something right, surely?

Sasuke's room appeared, and Sakura slowed down a few paces before the door, trying desperately to calm her racing heart. Memories flooded back to her of when he… when Karin had… she clawed at the memories, forcing them back into the recesses of her mind lest it cause another round of heartache and pressed her ear against the door.

No sound was inside, and Sakura carefully edged the door open so that she could scan half of the room.

No one was there. She exhaled a sigh of relief, and slowly opened the door further so as to check the rest of the room.

A light peeked from beneath the bathroom door, and not stopping to catch her breath, Sakura scurried inside and took out Karin's letter from the bedside table she had last left it in, before racing back out and closing the door soundlessly behind her.

She released a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, and studied the thing.

It was plain, and folded neatly. Typical white parchment with nothing particularly remarkable about it. Sakura dearly hoped that there was some personal information in there. Then she would give it back to Karin, leaving her with the knowledge that she knew something personal about her. Nasty and something Sakura normally wouldn't do, but Sakura hardly cared anymore. Karin had betrayed Sakura's trust and broken the rules of friendship – surely Sakura was entitled to something like that as well? She tucked the letter in to her bra and smirked lightly, before she began to walk back to her room, feeling oddly smug.

But the walk back wasn't as successful as her flight to Sasuke's room, and she walked right into the object of her current loathing: Karin.

As soon as she looked into Karin's red eyes, her earlier bravery fled her, and though hatred welled up like a serpent inside her belly, she couldn't even make a noise.

"What are you doing here, little one?" Karin said, sounding proud and sure of herself. "Surely you weren't trying to sneak back to Sasuke Sama. Haven't you realised that you're no longer his desired object?"

Sakura's hands curled into fists at her sides, and she glared at the red head before her, yet any retort she may have come up with was stuck in her throat – the memory was still far too painful and vivid.

"Come now, love. You can't truly be mad at me. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Just because you've kept Sasuke Sama's bed for the longest, doesn't mean he wouldn't eventually tire of you. You just -"

"That doesn't mean you had to go and betray my friendship like that, Karin!" Sakura raged at her former friend, unable to contain her anger any longer. "I gave him my virginity; I was with him for about eight months! Does my friendship mean that little to you that you immediately think it's okay to sleep with the same man I'd been with for so long?"

A sly smile worked its way on to Karin's features, and she went to stroke the hair from Sakura's cheek, though said girl slapped her hand away before it could get too close.

"Well, to be honest with you, yes. Friendship means very little to me, little Sakura. Haven't you figured out yet that friendship means nothing in the Otogakure court? We have allies here, and we have rivalries. Nothing more. We use people if they can get us higher on the importance scale. Otogakure is nothing like your home, toots. Honesty is overrated, and friendship is pointless. Ah now, don't cry little one. You can shed those tears all you like, they'll make no difference. Sympathy isn't going to suddenly erupt inside of me, and I'm not about to forget who I am. I am what this court and this life has made me. If you'd have grown up in this lifestyle, you'd be the same."

Sakura hastily wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and cursed her foolishness. How could she have been so idiotic, to believe that Karin actually gave a damn about her?

"You're wrong," she somehow managed to grind out, and looked Karin dead in the eye. "Friendship is the most powerful of bonds, and one day you'll regret this. I promise you that. You'll get your karma. I'm not the same naïve girl who rode into Otogakure, a prisoner who refused to speak. I've grown up; I just didn't realise how much until just now. Thank you for opening my eyes. I assure you – you'll get what's coming to you."

With that, she walked past her former friend and back to her room, not once looking back.

.:{*}:.

As soon as she closed the door to her room, she shuddered out a shaky breath of pent-up nerves and leaned heavily against the door. Sakura felt sick to her stomach, and hastily swallowed back the bile in her throat. Saying those things to Karin had taken all her strength, and now she wanted nothing more than to curl up on her bed and go to sleep.

But first, she had to read that letter.

Curiosity itched away at her as she slowly drew out the folded piece of paper from her bra and smoothed it out. Her fingers were shaking as she unfolded it, and she immediately noticed the elegance of the writing. She wondered who could have such beautiful script – surely not Karin! She quickly pushed the thought aside and walked over to a small writing desk where she sat down and began to read.

Karin and Kabuto, it read.

Almost everything is in place to claim the throne once and for all. Karin, you know your task: get close to Sasuke, by any means necessary. Do not fail. I will take care of the roseate. Sasuke Sama seems to have grown partial to her. It would be a shame to miss this chance and bend her to our will.

Sakura look up, thinking over those first few lines. Was this that snake Orochimaru speaking? She quickly looked back to the letter and continued to read.

Sasuke and Itachi do not yet suspect who killed Yue, Mikoto and Fugaku, and we can use this to our advantage and continue to grow close to them before striking. Hizashi was under our control when we framed him, and surely we can do that again. I propose using the roseate to murder Sasuke. No one will question it, and she will be executed immediately. We must not allow her to go with Gaara. We will kill him if necessary, although I'd rather avoid a war.

Sakura could barely believe what she was reading. Hizashi had been framed? By those three? But how? When? Why? Questions swirled around in a vortex in her mind, and it was only curiosity which made her continue reading.

The roseate can be controlled easily, just like Hizashi, just like her father. It was I who suggested to Sasuke to use the man during the war as a spy. I never even dreamed about how useful she could be to us! Of course he demanded safety for his daughter, hence why Sasuke guards her so closely now. His honour would not allow the girl to come to harm. Her father upheld his side of the bargain, and now after his death, Sasuke holds his side. We can work this to our advantage, I believe. She will be a great asset to our plan. She will do as she is told – I will see to that. Just stick to your orders and make sure nothing is spoiled. Burn this letter once it is read. Do not let anyone else find or read it!

Sakura raised her head, and felt her world fall to pieces.

So yup. Big things have been revealed :O As I said that they would be. I've been waiting to reveal that Sakura's father was the spy, and congratulations to watchingtherain for being the only one (that I know of) to guess it. Next chapter is one of the three big ones I've been dying to write, but we'll see how quickly I get it up.

Much love, SapphireRivulet xoxo