Title: Pest

Rating: T

Pairing: None (mention of Hawke/Fenris)

Characters: Sherwood Hawke/Sebastian, mention of others

Disclaimer: You know, making me say 'not mine' so often might give me a complex.

A/N: Sebastian never could make up his mind about my Sherwood, in this play through. I didn't go all full out trying to rivalry him, but between Sherwood's extreme support of mages and his snarky personality, he never really got to full friendship, either. He boomeranged between over 50% friendship to nearly the same in rivalry so much we all got a bit motion sick. I am, to this day, delighted by that

And I like Sebastian, guys. I'm probably one of the few that does.

"Do you antagonize everyone, or is it just me you enjoy poking until you get bitten?"

"I do like being bitten. Usually that honor goes to Fenris, though. Well, it did."

" 'Yes, Sebastian, I have absolutely no sense of tact or propriety and I live to annoy those around me'."

"You've been spending too much time with Aveline."

"I like Aveline."

"Is that supposed to imply you don't like me? I'm hurt."

"You are not."

"You're right, I'm not. You know you can't resist my whimsical charms."

"Is that the term for it now?"

"Ah-ha! He doesn't deny it!"

"What would be the point? You'd just deny my denying."

"See? You know me so well, Bastian. How can you claim to do anything but adore my Hawkeishness?"

"Oh, will you stop that?"

"You're smiling. Hide it away all you want, but I saw that."

"Away with you. I'm trying to read."

"And I'm trying to get you to come do something that involved interaction with other people. Shocker, I know. Come on, even Fenris is letting me drag him into this."

"That is because you have Fenris tied around your pinky finger. Admit it or not."

"Fsssh, I'd like to hear you tell him that. Stubborn bloody pointy-eared bastard he is-"

"Hawke-"

"Sorry, sorry. He just frustrates me, that's all."

"You two dance around each other like a pair of skittish cats."

"Oh-ho, is the Chantry boy going to offer me romantic advice?"

"I- you do remember I haven't actually grown up in the- never mind. Anyway, no. Just an observation."

"It doesn't- bother you? Us being both-"

"What? Human? Tall? Dark skinned? Completely insane?"

"Oh ha ha. Men. Both men."

"Should it?"

"I assumed-"

"And we all know what that makes of you and me. It's not my business who you- what you do in private."

"Isabella's right. You're cute when you blush."

"Goodbye, Hawke."

"Oh, come on. Anders is even coming, and he was easier to convince then you!"

"That's meant to be a ringing endorsement?"

"You're laughing. I see that."

"You are impossible."

"Also, you're sexy when you get all accent-y like that. My s- my sister would have been swooning in your lap."

"Bethany? She sounds like a fine young lady, from what I've heard of her."

"She was. Anyway. Alcohol. Cards. Potential nakedness. Food. You. Come. Now."

"Ach-Hawke, let go! Hawke!"

"Do you ever eat? You're being dragged by a squishy mage. Have have dignity, Prince Va-Ow! Low blow, Sebastian! Pointy arrow is pointy!"

"Oh, I barely poked you. Let go."

"No! Ow! Damn it, you little shit."

"Let go."

"No! Ow!"

"Please let go?"

"Stop hitting me."

"Stop dragging me."

"…ahem. Children?"

"Grand Cleric-"

"Uh."

"Elthina, I'm sorry-"

"I was just borrowing-"

"I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, sod this. I'm sorry if we disturbed you, Grand Cleric, I'm just borrowing Sebastian for a little bit, okay?"

"…I-"

"Sherwood!"

"Enough, please, both of you. Messier Hawke, I believe you're leaving bruises on Sebastian's wrist."

"I- oh. Oh, shi-silly me. Sorry, 'Bastian."

"Does some one want to tell me why you're in the Chantry, making enough noise to wake the dead?"

"…not really, no."

"Then could you stop?"

"…yes, ma'am. Off we go, then, come along, Sebastian, out out out-"

"Well. That was one of the most humiliating moments in my life. Thank you, Sherwood."

"That was? Damn, boy we've got to get you out more."

"I'm sure slowly loosing my clothes in front of a drunken group of vagrants and ner'do'wells will be sufficient."

"I knew you couldn't resist me for long. Wait, what did you just- Sebastian, get your ass back here-!"