Title: Trouble Loves

Rating: PG-13 (language, mostly.)

Characters: Sherwood Hawke, Anders, Merrill, Fenris.

Pairing: Hawke/Fenris

A/N: Oh, this was fun to write, and it's one of my favorites even now. I feel like it's silly while being in character, and I'm rather proud of it.

"Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake upwakeupwakeupwakeup-"

"Andraste's knickers, I'm awake, Merrill. Your hands are like ice, woman! What?"

"I heard a something."

"You- what?"

"I heard a something. Don't you?"

"All I hear is you waking me up before my watch and yammering at me."

"I didn't want to wake up Fenris because he's scary and the last time I shook him awake he almost broke my wrist without meaning to, and I didn't want to wake Hawke up because Hawke just went to sleep off his watch, and Varric is impossible to wake up-"

"So you targeted me. With your ice-hands. Because you heard a something."

"It's not my fault it's cold and Hawke made us put out the fire."

"It's your fault you feel the need to man handle me. Seriously, Merrill, get off."

"Please come with me to check it out, Anders? Please!"

"Oh, for- you're a mage. A blood mage. Whatever boogymen you think the bushes have turned into, just turn them into dust."

"I'm squishy, Anders!"

"And I'm a wall of solid steel and muscle? Off!"

"Please? Pl- ohhhh, there it is again!"

"I am not joking-oh. Um."

"You heard it. You heard it, didn't you?"

"I heard…something…let me up."

"Do you see anything?"

"…No…and if there was something, Spook would be yapping his fool head off. I think you got spooked by a bunny or something, Merrill."

"You heard it, too!"

"Crazy can be conta-what the hell is that?"

"I don't know but maybe we should wake up the others, do you think?"

"For a noise? Don't be a coward."

"Anderrrrs, it sounds like- like two really big things making a small really big thing."

"…is that your way of saying it sounds like two animals screwing? Because it doesn't, for one, don't ask me how I know that, and for two, you won't burst into flames for being crass. If anyone will, it's me. And so far, so good."

"Then what does it sound like?"

"It sounds like- Andraste's ass! Down!"

"Yikes!"

"Anders? Merrill? What in the name of the Maker?…"

"Flying thing! Big flying thing! Hawke-"

"What is that?"

"That would be a turkey. Why is a- holy shit-"

"Look out, it's coming around for another pass!"

"Fenris, you have a big sword, stabbity!"

"Stabbit- it's a bird, Anders. This is pathetic."

"So kill it!"

"Sic, pupa."

"I'm getting the idea you didn't just compliment me."

"Will someone please just- Ah!"

"Careful, Merrill, it can just about carry you off. Holy Maker that thing is big."

"Thank you, Sherwood, that is remarkably helpful."

"I thought it was 'just a bird', Fenris."

"You- shit!"

"Sorry! Sorry! I honestly didn't mean to do that, I swear, that was completely not aimed at you. Look, you're just a little-singed."

"Did you at least hit something besides me, mage?"

"I think I- oh. Oh, damn."

"The poor thing!"

"Alright, not a big deal. I'll make it fast."

"It's alright, Anders- really it is, you didn't mean to hurt it-well, you didn't mean to make it suffer-"

"Thank you, Merrill, stop talking now. You, did I get you, really?"

"It's- barely."

"I really didn't mean to. Here, let me-"

"That's not- don't-"

"Fuckshitbitchdamnhell!"

"…well that was educational."

"Not really, Merrill, you just need to get around more. Hawke, you alright?"

"No, it's- it's coming at you, Anders, blast it again!"

"It was flopping around like a dying fish, how it is- gack! Shit!"

"Anders!"

"Are we sure it's not possessed?"

"…well, if it was, it's not now."

"I think you got it this time. Fenris, don't poke it-"

"Can someone tell me what that thing was doing here?"

"Well, no more Tal Vasoth…no raiders, bandits, or outlaws…"

"No undead, darkspawn, rogue Mabari, or rogue mages…"

"No spiders, animals, ancient guardians, evil, or over-enthusiastic templars…"

"So it had to be something, I guess."

"…all of you get your asses back into your tents and don't say another word. I'm going back to sleep, and we're going to pretend this didn't happen. Yes?"

"You do know Varric will find out, like it or not."

"Yes?"

"Yes, ser, going to the tent now."