"Bess, what are you doing? Don't tell me you're the culprit? None of this makes any frickin' sense! Is there even a culprit? My gosh-" she broke off in a string of profanities.

"I'm not a snooper, Nancy, I told you: I'm a snoopee!"

"What does that even mean? And what's up with Android Renee?" The cyborg had completely ceased movement, mouth hanging open, pupils frozen askew.

"You're so stupid Nancy. You've always been so very stupid. I'm controlling her! A toddler could get past Bruno's firewalls. I killed the real Renee who thought she'd induced Bruno's heart attack and killed him, so that Henry would be sad and Ned would ask you to come out here to comfort Henry so I could corner you in a bayou and kill you and pin it on android Renee and she'd completely take the blame because I control her! I've been waiting so long for this opportunity!"

Shaken to the core, was Nancy by her friend's betrayal, but she summoned her nerve to say, "What kind of motive is that? You're worse than the Mapu's and their bizarre pineapple crop plan.

"THIS IS AN ALTERNATE ENDING, THE REASONING CAN BE AS NONSENSICAL AS THE AUTHOR WISHES!"

"But doesn't your plan to fall to pieces now that it turns out Bruno's alive?"

She smirked. "That hardly matters. I'll still kill you right here, right now. And Bruno won't be alive much longer. Gilbert seems to have a crush on me, the pervert. It was child's play to coerce him into pointing a gun at you. He's loyal, he won't hesitate to fire. Didn't you hear the gunshot?"

"No," Nancy whispered. Tears initiated congregation at the corners of her eyes. "Bess, please. We've been friends for years… over 80 years, to be precise. You don't have to do this. What about… the skull? How does that fit in?"

Bess shrugged. "I dunno, Bruno seemed to be fond of it so I had Android Renee steal it to make him cry. It doesn't even taste like real crystal… I mean, it doesn't look like real crystal. Now would you please let me deliver my evil villain monologue?"

"Please, go ahead."

"Thank you. Now, as I was saying, you're very stupid. Yet somehow, you've become insanely successful; I hear someone even wants to give you a movie deal! Anyway, it's not fair! I'm sick of it. You solve all your cases by luck and you get everything!"

Nancy pursed her lips. "I'll admit, a good portion of my cases are resolved by instances of deus ex machina or utter idiocy and carelessness on the part of the villain."

"I'm glad we understand each other. It's time for you to get what you deserve: death, and for me to get what I deserve: your boyfriend! Renee, power up!" She pressed a few buttons and flipped a switch on the remote that evidently controlled her.

The android's eyes flashed and she spluttered to life, hands outstretched reaching for Nancy's throat. They clasped down and choked the breath out of her lungs and squeezed the tears out of her eyes. "Wait, Bess, you wouldn't happen to be an android would you?" she rasped.

"Uh… no?" Before she could say anything further she screamed and batted at her hair, releasing the remote and thus enabling Nancy to swat away the limp Renee and gasp for air. Nancy caught a glimpse of a large black spider nestled into Bess's blonde locks. "Bruno's pets save the day again," she muttered.

Bess writhing in an attempt to escape the arachnid guided her straight into the path of Bernie's monstrous jaws. She realized her mistake too late, as Bernie gladly opened his mouth to consume her. Sounds of ripping android flesh ensued: "gristle, gristle, gristle," and oil splattered everywhere. Needless to say, Nancy was relieved to see her theory was correct and it was not her flesh-and-blood friend who had just been mercilessly decimated. Bernie gave a satisfied belch and eyed the skull thoughtfully. "That was nasty. Might as well have dessert then," he decided. "It's not like there are any pretty lady crocs for me to diet for." And he swallowed the skull before disappearing into the bayou.

Nancy approached the remains cautiously. Android Renee had fallen at the bayou's edge where she appeared damaged beyond repair. Android Bess was torn into unrecognizable shreds of metal and blonde hair, with only a plate of torso intact. Nancy examined it, her only findings being the tiny initials "D.P." engraved on the back. "Hmm."

At that moment, Henry came running from the trees on skinny-jean-clad legs. "Nancy! Woah, what happened here? Did you destroy the android? You've got to come with me, right now! It's Uncle Bruno, he's been shot."