She's sitting on the bed.
Did someone tell her? Because she thinks she was told. Her edges are blurred, an unknown sense controlling her movement. Kate reaches out to feel the sheets – her sheets – her blankets – but they feel different. A mellow hand brushes by her flat stomach, a dulled confusion overcoming her. Without thinking, Kate begins to rock, a hidden melody carrying her on the bed. He opens the door, slowly. She feels light, weightless. She sees his hand on the handle, pushing it open, revealing his face. A smirk. He walks towards her, his blurred eyes never leaving her face. Determined, he doesn't hesitate; pulling her into a kiss that she hasn't felt before, a hard kiss. Her hair is tangled between his fingers and his other hand is guiding her down. When she reaches the pillow, not controlling her own actions, he reaches a hand to her shirt. Kate retracts when she feels his fingers are cold, slowly peeling the white tank top away from her skin. She pacifies when his palm covers her stomach. When he reveals her bare front, his hands circle around, holding her side. She tilts her head back, letting him kiss her neck, deeply aware of where his hands are.
Jolting awake, and in an instinctive reaction, she tries to sit up. Awkwardly, she is forced back down. Kate's relieved when she finds her hand cradling the base of her stomach. She can feel the baby. She wasn't kicking now – an unusual stillness that Kate appreciated more and more with each moment. Kate looks to her side, and with her right hand, she grazes his arm, squeezing it just enough to bring him here with her.
Castle squints his eyes, avoiding the sun, and reaches a hand around to cover hers. With a pat, he rolls back over to fall back asleep. He's not very awake, allowing him to drift away quickly, but a shaking of the bed meant that she was moving closer.
"Are you okay?" he grunts.
With her hand on the bed, and her other holding her stomach, Kate moves closer to his back. She props her body up with her elbow, straining it and aware that she would only sit for a few moments like this. Kate rubs her hand around the base of his neck. She brings her face closer, letting him feel her breath behind him.
"Kate…"
She smiles, but he doesn't see. Her hand travels to his chest and rolls him over.
Castle opens his eyes to see her face inches from his.
"Kate, what are you doing?" he asks, slightly confused.
She's been increasingly short-tempered these past weeks. She wants to leave the house, but when they do, they have to turn around because she's tired. When they get back to the loft, she's worn out.
"Well…" she plays, "I had a dream."
"Did you?"
She shakes her head.
"And what was in this dream…" he says, playing with her.
"Well…"
She tries to get closer to him, but being one week past her due date, her stomach was larger than her. She tries to lift her leg, but sits up instead.
Castle knows that this is going nowhere. By the time she gets anything going, she will fall asleep or be so tired that she just lays next to him.
Pushing her hand behind her, moving a pillow or two, she finally does. Scooting back to the headboard, she then brings her legs up and gets on her knees. He's still lying down, watching her. Clearly becoming out of breath, she hits her hand to the bed, signaling that she's continuing. She moves and gets on her hands and knees to crawl over top of him. As she does, something shoots down her side. With one hand on his chest, the other grabs her side.
Castle sees a wince in her face. He begins to sit up.
"No, I'm fine," she reassures him, patting him back down.
"Kate..."
She smiles at him, trying to continue what she was planning to start. But the baby starts to move. Catching her off guard, she falls back to her knees, moving away from him.
Rubbing her stomach, she sighs, "Give me one second."
Castle sits up, trying not to laugh, "I was having fun watching you."
"You're not funny."
He slides closer to her and puts his hand over hers. But she's hunched over in seconds, grabbing her side once more.
"Kate?"
"No. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? We are late."
"No, I know how it feels."
"Does it feel like that?"
"No. It doesn't"
Well, it might of. She doesn't remember. Actually, she doesn't recall anything from her first delivery.
"Well maybe it's different this time?"
"Why would it be different?"
She's going to win at this. It's been a month of pure happiness for them. She's excited – and when she's not, she pretends that she is. He deserves that much.
He can sense that she's impatient. He slides his feet around the edge of the bed, finds his slippers, and stands. Stretching his entire body, reaching his arms around his head, he hears her wince once more.
Castle turns around, puts one knee to the bed, and looks at his wife. He's not going to say anything, she's stubborn, but adrenaline does begin to build in the bottom of his stomach.
Kate presses into her side, and another one to the underside of her bump.
"Castle – "
Her head still down, eyes closed, her hair falls over her face.
"Okay! Okay."
He runs around to the backside of her to coax her out of the bed. His hands caressing her back and guiding her as she turns around.
"No, not yet. Don't move me."
She presses into side and slides her feet from underneath of her. Slowly, she turns to face him, pushing her feet over the side of the bed.
Castle helps her stand and tries to contain his excitement and worry. She hasn't officially said that it was time, but he knows.
She feels huge, but adrenaline is rushing through her. Kate finds her bag already packed in the corner of her bedroom. Castle, seeing that she's okay, runs out of the room. He's shouting as he's running away from her.
"Don't move. Stand. Stay right there! I'm getting the keys."
Kate feels like she knows what to do – but she doesn't. She's had a baby and she doesn't remember ever going into labor. It's bothered her ever since they learned that she was pregnant. And she wants this one day, just one, to be about Nora, and not her past.
"I'm coming back!"
Castle's narrating his movements now, as if going into labor suddenly discontinued her senses.
"You had a fast labor with – anyway. I want to get there, quick."
It's only been a couple of minutes since she said his name, but he's already sweating from running around. His hand is at her back, his body slightly hunched next to her as he is gently, but rapidly getting her out of their bedroom.
"What happened to the calm and composed plan you had?"
"You found that?"
He had hidden a map that he made with Alexis in his desk drawer. Both of them were equally excited and they figured a visual depiction of how they would get to the hospital would help.
"Oh- I need to call her. And your dad. And my mom.."
She follows him, being in a place of his own. Every now and again he will remember her. And she'll be right here.
"Castle, get your hand off my back!"
"We need to get moving! You need to get there faster."
"I'm going as fast as I can! It hurts!"
Kate waddled through his loft, headed for the front door. Her feet were swollen and her abdomen felt like it was going to fall to the floor.
"Castle, I swear to - If you touch me one more time!"
Castle removed his hand and ran to get the door. Two bags over his shoulders, cell phone dialing the hospital.
"Hello, hi! Yes. No, I can't hold - look. Get Dr. Hanes. Now. No, I need him. My wife is in labor. No, hello. Dammit."
He pressed the end button and feverishly redialed as he pounded the down button on the elevator.
"Kate, a little faster. Honey, I know. I know. Okay."
Kate's irritated look greeted him as she made her way to the elevator.
"You look great," he said, with - what he hoped - was a reassuring smile on his face.
Kate's breathing became faster as she held her hand out, a hand on her back and her knees beginning to bend.
"Okay, here we go," he said.
Castle swung behind her, held her up as a contraction ripped through her body.
When it was over, he picked up the cell phone he dropped, removed his foot from the elevator that he had kept opened, and loaded them all in.
She can't move her hand from the base of her stomach. She won't. She feels her daughter resting there, and the sharp pains that are surrounding her. Kate's eyes are closed, and she is breathing like she remembers, but it's not helping. She can't cry. She doesn't have enough energy left over to cry. He left the room again. Finally, by herself, she tries to sit up. Her contraction has finished, but she's left with a sore body and a beeping noise. She turns her head, slowly, but Kate can't read the monitors.
Her baby is fine. She's reminding herself over and over. The monitor has a steady beat – her and the baby's. The machine making lines seemed to be okay. The nurse had walked in only a few seconds earlier and didn't say too much – and was pestered by Castle following her into the hallway.
It is still early and the sun is streaming into her room.
Kate looks next to her bed for her bag. She spots her last-minute decision sitting a foot below her: a sweater with a picture frame wrapped inside.
She really shouldn't be doing this. Her therapy had stopped – she asked to stop it. Looking to the door, and listening to future footsteps, she waits. Hesitantly, she reaches for the handles of her little bag. It rests beside her on the bed.
If she timed it correctly, she has a bit before the next contraction. Unfolding the cloth, she stares down at her baby. A finger grazes over the tiny face – a face that she's seen many times since it first made a presence on their dresser.
Kate's been through this course with him. It's surreal to think about it. That tiny baby was once right where this one is. Castle was here with her. Sitting in the spot he once was only a few moments ago. She smiles; thinks that maybe Aiden's last gift to her was him. But how could it.
Silencing her thoughts, she lets the tears form in her eyes. Smiling to her baby, she sees his nose, his chin.
This one will be here. She will feel her nose, her chin. She will feel her warm hair, her moving body in her arms.
"She's ready," Kate said, lying in the hospital bed. Her hands grip the sheets next to her. He baby probably wasn't ready yet. But, maybe if she said it out loud, she would magically appear in her arms.
"The doctor will come back - "
"Is there anything for - "
"Kate, you heard him. It's too late. You go into labor too quickly. Some might call that -"
"Don't you dare say blessing. I am not in the mood," she said, sweat dripping down her forehead.
Castle grabbed the towel on the edge of the bed and wiped it away from her face.
"I'm going to go see - "
"Don't go back out there."
"Just, I want to make sure."
"Castle, I'm still - I'm - Dammit."
Another contraction hit Kate just as she was about to tell him how fine she was. She squeezed his hand, breathing through the knife that was ripping through her stomach. Her hand reached down and hugged the bottom of her bump, feeling her daughter push her way down.
When it was over, he let go over her hand and looked at the monitor as if he knew what it meant.
"That was a really big one, let me go check - "
Kate didn't stop him as he exited their hospital room. She knew how he felt. She was trying to not think about it. She was trying to focus on her daughter and not the consequences. She would remember this. Both of them would be wheeled out of this hospital in the matter of days.
The nurse - a new one - came in with Castle, her hand in his - being pulled up to the machine.
Castle backed away slightly and let her read the information.
"The contractions are progressing fast, but they are normal. You should be delivering within the night," she said, grabbing her chart from her pocket.
"Dr. Hanes should be back in here in about half an hour. Are you okay until then?"
"Well - "
"Thanks, we will be fine," Kate interrupted.
"But - wait - no. I - "
Kate pulled her hand to rest over his.
"Castle, look at me. Come here," she said as he sat in the chair next to her bed.
"I'm here, we're both here. That monitor says she's got a heartbeat. We're not going anywhere. Not this time. Okay. So sit here and wait with me, okay?"
He was still concerned. And how could he not when just two years ago they were sitting here. Two years ago, an hour from now he would be getting the worst news of his life. And two years ago, tomorrow, he would break her heart.
"Castle, I'm scared too. I'm terrified and I don't even remember what happened last time. But, we've got to get through this, okay? What happened to the Castle that's been here for the last nine months?"
He laughed, slightly easing his nerves. His hand greeted hers on top of his.
"We're going to be okay."
"Castle, come here! Please!"
She's in pain now, a lot more than she expected. They were coming fast.
Pushing herself up, Kate calls him once more back into the room.
"Kate! Kate! What's wrong?"
"I'm fine. But, sit. Please. Before they come in."
Tears are in her eyes. She has to say this now before she backs out, again.
"Can you lift my bed up a bit?"
He does as he's told. Silently, he sits back in the chair.
"You're not going to like this," she begins.
"Kate – "
"No, please. Listen."
She moves herself closer to him. It's only a matter of moments before her next contraction hits.
"Rick. I need you to promise me something."
"Kate, if you're even thinking – "
"Rick, please. I know our chances of having that happen again are small. I know that the baby is healthy. But, you need to – you need to promise me that if anything was to happen again. If I'm not responding - you need to make them save her first."
Tears are streaming down her face. She had been fighting this moment since they began their trip to the hospital. Quickly, she was losing her energy to be brave. Her voice cracking, she continues.
"Because. Because, Castle, if I wake up to you sitting on that chair again and telling me that I don't have a baby I don't think – "
She's cut off. Castle stands up and sits down next to her. Surrounding her, his arms around her shoulders, he becomes her wall. She falls into him, letting herself cry before the doctors came back in.
"Kate, they know your past. They know what happened. You're going to be okay. No matter what, we're going to be okay."
He can't promise her. In fact, he shouldn't be telling her this much. He doesn't know how this one will play out. He wipes a piece of damp hair away from her face.
Her sides begin to tense, and she knows what is happening. Kate wants to complain. She wants to knock herself out - go into a deep sleep - but she can't. She can't bring herself to tell him that she said no to the epidural. A silent concern that she thought might affect her chances of repeating history.
"Are you ready?"
She shakes her head, grabbing his arm and the sheet next to her.
"Here we go."
Thoughts?
I'm trying to regain a grip on this story. I know where I think it's going. And I'm sure you all do too. But where do you want it to go? I think it will be easier if I hear some ideas. I want everyone to enjoy reading it, but now I'm going off of what I think is right instead of what I think all of you want.
I will see your reviews - but I can talk to anyone on twitter at meggh11 or stillcatchingupDOTtumblrDOTc om
Don't be afraid to say something "not so nice" either. It will make this story, and others, better. I will not hate you :]
- Meg