Chapter 10: Only Rae

Olivia sat on her couch flipping through channels, sipping on a beer waiting for her take out to arrive. Here it was a Saturday evening and she had absolutely no plans. No date. No friends to go out with. Cragen had practically had to order her to go home after she tried to stay despite the fact that they had sent all their cases to the DA's office already. There was nothing more for her to do until the trials began. So here she was sitting at home, bored out of her mind. A knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts. She grabbed the cash she'd pulled from her purse ahead of time and headed for the door. When she opened it she was surprised at who was standing there.

"Alex."

"Hey Liv." Alex was standing there with Liv's take out.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked confused by the blonde's presence at her front door.

"I was just leaving work and realized that I had absolutely nothing to do. I thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing." Alex said with a smile. When Olivia didn't invite her in she started to apologize. "I'm sorry to just show up. I guess I should have called first." Alex said awkwardly standing there looking down at the floor.

"Oh no. Don't be ridiculous. It's fine." They stood there for a moment before Olivia realized that she was making the blonde stand out in the hallway. "Sorry. Come in." She said taking the bags from Alex and stepping aside so she could walk past her into the apartment. "You paid for my food?" she asked noticing that the delivery guy was leaving her floor after having stopped to leave little menus on people's doors.

"Oh, yeah. He was here when I walked up and I saw he was stopping at your door so I just took care of it." Alex explained. She took off her coat and hung it up before heading over to sit on the couch. She had been in Olivia's apartment many times and was more than comfortable there. She watched Olivia in the kitchen as she plated the food that Alex had brought in. Olivia walked into the living room with two plates and another beer for Alex. She sat it all down on the coffee table in front of them before reaching into her back pocket pulling out the cash she'd intended to pay the delivery man with and held it out to Alex.

"Oh no. It's ok." she said pushing the money away.

"Alex..." Olivia started to protest but Alex wasn't having it. "Olivia...its fine." Olivia knew there was no point in arguing so she put the money back in her pocket and sat next to Alex on the couch. They both picked up their plates and started eating. After a few minutes of silence Alex spoke. "So...how have you been?" Olivia opened her mouth to speak but before she could say anything Alex spoke again. "Outside of work I mean." Olivia had this tendency to make everything about work, which incidently, was why she was home alone on a Saturday evening. Or at least she would be alone if Alex hadn't shown up. "Uhhh...I'm doing ok." Olivia said.

"Yeah? Have you met anyone knew? Had any dates?" Alex asked. Olivia's mind immediately went to Araeyah and began wondering what she was up to. Of course Olivia couldn't tell Alex that she'd met a teenage girl and was absolutely smitten. "No. Nobody new", she lied. "What about you?"

"No. Nobody new for me either." Alex said with a sigh. They finished eating and Olivia took their plates to the kitchen then came back to the couch with two new beers. She handed one to Alex before taking her seat. "Why not" Alex asked. Olivia looked at her with a furrowed brow conveying her confusion at the question. "Why haven't you been out on any dates?"

"Oh. I don't know. No real reason." Olivia lied again. "Oh because the person I'm interested in is less than half my age and still in high school." Olivia thought truthfully to herself. Alex saw Olivia retreat into her thoughts for a moment. She sat her beer on the table before reaching out and turning Olivia's face until she was looking at her again. Once their eyes met, Alex leaned in and kissed Olivia firmly on the lips. She moved her hand to the back of her head pulling her further into the kiss. Olivia reached her hand out searching for the table sitting her beer down before bringing her hands to rest on Alex's hips. She allowed Alex entry into her mouth when she felt her tongue brush against her bottom lip. Olivia was trying hard to focus on what she was doing with Alex. She knew how much easier her life would be if she could just be with Alex and enjoy it. But she wasn't enjoying it. She couldn't. She just kept thinking about Araeyah. She moved her hands from Alex's waist up to her shoulders pushing her back to end the kiss.

"I'm sorry Alex. I...I can't do this." Olivia said apologetically.

"Why not?" Alex asked hurt by Liv's rejection. "Because I want to be with someone else" Olivia thought.

"I just...I just can't. What happened..."Olivia paused putting her face in her hands and then running them her hair. "What happened with us...it can't happen again." Alex knew that Olivia was referring to their encounter a few weeks earlier. They had all gone out for drinks after a particularly difficult case to celebrate a guilty verdict. Upon leaving the bar, Alex commented about not being ready to go home, so Olivia invited her over to her apartment. They sat and talked and before they both knew it, they were kissing. Then they were in bed. They hadn't really talked about what happened. They had been able to remain professional since but both women had felt the change in their relationship. Things were awkward between them socially and that had never been the case before. "We work together and this is just...not a very good idea. I don't want this to affect our friendship any more than it already has."

Olivia wasn't lying. She really did think it was a bad idea for them to be involved and she really didn't want to hurt their friendship anymore. But Olivia knew that wasn't the real reason she didn't want to be with Alex. She knew that real reason was Araeyah. She didn't know why but being with Alex this way felt like she was cheating on Rae. Even though there was nothing between them, she wished there was. Her mind with Rae and only Rae. Being with Alex when she knew she wanted to be with someone else felt wrong and it just wasn't fair to Alex. Alex remained silent for a moment and Olivia was afraid that she'd really hurt her feelings. She reached out and touched Alex's hand. "I'm really sorry Alex."

"No, it's ok. You're right. We shouldn't do this. What happened between us has definitely changed our friendship...and not in a good way. Things are weird between us and I don't like it."

"I don't either" Olivia agreed.

"Ok. So from now on we're not gonna let this affect our friendship. What's done is done. It's in the past and we are going to move on and go back to being the way we've always been." Alex held out her hand. "Friends?"

Olivia smiled as she put her hand in Alex's. "Friends." she said. The tension between them was gone almost immediately. Both women picked up their beers off the table and fell into the easiest flowing conversation they'd had with each other in weeks. Everything felt just right. Well, maybe not quite everything.