Chapter 22: Let's Take a Break

Olivia left Rae's building and went home. She immediately tried calling Rae when she got in her apartment but she wouldn't answer the phone. Olivia felt so stupid. She had pulled away when Rae tried to kiss her. She was thinking too much again. For some reason, she just couldn't let go of her thoughts and let her feelings lead her. "Being led by your feelings isn't always a good thing" she thought. Sitting in the car outside Rae's building Olivia had taken in Rae's features for the millionth time that night. When she turned her head just right she saw her youth, then she would shift and it would be gone. In that moment, she'd started to feel insecure about her feelings again and she wasn't sure how to make it stop. She called Rae again this time hoping she would let it go to voicemail. When it did, Olivia left her message.

"Rae, I'm really sorry about tonight. I just...I don't know. I thought I was sure about what I wanted and where I want this to go but I just keep arguing with myself. I don't want to lead you on or anything. I...I think maybe it'd be best that we just...maybe take a break until I can figure this out. I still want to talk to you and see you but..."

Olivia heard a beep and she realized that she'd run out of time for her message. She thought about calling back to finish but decided against it. She went into her room, showered and got in bed. She stared at the ceiling for about an hour before drifting off to sleep.

Rae had gone up to her apartment and immediately got ready for bed. She heard her phone ringing and figured it was Olivia so she ignored it. She didn't want to talk to anyone...especially Liv. She was sick of the come here go away trip she was putting her through. She wished she would just make up her mind about what she wanted. She came out of her bathroom and saw that Olivia had left her a message but she just got in bed and went to sleep. The next morning she called Maureen to ask if she wanted to hang out but she said that since her dad had the day off they were spending it having a family dad in the park. After she hung up with Maureen she called Ashley hoping she'd be free for the day. She was and she agreed to meet Rae for lunch. Rae got up and got dressed and headed over to the coffee shop. While she was waiting for Ashley she decided to listen to the voicemail that Olivia left her. She got to the part about Olivia wanting to "take a break" and she rolled her eyes. "We just started dating and she already wants to take a break?" she thought. She hit delete without bothering to listen to the rest of the message. She was still looking at her phone when Ashley sat down at the table she'd chosen. She pushed the coffee she'd ordered for her across the table and gave a sad smile.

"What happened?" Ashley asked noticing the look on her friends face. Rae sighed, "Olivia wants to take a break." she said noticeably irritated.

"What? But I thought you said she finally admitted she wants to be with you?" Ashley was surprised by the news. Her first that was that maybe she still had a chance to get Rae back. Her second was about how sad Rae looked and if getting her back was really want she should be thinking about.

"I know. She changed her mind again." Rae picked up her coffee and took a sip.

"That's so shitty. Who is she? How'd you meet her?" Rae hesitated debating whether or not she should tell Ashley the whole. Then she thought about the probability of it getting back to Maureen through Ashley and decided she might as well. "She's...a detective. She works with Maureen's dad. She's his partner actually. I met her when I went to the precinct to meet her dad so that she could stay with me for the weekend." Ashley was shocked.

"You're dating a cop? Oh my god. So this is why you didn't want Maureen to know?" Araeyah shook her head yes. "Wait a minute...how old is she?" Ashley thought about Maureen's dad and how old he was. If this woman was his partner then she had to be his age or close to it.

"She's not that old." Ashley looked at Rae with raised eyebrows as if to ask her to elaborate. "She's thirty-six ok."

"And you don't think that's maybe a bit too old for you?" Ashley asked. She was trying not to sound too judgemental but she wasn't sure if she'd been successful.

"No, I don't. It's not about how old she is. It's about us and how much fun we have when we're together. It's about how easy it is for us to talk to each other for hours without running out of things to say and then when we do run out of things to say it's just as easy to sit in silence; comfortable silence. It's about how perfect her hand feels in mine and how we walk in step with each other without trying. We're perfect together. We just...we are. I never think about her age when I'm with her."

Ashley smiled at how easy it was for Rae to talk about her being with Olivia. It really seemed that what they had together had some genuine potential. That thought disappointed Ashley but she loved her friend and wanted to see her happy. But she still had to be honest. "Rae, I get it. You really like her and she really likes you and maybe to you two your age difference isn't important. Maybe it's not about that." Rae didn't understand where Ashley was going with this. "Maybe it's about the grief you'll get from other people. I mean you said she's a detective and that she works with Maureen's dad. We both know how he is so we know he definitely won't approve. That's her partner. She has to work with him everyday and if they're arguing about her relationship with you, it'll put a strain on her work. Not to mention they work sex crimes and you're a high school student. That just looks bad for her." Rae hated that Ashley was right. All this time she'd only been thinking about the good parts of them being together. She'd stopped thinking about the fact if their relationship got out it would be Liv that would take all the heat; not her. "Maybe that's what she's insecure about; not you."

"Why do you have to make so much sense?" Rae asked sadly. Ashley laughed and reached for Rae's hand. "Don't worry. I'm sure it'll work itself out. Just give her some time; she'll come around."

Rae looked Ashley in the eyes. "What if she doesn't? What if she decides I'm not worth the trouble."

Ashley gave her friend a sideways look. "If the time you spend together is really as great as you make it sound, there's no way she won't give this another chance." Rae smiled and nodded. She was so thankful that Ashley was able to meet her today. She felt so much better now that they'd talked. She changed the subject not wanting to dwell on her situation with Olivia any longer.

"So...ummm...the guys have a rehearsal today and I was thinking about going. Do you wa..." Ashley was getting noticeably more excited as Rae spoke. "Yes, I wanna go!" Ashley said not even giving Rae a chance to finish asking. She laughed and grabbed her bag and her coffee before standing. "Ok. Well then let's go".

They had a great time with the guys at their rehearsal. They told Rae they had another show coming up in about three weeks and she'd agree to perform with them. She was actually really excited to get back on stage. It had definitely been too long. Her mom and Charles both had to work so their family dinner was canceled. She ended up going to dinner with the band, and Ashley, to discuss times to meet up to rehearse for the show and just to hang out as friends. They'd invited her out with them for drinks and she'd said yes. She was at home changing her clothes to go back out and with her friends when her phone rang. She just assumed it was Ashley and answered the phone without checking the caller id.

"Hey, I'll be down in a minute babe." The person on the other end didn't say anything. "Hello? Ashley, can you here me?" Still nothing. She took the phone away from her ear to make sure she'd actually answered when she saw that it was Olivia who had called her; not Ashley. "Olivia", she said before she heard a click. "Damn it. Why does this keep happening?" she yelled inside her head. She tried calling her back but she didn't answer. "Of course, she's not gonna answer" she thought. Her phone rang again and this time she looked at the caller id before she answered. "Hello" she said trying to hide the annoyance in her voice. Ashley told her she was waiting downstairs. "Ok, I'll be right down." She hung up the phone, grabbed her bag and headed down to Ashley's car. She got in and put her seat belt on and then let out very frustrated groan.

"What's up with you?" Ashley said as she pulled from in front of Rae's building.

"Olivia called me and I thought it was you." She saw Ashley's look that said "Yeah, ok...and..so?" She continued to explain. "I said babe and she didn't say anything and then I said your name. She still didn't say anything so I looked just to check and make sure I'd pushed the right button and I saw that it was her."

"Oooohhh...so now she probably thinks there's something going on with us." Ashley said understanding Rae's problem. "Yeah. This is the second time this has happened. The first was when she saw us outside my apartment building the day after you stayed over and now this" Rae didn't know how she was going to explain this to Olivia. She hadn't really explained anything the first time. "So just call her and explain." Ashley said.

"I tried. She won't answer the phone." Ashley looked over and saw how sad Rae looked.

"Ok, no. You are not going to pout all night about this. Look, we are going to go meet the guys, have some drinks, do some dancing, have a good time. Then you're gonna go home, go to bed, and tomorrow you'll call her and explain; even if it means you have to do it on her voicemail. Ok?" Ashley didn't really want to help Rae get back together with Olivia. She just wanted to see Rae happy and if being with Olivia was what did it then she'd have to be okay with that.

Rae smiled. "Ok" she said. They everything Ashley said they would do. They drank, they danced, they had a good time. They left the bar at last call and Ashley took Rae home.

"Thanks for tonight. I had a great time." Rae said taking off her seatbelt. "You are so very welcome. Call me tomorrow ok. Let me know how that talk goes."

"I will" Rae leaned over and gave Ashley a hug and a quick kiss goodbye before getting out of the car and heading inside.

The next morning Rae called Olivia. She still wouldn't answer the phone. She sent her a few texts saying she wanted to talk to her and that she didn't appreciate being ignored. Olivia didn't respond. She called again and this time a man answered the phone.

"Hello" he said.

"Hello. Can I...speak to Olivia please?" Rae didn't want to jump to any conclusions so she waited for what the man would say.

"Uh...she's away from her desk right now. She left her phone here" the man said. "Oh, thank god." Rae was relieved to figure out that the man was just someone worked with. "Hello? Rae?" He had seen her name on the caller id and decided to answer the phone.

"Uh...yeah. I'm here. Is this detective Stabler?" she asked finally recognizing the voice. "Yes it is. How are you?"

"I'm...I'm good" she said. She didn't know how she'd explain her calling Olivia's phone but she had to think of something and fast. "Ummm...do you know when detective Benson will be back at her desk?"

"No, I don't. Is it something I can help you with?" he asked. She could hear some concern and maybe even a little confusion in his voice. "Oh, no. That's ok. Can you just tell her I called?"

"Yeah, sure. I can do that." he said. "Ok, great. Thanks." She hung up the phone before he could say anything else. Had she just outed them to Maureen's dad? Maureen told her how he could be. I mean come on, he's a detective. He knew how to keep asking questions, drawing out info until he got what he wanted. She flopped down on her bed and waited, hoping Olivia would call her back. And she hoped that when she did, it wouldn't be bad news.