Chapter 39: Second Thoughts
"Hi. Ummm...is Olivia here?" she asked finally caving. She hadn't wanted to give in to the girl's piercing stare. After a few moments, she realized whoever this girl was she wasn't going to budge.
"Yeah. She's in the shower. You're Alex, right?" Rae said. She'd stared at the woman until she said something. Usually she was more polite but from the way Alex looked her over she got a hint of jealousy from her. She came here as more than just a friend to Olivia. "Yes, I am" Alex said. She didn't know who this girl was but she was acting very territorial. Olivia had told Alex about someone she was seeing but she hadn't said whether that had worked out or not. Even though she had agreed that they were just friends, deep down Alex wanted more with Olivia. She thought that she'd start by bringing her coffee and accompanying her to work to feel out where they stood. "And you are?" Alex asked trying to get some info out of the girl in front of her.
"Araeyah" she said simply. "Do you wanna come in?" She stepped back opening the door a little wider, allowing Alex to walk in past her. She took a seat on the couch and sat the coffees down on the table. "I'll tell Olivia that you're here" Rae said walking over to the bedroom. She went inside and shut the door. She walked over to the bathroom and Olivia was at the sink wrapped in a towel, drying her hair. She looked at Rae through the mirror and smiled. Rae waited quietly until she turned off the hair dryer. She sat the dryer down and walked over to where Rae was standing in the doorway. She leaned down and kissed her firmly on the lips. "Your friend is here" Rae said once their lips parted. Olivia's brow furrowed in confusion. "Alex" she said clarifying. "She's in the living room."
"Um, ok." Rae turned and went over to the bed. She climbed in and got back under the covers. Olivia walked over to her dresser and picked a matching underwear set. Then she took out a pair of jeans and pulled them on. She walked over to her closet and picked out two shirts, holding them up for Rae to choose. She pointed at the red sweater over the blue button down. Olivia hung the blue shirt back up and took the red one off it's hanger and put it on. Last she put on her black sneakers and a black belt, clipping on her badge and gun. Rae watched as her girlfriend got dressed still thinking about the blonde waiting for her in the living room. Olivia walked over to the bed and sat on the edge on the side that Rae was laying on. She leaned over and was about to kiss her when Rae spoke. "She brought you coffee" she said abruptly. "That was nice of her" she said sarcastically. Olivia ignored her and brought their lips together. She deepened the kiss, inserting her tongue into Rae's mouth when she parted her lips. Her hand traveled under the covers and between Rae's legs, parting her thighs. She ran her fingers through her wet folds and began to massage her clit. Rae moaned into her mouth before breaking the kiss. She reached under the covers and grabbed Olivia's hand to stop her movements.
"Alex is waiting and you're gonna be late for work" she whispered. "I'll be quick." Olivia tried to remove her hand from Rae's grasp but she wouldn't let go. "No you won't" Rae said smirking. "I will. I promise" Rae looked at Olivia and shook her head. She looked over at the clock and it said seven fifty five. They had a little bit of time but she felt bad about the blonde waiting for Liv, even if she didn't like the way she looked at her. "You should go. Alex is waiting" she said. She released her hand and leaned up on her elbows, giving her another kiss. Olivia resumed her previous movements with her fingers, ignoring Rae telling her to leave. Rae reluctantly stopped her hand again. She pulled away and gave her girlfriend a light shove, "Go" she said. Olivia hesitated before getting up from the bed. She walked over and grabbed her phone and headed for the bedroom door. She turned back and looked at her girlfriend laying in her bed. "Don't worry. I'll still be here when you get home" she said seductively. Olivia smiled and walked out of the bedroom.
Alex looked up when she heard the bedroom door open. She stood and grabbed the coffees when she saw it was Olivia. She smiled and held out one of the coffees for her to take. "Morning" she said. Olivia took the coffee from her, "Morning and thank you" she said. She took a sip and was glad that it was still hot. She was grateful that she didn't have to spend time making an entire pot of coffee just so she could take one cup to work. "I'm sorry to just drop in on you" Alex said. Her showing up this morning had obviously interrupted something. "Oh, don't worry about it" she said waving it off. "You ready to go?" she asked. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready." They walked to the door and Olivia opened it, letting Alex exit first. She closed and locked the door behind them and headed out of the building and off to work with Alex.
"Your car or mine?" Alex asked as the walked down the front steps of Olivia's building. Olivia debated for a moment before deciding that they should take her car. They drove over to the precinct saying nothing about what happened at Liv's apartment. They shared small talk about their cases and what they planned to do for the holidays. Not before long, Olivia was pulling into the precinct parking lot. They got out of the car walked inside together. They walked into the squad room and Olivia walked over to her desk. "You wanna have lunch?" Alex asked. She wanted to talk to Olivia about what happened this morning. Once she figured out who Araeyah was to her, she could decide whether or not to tell Olivia about her feelings. "Uh, yeah sure. Lunch sounds good" she said. "Ok, great. We can meet downstairs around twelve thirty?" Olivia smiled and nodded. Alex turned and went to Captain Cragen's office to get all the paperwork she needed to prepare for court. Olivia sat down at her desk and got to work on the stack of files on her desk.
"Hey" Elliot said from desk across from her. "You ready for dinner at the Caston's tomorrow?" Olivia looked up from her paperwork to see him leaning forward on his elbows, twirling a pen in his fingers.
"Yeah", she said nodding, "why wouldn't I be?" she said looking back down at the work on her desk.
"I don't know" he said shrugging his shoulders. "Are you gonna bring anything?" he asked. "No. Mrs. Caston said not to" she said still focusing on her work. She wanted to get done in a timely fashion so that she could leave the precinct on time and get home to Rae. "That's what I told Kathy but she still thinks we should bring something. She said Rae's mother was probably just being polite. I told Maureen to call and ask Rae what she thinks" he said.
"Well, you'll let me know" she said. She didn't want to have a conversation with Elliot. She just wanted to get her work done and go home to her girlfriend. Elliot sensed that Olivia wasn't in the mood to talk so he let it go and went back to his own work. Lunch came quickly and Olivia went downstairs to meet Alex. They walked to a restaurant not far from the precinct. They sat down and ordered right away, both having been there frequently enough to know what they wanted. Alex wasn't sure how to ask Olivia about the girl who'd answered her door this morning. She decided to just get right to the point.
"I'm sorry about interrupting your morning with...ummm...Araeyah? Is that her name?" Alex said not sure if she was pronouncing it correctly. Olivia smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, that's her name. And I already told you don't mention it." Olivia wasn't sure why Alex had shown up at her place this morning but she had a feeling she was about to find out.
"She's very pretty and...young" Alex said. She put forth her best efforts to hide her jealousy but it didn't go unnoticed by Olivia. The waitress brought their food and asked if they needed anything else. They both said they were fine and the woman left them to enjoy their lunch. "Is she the one you talked to me about?" Alex asked. Alex was about to be the first person Olivia told about her relationship with Rae, including how old she was. She nodded, "Uh, yeah. She is" Olivia said simply. "How old is she?"
"She's eighteen" Olivia said. She looked across the table at Alex and waited for whatever reaction she would have.
"You didn't tell me that when we talked about her." Olivia could hear some anger in Alex's voice. "We weren't really telling people about us..." Olivia started to explain when Alex interjected. "Because you know it's wrong. You lied because you knew if I knew you were talking about a kid I'd tell you to end it" Alex was obviously upset but Olivia wasn't going to sit there and allow her to talk down about her and Rae's relationship. "No, it's not wrong. We weren't telling anyone because people are closed-minded and judgemental and we knew that people would try to tear us apart. And I didn't lie to you. Her age wasn't important. It had nothing to do with why I came to you" Olivia said forcefully defending herself and her relationship. "Olivia, you probably wouldn't have been having these problems if you weren't dating a teenager." Alex was being just the kind of judgemental that Rae and Olivia had wanted to avoid. Olivia was suddenly rethinking her decision for them to make their relationship public. "I've had far worse troubles dating people my own age. Trust me." Alex couldn't believe that Olivia was trying to defend what she was doing. "She's a kid, Liv" she said.
"Araeyah is not a kid. You don't even know her. You're in no position to pass judgements. She is an amazing woman and an amazing person and I love her" Olivia blurted out. She was surprised by herself and the words that had just come out her mouth. "I love her?" she thought to herself. "I do. I love her" she thought smiling to herself. "We're great together. We can talk about anything and laugh about everything. I know I can count on her for support in anything that I do and she knows the same" Olivia's smile grew as she talked about Rae. "She makes me better, Alex. She makes me stronger and braver and more kind. I'd do anything for her. No one has ever made me feel this way." Alex could see the sincerity on Olivia's face and hear it in her voice. She was in love with this girl. "Liv...I...I don't know what to say. I just..." Alex was at a loss for words. On the one hand she felt that this relationship was wrong. On the other hand she saw how happy this girl obviously made her friend. "How can love and happiness ever be wrong" Alex thought.
"I know. I had the hardest time accepting my feelings for her. I almost lost her. That's just how amazing she is. She waited for me and she gave a lot of chances" she said with a light laugh. Alex smiled and decided that she'd have let this go and see how things played out. "I guess there's nothing that I can say to change your mind about this?" Olivia shook her head from side to side. "Well she sounds like a great girl" Alex said changing from her earlier disapproving tone to a more accepting one. Olivia smiled at the change in Alex's view of her relationship. "She is. She really is" she said softly. They finished their lunch and headed back to work. The rest of the day went relatively quickly. They caught a case after lunch, a guy jumping turnstiles and masturbating on the subway but they caught him within a couple hours. All they had left was to cross their t's and dot their i's on the paperwork and they were out of there. Olivia left the precinct at six thirty. She called Alex to ask if she needed a ride back to her car but she said she'd be working late and would take a taxi later.
When Olivia got home it was nearly seven. She walked through the door and didn't immediately see Rae. She called her name but got no response. She went in the bedroom and found it empty. Rae hadn't told Olivia she'd be going anywhere. "Maybe she went out with Maureen and Ashley" she thought. She pulled out her phone and found Rae's number and hit send. She waited listening to the ringing but Rae didn't answer the phone. She tried again but again her phone went to voicemail. She left a message and tried not worry. She decided to make dinner for when she got home. "Home?" she thought. She liked the idea of them living together; of her coming home to Rae everyday. "First you love her and now you're waiting for her to come home? Slow down, Olivia. It's only been two months. Well, almost three but still...slow down" she said to herself. She made pasta and bread and put a bottle wine in the freezer to chill. An hour had passed and Rae still hadn't called. She had tried calling again but this time her phone went straight to voicemail. It was nine thirty when there was a knock at the door. Olivia hurried over to open it breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was Rae. Rae walked into Olivia, wrapped her arms around her and held on tight. After a moment, Olivia pulled out of the embrace to look at Rae.
"Hey, what happened? I tried calling you. I left messages. You never called back" she said worriedly. She took Rae's hand and walked her over to the couch to sit down.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was gonna call you back but my phone went dead" she said falling back on the couch. "I was out with Maureen and then I had to go help Jimmy...again. God, he's such an idiot. Or maybe I'm the idiot for going to help him every time he calls" she said running her hand through her hair. "You know I told him I was done helping him. I gave this awesome speech about how he was fucking up his life and that I wouldn't put up with his shit anymore. I meant every word. Then he called" she said with a laugh. "He called and he was crying, begging me to come get him and I just...I couldn't say no." She looked over at Olivia with sad eyes. "I really am done this time" she whispered. Olivia nodded and pulled into her. Rae laid her head on Olivia's chest and listened to her heartbeat. She relaxed under the feeling of Olivia's hands in her hair and her lips on her forehead. Laying there she realized she hadn't eaten anything all day. "I'm starving" she said whining. Olivia laughed, "Good because I made dinner." They got up from the couch and went over to the dining room. Olivia put dinner on the table and poured them each a glass of wine.
"So what happened with Alex?" Rae asked. "Did she declare her love for you?" she said only slightly joking. Olivia rolled her eyes. "No, she didn't. " she said. "No? Surprising. You should've seen the way she at me looked this morning when I answered the door. She definitely has feelings for you, Liv." Rae figured that Olivia couldn't have missed all the signs. "Yeah, I got that." she said. "We went to lunch and talked. She seemed jealous about you being here. She tried to hide it but..." Olivia trailed off with a shrug of her shoulders. "I told her all about you; about us" she said pausing to take a sip of wine. "How amazing you are and how happy you make me and how great we are together." Rae smiled and brought her wine glass to her lips to take a sip. Olivia decided to leave out the part about her professing her love for her. "She wasn't too happy with me when I told her how old you are but by the end of our talk she came around. I don't think she'll tell anyone." Rae was confused by that last part. "Would it matter if she did?" she asked. "I thought we agreed that we weren't hiding anymore? Why would you care if she told anyone?"
"I...It's just that she wasn't happy when I told her how old you are and I was thinking that we're going to have to deal with that a lot. People judging us, looking down on our relationship, not taking us seriously. I just want to stay away from that for as long as possible" she explained. "So...we're still hiding?" Rae was upset that Olivia had changed her mind about them. She had gotten over her bout of anxiety about how this would affect her friendship with Maureen and was looking forward to being out in the open with Olivia. Truthfully, most of the stress in their relationship came from them trying so hard to keep it secret. "Don't be mad" Olivia said softly. "I'm not mad. I just want to be clear about what we're doing. I mean, we're having dinner with everyone at my house tomorrow and I just want to know how far away I should be from you" she said. No matter what Rae said, Olivia knew she was angry. "You don't have to stay far away. I just...I don't want to have to spend time justifying our relationship." Rae shook her head, "Olivia we don't have to justify our relationship to anyone. We don't owe any explanations. Our relationship is nobody else's business. We're together and they're just gonna have to accept that." Rae's confidence helped to ease Olivia's anxiety. She was right. Their relationship was theirs and they didn't need to defend it. "Ok" she said taking a deep breath. "You're right. Let's just be us and let people say what they want to." They finished up dinner and put the leftovers away. Rae helped Olivia clean up and put the dishes away. Rae went into the bedroom and changed into shorts and a tank top before coming back out to the living room. They cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie. They both fell asleep before it ended.