AN: So I've been writing a lot the last couple of days. Trying to get as much in as I can before my classes start on Monday and I get super busy. So in these next chapters you'll see how the reveal of Rae and Olivia's relationship effect Olivia and Elliot's friendship as well as consequences for Olivia at work. There will also be drama to come in regards to Rae's relationship with her parents and her mom's changing attitude about her being with an older woman. You'll learn more about Rae's dad and his affect on who she is. There's also gonna be some developments with Jimmy and his addiction. There's really so many places this story could go. Hopefully I don't get stuck trying to decide. As always, your feedback is welcomed and so much appreciated. Don't be shy. Give your honest opinions. Have at it!
Chapter 43: Everybody's Changing
Rae sat up in her room thinking about everything that happened during the evening. Overall, it had been a really good night. Of course, there were some bumps along the way but that was expected. There was a light knock at her door before it opened just a crack. Rae looked up and saw her mother stick her head into the room. Soraya opened the door slightly more so that she could walk through and shut it behind her. Rae sat barefoot in her bed against the head board, still wearing the dress her mother picked out for her. Soraya climbed up and sat down next to her daughter. She brought her hands up to Rae's arms and caressed the bruises that were starting to form.
"Bebakhshid" she said softly. Rae laid her head on her mother's shoulder. "It's not your fault, mom." she said back.
"I should have told Charles not to invite any of his clients. This was supposed to be family and friends; not work. And when they did come, I should have been the one to entertain them; not you." Rae sat up and looked at her mother. "It's ok. I know you were busy."
"Well, I should learn to multitask. I'm your mother...but I haven't always been there for you have I?" Rae started to answer and say "of course you've been there" but she couldn't say it. It would've been a lie. "It's ok, Suri. I know I haven't. I want to do better by you." she said smoothing her hair. "I've told Charles that you won't be helping him anymore. If he wants to have clients over or take them out to dinner, I will be the one to accompany him." Soraya touched the side of her face, "And he will never lay a hand on you again" she said firmly. Rae smiled and leaned into her mother, kissing her on the cheek. Soraya wrapped her arm around her and Rae laid her head back down on her shoulder.
"Now, let's talk about what's going on with you and this Olivia. Have long have you two been together?" she asked.
"It'll be three months on Monday." Rae said happily. Soraya gasped, "Three months and I'm just finding out today?" she asked. Rae chuckled, "We weren't telling anyone. We just knew that people wouldn't understand; that people would judge. We were right" she said softly.
"You know that won't go away, azizam. She will always be much older than you and you will always be much younger than her. That is the one thing that will never change. And so, people will always judge you." Soraya chose her words very carefully. "You must be sure that this is what you want." Rae sat silently listening to her mother. She knew what her mother was trying to say; that being with Olivia would be hard and if she was unsure, there was no way it would last. She sat up and got off the bed going over to her dresser and pulling out pajamas. "Aya motevajeh shodid?" Soraya asked. She got up and walked over to Araeyah, "You must be sure" she said. Rae was unable to meet her mother's eyes. She nodded, looking down at her hands fiddling with her clothes. Soraya put her hand under Rae's chin and lifted her head to look at her.
"You know, I worry. I worry all the time that you've grown up much too fast. You had your childhood stolen from you and you haven't looked back. Nemidanam. Maybe that's a good thing or maybe it's not. I see so much of your father in you" she said. Her voice cracked slightly as emotion came over her. It was always hard for her to talk about her first husband. "So smart and strong and stubborn and so incredibly gifted. He was just like you. He took his pain in stride; buried it deep and just moved on. He was so kind, always willing to extend a hand; always searching for the best in people. And he loved fiercely, with all of his might. His heart was so big." Rae stood listening to her mother talk about her father. She was sure there was a point that her mother was trying to make but she hadn't figured out what it was yet. "He gave so much of himself and I don't think he ever got it back. In the end, I think that's what took him from us. The pieces of himself that he gave away. So, I worry about you. I loved your father...so much." Tears were now streaming down Soraya's face. "I loved the man that he was, the person that he was. But the person that he was is what killed him. So as much as I loved him and because I love you, I don't want you to be like him. I want you to be better. Everything that you give, to me or Charles or James, your friends, strangers...or this woman; I hope that you demand it be returned to you and thensome." They looked at each other for a moment before Soraya pulled Rae into a hug. She kissed her on one cheek then the other. "Good night, my love." Rae gave a soft smile. "Good night" she said softly. Once her mother left, Rae changed into her pajamas. She put her phone on the night stand so it would be within reach if Olivia called and got into her bed.
She laid there staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. She keeping hearing her mother's voice in head and thinking about her father. She remembered well everything he used to do for others. He'd taught her well; to be humble and grateful and to always give to those less fortunate. Always be kind and understanding and above all, always offer love. "It is the most abundant blessing you have, Suri. You cannot run out of love" he'd say. She felt tears come to her eyes and a lump form in her throat. She breathed deeply, choking it down and gaining her composure. She worked hard to keep it together because everything else around her always seemed to be falling apart.
She watched her father and learned from him. She wanted to be just like him, loved and respected and looked up to. She always thought of him as the modern day Muhammad, a shining example of what Allah wanted to see in his people. Her father was a man of faith, not religion. He hated religion. He thought many of the world's problems came from people trying to be religious instead of being people of faith. He studied all the time, wanting to know all he could about the different faiths. "There is not one way to the grace of Allah, Suri. He is everywhere you go and in everything you do". She got up and went to the end of her bed, kneeling in front of the chest he'd given her on her eighth birthday just three months before he died. She opened it and saw his prayer rug and his Qur'an. She hadn't touched either since she put them there after his funeral. She pulled out the Qur'an, closed the chest, and got back in bed. She held it between her hands and then let go, allowing to open to a random page. It fell open to a page with a highlighted passage. The book was in Arabic, a language that she didn't read, the holy langauge of Islam. Her father had written in the margin next to the passage. "Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Garden (paradise) whose width is that of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous - Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity or in adversity, who restrain (their) anger and pardon (all) men - for God loves those who do good." She closed the book and sat it on her night stand. She settled down against her pillows and pulled the covers up over her and drifted of to sleep.
Jimmy woke her the next morning at eleven fifteen to tell her to come down to breakfast. She went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and shower before putting on jeans and a sweater. She grabbed her phone and saw that she had no texts or calls from Olivia and thought they might still be working. She left her room and went down to the kitchen, expecting to find her mother there cooking breakfast. Instead she saw Jimmy at the stove. He smiled at her as she walked over and sat at the breakfast bar. "Well, this is weird" she thought to herself. He'd made her favorites: cream of wheat, hash browns and bacon, vegetarian of course, plated them and sat it in front of her with a bowl of fruit and glass of soy milk. She stared at him, then at the food in front of her then back at him again.
"What do you want?" she asked. She thought he must want something to go through all this trouble for her.
"Nothing" he said slightly offended. "Can't I just make my big sister breakfast?" he asked. Rae furrowed her brow, not at all convinced he'd made her breakfast for no reason. He made himself a plate and sat next to her to eat. They ate in silence for a few minutes then Jimmy spoke again. "I wanted to thank you" he said. Rae looked over at him surprised. Jimmy was entitled and selfish and rude; much like his father. He'd never once told her thank you for anything. Now he was thanking her for the second time in as many days. "For what?" she asked. "Everything" he said simply. "For being my mother when I needed and for saving my ass over and over, even after you'd said you wouldn't anymore. For offering to get me help and caring about what I'm going through. The dinner last night was great. I had a lot of fun with everyone. I wouldn't have if you hadn't forced me to come down. I know my dad wouldn't have. All he cared about was his clients but you...you checked on me and you tried to take care of your mother and the guests and dad's clients. You do so much and I don't think I've ever thanked you for that. I know making breakfast isn't gonna repay you for it all but I figured it was the place to start." Rae never looked for any recognition for the things that she did. She just did them because she was a good person and it was the right thing to do. But hearing Jimmy acknowledge everything she does for everyone and thanking her felt really good. She looked at her brother and smiled, "Thank you Jimmy" she said softly. They finished up breakfast and cleaned up together before going over the living and pulling out the wii. They played two games of boxing, then a game of baseball. They put away the game and sat down to watch tv. "Rae".
"Yeah?" she said flipping through the channels.
"I'm gonna tell my dad" he said. She stopped scrolling and looked over him confused. "About the drugs" he explained. "I'm gonna ask him to send me back to rehab." Rae smiled and grabbed Jimmy pulling him into a hug. She released him and looked at him, "I think that's a great idea." He smiled and nodded, "I thought about what you said the other day and you're right, as usual." Rae and Jimmy had talked about how he was throwing his life away and that if his mother were here she wouldn't be proud. She told him how capable he was and how successful he could be if he just cut out the bullshit and focused on what was important. "I want to make her proud. I want to make you proud."
"You will. I know you will" she said touching the side of his face. They turned their attention back to the tv and settled on watching The Matrix. "Your girlfriend's hot by the way. She got any friends?" Rae grabbed one of the couch pillows and hit him with it, "Shut up" she said laughing. They spent the rest of the day together talking and laughing. They discussed what Jimmy would say to Charles when he talked to him and he showed Rae the facility he wanted to go to. Rae was glad to see that Jimmy was serious about getting clean. They went out for dinner and then came home to watch more movies and play in the game room, before heading their separate ways to bed. Rae hadn't talked to Olivia all day and she wondered how things were going between her and Elliot. She changed into pajamas and got into bed, figuring that Liv would call when she had time.
Meanwhile, Oliva and Elliot were sitting in a car, staking out a suspects apartment. There was a missing eight year boy and they'd narrowed it down to two sex offenders who fit the MO of the kidnapping. They were staking out one apartment while Munch and Fin had the other. They had been there for two hours and the car had been completely silent the entire time. They'd managed to avoid each other up until the Captain said he'd had enough. He paired them together and told them to work it out. Olivia thought about calling Rae while she was sitting there. Had she been in the car with Fin instead of Elliot she probably would have. She was bored out of her mind and really wanted to talk but she had nothing to say to him. She sat and thought about last night's dinner and how glad she was that they weren't hiding anymore. She thought about what Rae was doing and wished that she was with her right now, instead of in this car with Elliot.
"Are we really just gonna continue to ignore each other?" Elliot said breaking the silence. Olivia looked over at him but said nothing. She just turned back to the window and looked at the apartment building they were supposed to be watching. "Come on, Olivia. This is ridiculous. I'm not the one who's done anything wrong" he said.
"And I have?" she asked angrily. Elliot gave her a look that said it was no brainer that she'd done something wrong. "First of all, Rae is not a child. You don't even know her. You don't know anything about her or our relationship. All you know is that she's eighteen and for you that's enough. Secondly, I don't need your approval, nor am I looking for it. You don't like that we're together and that's fine but don't throw your disapproval in my face like it's all that matters. We're together and nothing you say is going to change that so I suggest you start getting over it. Third, screw you for saying that I shouldn't be around your kids and equating me to the scum that we put away. If that's how little you think of me then I have nothing else to say to you." She turned away to look out the window again. Elliot didn't know what to say. His opinion hadn't changed after Liv's little speech. He still thought that her being with Rae was wrong but he did feel bad about how he'd chosen to express that opinion.
"Look, I'm sorry for saying that. It was wrong. I know you'd never hurt my kids, or any kid for that matter. You're nothing like the bastards we put away. But come on, Olivia. The girl is eighteen years old. Alright, yeah, legally she can make her own decisions but she's still a kid. I mean we see this all the time. These girls, barely legal, shacking up with men twice their age. You've said yourself time after time that it's an unequal relationship, that these girls aren't mature enough to make the right choices in those relationships. How is this any different?" He looked over at her, waiting for an answer.
"You don't know her. The things she's dealt with, what she's gone through. She's...wise beyond her years. She might be eighteen but she hasn't a kid for a long time Elliot." She didn't need Elliot approval but she wanted it. He was her best friend and she wanted his support. "Sometimes, I forget how old she is." Elliot listened intently, wanting to understand his partner's choice. He had to admit that he really didn't know anything about Rae except that she was a good kid. He'd approved of her hanging out with his daughter because she stayed out of trouble, got good grades, and was an all around nice girl; the kind of friend any parent would want their child to have. Now, knowing that Olivia was dating her and hearing that she might not be the ordinary kid he thought she was, he was anxious to know more. "Ok, but...I mean, she's a teenager and is in high school. What could you two possibly have in common?" he asked. Even though Liv could tell he was trying to understand his attitude still gave a hint of disapproval. She let it go and just appreciated that he wanted to listen to her.
"More than you'd think. Like I said, she's not a typical teenager. She doesn't hang out and gossip, read the latest magazines, or spend all of her time on social networks or playing video games or whatever teens are doing these days. She's all business. She's always talking about how she doesn't have time for that. Besides Maureen and Ashley, all of her other friends are college aged and older. She just doesn't get on well with people her age" she explained. Olivia continued talking for what felt like forever, telling Elliot all about Rae and their relationship. Elliot couldn't deny that it sounded like any other relationship that happened between two mature, consenting adults. Olivia could have gone on and on about Rae but Elliot cut her off, "Listen Liv, all of that sounds really great but I just can't get past the part about her being half your age and I don't understand how you can either. You're my parent and my friend and I want you to be happy but...I mean can't you do that with someone your own age?"
"I didn't ask for this Elliot. I just met an amazing person who is incredibly good to me and everyone around her and who makes me happier than anyone I've ever been with. She just happens to be a lot younger than me. You don't think I struggled with this? I did. For weeks I tried to deny how I felt about her and when I couldn't deny it anymore I tried to avoid her and...it just didn't work. Somehow, I always ended up back with her. She's changed me. She's made me better. I know deep down that I'm supposed to be with her." Elliot saw the look in her eyes, "You're in love with her aren't you?" he asked. Olivia smiled and a light blush appeared on her cheeks. She nodded, "I am". Elliot looked away for a moment trying to gather his thoughts. He couldn't believe that Olivia was in love with a teenager. No matter how hard he tried to think of her another way that's always what his mind came back to: she's a teenager. "I'm sorry, Liv but I just think it's wrong. I...I don't think there's anything you can say to change my mind about that." Olivia rolled her eyes and turned to stare out the window again. Elliot sighed and quietly accepted the silent treatment Olivia was giving him.
About twenty minutes later, they saw their suspect leave his apartment building. "He's on the move." Elliot said. He started the car and followed the man to his destination. He went to the warehouse where he worked and went inside. Elliot and Olivia got out of the car and followed behind him, keeping a safe distance so he wouldn't know they were there. He went into a storage closet and shut the door behind him. As they approached quietly, they could hear the pleadings of young boy, wanting to go home to his parents. They knew they had the right man. They burst through the door, guns drawn and ready.
"Hands up, dirt bag! Step away from the boy!" Elliot yelled as he trained his weapon on the perp. His hand flew up in air and he moved back, releasing his grip on the boy's wrist. Elliot stepped forward to cuff him while Olivia held her weapon steady. Once he was cuffed, she holstered her gun and held her arms out.
"It's ok, Patrick. Come over here with me." He ran to Olivia and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"I wanna go home" he whimpered. "It's ok buddy. You're safe now" she said returning his embrace. "We're gonna get you back to your parents. Come on." She took his hand and led him out of the warehouse, followed by Elliot and the perp. She called in to let Cragen know they had the perp and to tell the parents their son was safe. They called for Fin and Munch to meet them so the boy could ride in their car while they took the offender in theirs. They drove back to the station, took the perp to the holding cell, and reunited Patrick with his parents. Even though he was caught red handed, the guy refused to confess. He told them to go to hell and asked for a lawyer. It was too late to send him for processing so they put him back in the holding cell to wait until morning. The captain told them all to go home and get some shut eye but they all decided to stay and get the paperwork done and off their desks. Elliot and Olivia finished at the same time and walked out together.
"Hey, Liv" he said stopping at her car with her, "I uhh...I" he couldn't figure out what to say to her. He didn't approve of her relationship with Rae and didn't think that he ever would. "Elliot, you've made yourself perfectly clear. You don't like me being with Rae. That bothers me a little because I thought we were more than partners. I thought we were friends and if that's true then you would at least try to understand. I thought you knew me well enough to know that would never involve myself with someone who wasn't able to play an equal role in the relationship, but I guess I was wrong. And you know what that's ok. I asked Rae to keep us a secret because I was afraid of what people would think and say about us but that wasn't entirely true. I was mostly worried about what you'd think. That's how much your opinion meant to me. You're my best friend and I wanted you to ok with this but deep down I knew you wouldn't be. Now, I just don't care. I don't care what you think or what you have to say about it because I love her and I want everyone to know it. So, I won't try to change your mind anymore, Elliot. I just want us to be able to do our jobs and go home safely, same as always."
"I want that too. And I am your friend, Liv. That hasn't changed. We just disagree on this, that's all. I care about you and I want to see you happy..."
"Just not with her" Olivia said interrupting him. He sighed, knowing they weren't going to get anywhere with this. They'd both made up their minds. "I'm sorry, Olivia", he said softly. "Don't be" she said. He nodded and turned to walk to his car. "Good night" he said over his shoulder. "Night." Olivia got in her car. She looked at the time and saw it was just after three in the morning. She thought it was too late to call Rae and decided to just head home and call her later that day.
Persian- English Translations
Bebakhshid- Sorry
Aya motevajeh shodid- Did you understand what I said?
Nemidanam- I don't know