A/N: Sorry it's short and boring and lame and whatever, but good news, there's going to be one more chapter! It'll be really short and lame and a sickeningly sweet chapter that I'll have to BS for you guys, but I'm willing to do it :)
Not that anyone cares about this story. I'm really just posting for my health.
Haha just kidding not really! Oh, and feel free to check out any of my other stories if you feel so inclined. They're not that long since "long" isn't really my style :)
Deuces.
-LetMeBeYourHero
Dean's eyes peeled open, and he rubbed them, noticing how it was daylight outside. He was confused; it wasn't typical of him to wake up when it was bright outside. He rolled over to look at the digital clock beside his bed, and his eyes widened.
"It's already ten o'clock?!" He yelled, sitting up, which turned out to be a terrible idea. His head was spinning and he hurt everywhere.
"Dean it's alright, calm down." Sam said, walking over with a cup of water and a tablet dissolving inside it. "We still have fourteen hours."
Dean finished the water and sighed, "I'm so sorry, Sammy, I didn't mean to flake out on you."
"Don't worry, Cas told me everything." Sam said sympathetically.
Dean flinched, not wanting to remember the night before, what little of it he could. "Did you thank him for saving my ass? I can't remember if I did."
"Yes I did...are you alright Dean? That was a really traumatic experience you went through." Sam was starting to sound more like the older brother than Dean.
Dean nodded. "I'll be fine once I'm back to a dude. I just wish I could beat the living crap out of that English prick."
Sam sighed and handed Dean a styrofoam box, "Cas picked this up for you. You're going to need all your strength tonight if you plan to take down that Alpha."
Dean opened the box and stared at the eggs and bacon and hasbrowns, but a thought came to mind that made him instantly lose his appetite. "What happened last night? Did another family die because of me?"
"Dean, it wasn't your fault-"
"The hell it wasn't my fault! I should've watched my alcohol!" Dean punched his pillow.
Sam shook his head, "You had no idea that was going to happen."
"But you did. You warned me about it."
"And yet I didn't stick around to help you out of it." Sam said.
"Sammy," Dean began and sighed. "It was a bad experience. End of story."
His brother nodded and stood, and Dean started to eat the food in front of him. A breeze went through the room from the window, but Dean didn't feel it as much. He looked down at himself, and noticed the tan trench coat wrapped around him. He looked up to see Sam go into the bathroom, and he set his food down to hug the coat tightly. He never felt safer in his life than right then, and he didn't want to lose the feeling.
But he knew that when tomorrow came, things would go back to normal.
And it made him sad. Very sad.
There were no bars, no parties that night. And, surprisingly, no Cas. Dean tried not to let it bother him that much, be had wanted to see him one more time before the inevitable. There was only one family left that could be possible suspects, so both the brothers were surveying the house. Sam was drifting off, and Dean only had an hour left, so sleep was the last thing on his mind.
"Where are you, you freak of nature." He muttered.
Just as the words left his mouth, he saw a very tall, thin man making his way down the street, heading into the house. Dean slapped Sam's arm, and he jolted awake. Dean pointed out the man, and they slowly got out of the car and followed him into the house.
"How does this work again?" Dean whispered.
"The Alpha has to turn you back," Sam shrugged. "That's all Cas said."
Dean grumbled to himself, and they began looking around for the monster. And that's when they heard the scream from upstairs. The brothers bounded up the steps and began to open the door to the master bedroom when there was an insanely bright white light, and they were knocked onto their backs.
"Cas," they said at the same time before pushing into the door.
The scene wasn't what they expected. Instead of Cas holding an Alpha by the throat and forcing him to give Dean back his man junk, it was the other way around. Cas was kneeling, blood all over his face, an angel's blade held to his throat by the Alpha Shifter.
"Sam and Dean Winchester," the Alpha chuckled slowly. "What an honor it truly is to have you standing before me."
"Let him go," Dean said through his teeth.
"After he tried to put me six feet under? I think I'm good." The Alpha smirked and changed his form, hazing from the janitor he was previously to a spitting image of the angel. "Now let's see why dear little Cassie here didn't want to take me on with you two dragging him down." He closed his eyes, but no one made any sudden moves. That would be suicide.
"Look, just change me back, and we will be on our merry little way," Dean said as nicely as he could manage.
Alpha Cas peeked one eye open and smiled with his pearly white teeth. "That wouldn't solve anything, would it, Dean?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" He growled.
The Alpha looked back down at the real angel and hauled him to his feet. "Castiel, be a good sport and tell Dean to stop wasting my time. Or, really, his time. How much longer do you have Dean? Forty five minutes? In a short while you will be stuck as a woman forever." The Alpha smiled. "But you would like that, wouldn't you?"
"Shut up!" Dean barked.
"Dean, what is he talking about?" Sam asked hesitantly.
"He's just running his mouth," Dean lied.
"Oh please, stop trying to shield yourself from your brother. There's no need to be ashamed!" The Alpha grinned. "Embrace it!"
"Embrace what?" Sam asked pleadingly, staring at Dean helplessly.
The Shifter chuckled and answered, "The fact that Dean loves being a woman."
Sam's eyes widened, and he said slowly, "No...of course Dean doesn't like it, much less love it! He loves being a man, and watching porn, and eating whatever the hell he wants, and hitting on women! Back me up Dean!"
Dean's jaw set and he glanced at Cas, causing their gazes to lock. Cas' eyes were soft, curious, waiting for what Dean was about to say just about as much as Dean was. He wished he could step back and let someone else take the wheel, but he couldn't. Not right now. Not ever.
"Sammy, when I became this, I'll admit, it wasn't exactly what I signed up for...But being this way helped me realize what a complete jackass I've let myself been, and you and Cas and everyone else I've ever come across has let me get away with that, but I can't! I can't anymore." He looked at his feet, his shoulders starting to shake. "I've hurt you as my only blood, my own brother, betraying you and planning your death so many times it's disgusting. And Cas..." He finally turned towards the angel, his angel. "Cas, nothing I can say will ever ammend the wrong I've done you. Both in things I've said...and what I haven't." He looked away. "I have to take responsibility. I have to make things right."
"Dean..." Cas rasped, but the other Cas punched him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. Dean's hand balled into a fist, but he couldn't do anything about it unless he wanted both of them killed.
The Shifter sighed as if bored with all this lovey dovey talk about feelings. "Alright here's the deal. I can change you back...but I get to keep the angel."
"Absolutely not," Dean said forcefully at the same time Cas forced out, "Yes."
"Oh Castiel, I wish it were your decision," the Alpha smiled dryly. "But since it isn't, why don't you do everyone a solid and shut up." He shoved Cas to the floor, and Dean had to look away to keep his composure.
Sam pulled his brother aside and whispered, "Dean, this may be our only chance to make you a guy again. To...fix this mess."
"I'm not letting that bastard get Cas." Dean said flatly, never taking his eyes off the Alpha. "Do you have any idea what he will put him through?"
"Nothing you've concerned yourself with before."
Dean winced, hurt deeply, and approached the Alpha. "No deal. Anything else before we slice and dice your ass?"
Alpha Cas dusted off his trench coat and sighed again. "Well I suppose I better change you back before Eve gets impatient."
"...what?" Dean and Sam exchanged odd looks.
"You think I have the power to keep you like that forever? Not making you a shifter means I have to keep you changed, and that's quite tiring. And frankly, it's getting boring. So, by the power invested in me, I will pronounce you man." He smiled. "But on one condition."
"Really? And what's that?" Sam asked snottily.
"Oh I can't tell you, or else it's invalid." He shrugged. "But don't worry, its nothing life threatening or anything, no ten years to live or sign with your own blood or any of that fancy bull crap they have down in hell."
"Then what?" Dean asked.
"You'll just have to trust me," the Alpha smiled broadly. "Or perhaps..." he played with the angel blade and slit it slowly along Cas' cheek, leaving a little cut that blood slowly trickled out of.
Just as the blade reached down and began to press against the angel's neck, Dean yelled, "Alright fine! I'll do it! But only if Cas comes with us."
The Alpha tapped his chin in thought. "Are we still on for the mysterious deal?" Dean nodded reluctantly. He smiled toothily and said, "Perfect."
The Shifter shoved Cas towards the two and Dean caught him by the elbows.
"Wait!" Cas barked, grabbing onto his jacket for support. "Dean, you're not this foolish! Don't throw your life away or anything else he could potentially be asking because you think you are in debt to me!"
"It's not about the huge I.O.U.," Dean said, staring into Cas' scared eyes intently, holding his face close to his. "It's something much deeper than that, Cas. You know that."
Castiel's eyes widened just slightly, and the Alpha groaned, "Are we done here?!"
Dean looked back up at him and nodded, saying, "Yea."
The Alpha beamed. "Fantastic. Ta ta boys."
Dean could feel himself being pulled back, away from Castiel, and he held on tight just long enough to brush his lips against the angel's, and get a slight taste of honey.
And that's when Dean woke up.
Dean looked in the mirror for a long time before changing out of his pajamas and back into his regular clothes. He searched the fridge, upset to find his burger gone, and instead grabbed a beer, sitting down at the motel room table.
Sam walked into the room, and said, "Hey check out these murders." He tossed him the local paper, and Dean read through it quickly.
"Sounds like...an Alpha Shifter?" Dean asked. "I thought we already cooked that puppy for dinner."
"I thought we did too, but apparently he jumped out of the pan." Sam sighed.
"Awesome," Dean muttered, taking a swig of his beer. "Do you remember getting here? I swore we fell asleep in Pennsylvania."
Sam shrugged. "We must've been exhausted when we got here and just crashed."
"Huh," Dean finished his beer and stood, when suddenly Cas appeared before him.
"Hello Dean," the angel said slowly, staring at him hard.
"Hey Cas." Dean grinned, slapping him on the shoulder, seemingly not noticing. "Did you hear about the Alpha Shifter in town? We were just about to go check it out."
Castiel's eyes narrowed. "Dean..." his sentence trailed off, because looking into Dean's eyes, he saw the deal that the Alpha had wanted.
And only he could understand the full price.
Dean waited for him to finish, but shook his head before walking out the door with Sam hot on his heels. The angel could only watch the brothers go, and he reached up, touching his cheek, wishing that he could feel what he felt two nights ago. That tingling sensation that made him cradle Dean and offer up his life to him. Or, even better, just hours before Dean was stripped away from him, that little...collision that he certainly would not forget any time soon. He had tasted the beer and beef from earlier that day, but also the gentle nature of Dean Winchester that Castiel was rarely exposed to, along with the sweet affections that come from feeling love.
Castiel could feel the love emanating from the hunter, even in the very brief moment that they were one. That was how powerful it was, and he wished that he could pause time at that moment, or go back and live it a thousand more times just to understand what really happened.
Perhaps he had an inkling of the feeling when he had pulled Dean out of hell, branding him with his fleshy hand print. And maybe that inkling had been growing all that time inside him, so slowly that he hadn't even realized it was there, making him subconsciously do things for Dean out of this feeling, and these past few days had set of a spark inside him like nothing before because he realized, deep down, it wasn't a one-sided feeling. And he wanted to explore the feeling with Dean when he was back to being Dean Winchester, to experience it over and over and over, to fully understand a human's weakness from the perspective of being in the same position. Castiel desired the want, the lust, and, most importantly, the love.
But he couldn't have any of it now.
Because Dean didn't remember being a woman. He didn't remember Castiel saving him, and sleeping by his side, and keeping Castiel safe even if it was his life on the line, and desperately reaching out for him at the last moment to achieve that moment of touch that kept Castiel so...lost.
But Castiel could remember the memories so vividly, the details so perfectly, and they hurt. They hurt like nothing the angel had experienced before, causing an ache to form in his breast that spread throughout his body, like a desire that needed to be fulfilled or he'd die from the sheer thought of not having it.
And Castiel wanted it to stop.
But how could he, unless he wanted to forget the memories?
Castiel refused to forget the memories, even if they tormented him for eternity. They were the only things in his mind that gave him a true purpose, and there were no questions about that purpose when he thought back on them. But mostly, he didn't want to forget Dean. Dean was his best friend, the human he would die for, had died for, and the human that had died for him. They were connected in a way Castiel did not understand, and perhaps Dean would never know it, but the angel would.
However, Castiel didn't want to risk these discoveries getting in the way of what was truly important. So he tucked them in the back of his mind, to look upon when he was alone, sitting by himself and thinking of what kept him going, and he flew off. He wanted to distance himself from the Winchester, and to stop interactions with them...him. He didn't expect to be able to work with him and not allow the job to be compromised. Sadly, this thought lead Castiel to a dark place. But he was too far gone at that point for help.
Dean didn't realize he had lost something precious because he never realized he had it.
He had Castiel in the palm of his hand, willing to give up everything for him.
But now he didn't have him at all.
Now he had nothing.