Chapter 51: Letting Go

The party was winding down and everyone was talking about calling it a night. The music had been turned off and all the games were shut down and put away. Olivia was talking to John and Melinda about what was going on at work. She looked across the room and saw Rae was with Alex. They were standing to the side talking and laughing. Olivia smiled looking at how beautiful Rae was, especially when she laughed. John and Melinda saw that her attention was elsewhere and turned to see what she was looking at. They both looked at each other when they saw that she was staring at Rae.

"Smitten" John said getting a laugh from Melinda.

"What?" Olivia asked. She had completely zoned out and missed what he'd said. He and Melinda laughed harder at her. "What?" she asked still confused. "I said you're smitten" he said filling Olivia in. Olivia blushed, took a drink from her beer and shrugged her shoulders. She couldn't argue with him. He was right. Soraya approached them and asked if Olivia had a moment to talk to her. Of course, Liv wouldn't say no so she stepped off to the side to speak with Rae's mother.

"I want to thank you for how good you've been to my daughter" Soraya said smiling at Olivia.

"Oh, please. Don't thank me. Rae's done more for me in our time together than I think I'll ever be able to repay her for" Olivia said smiling back at Soraya. "Yes, and that's what I worry about". Olivia's smile faded and a look of confusion came over her face. "Araeyah does a lot for the people she loves. When she loves someone, she'll move heaven and earth to make them happy" Olivia thought about the gift that Rae had gotten her for Christmas, an all expense paid trip to India and Italy. She didn't feel like she'd done anything to deserve it. Rae was just an amazing person who did amazing things for the people she cares about. "The problem is she hasn't met a person in her life that's been capable of giving that same thing back to her. She learned that from her father; to love with all of her might, even if she doesn't get it back. She gives a lot of herself and I'm afraid for her, that she'll give too much and she'll never get it back and that she'll be hurt because of it".

"Mrs. Caston, I love your daughter. I know exactly what you're talking about. I see it everyday and I don't think I'll ever be as good a person as she is. But what I do know is that I will strive to give Araeyah everything that she deserves and more. I promise you that. I would never do anything to hurt her" Olivia said hoping to ease Soraya's worries.

"My daughter has grown up so fast. It's my fault. After her father died, I fell apart and she was forced to pick up the pieces and she's been doing it ever since. I try to be better, to do better for her but somehow she still ends up taking care of me. I don't want that for her anymore. I don't want her to be so grown up, to have so much responsibility, to be...settling down. She's eighteen years old and she hasn't known what that feels like, what being young and carefree feels like. She has a chance to do that now. I want her to have that chance. You understand what I'm saying, yeh?" Soraya asked Olivia nervously. Olivia nodded her head. "You want Rae to have a chance to be a kid again and you don't think she can do that if she's with me" Olivia said softly. She could tell that Soraya wanted to make up for everything Rae had been forced to do because she wasn't always there for her and she didn't want to get in the way of that. But she didn't want to lose Rae either. She looked at Soraya and took a deep breath, "I understand" she said sadly. She walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch to process the conversation she'd just had with Rae's mother. Soraya didn't know if her efforts would blow up in her face but had to, for once, try to do what's best for her daughter. She put on a brave face and went back over to her guests.

Rae came over to get Olivia so she could meet her aunt before she had to leave. They talked until her car arrived to drive her back to her hotel. She wouldn't leave until Rae promised that they'd see each other again before she left town. She wanted more time to talk to her about everything she was going to do in school and to get to know Olivia better, the way her father would want to if he were here. Rae and Liv both agreed that they'd make it happen. Soraya and Rae walked Ashira to her car and kissed her goodbye. When they went back inside, everyone was cleaning up the mess that'd been made. Soraya tried to tell them to leave it and she'd pick up later but they insisted she let them help. Elliot took this opportunity to pull Rae and Olivia to the side to talk with them. They stood silently and waited to hear what he had to say.

"I just wanted to apologize for the way I reacted to your relationship. I want to apologize to you, Araeyah. I didn't give you a chance. I didn't try to get to know you as a person. I saw you as a kid and...well that was pretty much it. I'm learning now that you're not a kid at all and I'd like the opportunity to get to know you better". Rae smiled and nodded her head, "Yeah, I'd...I'd like that a lot" she said. They were all three quiet for a moment before Rae spoke again, "I'm gonna go help clean up, give you two a chance to talk". She placed a supportive hand on Olivia's arm and gave Elliot a small smile before walking away. "Liv I...I'm so sorry. I was wrong. The way I treated you, the things I said, you didn't deserve any of it. I miss being your partner and your friend. I won't lie to you, it's still hard for me to wrap my head around this relationship, your relationship with Rae but I wanna try to understand. I want to support you. I like seeing you happy and if Rae is the person who does that for you, I don't want to get in the way of that". Olivia stepped forward and pulled Elliot into a hug.

"Thank you" she said softly as she let go. "I know I said that I didn't care what you thought but that's not true. Your opinion means a lot to me. Your friendship means a lot to me" she said. "Well, I know I haven't been a very good one lately but I promise I'm gonna do better" he said confidently. Olivia smiled and they walked back over to the group together.

"I'm guessing this means that the war is over?" John said jokingly. Olivia laughed and sat down on the couch next to Rae. Elliot leaned against the arm of the sofa and nodded his head, "I've surrendered" he said holding his hands up in defeat. Everyone cheer and toasted imaginary drinks. Kathy came and stood with her husband, kissing him lightly on the lips. Everyone had already gathered their things and were prepared to leave. It seemed like everyone was waiting for someone to be the first to go, giving them permission to do the same. Rae looked around and noticed that Jimmy was gone and so were his friends.

"Mom" Rae said getting her mother's attention, "where's Jimmy?" she asked. Soraya looked around, noticing for the first time that he wasn't there. "Maybe he's still upstairs in the game room with his friends" she said. Rae shook her head, "No, I was just up there. No one's in the game room". Soraya shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe he's in his room" she said nonchalantly. Rae got up, waiting until her back was to her mother to roll her eyes, and headed upstairs to check on him. Rae knocked on Jimmy's door and waited for an answer but none came. She knocked again and waited but still Jimmy didn't answer. She tried to open the door and found it locked.

"Jimmy" she called through the door, "It's Rae, open up" she said. She waited and still got no answer. She walked down the hall and tried to go through the bathroom but that door was locked too. Rae tried not to think the worst but she couldn't help it. If Jimmy was in his room doing drugs she was going to be pissed. She went back downstairs and went to the kitchen to get a knife to get into his room. Her mother saw her and called out to her, asking her what she was doing but she ignored her. Everyone watched her from the living room as she went back up the stairs to Jimmy's door. It didn't take her much time to get into his room and when she did, it was empty. She shut the door and went back downstairs, taking the knife back to the kitchen and going back over to the living room.

"Jimmy's gone" she said going over and standing next to her mother.

"I'm sure he's fine, azizam. Maybe he went out with his friends. Don't worry" she said touching her daughter's hair. Rae moved away from her mother to grab her phone from the fireplace and dialed Jimmy's number. It rang and rang and rang and Jimmy didn't pick up. She tried again with no success. "He's not answering his phone" she said worriedly. Just then Charles came upstairs with Robert. Rae walked over to them and interrupted their conversation, "Do you know where Jimmy is?" she asked looking at Charles. He paused to look at her then turned back to Robert and continued talking. He walked him to the door and shook his hand, saying thank you leading Rae to assume he'd just signed him as a client. Rae had followed behind them and was standing off to the side waiting for Robert to leave so she ask Charles again if he knew where Jimmy was. Once Robert was gone, Charles turned and looked at Rae and then walked past her as if she hadn't asked him a question. Rae scoffed and turned around, "Charles!" she yelled after him.

"What Araeyah?!" he yelled back, turning around to face her. "I asked you a question. Do you know where Jimmy is?" she repeated. Everyone was staring uncomfortably watching the exchange between them. Soraya went over and stood next to her daughter. "No, I don't know where he is" Charles said in a dismissive tone before turning to go back downstairs. "Oh, great. How very fatherly of you" Rae said under her breath but still loud enough for everyone to hear. He stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at her. "Did he come talk to you?" she asked. He just stood there silently and glared at her. "He was supposed to talk to you about something important. Did he?" she asked. Soraya looked back and forth between them confused. Everyone was still sitting silently in the living room, not sure what to do.

"Yeah he did" Charles said folding his arms across his chest. "And?"

"And nothing. He talked, I listened, then he left" he said nonchalantly. "You didn't say anything to him?" she asked angrily. "No. I was working. I didn't want to keep Robert waiting". Rae scoffed and rolled her eyes, running her hands through her hair. "Araeyah, calm down" Soraya said rubbing her daughter's back, "I'm sure Jimmy's fine. He probably just out with his friends. You worry too much" she said repeating what she'd said earlier.

"You two don't worry enough! It's two o'clock in the morning, mom!" she yelled. "He's sixteen years old. He shouldn't be out with his friends, even if it is New Years! He should be home, like a normal sixteen year old would be at two am!" She turned back to Charles, "And you should know where he is! You're his father but nobody around here would ever know that if I didn't remind them every five minutes!" Rae was pissed off and everyone could see it. They all felt like they should leave and give them some privacy as a family but nobody wanted to move an inch. "What do you want me to do, Rae?!" he yelled back, "Drop everything every time he screws up?!"

"Yes! News flash, Charles, that's what parents do! When their kid needs help, they help them. When they're in trouble, they come to the rescue. And when they screw up, you might come down on them, punish them, tell them their behavior is unacceptable but you never, ever, abandon them. You never ignore them for some asshole client! I guess you wouldn't know anything about being a parent because you've never been one."

"Araeyah, please" her mother said looking back at everyone who was still their, staring at them. "Please what mom? Somebody has to honest around here. Somebody has to be responsible, to step up and be the parent that Jimmy needs. You won't do it, he sure as hell won't do it" she said gesturing at Charles, "so I have to. I've always had to!"

"Oh, please. You always do this. You act like you do so much around here. You've never worked a day in your life. You never had to pay any bills, buy any groceries, nothing. You're spoiled!" Charles yelled at her. Rae stood there silently for a minute. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. "I'm spoiled?" she said finally breaking the silence. "I'm spoiled?" she repeated. "I've never worked, Charles?" she asked him. "Have you lost your fucking mind?" she asked. Her voice was eerily calm and everyone was on pins and needles waiting for whatever she'd say next.

"I was ten years old, Charles!" she yelled surprising everyone with her sudden change in volume. "It wasn't my job to pay any bills or buy any groceries or do anything else but to be a kid! Did I get to do that? No. I got to sit up with Jimmy until all hours of the night while he cried because he missed his mother, who'd just died, and his father, who didn't have time for him. I got to make breakfast for him and get him dressed and walk him to school and then get to school myself. Then, I got to pick him up from school and walk him home. I got to help him with his homework and try to do mine at the same time and cook dinner and make sure he got his bath and brushed his teeth and tucked him in and then go to my room to go to bed, only to have to get up an hour later because he had a nightmare and wants me to sit with him until he falls asleep again. And where were you? Working, as usual. When he got in trouble at school and you were too busy to show up, I went to the principal's office to get him. After a couple weeks, they didn't even bother to call you anymore. They knew you wouldn't show up. They called and made appointments with me to come talk to them about his behavior as if I were the adult, like I was his mother. When he ran away from home when he was nine, I went out looking for him. I was eleven, walking around in the middle of the night, looking for your kid because you were too busy to care. And then you two got married and you tried to pretend to be these caring, concerned parents and I thought maybe it was over and I wouldn't have to work so hard anymore. God, what an idiot I was to think that, because we moved here and it started all over again! Only this time, it was worse!" She was so angry that nothing anybody said was going to stop her from saying what she wanted to say. She'd held this in for so long, it was time to let it go.

"I had to help with your ridiculous dinner parties and your fake charity events because you" she said turning to her mother, "were too busy to support him. Do you know what I put up with for you? And you don't appreciate any of it. I signed those clients. I made you who you are in your business. Those people didn't show up for you. They showed up for me. Then, Jimmy started high school and you were still too busy for him so he started acting out again, hanging out with those loser drop outs, drinking and doing drugs. I took care of him! I bailed him out time after time and got him home alive and made sure he went to school every day. When he ran away again, I went out and found him and brought him home. When drug dealers were threatening to kill him because he lost drugs he was supposed to be selling for them, did you go to a crack house at three in the morning to help him? No! You didn't even know he wasn't home. I had to be the one to protect your son! You didn't even care that he was killing himself until he was arrested and even then you were only thinking of yourself! You shipped him off and went on about your business and you..." she turned to look at her mother, "you never even noticed. You walk around here like everything's fine. Jimmy started using drugs again months ago. Did you know that? Did you notice? No, you didn't but then why would you? You've never had to because I've always taken care of him. I raised him! I've always done everything for him, and for you, and for you, and for myself. I clothed myself, I fed myself, I bathed myself, I got my homework done, and I went to school everyday. I did all of that and maintained a perfect gpa and got a perfect score on the ACT and scored in the top five perfect in the state on the SAT. I have worked for everything I have and for everything Jimmy has, and for everything both of you have. You'd be nothing if it weren't me!" Soraya and Charles stood there staring at Rae as she went on and on. She was talking so fast neither one of them could get a word in.

"Jimmy came to you for the first time in ten years to ask you for help and you still don't have time for him. If I hadn't said anything, neither one of you would have even noticed that he's gone. His own parents couldn't care less about what happens to him. How do you think that makes him feel?". She finally stopped talking, giving her mother or Charles to say whatever they wanted.

"Jimmy's a big boy" Charles said, "He'll be fine". Rae laughed and put her face in her hands. She stopped laughing and let out a loud sigh, running her fingers through hair.

"Oh, wow. You are unbelievable. You're a horrible person, Charles and you're an even worse father. I feel sorry for your son because he lost the only parent that cared about him. I am so glad that I had a real father before I met you". She turned to see everyone was staring at her. "I'm so sorry this is the way the party had to end" she said walking closer to them, "I hope everyone had as great a time as I did bringing in the new year together. I have to go find my brother now because apparently, I'm the only one in his life that's ever gonna care anything about him" she said.

"Araeyah, that is not fair. We do care about Jimmy" her mother said approaching her from behind. "We love him and we love you" she said starting to cry. "Love is an action word, mom. You remember what dad used to say, don't you? Always love. It's the most abundant gift we have. You can ne..."

"Never run out of love" Soraya said finishing her daughter's sentence. "But you can't just say it, you have to live it". Rae nodded her head, "Yeah" she said softly. Olivia looked at Rae and thought about what her mother had told her earlier. Hearing again everything she had to do as a kid only further supported what Soraya said. Rae had her childhood stolen from her, this was her chance to get it back. If leaving was what Olivia had to do to be apart of giving her that chance then she would do it, no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt. That's what you do when you love someone, right? Sometimes love means you have to let go.

Rae put her hands on either side of her mother's arms and kissed one cheek, then the other. "Happy New Year, mom". She walked over and grabbed her coat and put it on. Olivia stood up and put her coat on, going over to join Rae by the door. Rae opened the door and was about to walk out when she heard Elliot's voice, "Rae" he said standing and putting his coat on, "I'll help you look for him" he said. He turned to Kathy and gave her kiss and told her to take the kids home. "I'll help too" Fin said followed by John, Cragen, Melinda, Alex, George, Ashley, Scott and Maureen. Elliot turned when he heard Maureen say she'd help too. He almost said absolutely not and told her to go home with her mother but he decided not to do that. Everyone put their coats on and headed out the door leaving Soraya and Charles in the house alone. For the first time in ten years, they were on their own.