Chapter 59: Working it Out
The next day after her classes, Rae helped Ashley get the rest of her stuff settled into her apartment. She'd found her own place not far from Rae's but it would be a couple weeks before it was ready for her to move in. She was sick of staying with her dad and brothers and wasn't ready to live with Scott so Rae said she could stay with her until her apartment was ready. Once they'd finished with everything they picked Maureen up from school and went to the park. They brought snacks, a blanket to sit on, and everything they needed to study. Ashley was only taking some sketching classes so she didn't have much to do. After about of an hour of not being to get her sketch the way she wanted she decided to take a break and start a conversation.
"So, Rae" she said taking Rae's attention away from her chemistry book, "How are things going with Simone?" she asked. Rae sat up from laying on her stomach and crossed her legs indian style. "Things are fine. I like working with her. She's a great teacher" she said. "I don't think that's what she meant" Maureen said hearing Rae's answer. "Yeah. Definitely not what I was asking" Ashley confirmed. "Oh, right. We've decided to just...be friends" Rae said answering Ashley's real question. "What? You broke up already?", Ashley asked surprised. Rae took a drink from her water bottle and shook her head, "No, we didn't break up. You have to date someone to break up with them and we weren't dating. We were friends who were maybe interested in dating but have now decided that dating isn't something we want to do. We just want to be friends" she explained. Ashley looked at Maureen who just shrugged her shoulders and looked back down at her math book.
"But I thought you liked her" Ashley said, not letting the topic drop. "I do like her" Rae said simply. She didn't really want to talk about Simone because she knew where it would lead and she really didn't any pressure from them. She just wanted to sit, enjoy the weather, and study. "So, what happened? Why aren't you gonna date her?" Ashley asked nosily. Rae sighed, "I told you. We decided to just be friends" she repeated. Ashley could tell that Rae was trying to end the conversation and she wanted to know why. "Yeah, ok. Why?" she asked, pestering her friend. "None of your business, Ashley" she snapped. Maureen looked up and saw the annoyed look on Rae's face. Ashley had definitely hit a nerve. Rae took a deep breath and let it go, "I'm sorry. I just...I don't want to talk about Simone right now. Can we just study please?" she asked but wasn't really asking. She laid back down on her stomach and continued to read her chemistry book.
After a couple more hours of studying in the park, the girls packed up their things and headed for the car. They drove Maureen home and Mrs. Stabler invited them to stay for dinner. Rae didn't want to stay but Ashley and Maureen kept bugging her until she caved. They went inside and hung out in Maureen's room until Kathy called them down for dinner. At least Elliot wasn't there to make Rae feel awkward. He probably thought she was a complete bitch for not getting back together with Olivia seeing as how he had to work with her everyday and deal with her moping around. Just as they sat down at the table, the back door opened and Elliot walked in through the kitchen. "Great" Rae thought to herself.
"Oh, honey" Kathy said seeing her husband walk in, "You're just in time for dinner". She gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Ashley and Rae brought Maureen home and decided to stay and eat with us" she said explaining the two extra girls at their table. "Great" he said. "Let me go wash up. I'll be right back". He went up the stairs and returned a couple minutes later. Once everyone was seated, they started to pass the food around and fill their plates. Rae had everything Kathy had cooked, except for the baked chicken, and opted for water to drink while everyone else had tea. "So, Ashley, Rae" Kathy said getting their attention, "How's college life treating you?"
"Well, I'm only taking a few art classes which are going pretty well. It's Rae here who's the full fledged college student" she said. Rae looked at Ashley sideways knowing she only said that to land the conversation completely on her. "School's great. I'm really enjoying it" she said with a smile. "That's something you'll never here me say about school" Ashley said getting a laugh from Kathy and Elliot. "Have you two decided if you'll walk with your class at graduation?" Elliot asked. "They better" Maureen said glaring at them. "I am" Ashley said, "but someone else thinks it's a waste of time" she said not so subtly pointing at Rae. "I didn't say it was a waste of time. I said I don't see the point in doing it" she corrected. "It's a big accomplishment, graduating high school. Walking across stage makes it official and it gives your family and friends a chance to celebrate your accomplishment" Kathy said.
"Trust me, the three exams and two essays I have due this week make it very official that I've graduated high school" Rae joked. "Well, I guess I just get excited to see my oldest walk across stage. I'll definitely be snapping lots of pictures" she said touching Maureen's hair. "I don't think my parents would show up" Rae said. "Come on, Rae. You know your mom would never miss your graduation" Maureen said. Rae just shrugged her shoulders and ate her dinner. Kathy thought she'd move the conversation along. "Rae, how do like working at the high school?"
"Oh, it's great. I've been running most of the sessions on my own and I've come up with games that make the material a little easier to understand and definitely more fun. Simone taught me how to make my own lesson plans and the kids think I'm a genius. It's going really well" she beamed. Elliot's brow furrowed, "Who's Simone?" he asked. Rae cleared her throat, "Ummm, she's kind of like my supervisor. She teaches all the students I tutor. She was my calculus teacher when I was there" she explained. "She asked Rae to be a tutor for her" Ashley said butting in, "Just for her". Rae glared at her and she pretended to be innocent of any insinuations. "Is it unusual for a teacher to have a tutor specifically for her classes?" Kathy asked. "Ummm, yeah, kind of. Tutors have specific subjects: science, math, history, whatever but they usually teach multiple teachers' students" Rae explained. "I guess Simone wanted Rae all to herself" Ashley said under her breath. Rae kicked her under the table and she stifled her groan to keep Kathy and Elliot from noticing. Maureen laughed at them. Kathy seemed to understand the situation but Elliot looked clueless. They finished up dinner and sat in the living room for a while. Kathleen, Dickey, and Elizabeth had homework to finish so they went upstairs to their rooms. Elliot and Kathy worked together to get the kitchen clean.
"So, you want to talk about it now?" Ashley asked, looking at Rae. She was trying to keep her voice down so Kathy and Elliot wouldn't hear. "Do I want to talk about what?"
"Why you broke up with Simone" she said clarifying. Rae rolled her eyes, "I told you I didn't break up with her. We were never dating" she said annoyed. She really wished that Ashley would just mind her own business but that wasn't in her nature. "Ok but you were trying to date her. So what happened?". Maureen could tell that Rae really didn't to talk about whatever happened between the two of them. "Maybe you should just leave it alone, Ashley. She'll talk about it when she's ready" she said trying to come to Rae's rescue. "What if she's never ready?" she asked slouching back on the couch. "Then she'll never talk about it" Maureen said slapping Ashley on the leg. "No. I don't accept that" she said sitting up straight. "I want to know what happened?" she said pestering Rae more. "Did she do something? Did she hurt you? Did you..."
"No, Ashley!" Rae yelled. Kathy and Elliot turned and looked in the direction of the living room hearing Rae's outburst. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. "I told you. We came to an agreement to just be friends because..." she paused really not wanting to finish her sentence. "Because..." Ashley said prompting her to continue. "Because I...she...I'm gonna try to work things out with Liv" she said finally. Both Ashley and Maureen's faces lit up and they got noticeably excited. "Oh my god" Ashley squealed. "Finally" Maureen said bouncing on the couch. "Don't get so excited". Their faces immediately fell in anticipation of what she was going to say. "I said I'm going to try. That doesn't mean it'll work out".
"Oh, please. It's going to work out" Maureen said. "How could it not?" she asked. This was what they'd been waiting for. Rae just hadn't been the same since she and Olivia broke up and the change wasn't for the better. They just wanted their old, happy friend back. "Ummm, I don't know. Maybe the same way it didn't work out the first time" she said. "And how was that?" Ashley asked curiously. "I'll let you know when I find out" she said. Kathy was about to go over and talk to Rae but Elliot stopped her. He'd told her what Olivia said about why she ended things with Rae. Kathy thought Rae should know but Elliot wanted her to leave it between Rae and Liv. "I don't want any pressure from you guys. No questions, no suggestions, nothing" she said giving her stare at Ashley emphasis. "I can do this on my own". Maureen and Ashley smiled and nodded in agreement. Ashley's phone started to ring and she answered. It was Scott and he wanted to hang out. She told him she'd already eaten dinner but they could go out for ice cream or something. When she got off the phone, she and Rae said their goodbyes and left the Stablers' house.
Scott picked Ashley up ten minutes after they returned to Rae's apartment. Rae tried to work on her lesson plans for this week's tutoring sessions but she could concentrate. Ever since she'd made up her mind to work things out with Olivia, it was all she could think about. It was just after eight thirty and since Elliot had come home for dinner she figured Olivia would home too. She took out her phone and sent Olivia a text.
Hey. Are you busy?
Olivia was just about to put something together for herself for dinner when she heard her phone chime from the living room. It was another lonely night at home. Olivia didn't know how long it would take her to move on from Rae but she'd decided that if being apart was what Rae wanted then she would do it, just for her. She walked over to check her phone and saw that she had a message from Rae. She couldn't believe it. The past three months, she was the one making all the attempts to communicate and now Rae was texting her. She didn't think about it for too long before replying.
No. Not at all.
I was hoping we could talk. I can come there or you could come to my place. Or we could meet somewhere. It's up to you.
I'll come over to your place
Ok great. I'll see you in a bit.
Olivia forgot all about her hunger. She grabbed her jacket and her keys and headed out the door. The drive over to Rae's seemed to take forever. She couldn't slow her heart or the thoughts going through her head. Rae wanted to talk to her. She finally wanted to talk to her. She pulled into the parking lot and smiled seeing that the spot that had always been hers was open. She wasn't normally superstitious but she hoped that this was a good sign. She parked, turned off her car, and headed up to Rae's apartment. She knocked on the door and waited. She heard the lock on the door behind her turn and the door open. She smiled to herself again, knowing exactly who it was. She turned around to see Paul glaring at her. Just as she was about to say something to him, Rae's door opened. She turned back around to see her standing in front of her barefoot in white shorts and a black spaghetti strapped shirt. She could tell that Rae wasn't wearing a bra and she guessed that she wasn't wearing underwear either. Rae looked across the hall and saw Paul glaring at Olivia. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped.
"Hi Paul" she said nicely. He just glared back and forth between them before going back in his apartment and shutting the door. Rae laughed again, "Good night to you too" she joked. She turned her attention to Olivia. "Hey" she said softly. She wanted nothing more than to skip the talking and just make love with her all night but she couldn't do that. That wouldn't be smart. The smart thing to do would be to talk first then make love. That's if they even got that far.
"Araeyah" Olivia said pulling her out of her head. "Huh" she said distractedly. Then she realized that Olivia was still standing in the hallway. "Oh, I'm sorry. Come in" she said stepping to the side. Olivia walked in past her and went right to the couch. Everything still looked the same, as if it was only Rae staying in the apartment. Not both her and Ashley. Rae closed and locked the door and took a deep breath before going over and joining Olivia on the couch. They sat quietly for a few minutes, neither one of them knowing what to say. Rae chuckled to herself.
"What's so funny?" Olivia asked confused. "Nothing, it's just...we haven't been this awkward with each other since our first date" she said. Olivia smiled and nodded her head in agreement. "So, how are you?" she asked trying to get the conversation going. "I'm good. Uh, busy you know, with school and work, the band. I started volunteering at the hospital. That's been fun and interesting and sad and everything I've always imagined and then some. Jimmy's doing great in rehab. He'll be coming home soon" she said happily. "What about you? How have you been?" she asked. Olivia just couldn't hold it together anymore. The tears started coming before she could stop them. "Uhh" she said trying to pull it together. "Liv". Rae didn't know what to do or say. She knew the break up had been hard on Olivia but she didn't know it'd been this hard. "I've been...a little bit of a mess without you" she said slightly laughing. She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath. She cleared her throat, "I have been working...a lot. I go out sometimes with the guys, you know...the usual" she said sadly. "I did what you said". Rae looked at her curiously. "I've been talking to Simon more. He's doing really well with his family. I've gone to their house in Jersey a few times for dinner". Rae smiled, "That's great" she said sweetly. "That's really great". She asked Liv over a reason so she figured she'd kill the small talk and get to the point. Before she could say anything, Olivia spoke again.
"Where's Ashley?" she asked. She thought when she came in that the apartment looked set up for one person. The bed that Jimmy had used when he stayed here was gone which meant that Ashley was sleeping in the room with Araeyah. "Oh, she's out with Scott" she said. Olivia looked confused, "But I thought..." she stopped not wanting to upset Rae by saying the wrong thing. "I know what you thought. I...kinda wanted you to" she admitted. "But no. Ashley and I are not together. I told you we're just friends. That hasn't changed" she said. Olivia nodded, "And what about...uhhh". She wasn't sure she should finish her question. Fin told her about a woman that Rae was having dinner with he stopped by in the days following their break up. She didn't want to make trouble between them because she knew they still talked occasionally. "What about...what?" Rae asked wanting Olivia to finish. "Uhhh...nevermind" she said deciding she didn't want to know. "No, not nevermind" Rae said, "What about what?" she repeated.
"Fin told me that you might be seeing someone...a red head. He said you made dinner for her" she said. Rae could hear the jealousy creeping up in Olivia's voice. She rolled her eyes, "Good to know that y'all have been talking about me" she said. "Her name is Simone. Simone Page, my old calculus teacher. We work together now". She wasn't sure if giving Olivia the details of their relationship was necessary but she figured she might as well. "What he saw was, yes, us having dinner but we were working. I helped her grade some papers and that was it. We have been spending a lot of time together but we're just friends. I'm not dating her". The tension in Olivia's shoulders immediately dissipated and she let out a relieved sigh.
"Olivia, I asked you over because I want to talk to you...about us. And I want to apologize to you". Olivia's eyes shot up to meet Rae's. She couldn't think of anything she could possibly have to apologize for. "I know how hard you've been trying to talk to me and to fix what happened between us and I...I just blew you off. I did it because I was hurt and angry. I told myself that if you loved me you wouldn't stop trying to win me over". Olivia was about to interrupt her but she kept talking, "And you didn't" she added quickly. "You didn't stop trying but it didn't matter because I was still hurt and angry and I even though I made it seem like I was ok without you...I wasn't. I tried to tell myself that I'd be fine without you but everything made me think of you. My life is just not as perfect without you in it. I've missed you". She wanted Olivia to know how she'd felt the past few months being without her. Olivia had been open about her feelings about the break up but as always Rae wasn't an openly emotional person. She kept most of her feelings to herself. As much as she wanted to Olivia to know how much she loved her and wanted to be with her she wanted her to know that things couldn't just go back to the way they were.
"I've missed you too" she said back. Her eyes glistened with tears threatening to fall. It felt amazing to hear Rae say that she'd been unhappy without her and that'd missed her too. She'd been afraid that Rae had moved on and that'd never get her back. Now, she had hope that they could work things out. "And I'm sorry. I know I hurt you and I will never forgive myself for it. I don't blame you for being angry and not wanting to talk to me. These last three months were incredibly hard for me. I've never felt so...incomplete" she said sadly. "I was so glad when you said you wanted to talk. This is what I've been waiting for".
"Liv, I...I want to work this out with you but..." she paused not knowing exactly how to put her thoughts to words. "I...I don't know" she finally said. Olivia scooted closer to her on the couch. The proximity put them both on edge. Rae hesitantly met Olivia's eyes. "Do you still love me?" Olivia asked. "Of course I do" Rae answered quickly. "Are you still...in love with me?" she asked moving a strand of Rae's hair out of her face. "Yes" she whispered heavily. Olivia pulled Rae into her and brought their lips together. Rae immediately relaxed into her and wrapped her arms around her neck. Their lips and bodies melded together more perfectly now than they had before. Rae didn't have to think about anything. There were no second thoughts or comparisons. No not quite rights, good enoughs, or almost perfects. Just Olivia.
Their kiss was full of hunger and passion. Their hands roamed all over, reacquainting themselves with the body they knew all too well. Olivia pushed Rae back onto the couch and settled between her legs. Her kisses traveled across her jaw line until her mouth found that precious spot behind Rae's ear and latched on. Rae moaned aloud and her body arched up into Olivia, not wanting to lose contact for one second. She let her hand slip under Olivia's shirt to touch bare skin and felt a jolt corse through her at the warm, smooth feeling of her skin under her fingers. Olivia palmed Rae's breasts and felt her nipples harden against her hand. She brought their lips back together as her hand traveled south and rested itself on Rae's hip. Her fingers slid into the waistband of her shorts and just as she suspected, no underwear. Her fingers were about to slip into Rae's waiting heat when she felt Rae back out of their kiss.
"No, wait. Stop". Olivia immediately withdrew her hand from Rae's shorts. "What? What is it?" she asked still hovering over her. "I just...could you just...move...get off please" she stammered. Liv sat up and Rae hopped off the couch and walked over to stand by the window. She rubbed her face and ran her hands through her hair. "Araeyah, what's wrong?" Olivia asked from her position on the couch. "It's just...it's not supposed to happen like this" she said. She could tell from the look on her face that Olivia had no idea what she was talking about. She knew this would happen, that she would get swept in the essence that is Olivia; that they would end up in bed and the talk that they needed to have wouldn't happen. She couldn't allow that. She had to make sure they did this right. "We just need to talk about some things first" she clarified. Olivia nodded, "Ok. So come sit down and we'll talk" she sat patting the cushion in front of her. "Oh, no. I think I should just...stay over here". Olivia laughed, "Rae, come sit down. I promise to keep my hands to myself" she putting them in her lap. Rae slowly went back over to the couch. She sat with one leg underneath and the other on the floor with her back against the arm of the couch. It was as far away from Olivia as she could sit.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" she asked. "There's just one thing really that I need to know". Olivia sat quietly waiting for Rae to ask her whatever she wanted to ask. "Why did you break up with me?" she asked. "I've been going over everything in my head and I just can't figure it out. I mean, I thought we were happy. Weren't we happy?" Olivia scooted closer to her on the couch, "Of course we were. Nobody's ever made me happier than you" she said taking her hands. "So, what happened? Was it me? Was it something I did?" Olivia shook her head, "No. It wasn't you" she said quickly, "You were great. You were perfect".
"So what was it then? What happened to us?" She desperately wanted to know what went wrong with their relationship. She loved Olivia and wanted to be with her but she couldn't, wouldn't commit to being with her again until she knew that what happened before wouldn't happen again. And she couldn't know that until Olivia told her the truth. Olivia sat quietly thinking of what to say to her. "Olivia, tell me. And I want the truth not the lame ass "it'll be easier" bullshit you gave me last time. I know you were lying to me" she said getting angry. She didn't understand why Olivia wouldn't just tell her why she left her. "Olivia, look at me". She waited until she looked her in the eyes, "I love you. I'm in love with you. I want to be you but I won't go through another break up like this". Olivia opened her mouth to speak but Rae already knew what she was going to say, "I know. It won't happen again. I know you believe that and I want to believe that but you broke up with me for a reason. I can't be sure that this won't happen again if I don't what I did wrong".
"You didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I was stupid" she said repeating the same words she'd said so many times before. "Ok, but why? Something had to have happened". Olivia just sat there quietly. She really didn't want to tell Rae the truth and risk ruining the relationship she had with her mother. "Olivia!" Rae yelled pulling her from her thoughts. She was beginning to lose her patience. All she was asking for was the truth and Olivia couldn't seem to give her that. "I just...I can't tell you" she said softly. "You can't tell me?" Rae repeated in disbelief. "You can't tell me" she repeated again. "Wh...Why can't you tell me?" she asked trying to control her anger. "I don't want to hurt you anymore" Olivia said sincerely. "Olivia...you're hurting me now. Don't you get that? Every time you lie to me it hurts. And since you won't tell me, I can only assume it's because it was something about me. I know you said that it had nothing to do with me but I don't believe you. I can't believe you anymore" she said sadly. She looked at Olivia and waited for her to say something but nothing came. She sighed and let go of her hands, "Maybe you should just go" she said. Olivia's heart dropped to her stomach, "No. Rae please" she said desperately. "Olivia, we're not getting back together until you tell me the truth. And I don't want to talk to you anymore if all you're gonna do is lie to me. So go". Olivia hesitated for a second before getting up and walking sadly to the door. Rae locked the door behind her and dragged herself to bed.