The Opera ghost's whisper
I do not own anything
Chapter 7
I sat down with a cup of coffee and started to read the phantom's diary again.
oOo
October 18th, 1844.
I couldn't stay here anymore, dear Diary, I am going on a journey, far far away, I don't know if I will be back or not, but I know for sure, I don't want to bury my life down here, after meeting Christine, I found myself still longing for the sun, maybe, somewhere in this world, I can find a place, that I could freely walk under the sun without any problem.
So I am going, goodbye, for now, Diary.
December 24th, 1850.
I am back Diary. I was wrong.
There was no place for people like me.
December 29th, 1850.
I met her.
I met Christine again.
The same place.
I was so happy to see her again.
But…
Something was wrong with her.
There was no sunlight in her eyes anymore, it looked empty. And red, they looked like she had been crying a lot. Her face was pale and there was no sign of life, she was like a broken doll, that walked on this earth. Still the same blue ocean eyes and brown hair, yet she was completely different from Christine seven years ago.
What happened to that sweet little girl I used to know?
I need to do something. She looked … like me… alone… helpless… I couldn't leave her like that.
'sweet child, why are you crying?'
'huh? Who is there?' she looked around.
Something was wrong. She didn't recognize me?
Where was the angel? Where was she?
' I am nowhere and everywhere.' She brushed away tears from her eyes.
' Are you my Angel? My Angel of Music?'
'yes, child, I am your Angel of Music, I was sent by your father to lead you back into the way of music. You will become a diva under my wing.' I remembered what she told me the first time we met. About an Angel of music that her father promised to send her when he was in heaven.
oOo
I continued to read, most of the pages were about Christine, and how she was doing, but I couldn't find anything about the Phantom's obsession with Christine, he wrote about Christine's hard work to become a diva, there was no sign of the madman that Gaston wrote in his story.
The Phantom was sad sometimes and thought that he would be alone forever, but he looked like he had accepted his fate, and he did watch over Christine as madame Giry had originally told him to in the night after his second meeting with Christine. He kept her safe, watching over her like a real Guardian Angel. Every time the thought about being more than just a teacher to her came to his mind, he had thrown it out. 'Erik the Phantom of the Opera and the monster that lives under the world wouldn't pull such a young and sweet girl like Christine Daae in his world of darkness.' Was what he wrote at the end of the page in his diary.
Until one page caught my eyes.
oOo
May 16th, 1855.
I promised Christine something I shouldn't promise today.
I promised to meet her after the show.
May 17th, 1855.
Christine's first show will be tonight, I was so nervous, was I being ridiculous? But then again, I was her teacher and guardian, I was allowed to feel that, right?
I went to my favorite seat, and I saw there was someone in there. Why was the man there? Didn't I inform those fools to keep Box Five free? That was my seat!
I wanted to do something mischievous to that fop, more when I could see that he had his eyes glued to my Angel student. What was he doing?
I was a man, too. Even when I looked like a monster but still, I could see what was in his mind the moment I looked into his eyes.
He wanted her.
He wanted Christine Daae.
I felt like my heart was broken.
Why? Why?
I kept telling myself that she wouldn't love something like me... would never look at me twice if I wasn't her teacher.
But when I saw that there was a man who was after her hand. Not just any man, I knew who he was.
A handsome and perfect face with brown hair and eyes.
The Vicomte.
Raoul De Chagny.
He was handsome, young, and rich. A Vicomtewith a perfect face, perfect hair, perfect life, perfect everything... What did I have to compete to that?
So I left. Things were better this way anyway. Someone better than me would take care of her.
oOo
That was not exactly what happened that night when the Phantom took Christine Daae back with him to his underworld.
I continued to read.
oOo
May 18th, morning, I think? Or is it still May 17th night? I don't know...
I sat up on my bed, which was really strange. What happened? I didn't know, why was I here? on my bed? I thought I was sitting at my piano, pouring my heart out in a sad song.
Then I looked to the next person who slept next to me, everything came back.
I remembered what happened.
When I was sitting on my piano, trying to think of something to play.
She came in. like a shadow.
' my Angel…' she said.
I was too panicked to say anything, how could she find me here?
' wh…what are you doing here? this is not where a human girl like you should walk around.' I tried to act as cold as I could. ' go back to where you belong…'
' I belong to where you are, my angel…' she smiled but I could see that her smile didn't reach her eyes. ' I have been waiting for you… why didn't you come? You promised me that if I worked hard tonight, you would come and take me to your home.'
' I didn't come because I knew the time for us to be apart had arrived. we will not meet again.' I said I knew I couldn't fool her that easily, but how could she know that I was the monster that played a role as her angel?
' we will never be apart, I will do anything to keep you where you belong, my dear Angel, and that is beside me.' she wrapped her arms around my shoulder, hugging me from behind.
Her warm was making it harder for me to say goodbye.
' you are a very naïve child, Christine Daae…' I sighed and tried to push her away while pretending to clean my music sheets. 'isn't it better like this? you have reached your goal as a rising star in the Opera house, and you no longer need a Guildiant.'
' you belong to me, Erik…' she looked hurt when I pushed her away. Oh Christine, please don't make this poor monster feel more guilty than he already is.
' how do you know my name?'
' it is a secret, maybe one day I will tell you.'
And I didn't know how, but she was sleeping in my bed at the moment, and I was right next to her. I thought maybe we did have a really nice and long talk and came to an agreement that I would continue to help her with her singing lessons.
And when I told her that I would take her back to her dorm, Christine said that she didn't trust me, she thought I would try to disappear again, once I was out of her sigh. So she said she wanted to sleep next to me.
It was not something a lady should do, if someone knows about this, I will have to marry her to save her reputation… and she wouldn't want that, she didn't want me to go, just because she is a nice young girl, too nice to a monster like me.
No one would know about this, everything would be back to normal the day after, she would go back to her world, the world of living and daylight, while I stayed down below everything, in the darkness, but when the nighttime is here, the angel would once again venture to visit the devil's world, to learn how to fly with her wings, and when the time would come, I would let her go, with the memories that I was once useful to her.
oOo
I frowned, that was not what happened in the book for sure, the Phantom forced Christine Daae to go to his home using his voice, and then he got angry because she unmasked him.
Something was wrong for sure.
oOo
January 11th, 1856, day.
It has been one year since her first show, Christine was getting better and better, I think I will run out of things to teach her soon. And I have noticed, more and more suitors have appeared, the Vicomte also showed interesting in her, he had been trying to get her attention by giving her expensive gifts and luxury dates at some famous restaurants, blaming that he was her friend so he wanted to spend more and more time with her. I didn't want her to spend time with him since I could see that in his eyes, lust, and desire, he wanted something that she shouldn't give to anyone but her husband.
At first, I thought that he wanted to be with her, he loved her and cherish her the way I couldn't, so I spied on him, to make sure everything was good, he might be her childhood friend, but I couldn't let him hurt her.
And what I found was not what I wanted to know. I saw him go to a bar after he left Christine at the opera house, I saw him laughing with his friends, chatting about Christine's body. I wanted to forget all of those words, but I couldn't.
'hello, De Chagny, long time no see, I thought you were out of the game, hear you got a new toy?'
' she is a hard one, it has been one year and I haven't even got to touch her chest yet, but I will get her one way or another, no one could resist my charm anyway.'
'the Diva? I watched her show once, nice legs, bet it would look good wrapping around my waist.' One of the dirty men laughed.
' she is still a virgin, so you know the rule, the first time is mine, I will let you have her after I am done with her.'
' hurry up. I want to have a taste of how a Diva in bed, too.'
'she is trying to play hard to get, but I know, she wants me, too. So I will have her soon, be patient.' The Vicomte smirked. ' but for now, where is Lucy? It has been such a long time since I have had her.'
' she is at the back with another customer. Two actually, you can join them, you know they don't mind.'
'yeah, sure.'
I could feel my blood boiled after I heard that… I wanted to kill him, that way, he could never hurt her…
The human's neck was very weak, just a simple thin rope around his neck would be gone.
But I have promised Christine that I would never hurt any living human anymore. I was a pain killer when I was in Persia, where I thought I finally found my home, I killed innocent peoples and I would forever regret that.
But I knew the look in Christine's eyes, she does love him, why wouldn't she anyway?
January 18th, 1856, night.
Today I did something that I needed god's forgiveness because I knew that Christine will never forgive me…
I almost killed that man Raoul. And I was sad that I couldn't kill him… how could I feel that? How could I not?
What I saw would haunt me still the day I died, and remind me how useless I was, I couldn't protect her, I couldn't keep my promise….
How could he do something like that to my angel?
Today, I followed Christine when she went out for dinner with the Vicomte. They laughed and chat about something. But when he should be taking her home, back to the Opera house, he suggested they went for a walk, and Christine agreed. I knew it, she had some feeling for the fop after all. I wanted to leave when he said he loved her.
But when I was about to walk out of the park's gate. I heard Christine scream.
I ran back and saw the fop was trying to rip off Christine's dress!
I saw red.
I didn't know what happened. But when I heard another scream from Christine, I found my hands around his neck, choking the life out of him.
It was so close! One more second and he would have been dead, but I let him go, and he fell unconscious.
I took Christine back to her dorm. But she said she didn't want to be back there, Madame was the one who pushed her into the Vicomte's arm. So I took her back to my home, I would take care of her. At least I could do that for her.
I gave her some bread and a glass of milk, mixed with some wine, it would help her sleep better, but I could still hear Christine crying alone on my bed. I knew it. He broke her heart. The Vicomte broke her heart. She did have some feeling for the fop…
Maybe I could do something to cheer her up?
November 13th, 1856.
Christine was still sad.
Despite everything I did.
Well, at least I tried to make her happy, not get in her dress.
January 3st, 1857.
Madame suggested a nice and warm vacation in her old home in the countryside might help her get better, I helped her pack today.
I was sad. When she was gone I would be all alone again. But if that was what it took to make her feel better, I was willing to let her go.
But what if she decided that she has had enough of the city and all the fops who were after her? And she wanted to stay away from Paris for the rest of her life? What would happen to me?
January 4th, 1857.
Christine would go today. I wished I could go with her. But I knew that I couldn't, maybe some music would help me forget about the fact that she wouldn't be near me anymore.
January 8th,1857.
Diary, I am sorry I couldn't write anything those past few days, but a lot of things happened. January 4th, I found Christine trying to come across the lake, I thought she came to say her farewell, but no, she came to ask why I hadn't pack yet! She asked me why I didn't pack yet! Can you believe that? She wanted to leave with me!
So now, here am I, in Madame's old home. it was big enough for the two of us! Just the two of us! No one else.!
February 5th,1857.
Today, when Christine went to the market, she asked me to come with her! I wanted to refuse, a monster like me shouldn't walk out there under the sun, but then, I remembered about all those things she had to carry. So I thought maybe if I used my hood, no one would see my face.
So we went to the market. When we passed the fruit store, some kids ran into me, and my hood fell off and the mask was knocked off, I was ready to run away, with my hands covered the scared part of my face.
But no one on the market screamed or anything. All of the kids who ran into me looked at me with curiosity.
One of them, the red hair girl said, ' Monsieur, what is wrong with your face?'
A boy asked me, 'did you get scars from wars? My Papa got a lot of scars after he got back from wars. It must be hurt a lot!'
I tried to calm my heart down. ' no, child, I got scars since I was born into this world!'
' do they hurt, Monsieur?'
'no. It may look really scary, but they do not hurt.'
' that is a relief then, Monsieur, my Papa got scars from the wars, and he got hurt when it is rain, it looks really painful. We are sorry we ran into you.' The boy smiled. ' but we are late now, so we will have to go. Good day, Monsieur, Madame.'
'goodbye to you two then.' I said, feeling rather weird.
' Erik, those kids were used to seeing scars and burn, their fathers fought in wars, they would rather have their fathers came back with scars than never came back at all. So you will not have to worry about your face.'
' Christine, that was just with the kid, what about the others?'
' well, I can prove to you that it will not matter with them.' She pulled me into a coffee store.
' good morning, Madame.' She said to the owner.
The old woman looked up from her book. ' good morning to you, too, Madame Daae.' Then she turned to me. ' and this must be Monsieur Daae, nice to meet you, I am Carol Hansel, I own this coffee store, I heard from madame that you like my coffee? She said you always drink one cup after you finish with your piano.'
' I …err… Madame Daae?'
Christine said something in my ears. ' I am sorry, Erik, but a lady wouldn't travel and live with a man that was not her family or her husband. And we do not look like each other.'
' I … well… yes, your coffee… is quite … good.'
' I know, here, sit down, I will bring you some of my new coffee, I just made them today.'
' err… thanks….' I sat down, Carol disappeared for a moment and then came back with two cups of hot coffee.
'here you are, enjoy it, I need to finish this book before lunch, so excuse me.' Then Carol left the two of us alone, not even looked back at me and Christine.
' don't worry, she had a husband, he died a long time ago in war, Carol told me about him a lot, and I told her about you, too, I am sorry about that, and she said she would rather have her husband back with his body covered in scars than not have him at all. But what done is done, he can never be back to her. She wanted me to embrace what I have with love and joy before I lose all of it.' She said with a smile.
After hearing what she said, I could feel like… I could feel… like something in me was broken, like on the left side of my chest, something was beating hard.
And for the first time in my life.
I wanted to live.
(TBC)