Love vs. Attachment/Obsession

"Aayla? You and Master Fisto, ah…you, uh, you love each other. Right?"

His master stared at him from across the room, completely dumbfounded. Jinx winced a little in sympathy; he'd decided to talk to her during her morning meditation, which was pretty much the only time they were guaranteed a little privacy on this ship of half a thousand brothers. But, convenience aside, it was probably a little surreal to start talking about something like this right after she woke up.

After a few blinks to get the surprise out of her system, Aayla gestured for him to sit down in front of her. He obeyed, settling his legs into the familiar lotus position, and waited for her to…say something, he wasn't sure what.

It took a while for her to respond. She opened her mouth, reconsidered, closed it, opened it again, frowned, closed it again. His wince grew more pronounced with each of her movements, until finally he tried to restart the conversation again because he couldn't stand it anymore.

Maybe she was surprised because she thought he didn't know? "I do know about Master Fisto," he ventured, trying not to sound accusing, because he didn't believe it was wrong, per se. Good Force, this was awkward.

"I know you know." Of course she did. Aayla wasn't clueless; she knew he could read lekku fairly well, if not perfectly. She'd never been outright blatant, but he'd still been able to pick up on the relationship, which meant she probably wasn't trying to hide it too much.

Now, she cringed guiltily, bracing herself for…what? "I wasn't quite sure how to talk to you about it."

"Me neither."

Well…that got it out in the open. Good. Except this wasn't the conversation that he had wanted to have.

"So, uh…how do you, uh…keep it from going bad?"

She stared at him again, uncomprehending. "Um…well…how do you keep it from turning into attachment?"

She continued staring at him, this time in unguarded amazement. "Because love and attachment aren't…the same things…" he trailed off, feeling rather put on the spot.

"…This is about Ahsoka?"

"…Is it that obvious?"

Aayla gnawed on one lip, nodding hesitantly. Jinx felt his lekku start to twist in embarrassment as he began to kick himself mentally.

"I should have known. Does Master Skywalker know about it?"

"Skywalker doesn't know. He's rather, preoccupied, these days."

"Okay, good, that's…good. 'Cause the clones can see it, and they think I'll end up hurting her, and the last thing I need is him glaring at me in the mess hall, too…"

"Wait," Aayla said, holding up a hand. "Back up. What was that about the clones?"

"…They were glaring at me in the mess hall?"

"No, before that. The part about hurting her."

"Hence the glaring."

"Yes, but that scares you. Not the glaring," she clarified with a hand gesture, "but the thought of hurting her. Why?"

The younger Twi'lek sat back for a second, the import of his master's words halting the whirl of emotion that had held his mind captive for the past few days. Images from Wasskah, which he had finally managed to put behind him for the past few months, were starting to come unbidden to the forefront of his mind.

Aayla's face was all compassion as she gently prodded his mind. You can talk to me about it...

Jinx wavered, then, with a sigh, he conceded. "There were two Padawans on the island who were, eh, close," he said, aware of the fact that his voice was completely devoid of emotion even as his mind reeled. "It wasn't good for them, because, well, it had never really been about them. It was about him and her, mostly about him. They just…took, and took and took, and every day they sapped the strength from each other until there was nothing left. In the end, it destroyed them."

"…And that scares you?"

He swallowed; his throat was suddenly dry as his eyes refocused on the present.

"Why?"

His hand wanted to clench into a fist, but he didn't let it. Anger could not be allowed to define him anymore. "Because I don't want what I have for her to become what I saw." The very thought of it made him shudder. "She doesn't deserve that."

As soon as he said it, he grimaced as he saw his presumption. Ahsoka did not know what he felt for her, and probably didn't feel even remotely the same way. Even if she did, she was too strong to let what happened to Anya and Noric happen to her.

He knew that, and yet he knew Anya and Noric had been strong too, once. Jinx had been strong, once; he didn't think he was anymore. If affection…if love ever came to fruition between him and his fellow Padawan, he could depend on Ahsoka's considerable emotional strength, but all it really took for that to disappear was one truly hellish day, and those were commonplace during this time of war. If he loved her, he'd have to be able to draw strength from the Force on his own, so he could be there for her if she ever faltered and not be another burden for her.

He looked his master in the eye; trying to mimic the raw determination he so admired about Ahsoka and feeling like he failed miserably. "Real love has to be grounded in something deeper than emotion. I want to love like you and Master Fisto. You give."

Aayla considered his words carefully, never breaking eye contact. Then, her lips twitched into a smile, and he belatedly realized that she had once again coaxed his thoughts around on themselves, helping him to find his own answers.

"You already give, Jinx. You just doubt your own unselfishness."

The apprentice stared in consternation at the master; they had come full circle. Jinx smiled in awe at the beauty of it, before giving her a playful frown of frustration. "This is all well and good, Aayla, but couldn't you give me a straight-up answer for once?"

She grinned. "You want advice? Loving someone requires the same virtues that being a Jedi does: patience, courage, and sometimes bloody-minded stubbornness. Two of those you have in abundance."

"Gee. Thanks."

"How did the mission go?" asked Master Fisto, a couple of days after Jinx and Aayla's conversation. They were making a short pit stop on his flagship; apparently one of those creepy spider-things with the eyes and the teeth had settled into the engine of Aayla's fighter and started a family. Fun.

"Very well, thank you," Aayla replied, her half-grin more openly flirtatious than usual.

Master Fisto noticed that, and though the smile he returned was less open than Aayla's, Jinx could tell by the subtle writhing of several sensory tendrils that the elder Jedi was pleased.

As they came to a corridor which was, for the moment, safely free of prying eyes, his master slowed their pace for a moment, looking her companion in the eye. I love you, she signed with her lekku, and out of the myriad ways she could have signed it, she chose the way that was highest, like a Twi'lek wife would address her husband.

Jinx schooled his expression into the stereotypical Jedi neutrality, though he suspected his surprise was still evident. Aayla had never been this upfront before in his presence, and, judging by the way Master Fisto's jaw fell open (without quite parting his lips), she'd never been so upfront, period.

After a moment, Master Fisto had collected himself. I love you too, he replied, and though the movements he used were understated, his signing used the same form that Aayla had chosen.

Jinx smirked as the older male casually glanced over his shoulder at the Padawan trailing him, sizing the young Twi'lek up like he would a potential eavesdropper. Master Fisto didn't know that Jinx could read tentacle-speak, and thus saw his bewilderment quite plainly. That would have to change…but not just yet.

"Is there something wrong?" the Nautolan quietly asked Aayla, and his expression was more confused than concerned.

"No," Jinx said. Master Fisto actually managed to blink, a biological rarity for his species, and cautiously looked back at the young Twi'lek, who reassured him with a bright, falsely innocent grin.

Aayla smiled warmly at both of them, making no attempt to mask her happiness. "Nothing at all."

I am a completely unrepentant Kit Fisto fangirl, so please forgive my shoehorning him in here.

It occurs to me that this fic is now completely biased against clone/Jedi pairings, despite the fact that I am not. Well, darn it. I'll just have to put one in, then. Oh, Barriss!

Barriss Offee: *looks up from medical textholo* Now what...?