Desperate Plans
Jim bolts for the door. He isn't really thinking, he is just aiming to get to Kodos as quickly as possible so he can beat him to death with his bare hands. But he doesn't even make it out of the bridge. Bones, who unfortunately knows Jim better than anyone, senses his intent and tackles him to the ground, both of them flying backwards across the floor. Jim tries to push Bones off but the doctor has him pinned down. Kirk writhes up and easily flips Bones over, reversing their positions. Now he is holding McCoy down.
"Jim. It's not worth it," Bones pants, and the man looks so damn exhausted that Jim freezes for a second. "You'll lose the Enterprise. You may even go to jail. Don't let him take anything else from you."
"He already took everything Bones! I can't let him live. Please just let me do this. Please. Please." Kirk implores, eyes dazed and confused, because he has to make them understand that this is the most important thing in the world (or is it, because there is this strange tiny voice at the back of his mind that agrees with the doctor).
"You don't have to kill him."
"I do! Don't you get it? I promised. I promised myself. That man is a monster." Kirk breathes in deeply, trying to make his speech less slurred and clearer (because everything he is feeling has built up and is draining him of the capacity to think and speak and act). They have to understand. "That man ordered for four thousand people to be massacred. That man ordered for me to be tortured. That man told his guards to whip me and hurt me and he…he… God, Bones. He's been free all this time. All this time…" Kirk's voice cracks, but he just doesn't care. All he cares about is that man being dead.
"I know. I know Jim."
"All this time. They didn't tell me! Utter bastards! They didn't think I could handle it!"
"You can't handle it, Jim." Bones says rather sadly.
"Oh God." Kirk chokes out. Then he starts to sob. He likes to keep things inside, but now the utter fury and pain and loss he is feeling is escaping. And that is how Jim Kirk ends up sobbing on the floor of his bridge, his face pressed in to Bones, Uhura with her arms around him. He doesn't care what people think, he just can't stop himself. Eventually the sobs slow and he pulls himself out of the past.
"I can't let you do this. I'm sorry Jim, but it's for your own good," Bones whispers in his ear, glancing up at the rest of the bridge. Kirk follows his gaze and sees that the doctor is right – two security officers are blocking the door, looking fairly apologetic, stationed there in case he tries to bolt again. Kirk recognises one of them as Cupcake, and this little fact snaps him out of his daze. He lets go of Bones, and wipes his red eyes dry. He looks back at the doctor, noticing for the first time that there is some blood on the doctor's shirt.
"Jesus, Bones. You're bleeding. I'm sorry."
"The blood's yours, kid. Sorry, I must have grazed you when I took you down."
"It's ok. I've had worse." Kirk says absently, not really thinking. He feels lost again, like the world is spinning.
"I think you should just sit here." Uhura says, from behind him. Her voice is soothing, and relaxes him.
"I think that's a good idea. Sorry about the- you know." Kirk addresses the second sentence to the crew, who are looking at him in concern but what appears to be understanding. He doesn't see any resentment or scorn at his behaviour, which surprises him slightly. The fact that he thought his crew – his family – would reject him if they found out about his past seems foolish now; the reactive thought of the child he is reduced to whenever Tarsus is even mentioned.
"It's alright kid," McCoy says with a wry smile. "I've been telling you for years keeping things inside isn't healthy."
"I talk plenty," Kirk mutters with a mock scowl. The two of them glance at each other and laugh, Kirk slightly hysterically. Kirk's emotions are swinging up and down like a yo-yo.
"You know I can't let you go off by yourself." McCoy sobers them both up. "I know you too well Jim. First chance you'll be off to beat Kodos to death with your bare hands. You'll already have come up with a plan to sneak past any security we put on place. And when you want to do something that badly you tend to manage it."
"I haven't. You can just let me sleep. I can't stay on the bridge."
"You've stayed on the bridge for far longer than seven hours. This is the safest place for you. I don't want you by yourself – not just because of your homicidal intent, but also because you shouldn't be alone right now.
"I don't understand why you can't let me do this. He doesn't deserve to live. You can arrest me after."
"I don't want you to do it, but more importantly you don't really want to do it; if you could think rationally at the moment then you would agree with me. It won't make you feel better."
"But what if Starfleet let him go?" Jim whispers, and in that moment to Bones he sounds like Johanna, his daughter; he is seeking assurance and comfort in the same way she does when she's afraid or can't sleep.
"They won't. Not with you on the case. I imagine they'll give you a fair bit of input on how to deal with the situation," the doctor reassures. He hopes he is right.
"They didn't last time. They didn't even let me know he was alive!" Jim practically snarls. The sting of his betrayal by Starfleet is still painful.
"You're a captain now, not a fourteen year old kid." Bones points out. They both sit in silence for a minute, considering things.
"So you're going to make me sit here, in the bridge, so you can watch me?" Jim asks, because irritatingly this room has only a few exits.
"Got it in one. Maybe you are a genius after all. Go and sleep. I'll leave security at the door, so don't even think about pretending to sleep and sneaking out later. And no going for your padd – I know you're capable of killing through computer," McCoy insists.
"Alright mother. You want me to sleep in my chair?"
"Don't be silly. I got someone to bring you a sofa," McCoy sighs.
"You have a plan for everything, don't you?"
"I try."
Against advice Jim pretends to sleep. He doesn't think he could sleep even if he wanted to – his mouth is dry and his head is spinning and images he has pictured every night and images he hasn't thought of in years are swimming around his head. He wants to be sick but that would ruin his façade of sleep.
"Is it really necessary to keep him here?" Kirk hears Uhura ask quietly. He has to strain make out exactly what she is saying.
"It is logical. The captain is highly competent, and his desire to carry out his task is well above normal," Spock observes.
"Don't underestimate him, Uhura." Bones growls. "He's a devious bastard. Isn't that right, Jim?"
"The captain is asleep." Chekov points out.
"No. I've seen Jim Kirk asleep, and believe me he's only that peaceful when he's sedated," McCoy says wryly. "There isn't any point in pretending Jim, so you might as well actually sleep."
"I'm not tired," Jim snaps, sitting up. "It's the middle of the day for Christ sake. I'm not a child."
"Well you're acting like one. If you like I can sedate you. You'll wake up when we get there," Bones offers.
"No thanks. I don't like hypos."
"Then just sit. We could play eye spy?" Bones suggests, sounding uncommitted.
"I'm not a child!" Jim insists, because he is captain and an adult and competent, and he isn't fragile and he doesn't need other people he just likes having them around. He looks up at Bones. "I need to go to the bathroom."
"The security officers will escort you."
"To the bathroom?" Jim asks, mildly outraged.
"No arguing. You're not in charge here."
"I'm still captain." Jim points out sulkily, because this is his ship after all.
"At the moment Spock is captain. We just haven't made it official because we know that will upset you. We're just trying to take care of you Jim. Let us."
"Alright! I'll go with Cupcake and co to the bathroom!" Jim concedes, slightly grumpily.
He walks with his entourage slowly, trying to make them lose focus. They are too well trained. He makes a note to use Cupcake on more field assignments, because nothing seems to faze the man. Plus he's got a hell of a right hook – Kirk knows that first hand. Then he remembers that if all goes to plan he probably won't be assigning anybody anywhere. He stumbles and falls against not-Cupcake and they have to stop while he gets himself together. He takes a bit longer than usual but they don't lose patience – they just watch him. When they get to the bathroom Cupcake follows him inside, leaving the other security officer outside.
"Seriously? Kirk asks, because this is getting ridiculous. How is supposed to do anything while he has 24/7 surveillance? He has to do something. He remembers when Kodos came in after he had just been beaten for the first time and just stood there, watching him, in silence.
"I'm not spilling anything." Jim had choked out, because he still had his defiance at that point.
"You will. Because soon your violent little gang will be the least of your worries." Kodos had said. Then he had given a little chuckle and nodded to the men who had just stopped with the pain. "Give him another beating for that, right now. I don't think James here knows the gravity of his situation." That had been when good old fashioned fists were still being used – no whips or electricity or hot wires or….
"McCoy told me to watch you, sir." Cupcake says, pulling Kirk out of his thoughts. But he can still feel the phantom pain and utter helplessness of the past. He rushes over to the sinks and retches, the entire contents of his stomach coming up. Even after that he continues dry heaving. Eventually it stops and he washes away the vomit before washing his mouth out and splashing cool water on his face.
"Would you mind giving me a minute?" He asks Cupcake. "I just need a minute to get myself together." The man looks doubtful. "Look, there's only one exit. I can't go anywhere. Please." The plea sells his pitch and Cupcake nods and leaves.
As soon as he's gone Kirk goes into a stall and locks it, before climbing up onto the toilet and using that to climb up onto the top of the toilet stall. Once balanced he examines a panel in the ceiling. He knows his ship better than anything, so he knows that there is a shaft and crawl space above this area. He punches the ceiling until it gives way, glad it's just a covering and not made out of anything substantial. Then he pulls himself up into the space. It's a tight fit, but a fit. He shuffles along, going towards the corridor that the security officers aren't in. When he's shuffled far enough he pounds on the bottom of the shaft until it gives way, before dropping down into the corridor. It is deserted – a relief. He didn't want to have to try to explain what he was doing. He moves fast, aware that his little escape could be discovered at any minute.
He needs to get to the brig, before they put in any additional security (to stop him breaking in, because they don't need more security to stop break outs). He takes out the phaser he lifted from the security officer who wasn't Cupcake when he pretended to stumble and sets it carefully to stun. Then he sprints, taking the shortest path to the brig. The crew who see him glance his way but he doesn't stop. The run takes him about three minutes, which he thinks might be a record speed for the distance for him. Just before he enters the brig he catches his breath, then takes out the phaser. He feels bad for taking down members of his own crew but all they'll have is a bad headache.
He bursts into the brig and takes down all three of the guards, the one at the console first (so he can't call for help). He checks all the crew members, because he needs to make sure they're okay. Then he checks the cells one by one, glad that they have glass fronts so he doesn't have to open them; empty, empty, empty… He snarls, because he's checked all of them now and there is no Kodos, and that means he has been tricked and has to move out fast so that he can find out where Kodos actually is.
He is too late. As he turns round he catches site of Cupcake and then there is a flash and everything goes black.
Please, please, please review! I'll try to update as quickly as possible but I'm a bit busy at the moment so I'm not sure exactly when the next update will be. I hope you liked it anyway.