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Endings/Beginnings

When Jim steps into the observation room he isn't quite sure what he is feeling. Everything is swirling around his head like a carousel at a fairground, spinning and noisy and bright. He stumbles slightly and has to put his hand against the wall to steady himself. The support is insufficient and he finds himself having to lean in to the wall. He can hear heavy breathing; it takes him a few seconds to realise that it's coming from him.

Bones is at his side, hissing slightly at the new injury to Jim's finger (despite the fact that it's tiny and doesn't even need treatment). But the doctor doesn't dwell on the physical tear in his friend, because right now that isn't what's bleeding. Jim Kirk is falling and he needs someone to catch him before he breaks into even smaller pieces.

"Kid?" The doctor asks quietly, in the gentlest voice he can conjure up. Somehow it still seems slightly gruff. "Are you okay?"

"No," Kirk states, and looks up at Bones. His blue eyes meet the doctor's with significant intensity, but it's a friendly gaze (not like the one he fixed on Kodos earlier) and Bones doesn't feel the need to look away. "I'm not okay now," Kirk continues. "But I will be. I think I will be."

"Your approach was successful, captain." Spock says, having moved to stand beside Bones. "It is highly likely that the information collected was accurate."

"That's good to know." Jim mumbles. Spock looks slightly lost – the Vulcan clearly does not know what to say. But Jim can tell he's trying, and right now that's enough.

The Admirals stand apart from the three of them, looking slightly uncomfortable. Jim pushes himself off the wall and stands up properly, facing them. As he does so he scrapes his thumb and fresh blood runs down his hand.

"I only shed my own blood. But shed, it is no longer mine." Jim mutters.

"What?" Admiral Archer asks, looking confused.

"It's a quote," Jim clarifies. "James Portland said it after he tried to kill himself." The Admirals don't look any less perplexed, but Jim doesn't explain what he means. Instead he dismisses it. "It's nothing, it isn't important. What is important is what happens now. Did the website check out?"

"It did. We found the recordings and removed them from the internet. We're also running the name we were given, to try to work out if she really is feeding information to the Klingons. All in all, things were a success."

"I suppose so." Jim says guardedly. He's placing his shields back up, hiding the changeable feelings that are coursing through him. He doesn't want the Admirals to think he's weak. He can put aside what he's feeling (which, right now, is a desire to sit down on the floor and just not move) and get things done. He can let things out later, when he's alone, if necessary.

"Are you sure you haven't had any interrogation experience?" Admiral Archer probes. "You certainly seemed to know what you were doing."

"Only on the other side of the table. I'm a fast learner." Jim replies, his voice now devoid of emotion. He's horrified at what he managed to do – how effective he was at being a figure of pain and fear and persuasion all at once. He opened up a part of himself that he doesn't like the look of, a part of himself that is willing to do absolutely anything to get the job done.

"Well you did a good job. And you didn't go too far – I wasn't sure what you were going to do. He'll be fixed in no time." Admiral Archer commends, although his heart isn't quite in it. It's strange speaking to Kirk after seeing him being so aggressive.

"What will happen to Kodos?" Jim asks, because he wants to move the conversation away from the things that he did. "Will he be executed?" Jim asks, although he knows that the answer is no. The thought of Kodos being alive doesn't hurt him as much as it once did, but it still burns.

"Capital punishment is banned." Admiral Komack says sharply, looking slightly fierce. The Admiral is fairly by the books – he doesn't like people breaking rules. That's one of the reasons he's clearly so uncomfortable in this situation.

"So is torture," McCoy growls.

"There was no torture," Admiral Archer states. "Kodos fell and broke his wrist and some fingers. His shoulder was also dislocated. He received medical treatment for these injuries. We have video footage of the incident."

"Another cover up," McCoy reflects rather morosely.

"You can't send him to a penal colony; somebody could recognise him." Jim points out. Across the glass Kodos is still sobbing but the sound has been turned off like a television on mute. Kirk glances at him for only a second before looking away.

"The probability of that occurring is low; however it is still a significant risk to allow him to mix with the general population of inmates on any penal colony," Spock observes.

"He will be held in isolation." Admiral Komack explains.

"Excellent. What about the Enterprise? We've assigned shore leave for the next few days, but after that should we ship back out?" Kirk asks. His voice is brisk, like he hasn't been bothered by any of this (although, of course, he isn't fooling McCoy or Spock).

"I would suggest that the Enterprise gets a full check while docked, and any repairs needed can be carried out. You can reequip at the same time. You can ship back out in a week." Admiral Archer proposes. Admiral Komack considers for a moment before nodding in agreement. He clearly just wants to get out of this room.

Kirk feels relief course through him – he obviously looks more together than he actually is on the outside because he's basically being told to get back to what he was doing before. But then he always has been able to act like he's fine. It was an art that he first refined at school, hiding the bruises from teachers (because they didn't understand, would only make it worse). He's got better over the years, of course. He's grateful for it now, allowed to walk away and act as if nothing has happened. Perhaps now he can properly move on from Tarsus, leave things behind instead of just ignoring them. But somehow he knows, deep down, that things aren't over yet. This won't be the last of Kodos and his childhood nightmare.

"One more thing," Kirk asks, because there is something that has been nagging at him that he only now thinks to voice. "Who's Lenore?" It was a personal password, Lenore, that Kodos chose – interesting for a man so cold.

"A girlfriend perhaps? No idea. Does it matter?" Archer queries. Kirk shakes his head – it's probably nothing, probably just a random selection. But still, he can't shake the thought that this is going to come back to bite. He has a funny feeling that he'll be hearing the name Lenore again.