Greetings mortals! King Alex has returned. So this was not completely written by me. I collabed with a friend, coolgurlxx10012 with this one, and i think its pretty damn funny. This was prompted by the one and only Becky Astin-Camp and yeah. That's it. Mortals, I'm just going to respond to reviews on the first post of the day, cuz if i responded to everyone, I'd confuse myself right now, so yeah. You're not forgotten, just temporarily put on hold XD

Now with that said, I bring to you more of Bullshit Week 2014!

I own nothing.

Pairing: Jaubrey. eww, I know but I blame Becky :)

Category: Humor/romance

Rating: T

"Okay bye Mom, I love you." Aubrey says about to hang up the phone until her Mom continues talking for what seems to be the thousandth time in their 40 minute phone conversation.

"Wait, Aubrey honey your Father and I are planning a family dinner this Saturday and would love it if you brought that nice British boyfriend of yours we would love to meet him." Shit Aubrey knew that she couldn't possibly turn down her parent's dinner because- well she was the poster child. Prim and Proper, perfect Aubrey had to be perfect.

Although Aubrey was perfect there was one thing was definitely not perfect, Jesse. Of course Jesse was perfect to Aubrey but there is no way in hell her parents would think the same of a guy with little ambition and an obsession with John Hughes movies.

"Yeah that'd be great." Aubrey told her Mom in the the most fake and happy voice imaginable because if Aubrey was dreading anything it was this dinner. As Aubrey hung up the phone with her persistent Mother the dinner was a thought she could not ignore in her head. You see her parents were already in love with Aubrey's boyfriend Jesse even though they had never met him, the problem was they were in love with the made up Jesse.

Aubrey's parents thought that Jesse was some British genius who attended a high end British school. Which by the way if you hadn't notice that was the exact opposite of who Jesse really was.

"Fuck me!" Aubrey exclaimed to her empty door room walls out of frustration, there was absolutely no way around her petty lie now.

"Speak of the devil," Aubrey mumbled as Jesse's face flashed upon her cell phone screen, she was hesitant to answer but knew if she didn't it would just leave her more time to wallow in fear of the dinner about to happen.

"Hey babe," Aubrey said into the phone line and Jesse said hello to her as well.

Aubrey was debating whether or not she should just call back her Mother and tell her Jesse wasn't up for it this weekend due to the recent loss of his Dads, uncles, cousins dog or something like that, but the better person in Aubrey decided not to.

"Okay, so listen Jesse here's the thing." She began to speak and the moment she said this Jesse could already tell by her the 'business' edge to her voice she had done something again.

"What did you do this time?" Jesse questioned Aubrey as he ran his hands through his hair awaiting his girlfriends answer.

"My parents called and want to have you over for dinner this Saturday." relief washed through Jesse at her words because this was probably the most normal thing Aubrey had ever been worried about. Jesse couldn't understand why Aubrey was stressing out about this when she should be stressing over the upcoming exams they have or what the hell they are all going to wear for the 70's dance.

"Aubrey what did I tell you about stressing over the dumbest things? Of course I'll go to the dinner with you." Jesse says as he walks up to the building where Aubrey's dorm is.

"See there is more to it Jesse. I may have lied just a little bit about who you were exactly." Jesse squeezes his eyes shut in frustration through the phone, this is why Aubrey was so stressed out.

Aubrey paced in her dorm room waiting for Jesse to burst through her door. She told him what she told her parents about Jesse and right after that he hung up, she took it as that wasn't a great sign. Only moments later there is a loud knocking on her door and only a moment after that it opens and reveals a rather pissed off looking Jesse.

"You may have lied just a little bit about who I was to your parents Aubrey? I'm british and attend some pissy high standard british school? What in the hell were you thinking? Obviously your parents were going to want to meet me eventually! You just fucking sent me to my own damn funeral!"

There was one thing that Aubrey hated more than Khakis with sandals- Jesse yelling. Aubrey was at a loss for words because in this moment she knew that she royally fucked up and fucked Jesse over.

"I'm sorry alright? I know you're pissed but you know how my parents are!" Aubrey tries to reason with him

"After all you know how my Father always says if-"

"If at first you don't succeed pack your bags." Jesse finishes for her, "I know Aubrey, I've heard how much of a complete business prick your Father is numerous times. I just can't believe that you lied about me!" Aubrey wasn't going to cry but she sure as hell wanted to punch something.

"Come on Jess, think of this as one of your acting things. Pretend you're in a brady bunch movie like the one you always like to watch!" Aubrey says hoping this will spark Jesse's interest.

"Breakfast club! It's called the Breakfast club not the fucking brady bunch!" Jesse shouts but when he really thought about it, it would be pretty fun.

He was obsessed with movies, they were his kryptonite and although he was now willing to do this stupid dinner, Aubrey has no idea what she just signed herself up for.

"Come on Jesse, hurry the hell up! You take longer than me to get ready!" Aubrey shouted for the tenth time waiting for Jesse to come out of the bathroom. They both had to be at her parents house in an hour and Aubrey was already nervous enough about the entire Jesse being British thing, she didn't need being late as another thing to worry her about.

Aubrey practically spit her milk out as Jesse walked out of the bathroom, she wasn't sure whether or not she should laugh or scream at him for not taking this entire dinner seriously, then as she looked at his choice of wardrobe a bit closer she saw he may have been taking it a bit too seriously.

Standing before her was Jesse wearing a pair of brown pants that were rolled up at the bottom and a green sweater hugging his chest with a white shirt underneath it, he even went through the lengths to get himself a pair of toms and fake glasses.

"Fake glasses, are you kidding me?" Aubrey asks breaking the silence

"Hey, I got a pipe with the British flag on it but I thought that was too far. I could always use that.." Jesse trails off and Aubrey waves him off annoyed walking towards their car.

"How far away is your house again?" Jesse asks and Aubrey ignores him getting into the front seat of the car and turning on the ignition. I'm sure most kids would be ecstatic to come home from college to see their parents but that was not at all Aubrey. Every time Aubrey ever came home she was picked apart piece by piece by her Father.

"Come on ye lovely don't be so down in the gloom, just be chipper mate!" Jesse shouted over the music playing through the car stereo and Aubrey hoped that in the next 30 minute car ride Jesse would be able to improve his British accent and also his British vocabulary.

By the time Aubrey and Jesse reached her parents house she had just about had it with his fake accent and bad choice of British words.

"Come on lighten up, just having a wee bit of fun, cheerios!" Jesse exclaimed wrapping his arm around Aubrey's shoulder.

"It's just Cheerio Jesse." Aubrey says correcting Jesse

"Why would we just eat one Cheerio though?"

"It's not about eating the cheerios it's just- Nevermind lets just get this over with."

"Oh my lord! Aubrey is that you?" Her Mother shouts and runs to her daughter hugging her tightly. Jesse stood there awkwardly and followed his girlfriend and her Mother into their house, the inside of the house was huge- and white, very, very white. Jesse felt as if he would ruin it all just by his essence being in the house.

"Ah, you must be Jesse! Our Aubrey has told us so much about you! Where are you from in England?" Aubrey's Mother asked and Jesse could feel the pressure already. At some point Aubrey's Father had walked up and was with them all standing awkwardly in the entrance of the home.

"Um.. Heathrow," Jesse says off of the top of his head and once he said it he became even more nervous. Jesse had no actual idea if that was a real place that even existed.

"Nice, where about are you from? I've been there once or twice myself actually." Aubrey's Dad said which was not something that either Jesse or Aubrey needed to happen.

"I'm from um.. winterchestirshireville…" Jesse says and he realized one he said it that anybody who was an actual person would call his bullshit.

"It's a really small town, not many people have heard of it but Jesse is always telling me how cute it is. He's always talked about the little nail salon he always went to called pretty nails." Aubrey says quickly trying to save Jesse's ass. Jesse shakes his head at Aubrey, out of all the things she could have said, a nail salon? Way to make him sound like a girl.

"Oh that's nice. We have a nice salon down the road actually ourselves, only the name is a little bit more.. oh you know what nevermind, why don't we just go eat!"

"Aubrey told me your favorite food from home was called Stargazy pie. So I made that with some black pudding." Aubrey's Mom informed them both and as both of them laid eyes on the food before them, Aubrey felt like getting sick.

"Well, you know how I love my pie with fish heads sticking out of it." Jesse says forcing a smile, before looking towards Aubrey and sending her a dirty look.

In Jesse's eyes, whatever he ate Aubrey had to eat.

"And black pudding how delicious that is.. with all of it's… blackness.." Jesse manages to say, he couldn't tell just by looking at it what exactly it was but all he knew was it was not something he wanted in his mouth.

"It's blood sausage of course." Aubrey's Father said and she know that this must have been his idea to make these hideous foods, anything to sabotage a good night.

"Well let's all dig in!"

As Jesse piled the pie and pudding onto his plate he made sure that his glass of water was filled to the top because just the smell of the food sent the feeling of utter nausea to his stomach.

Aubrey eyed the food on her plate as her Father seemed fine shoveling it down his throat and her Mother ate her salad in peace because of her "diet" we all knew by looking at her thighs was made up.

Jesse tried his hardest not to think of the content he was eating as he ate the black pudding, he managed to keep it down but the Stargazy Pie was another story. He couldn't ignore the fish literally sticking out of the pie and as he took the first bite Aubrey screamed as the swallowed remains of Jesse's food went flying on the table.

Her Mother fled from her chair and her Father ran after her while she grabbed all the things needed to clean this disgusting mess. Jesse literally had tears streaming down his face as he thought about what he just ate.

"They had fucking eyes Aubrey! I just ate a fish with eyes, in a fucking pie!" he shouts, his British accent no longer there.

"Here, we got you some British napkins-" Aubrey's Mother says handing them napkins with the British flag on them.

"Those aren't even British napkins, they're just napkins with the British flag!" Jesse shouted wiping his mouth with one.

"Where did you accent go? Oh my god, did you throw up so bad your accent is gone!?" Aubrey's Mom shouts worried.

"No! I'm not fucking British! I'm just a guy studying film at the same University as your daughter! And by the way, what British person actually eats that shit? That is fucked up man!" at this point Aubrey knew there was no point in trying to fix this.

"I can't believe you lied Aubrey. I am very disappointed in you." her Father tells her with authority

"Just shut the fuck up. I know you're Aubrey's Father but you're just a stuck up business prick." Jesse says before Aubrey can say anything else.

"Have such an impeccable taste in men," her Father said, his voice laced with sarcasm

"Shut up Father. At least my boyfriend is nice to me and doesn't criticize my every move." Aubrey snapped, defending herself and Jesse.

"Your boyfriend is not welcome here and neither are you until you get rid of him." Her Father growled.

As Aubrey and Jesse left the house, Aubrey realized she had everything to be stressed about over that dinner, and what's even worse was that fucking fish heads in a pie ruined it all for her. Just fucking lovely. So that was what screwed her over? Really? Aca-fuck it all. Looking over at Jesse, Aubrey's anger softened. At the moment, Jesse was wiping vomit from the corners of his mouth and from the look on her face, Aubrey could definitely commiserate with the way that he was probably feeling.

Smiling, Aubrey leaned into Jesse and took his hand. You know what? Jesse was an alright guy. So what he wasn't some swarmy British guy? He loved her, and that should be enough.

"So Mr. Swanson," Aubrey giggled in a fake British accent, "How did you enjoy the pie?"

"It was absolutely awful," Jesse deadpanned, however soon, he broke out into a massive grin, "However, I dare say that the pie tasted far better coming back up then going down!"

Aubrey laughed, "I can imagine that dear. My mother is an awful cook."

"Dude, so true!" Jesse laughed, breaking out of character, "I mean who the hell puts a fish in a pie?"

"Weird British people who have no taste buds," Aubrey laughed as the two of them finally reached the car.

Opening the door up for Aubrey, Jesse helped Aubrey in before going over to the driver side and letting himself in. Smiling fondly, Aubrey wondered how the hell she got so lucky. Not many guys would eat fucking blood mush for a girl, or even pretend to be something they weren't to appease parents. Taking Jesse's hand, Aubrey smirked. One Mr. Swanson definitely deserved to be rewarded tonight.

Letting her hand wander a little closer to Jesse's leg, Aubrey smirked. Perhaps this night could end well too. Bless Jesse, but the man was completely oblivious to what was going going Aubrey's head at the moment. his eyes were trained directly on the road, and Aubrey knew from a conversation long ago, the only thing he was thinking about was getting Aubrey to where ever they were going safely.

Falling in love with Jesse just a little more, Aubrey settled back into her seat and smiled. Her big plans for tonight could begin later. Right now, she was going to enjoy the car ride back to her flat.

Aaaaaand Cut! SO I know... the end was a little mean, but what can I say? I'm a fucking lesbian. I don't do guys, literally and figuratively. So yeah. Tell me how you loved it, and continue loving Bullshit Week 2014!