Greetings aca-bitches? So how's life? Good, great, shitty as fuck because Valentine's day is Friday? You know what? I don't actually care. Deal with your own fucking problems! On that note, I'm doing fucking outstanding though, in case any of you care :)

Rizzlesmylies, babe your prompt is up! For the lazy aca-mortals who don't know, her prompt in a nutshell was follows, a food fight between the Bella's and the Treble's. Kind like a revenge thing. Speaking of revenge, you should all go read that fic. I've heard its fucking fantastic and written by a really good author ;)

lol, guys sorry if I'm extra cocky today. I'm in a REALLY fucking good mood, so yerp :) Just bear with me. I'll be back to semi-sort-of-kinda-resembling-in-a-sort-of-kinda-way normal tomorrow :)

I own nothing.

Pairing: Fat Bumper

Category: Humor/food

Rating: K+

"Amy, are you sure this is a good idea?" Beca hissed as she hopped out of the truck.

"Those bitches need to learn their lesson," Amy growled, "I can't believe Bumpy-poo- I mean Bumper threw that big ass burrito at me! I'm going to smash all those stupid Treble's head into the ground and them I'm going to set the Watakmpi curse on them!"

"You know what? I like this idea more..." Beca said nervously, "DO I even want to know about whatever the hell it was you just said?"

"Aaah..." Amy said nervously, "What part? Because I don't know what your talking about! me and Bumper have absolutely NOTHING going on. Yeah, see I hate that cabbage patch kid. Totally don't see him two to three times a week. Totally. He's just an annoying, though rather sexy, shit head that I HATE! Hello, I hate Bumper. Totally hate him and his adorable face."

"You know what?" Beca said, "I don't even want to know. Let's just throw these pies and go. I think Stacie, Lily, and-"

"OI!" Amy yelled, "That's Bravo team! We're going to do this right Beca, and you need to remember who's on what team and what each team is! Now once the recon team is back, the Alpha team-"

"AKA you and me," Beca sighed, not entirely understanding Amy's need to use military terms.

"ALPHA TEAM! IT IS CALLED ALPHA TEAM!" Amy bellowed, "Now, after that, Bravo Team moves in and-"

"We pie them, scram and go about our daily lives once more. Blah blah fucking bah! Amy, I get the plan!" Beca snapped, "Now please, can we just do this?I'm due back at the radio station in an hour, and I don't have time for this to be some super long drawn out affair, okay?"

"Fine then Mr. Grumpy Gills!" Amy huffed, "Who put a dingo in your loincloth?"

"I don't even know." Beca deadpanned.

"Look alive Beca, here comes the recon team!" Amy said, ignoring Beca's obvious lack of enthusiasm.

With a sigh, Beca looked ahead and sure enough, Jessica, Ashley, and Denise, sorry, the RECON team, were stealthily making their way back to the truck that Beca was at. Quirking an eyebrow at their excited smiles and incessant giggling, Beca once more questioned her judgement in agreeing to go on this insane trip. Really, what was to be gained by pieing all of the Trebles? What?

Also, now adding the whole odd Amy behavior at Bumper's mention, Beca was once more questioning the decision to join Amy on this scheme. Aubrey had expressively forbade them from going, stating that such was 'dishonorable, ridiculous, and tarnished the Bella name'. Whatever. Beca just thought it was dumb, and now she was here to piss Aubrey off... Though now, Amy was pissing HER off. Aca-fucking lovely. SHit, did she just aca something? Fucking even better. This night fucking sucked.

Barely listening as the 'recon team' (Three giggling girls) gave Amy all of her requested 'Intel' (whether or not the Trebles were in their house, where they were, etc), Beca looked down at her watch. The little green digital numbers showed that it was already 8:47. Just great. She had to be at the station soon. Amy needed to hurry the hell up if she wanted her to help.

"Alright flat butts," Amy said, gathering everyone in a huddle "So this is it. We do this like the aboriginals. Standard ligggitakkihiterman In, out, and gone before they even know what hit them! We clear?"

"You know Amy, in western society, we call that a blitzkrieg," Beca smirked, ignoring the shocked looks everyone gave her.

What? Her dad was a COLLEGE lit professor. Even though she never cared to even listened to him and thought that he was a complete prick, she still picked a few things up over the years. Its kinda hard not too... Plus she remembered what a blitzkrieg was because it was fun to say. What? Say it in a funny German accent, and see if you don't laugh!

"Well whatever!" Amy huffed, "Bella's on three!"

"Wait, on three or after three?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah, are we singing then too, or is it just like 'HOOOH! Bellas!' thing?" Denise asked.

"You know what, let's just do this!" Beca sighed, "Please? I have to be back at the station soon."

"Fine, let's go!" Amy huffed, "Everyone grab a box, let's move out!"

"OI! FLAT BUT BRAVO TEAM!" Amy shouted, causing Beca to wince, "HIT'S A GO! LET'S MOVE!"

"Please tell me what the point of us being stealthy if all you were going to do was bellow out commands?" Beca asked, pulling a box of pies off of the truck, "Because to me, this just looks like one massive waste of time. But hey, that's just me, and probably everyone else in the world, but it would be cool if you could try and explain why we sat in the woods when al you were going to do was yell. We have phones you know, you could have just called Stacie. Probably much quieter... Just saying though."

"Shut it basic!" Amy ordered, "Now let's move!"

Deciding that playing along with whatever delusional plan Amy had concocted would be more expedient then arguing with logic, Beca simply dutifully carried a rather large box of pies with her through the woods to the Treble house. After a solid ten minute trek through the campus woods, the lights of the house were finally visible. Crawling into position, Beca waited by one of the windows Amy had assured her would be unlocked until the signal was given... Basically Amy ringing the door bell and pieing whoever opened the door. Then she would open said window and bombard pies in. Yeah, not the best plan, but whatever. It wasn't her plan. She was just following orders.

Crouching down, Beca waited with baited breath as she heard Amy ring the doorbell. From her position, she could hear the Trebles arguing inside about who had to open the door. Smirking when she heard Bumper order Jesse to open the door, Beca took a pie out and waited for all hell to break loose. Hearing the front door open, Beca practically buzzed with excitement. What? Throwing pies at people is fun, no matter what the circumstance or previous shit happened leading up to it.

"Amy?" Beca heard Jesse ask, "What are you-"

Jesse was cut off as Amy smashed a pie in his face.

"ATTAAAAAACK!" Amy shrieked, charging into the Treble house, holding a pie in each hand.

Jumping up, Beca flung the window open without a hitch and launched a pie into the house, not even bothering to see who she hit. Grabbing another pie, Beca laughed as she heard the terrified squeals of Bumper, the angry shouts from Amy, and the squeals of laughter from the rest of the Bellas. Looking through the window, Beca saw Amy chasing Bumper wit a pie. Already, there was a bunch of smashed and thrown pies around the house, and it looked like many of the Trebles had already taken a direct hit.

With a splat, a piece of pie hit Beca directly in the face. Shocked, Beca could only gape as Jesse grinned at her cheekily, already scooping some pie off of the ground. Quickly recovering, Beca launched her pie and hit him square in the face. Ducking back down, Beca saw a handful of gooey pie fly out of the window, right where her head was only moments ago.

"Oh, its so on bitch," Beca growled.

Grabbing another pie, Beca peered back up in the window. Searching for her next target, Beca was tempted to hit Jesse again, but what fun would that be? Anyway, he was busy throwing pie chunks at Jessica. Looking around, Beca's smirk suddenly widened. Amy was still chasing Bumper around, but it looked like she was getting tired of 'vertical running' and Bumper was getting close to the door. Right now, it would only be polite to help a sister out, right? Carefully aiming, Beca let her pie fly. Her aim was true, and with a howl, Bumper fell to the ground, cupping his crotch as Beca' pie hit him squarely in the junk. Laughing, Beca watched as Amy stood over him with her pie.

"YOU TWO TIMING BASTARD!" Amy roared, "I'm going to finish you like a cheesecake now!"

"No wait, please, muffin cake" Bumper begged, "You wouldn't hurt me, would you baby?"

"Oh yes, I would," Amy smirked and then literally smashed her pie right into Bumper's face, "And you totally deserved that you two faced, dingo whore, urban pansycaked, flibbertyorkingalin cheater bitch!"

Laughing so hard at Amy's creative insults and Bumper's absolutely shocked and slightly pained face, Beca, almost lost her footing and fell down. Quickly righting herself, Beca launched the rest of the pies, while also successfully landing a hit on Donald's ass as he and Stacie tried to sneak out together. Once she had exhausted her supply of pie, Beca took a second to admire the sheer pandemonium that was going on in the house.

Bella's and Trebles had organized themselves on either side of the main room and were currently launching hunks of pie at each other. Hiding behind an overturned sofa, the Bella's actually had a very organized attack going on, standing in columns and throwing, hiding and reloading while the other column did the same. The boys on the other hand were just throwing pie as they could, no sense of rhyme or reason. That would be boys for you though. Shaking her head, Beca glanced down at her watch.

Shit, there she only had ten minutes to get to the station and start her shift. And she fucking had pie in her hair. Dammit. Taking one last look in, Beca saw all of the Bella's (minus the captains) all laughing, throwing pie. Right now, Beca was the only one not there. As Stacie nailed Unicycle in the chest with a hunk of what looked like Cherry pie, Beca made her mind up.

Climbing into the window, Beca took her place with the rest of the Bella's in nailing the Trebles with pie. She'd have to deal with shit from Luke and Aubrey tomorrow, but today she was going to enjoy herself.

Aaaaaaand cut! So how was that mortals? Rizzlesmylies, did I d good enough for you babe? I liked this chapter, hope you did to baby Xxx

Chap 5 guest, you're next, followed by the lovely cxcxcx386 :) Authors, please, someone send me SOMTHING I can put in this. DOn't et me stand alone against the stupid cliches that is Valentines Day!