Kenny scarfs down his omelette in record time.
"Cartman, oh my god." he says with a dreamy smile while he rubs his stomach.
"Be my personal chef?" he asks, batting his eyes at me. I laugh.
"Not even if you had the money to pay me." I replied. Kenny stands, stretching.
"So what's this work you were talking about?" he asks with a yawn.
"You're going to bring me back to that Jewish camp." I grin as I lean back against the counter.
"I told you, Stan and I went over that place." he rolls his eyes.
"Yes, but I don't trust that you did it right."
"Even if we didn't, it's been four years; what the hell kind of clue do you think will be left?" He asks doubtingly. I just roll my eyes.
"And this is why I have to do everything myself." I sigh, and lead the way out the apartment.
I follow Kenny to the train station and of course I have to pay for his ticket. The trip there wasn't bad, and soon we were able to start gathering information.
"Is that the place?" I ask, pointing to a campgrounds in the distance.
"Yeah, come on." he waves as he keeps walking. I grab his shoulder to stop him.
"Hang on, Kinny!" I say a I glare at him. He laughs as I go through my backpack. I pull out binoculars before leading Kenny into the woods.
"What the hell, Cartman!" he yelps.
"Quiet down, poor boy. Do you know nothing about surveillance?" I glare at him.
"Surveillance?" he asks stupidly.
"Yes, Kenny. What, did you and Stan just burst in and ask a bunch of questions at random?" I laugh, trying to keep my voice down. He grumbles something, but I'm already moving through the brush ahead of him. I slow as I near the gate of the camp, taking extra care of my footing. I peer through my binoculars at the place. Huh. Its a boarding school too... Well, it seemed nice enough, at first glance, but I wasn't buying it. Kids were out playing, and most of them looked happy. I frowned as I sat on a log.
"Shh! Kinny!" I whisper behind me at the clumsy blond. He swears as he nearly trips over a root. I roll my eyes and go back to surveying.
"So anything?" he asks as he sits beside me.
"This stuff takes time retard." I whisper back. He sighs.
"Wish you told me that earlier, I'd have brought my PSP." he mutters.
"Your still using that old thing?" I chuckle lightly at the poor boy.
A few minutes later the kids are called back inside. And there he is. The odd kid out; no friends, keeps to himself, looks scared to death at the thought of going back in. I pull a camera out of my bag and take a picture of him.
"Dude! People are going to think we're pedophiles!" Kenny hisses at me.
"Relax, this isn't too different from a job I did a while back for mr Motishimo. He had this other company's CEO making him look bad, so he payed me to do a kind of psyche eval on this guy and his protege." I try to assure him. Although with this I have a little more creative leeway...
"Huh. Well what happened?" he asks.
"We found that his protege would be more cooperative." I shrug as I put my camera back in my bag. He's quiet as I get ready to head back.
"Dude! Did you kill that guy?" he finally asks in astonishment. I can't help but laugh loudly. Thankfully all the camp staff had gone back inside.
"That's ridiculous." I laugh, walking past him back towards the train station.
"You dick." he grunts as he follows behind me. We ride the train back to South Park, and walk back to my place from there.
"So we did all that for what exactally?" Kenny groans as we walk into my room. I plug my camera into my laptop.
"To find out if this kid has always been a weirdo, or if it's that place." I explain, paying more attention to my computer.
"ok? And you've managed to learn that much about computers too?" he asks doubtingly.
"Kenny, I'm getting real sick of that!" I snap before continuing more calmly.
"And yes I've picked up a bit, but not enough. I have to call up my expert." I smirk a little as I pull out my phone. It only ring once before he answers.
"H-hey." he greets nervously.
"Hey beaner. I need your help with a project I'm working on." I say as I start on my computer. I don't know a lot, but I know enough to give him a head start.
"Oh. Well, then first, how's Colorado?" Keith asks.
"Really?" I groan.
"Come on, at least tell me if you found him." I sigh loudly in response.
"Almost. But I need your help." I ask in a deep seductive tone.
"...ok." he pouts.
"Good. I'm sending you information about a boarding school here in colorado, and a picture of a kid there. I need you to find out everything about the school, espesially staff that have been there for at least four years, and i need everything on that kid too; name, place of origin, how long he's been there, and espesially who he is. That means personality; happy, energetic, friendly, extetera." I instruct.
"Alright. I'll call you back in a little while." he sighs.
"Hey Keith?" I ask.
"What?"
"Your awesome."
"...oh, ah, t-thanks. Bye." he says awkwardly. I laugh a little. He's fun to fuck with, but he also works faster when he's happy.
"So you two were together." Kenny laughs lightly. I just roll my eyes.
"No, we just fucked around a couple times." I explain, somehow not feeling embarrassed about it. He just laughs.
"So what now, we just wait?"
"Well, you do. I need to start figuring out the next faze..." I say distractedly. He sighs, plopping down on his sleeping bag.
Over the next few hours Keith began sending me a near continuous stream of information. Turns out the kid use to be head of the soccer team; a beloved and loving child with a lot of friends. I began peicing together all the information Keith sent over about the school too, weaving it all into a beautifully crafted master plan.
"Ok Kenny, so I have the blueprints of the school here. Out best bet seems to be here, by the groundkeeper's quarters." I explain to the bored blond sitting beside me.
"then I need you to talk to this kid, get him to confirm our suspects. Once you do that-"
"No, dude! I suck with kids! You do that!"
"Kenny, do I seem like the kid friendly type?" I scoffed.
"I'm going to fuck it up." he shrugs.
"Fine. We'll recruit Stan to do that." I roll my eyes.
"Right, because Stan is so eager to help out Kyle." he rolls his eyes back. I stare at him for a minute in anger.
"Ok Kenny; you are going to tell me what really happened between the two of them, ok? I'm sick of this half-truth bullshit." I huff out. He looks up at me in surprise.
"Well... I guess it started in sixth grade." he shrugs.
"What? That's a year before I left, you really think I wouldn't have noticed?" I glare at him, but he just shrugs again.
"Well the problem wasn't until after, but yeah, that's where it started. Anyways, I didn't find out about it until after Stan already gave up." He looks up at me an I see a flash of hurt cross his face.
"Kyle came out to Stan at the beginning of sixth grade. I guess Stan was super supportive, but told Kyle that he never wanted to actually see two guys kiss; he didn't want anything gay in his own life." Kenny explained. I furrowed my brow.
"Dude, Stan's been the least homophobic out of any of us." I reminded him.
"Yes, but we're all gay, if you hadn't noticed. He's cool with gays, but he doesn't want to actually see any of it. My point is that Kyle promised to keep PDA down when or if he ever got a boyfriend." Kenny reasoned.
"So what, this whole prostitution for drugs thing rub him the wrong way?" I ask rolling my eyes.
"Dude, none of us knew that was happening. But while we were trying to convince Kyle to talk to us..." he hesitated before continuing.
"Ike snuck us into his room, but Kyle said he wanted nothing to do with us. Stan said he wasn't leaving, and Kyle kind of freaked out." he sighed.
"And?" I asked impatiently.
"And he kissed Stan and called him a bitch." Kenny replied quickly.
"He what?" I growled back. There's no way. What if that's what Kyle really wants? What if even if I win him over, he'll still always wish he could have Stan? Goddamn it, that hippy piece of shit's going to pay for this...
"Cartman! Cartman!" Kenny yells after me. He grabs onto my arm, dragging behind me for a few steps. I finally stop.
"What Kenny?" I snap.
"You can't just beat the shit out of him for no reason." he huffs.
"No reason!? Dude!" I yell back.
"Look, Kyle practically spat on their agreement. The two want nothing to do with each other." Kenny growled.
"But there's some one else we can get who has to be good with kids." he explains. I was still insanely pissed, but he was right. The mission had to come first.
"Fine. Who?" I asked between gritted teeth. He grins sheepishly at me.
"Goddamn it."