A/N: Finally got Chapter 5 done! And things are only getting worse for Hermione ...

Chapter 5

TP Or Not TP

Hermione wanted nothing more than to step into the shower and rid herself of both the smell and sticky feeling plaguing her right now, but she knew she'd be remised if she didn't show Ron what his "precious cousins" had done to her this time. Not only that, but she also wanted to know why the sounds of her most recent misadventure had failed to attract his attention. Surely, he couldn't claim to have not heard anything.

But, as it turned out, maybe he could.

Right when Hermione lifted her hand to knock on his door while thinking, New rule: no more closed doors!, something caught her attention from the lower corner of her eye. It was cylindrical in shape, maroon red and had a large yellow "W" imprinted at the top of it. In the object's center was a horizontal thin green line and when Hermione picked it up and put it beside her ear, she could hear a noise that was similar to the buzz of static. She recognized what it was immediately.

It was a Secret Silencer, one of many Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes products. This particular invention was designed to mute the sounds of any occurrence one wanted to keep secret from somebody else. So if, say, two mischievous little cousins of someone wanted to conceal the fact that they were continuing to prank his girlfriend, then all they would have to do would be to place the Silencer in an ideal spot like outside his bedroom door and turn it on. That way, the sound of mayhem wouldn't even reach him.

"Crafty," muttered Hermione as she switched off the device, making the green light extinguish. She knocked on Ron's door.

When he opened it, Ron went from looking shocked at the sight that awaited him to choking down a laugh and holding his nose in disgust all within a matter of seconds. "What in Merlin's beard are you covered in?"

"Stinksap," Hermione spat out. "But you can't tell underneath all the molasses."

"No, I can definitely tell," said Ron, still pinching his nose to protect himself from the smell. He exhaled heavily through his mouth. "But ... when did this happen?"

"I don't blame you for being confused." Hermione held up the Secret Silencer.

"Jack and Abby," both young adults said at the same time, although their tones were drastically different.

Hermione handed Ron the Silencer and he regarded it with faint amusement. "It appears George has been giving them discounts on a few store items." He looked back at Hermione. "Along with a few pointers."

"Well, it's high time someone set them straight!" huffed Hermione. "Which is exactly what I'm going to do after I wash up. Thoroughly."

"Yeah, but -"

"Don't even try to stand up for them!" Hermione jabbed an icky finger in front of her boyfriend's face. "Otherwise, I might just revoke your snogging privileges for the time being!"

"Yes, ma'am," said Ron as he blanched slightly.

"Now, can I expect you to clean up the mess in my room and keep the children in order while I'm in the shower?" Ron nodded silently, knowing full well not to speak out of turn at the moment. "Good." With that, Hermione turned on her heel and stormed into the bathroom, where she shut the door with a slam that reverberated throughout the house.

This time, she made sure to lock the door.

Hermione's second Jack and Abby-related shower took the better part of an hour, both because the two layers of mess required a lot of scrubbing to eradicate and the smell of the Stinksap proved quite stubborn. But after ten latherings of flower-scented shampoo, Hermione was finally smelling like her usual self again, which made her satisfied enough to turn off the water and step out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel in the process.

Her wand lay on the counter while her latest set of dirty clothes lay on the floor in a clump. Hopefully, this is the last time I'll have to go through this little routine, Hermione thought once she had dried off and changed into a plaid top, another set of jeans, and a pair of purple socks. She figured she'd add the clothes stained with molasses and Stinksap to the ever-growing pile for Gwen to clean, and depending on how Jack and Abby reacted to her impending lecture, Hermione would come up with an appropriate explanation for them.

Hermione opened the door, which instantly started to help relieve the fog of steam from her lengthy shower, and was about to step out when she noticed something taped to the outside of the door. It was a note, and Hermione recognized Ron's handwriting straight away. She curiously detached the paper from the door and read the inscribed message it held.

Hermione,

While you were in the shower, Aunt Gwen contacted me by owl and asked if I could run into town and get some stuff for dinner. I told Jack and Abby to wait downstairs in the living room for you. You can go ahead and give them a talking-to without me, but try to remember it's Jack's birthday tomorrow, so try not to be TOO hard on him. Okay? See you three when I get back.

Kisses,

Ron

Upon finishing the letter, Hermione started to find Ron's insistence on not being too strict with Jack and Abby just a little disconcerting. He'd seen what they'd done to her so far, so why did it feel like he was trying to avoid disciplining them? Regardless, Hermione was not about to let Jack and Abby get away with their mischief, nor was she going to let them use Ron's fondness for them to their advantage.

Hermione crumbled up the note and threw it in the wastebasket in the bathroom. She then took her bag back into her room, but first paused at the threshold and scanned inside for any signs of trickery. Satisfied there were none and also that Ron had indeed cleaned up all the mess, Hermione quickly stowed away her luggage in the closet and went back out into the hallway.

She noticed the doors to both Jack's and Abby's rooms were wide open, and that neither of the little troublemakers were nowhere to be seen in either of them.

"Alright, time to teach these two who's boss," Hermione said to herself confidently.

It was with great purpose that she marched down the stairs. Along the way, she could hear the faint sounds of Jack and Abby talking with one another, which signified their presence in the living room as Ron had promised. Hermione was already getting fired up and just a little excited about the lecture she was going to give. A few select phrases were even running around in her head, phrases that made Hermione more proud of herself and how authoritative she was about to come off.

"Okay, Jack and Abby!" she called out. "Get ready for a long talk about respect!"

But only a few steps across the threshold into the living room was all it took for Hermione's confidence to come falling down.

There came a moment once Hermione had made it into the living room where she tried to pick up her right foot and continue walking, but found that the body part wouldn't comply. She looked down in confusion while trying to do the same with her left foot, but that one refused to move as well.

"What in the ...?"

And it was then that Hermione felt it. A thick, icky sensation in between the bottoms of her socks and the hardness of the floor. With one final struggle to move from the spot which proved futile, Hermione's suspicions were confirmed. She had just stepped in a layer of Wiz Glue.

Hermione grunted and darted her eyes around the living room, and only now noticed that Jack and Abby were nowhere in sight.

"Ha ha, very funny!" she said to the seemingly empty area. "You made me unable to move. Now what's supposed to happen?"

"This!" Abby's voice rang out delightfully from Hermione's left.

Hermione jerked her head in that direction and saw the little girl standing against the wall, behind the portion beside the entryway which made for an effective hiding spot from anyone just entering the living room. Jack was in the exact same position on the right, and before Hermione could react in any other way, the seven year-old boy gave something of a battle cry.

"SWARM! SWARM!"

The first thing Hermione saw after hearing the order was a white line lift up from the floor in front of her. How had she not noticed that before? And as the line moved in towards her, Hermione realized exactly what it was: a very lengthy string of toilet paper. Each end of the toilet paper was being held by Jack and Abby, both of whom promptly started to run in circles around Hermione the instant the paper touched her body.

If Hermione had currently had the ability to move her legs, then she could've gotten out of the predicament easily. But since her feet were in fact glued to the floor, she could do nothing except wriggle uselessly while Jack and Abby kept racing in circles around her, in effect tying her up in the toilet paper.

"You're going to pay for this!" Hermione snapped, almost getting dizzy herself from watching their movements.

"Keep telling yourself that, Hermy!" Jack mocked, causing Hermione to flinch at the use of that particular nickname. It brought on flashbacks to Grawp in The Forbidden Forest.

"You little ..."

Jack and Abby persisted in wrapping Hermione up in toilet paper, arms pinned to her sides, until only her head was the one thing not covered up. Once they had completed their task, the two kids high-fived each other and admired their handiwork for a moment.

"Before we go on," said Jack as he pulled out a small vial from his pocket and uncorked it, "just one more thing." He knelt down beside Hermione's toilet paper-encased legs and emptied the vial's clear liquid contents around her feet.

Hermione was about to ask what the purpose of that had been when she suddenly felt the stickiness beneath her feet going away. At first, Hermione was relieved, but then she realized what it meant with her currently being so tightly tied up.

"TIMBER!" yelled Jack.

In keeping with Jack's humorous reference, the now un-glued Hermione fell backwards much in the same way as a large tree that just had its base chopped through with an axe. During the fall, Hermione was worried that her head would hit the floor too hard, but relief came in the form of a pillow placed perfectly in her path. At least the kids were somewhat safety conscientious.

"Now, then," announced Jack while he and Abby stepped over to stand directly over their captured quarry, "you wanted to talk, Hermione. So, let's talk."

The two young Weasleys plopped themselves down on Hermione's chest, which made her grunt from the weight. Jack and Abby looked down at her with broad smiles.

"I think you wanted to speak with us about ... well, all this?" Abby asked conversationally, indicating Hermione's state of "mummification."

"Yes!" Hermione replied through gritted teeth. "I have two questions for you. One, why is it you're doing this? And two, what do I have to do to get you to stop?"

"Those, dear Hermy, are the right questions!" Jack answered with all the charisma of Gilderoy Lockhart before the celebrity had his memory wiped. "What do you know? You just might be smart after all!" He leaned down and went so far as to pinch her right cheek in the same manner as a grandparent showing their grandchild how adorable they were.

Hermione wrenched her face free of the pinch in extreme annoyance.

"You see, it's quite simple, really," said Abby. "We don't think you're fit to be Ron's girlfriend."

Hermione had to take a moment to reel from the shock of such a statement.

"Well, now, Abby, it's not really that we think she's not fit," Jack said to his sister, acting like they weren't literally sitting on top of the topic of conversation at the moment, "it's just that we ... well, don't like her, don't trust her and think she's wicked."

That was what made Hermione rediscover her voice. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, don't act so shocked," Jack said tiredly, now turning his attention back to Hermione. "We know you're just taking advantage of Ron. For why, though, we're not sure. But we're onto you and your little tricks!"

"And we're not going to let you get away with it!" Abby jabbed a finger at Hermione's face for emphasis.

"This is ... completely mental!" Hermione exclaimed, her voice cracking on the last two words. "What could possibly make you think that?"

"We're not dumb, you know!" snapped Jack. "We can put things together! Like how Ron always used to complain about you being too bossy, and now, he thinks you're as cool as Quidditch." Jack scoffed at the comparison. "As if!"

"You're only children!" Hermione snarled. "You couldn't possibly understand how -"

"Don't talk down to us!" interrupted Abby. "We understand plenty, and we understand nothing better than we do Ron! You made him your boyfriend through one of your potions that you slipped him or something, because you can't stand any guy not liking you! You're evil!"

It wasn't so much that the kids' words hurt Hermione's feelings, but rather they only served to make her even angrier. "How ... how DARE YOU!" She attempted to wriggle herself free, but the combined pressure of the tight toilet paper and the kids sitting on top of her made it an extremely difficult task.

"No ... how dare you!" Abby fired back. "You want to know what you can do to get us to stop? It's easy. Break up with Ron and lift whatever spell you have over him!"

"There isn't any spell, or effects from a potion for that matter!" It was at that moment Hermione began seething. "And if you think I'm going to let a couple of stuck-up brats dictate my love life, well you've got another thing coming!"

Jack and Abby looked at each other and nodded.

"Well ... if that's the way you want to play it ..." said Jack with finality. He and his sister got up off of Hermione and stepped down to where her feet were.

"What are you doing? Letting me free?" Hermione didn't realize how stupid of a question it was until after it escaped her lips. NOW look who's being mental, grumbled a voice in her head.

Jack and Abby laughed at her before they each grabbed one of her feet and began to drag her, still wrapped up in toilet paper, in the direction of the kitchen.

"Where are you taking me?" Hermione demanded as they crossed the kitchen's threshold. When neither child replied, it made her even more ticked off. "Alright, that's it! No more Mrs. Nice Witch!" She paused to consider her own words. "Did I really just say that?" she asked herself under her breath.

"Oh, stuff a muffin in it, Hermione!" complained Jack on their way past the dining table. He reached up while still pulling her along, grabbed a leftover muffin from lunch off of it and literally stuffed it into Hermione's mouth as an improvised gag.

Hermione made noises of protest through it, but found that she couldn't effectively spit it out due to it being so large. She could do nothing but lean her head back and groan in defeat as Jack and Abby dragged her through the rest of the kitchen and out into the backyard.

"You're gonna like what comes next, Hermione!" Abby said in delight. She gave the older witch a devilish wink.

Hermione tried to ask, "What comes next?" but due to the muffin, it came out, "Mmmph cmmph nmemmph?"

A flash of green flames from the fireplace momentarily illuminated the whole living room and Ron stepped out of them with bags in both hands. He shook some of the leftover soot from his hair and person before setting foot on the clean carpet. The first thing that struck him upon arrival was the silence, which was almost eerie in nature, especially given what had occurred in this house before he'd left.

"Hermione? Jack? Abby?" he called out. There was no reply.

Ron slowly made his way into the kitchen, where he set down the bags of food he'd been asked to collect on the counter. He scanned around for any signs of foul play or clues as to where the three people in question might be. Finally, his eyes settled on the backdoor, which was wide open and allowing a cool breeze to filter into the house.

"Are they outside?" Ron asked himself curiously, even though a small feeling of dread had started to creep up through his body.

The first thing Ron saw after stepping through the backdoor was the countryside bathed in the glow of late afternoon light, as opposed to Jack and Abby running around and playing. He sighed and really started getting worried at that point. If Hermione had been able to get his cousins under control in his absence, then his girlfriend would have greeted him immediately upon his arrival with such news.

So, where was she?

Ron got the answer when he glanced over at where Nigel's doghouse was sitting in the shade of a nearby tree. He could do nothing but gasp at the sight awaiting him, funny though it might have been.

Hermione, as it turned out, was completely tied up in what looked to be toilet paper and was lying face-down in the grass directly in front of the entrance to Nigel's doghouse. But that wasn't all. Nigel himself was standing directly over Hermione's legs and had his head bowed down, obviously over her butt, and it looked like he was quite literally sniffing and licking it. As Ron walked over to them, though, he discovered why.

Spread all over Hermione's toilet paper-covered rump was something thick that fully had Nigel's interest. At first, Ron thought it was something more disgusting, but once he was standing right beside the scene, he could tell that it was dog food.

Jack and Abby had turned Hermione's butt into a dog bowl.

Hermione obviously sensed a new presence, because she quickly turned her head around and gazed desperately up into Ron's eyes. When she saw who it was, her expression became darker.

"Your cousins," she said through gritted teeth, "are dead meat!"