Sticky Notes and Foolish Stumbles
Some point in August...
I must say, Sticky Notes was a HUGE success. Goodness, I could never have guessed people would have liked it so much! Wow, guys! :D
And so, due to high demand, I've decided to make a part two. ... And maybe a part three. But we'll see about that. ^^ Ehehehe...
Just thought I'd warn you, this could go from Miku x Luka to Miku x harem at any second. ... Because... well, I like Ia way more than I should. XD
Anyway... I'm really REALLY pleased with part one's results and I hope you all enjoy part two just as much. After all, YOU'RE the ones who kept bugging me to do it! XD
And so, without further ado...
Part 2:
Dark Thoughts of Paper Girls
Once upon a time, there lived a girl made of paper.
She was a shy little girl, always worrying and being extra cautious. If it was too windy out, her slips of paper would fly off. If she were in a crowd of people, they'd get ripped. If she went to the beach, they'd get soggy. Always she had to be careful, or there'd be none of her left!
Because she was so worried about protecting her paper body, she mostly avoided other people. Other people might dirty her, and it wasn't like she could take a shower! Around other people, her risks increased of being demolished, and that was something she wouldn't allow. She wanted to live, yet... in her state, she just didn't know how!
One day, her isolation took its toll. She gazed out her darkened window and saw two children her age, a boy and a girl. They were playing a game of tag, running and chasing each other around. Their faces... They wore expressions of such glee, it made the little girl's heart hurt. She clutched her chest as she watched them play and, out of nowhere, tears began to fall down her cheeks.
It was so foreign that it shocked her, and in her fear, she cried even more. She wanted friends too, but her paranoia of being hurt by them in the end kept her secluded. As she sobbed, her tears wet her skin of paper. Slowly, the worn clippings grew heavy and began to tear off on their own, and the little girl's body fell apart.
How ironic to think that while she'd been hiding from people in fear of destruction, it was she who brought her own demise in the end.
"Mikuuuu!"
It was a story my mother used to tell me to get over my timidity, yet it never seemed to work. Every time we'd go to a mall or a party or even to visit my school, I'd hide behind her tall figure and she'd remind me of what had happened to that girl of paper. 'If you keep hiding, Miku, you'll only end up hurting yourself, you know.'
All I could think was that it probably hurt less to be dissolved by one's tears. Had the girl of paper gone and made friends, her end would have probably been a lot more painful.
"Miku!"
I knew people could be cruel. I knew they could. One only had to glance at a newspaper to be enlightened.
"Mikuuuu...?"
What if the friends she'd thought she could trust ended up betraying her, lighting her papers on fire and laughing as she burned to crips? What if they purposely pushed her into an ocean and smiled when they saw her stripped pieces float to the surface? What if they hacked away at her with a pair of scissors, just because it amused them? What if-
"MIKU, WAKE UP!"
My eyes snapped open in a panic. This... This wasn't home! I sat up in a flash, nearly smacking into another girl's head as I took in my surroundings.
B-Bunk-beds... Oh, right, I was at camp. I breathed out in relief. That had given me such a scare...!
"Are you okay?" Rin asked, brow raised. "You looked like you had a heart-attack."
"Yeah, what was that?" Gumi asked. "I thought you were going to kill us, or something!"
"Did you have a nightmare, Miku?" Miki asked sweetly.
All four of them were hovering around my bed, peering at me with concerned expressions. Iroha said nothing but waited patiently for my answer as the other three shifted incessantly. Rin tapped her foot, Gumi rocked back and forth on her heels, and Miki bounced. It was actually quite comical.
Peering past them, I found the last member of our cabin standing by the back door. Aria- or Ia -stared at me with what could have been curiosity. I couldn't tell with the poker-face she always wore.
Come to think of it, I'd been so excited to become friends with her on my first day, yet we were as unknown to each other now as we'd been then. Was it my fault or hers?
"Miku! Hellooo-oh!" Gumi snapped her fingers in front of my face to grab my attention and I blinked.
"U-Um... I-I... Yes, I had a... a nightmare." I took a deep breath in to calm myself. "I-I'm fine..."
The three didn't look convinced, but Iroha smiled. "Alright, if you say you're okay, then I'll believe you. You'd better get ready quick, though! We're supposed to be at The Eats already now!"
Rin jumped back in surprise. "What? Where supposed to be there already?!"
Gumi gasped. "What?! Fooooood...!"
Miki pretended to cry. "My... My poor tummy... What if they steal all our bacon?"
Another dramatic gasp. "Bacon?!" Gumi cried. "No! Not my bacon!"
While the pair ran around angsting over their precious porc, Rin narrowed her eyes suspiciously on Iroha. "If we're supposed to be there by now, then shouldn't you have woken us up earlier?" Oh! I hadn't realized Rin was still in her pajamas (though Gumi and Miki had already gotten dressed). Were we really that late?
Iroha grinned sheepishly. "Um... yeah, I'm not very good at waking up early," she confessed. "I normally count on Luka to get us going..."
I tensed at the mention of her name.
"You're an embarrassment as a camp councelor!" Rin laughed, to which Iroha could only nod shamefully to.
Wait... so Luka hadn't come over this morning? But... she'd come before. In fact, she'd been there to wake us up every morning these last three days. Iroha would never have woken without her! It sounded like she was always there to make sure Iroha's cabin was up and about, but... not today. I couldn't help but wonder if it was my fault.
"Rinnyyy!" Miki called out cheerfully.
"You're still wearing PJs!" Gumi exclaimed. "Come on girl, you need to striiip~!"
Iroha and Rin both rolled their eyes as I blushed. She... She wouldn't actually strip here... would she? To my relief, Rin took her clothes from her bag and headed to the bathroom to change. On her way there, she passed by Aria without even glancing her way. ... Did everyone act that way towards Ia?
"Aw, our stripper has left our stage!" Gumi cried. "And I was planning on tipping her so generously..."
"Shut up, you!" Rin yelled from the bathroom stall.
"Never! Come back, my A-cup lover!"
Iroha only shook her head. "You guys are the absolute worst... How many times have I had to tell you to keep your conversations appropriate?"
"I did!"
"That is her appropriate," Rin called out from the bathroom. "You should hear her when you're not there!"
Iroha glared mockingly at Gumi, crossing her arms. "Is that true?"
"No! You can't punish me! IT'S A PERSONALITY TRAIT, I TELL YA!"
"Alright, just don't bring that trait with you to the dance tonight!"
Dance... tonight? My eyes widened. Oh goodness, the dance was tonight! There'd be boys there! That... That was terrifying! But... it wasn't all too important. What I was worrying about the most was that Luka would probably be there...
My cheeks heated so much I had to cover my face.
"See, Gumi? Look what you're doing to poor Miku!" Miki pointed at me. "You're ruining her innocence!" That only made me blush redder.
"I don't think she was listening," Ia suddenly snapped. It made even me look up. She walked up to me and grabbed stuff from my bag. "You still need to get dressed. Why are you just sitting around when we're waiting for you? We're already late enough as it is."
"O-Oh, I-... I'm sorry..."
I watched her grab a green tanktop and some jean shorts, as well as - to my embarrassment - a light pink bra and blue panties. And gee, everyone was watching us, so everyone would know I wore little-girl underwear...!
Yet no one said anything. Ia stood, scanned the room, than tugged on my arm. "Come on. We're late enough as it is." She pulled me to the bathroom and as soon as we were gone, I could hear muffled whispers in the bedroom. They were talking about us? Bad things about us?! Oh no...!
Ia pushed me into the empty stall just as I heard the door beside ours unlock. Rin.
Ia shoved my clothes into my arms. "Well? What are you waiting for?"
My eyes must have gotten rounder than tires. "R-Right... here?" I lowered my voice in case Rin was still in the bathroom. "In... front of you?"
Ia rolled her eyes. "We're both girls, it's not a big deal. It'll just go faster if I help."
"Help?!" I squeaked. Oh gosh, please don't let her mean what I thought she meant...!
As answer, she tugged on my pajama pants. Being loose, they fell down to my knees, and she could see... She could see my little-girl panties with the little-girl stars on the young and girlish pink fabric. I thought I would die.
At least she averted her eyes (eventually, after she actually saw them) and blushed a little, proving the situation was embarrassing to her too, but... still...! "Y-Your shirt... should be off too..."
What?! "N-No! I-I can't-"
"My gosh," she scowled, "We're both girls! It's not a big deal! What, you think I'll freak out about seeing your little boobs? I've got my own set. You're just being ridiculous."
Well, now she was just making me feel stupid...
"Here, I'll help you-"
"No!" I blushed, because maybe I was acting stupid, but... this was my own privacy! She wasn't allowed to... see... that, was she? I turned my back to her and grabbed my shirt and bra. "You can't look," I said, to which she only rolled her eyes. Luckily, my long blue hair would cover almost anything (including my little-girl panties). Unfortunately, it'd be extremely difficult to attach my bra without snagging any of that long blue hair.
I nervously brought my shirt up over my head and then let it simply fall. As I knew it would, it caught onto my hair. I wrapped my hands around the top part and shook, and, as hoped, the shirt let go of its hold and fell to the ground behind me.
I couldn't see Ia's expression, but I was definitely red enough to blend in a tomato field. Here I was, standing in front of another girl, wearing nothing but panties. Little-girl panties. Oh gosh...
I grabbed my bra from between my legs, were I'd been squishing my clothes together so I wouldn't drop anything and have to bend over. I knew what kind of view that would give and my hair wouldn't be enough to cover that...
I wouldn't change my undies. That was a little - okay, a lot - past my comfort zone.
Oh no. I couldn't clasp my bra shut with all my hair in the way...! Oh no, no, no, this couldn't be happening!
I heard a sigh and, to my shock, felt a tug. "What are you-?!"
"You're slow," Ia scowled. She was holding up my hair in both hands, helping me... I felt bad because she looked so annoyed. It was my fault for not having woken up on time.
"Thanks," I muttered. I thought she'd let go when I was done but she held it up even as I bent to pull on my shorts. And then when I grabbed my shirt too. "You don't need to hold it up anymore, I'm-" Oh. She was closer than I'd thought she was.
"Hm." She stared at me before dropping her hand. My hair fell back around me like a cape, or a shield. "Whatever. Just hurry up. You can do your hair later."
I watched her leave the stall. It'd been about five days, yet I felt no closer to understanding Ia than I had the first.
"... Where's Luka?"
Iroha looked over and smiled. "You seem to have taken a liking to her." Oh. I blushed a deep red. "I don't think she's here today," Iroha said, scanning the room. "Oh well. She's a busy girl."
... I hadn't seen her much at all these last few days.
She'd been there Monday evening, and though we hadn't sat together, she'd winked at me from her table - I saw it! Tuesday, she'd disappeared, but I saw her later that afternoon. She was playing beach volleyball and I'd sat and watched for a while. I don't think she noticed me. Wednesday though, I hadn't seen her once. And now? Gone again.
I was beginning to worry I'd done something wrong and that she was avoiding me now.
... Oh my god.
She'd made a mistake.
That had to be it; she'd realized she'd made a mistake when she'd kissed me and now she felt bad about it. She was avoiding me because it'd be super awkward around me now. Oh gosh... by being here at camp, I was making her feel bad.
I knew it. I never should have tried to get close to her. There's no way she'd ever look at me and think the same things I thought about her. I never should have even hoped...
No, I couldn't cry. There were people everywhere around me, I couldn't cry...!
I thought I'd lose when all of a sudden there was a clang in front of me. A... A plate of scrambled eggs and two slices of bacon. But... who...?
I looked up and couldn't help but feel a little disappointed; it wasn't Luka. It was Aria.
She seemed annoyed with my staring. "What? The green one was taking it all. You're not going to get any food if you just sit there." She stabbed a fork through an egg and ate it, seeming almost self-conscious as she chewed.
And then I realized she had her own plate in front of her. She'd brought two plates of food. She... She'd brought a second plate... for me. I thought I'd cry I was so happy right then. I thought Aria hated me, but... but...
"Why are you just staring at me like that?" Oh? So she was nervous. She wouldn't look at me now and her cheeks were just the slightest bit pink. It was cute, actually... N-No! No. I wouldn't think of her like that. No. I couldn't.
"I'm sorry," I said, taking a bite of breakfast. "... Hey, Ia, I... Can I ask you something?"
She raised a brow, still avoiding my gaze. "You just did." Oh. Oops. "Go on."
I took a breath and wondered if I should ask her. Maybe she'd change her mind if I did. "Ia, I... I thought you hated me?"
She made a snorting sound but didn't answer. I wondered what she'd found so funny... but I couldn't ask her any more.
But... the fact that she hadn't answered me, did that mean she did still hate me after all? That'd make me really sad... I hoped she didn't.
"I think you're different from them." Huh? I followed her gaze to the table right behind ours. Gumi, Rin and Miki sat there with Iroha, chatting and laughing.
"What do you mean?" Happy as I was that she'd spoken, I hadn't a clue about what she was trying to say.
And she didn't answer. Not as first, at least. She took a bite from her toast, glanced at it thoughtfully for a moment, then tore it down the middle and gave me one half. "I don't hate you," she said. She wouldn't look at me. "If I hated you, I wouldn't be talking to you."
I felt like I wouldn't want to be hated by someone like Ia. The way she'd said that last sentence almost implied that, while she wouldn't talk to the people she hated, she'd do other things. I didn't really like the sound of that.
"That makes me happy." She finally looked at me then and her face softened. Of course, she didn't smile or show any real expression, but... She seemed happy too. Somehow I was sure she was.
It was quiet for a long time, but it wasn't necessarily a bad silence. Still... I couldn't help but think of Luka. Even though I hadn't known her for very long at all, I knew I was completely in love with her. I missed her, even though I didn't know her all that well. I mean, maybe I'm desperate. Maybe I'm not picky enough and maybe I'm dashing into this without thinking because I'm lonely. But I don't think it's wrong, not Luka and I. Call me naive for thinking so, but the way I'm feeling now, about her, about us... If it's not love, I don't know what it is.
I've never felt this way before. It's almost like I can't be completely happy here, even though I'm really excited about camp, just because I can't see her. I want to see her. I'd give anything really to see her again.
Wait... give anything... That's it. Maybe that's what I'll do.
"Ia, can you get in trouble for skipping out on activities here?"
She looked up and for a moment her eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth, about to snap something in reply I think, then paused. Her blue eyes widened for a second, like she'd just suddenly remembered something. "Actually... Yeah, I think so. I think the only reason you can skip an activity is for a medical reason." Her eyes darkened again and when she asked her question, her tone was cold as ice. "Why?"
I was surprised by the way she'd asked and even a little scared. Breaking the rules to me was terrifying. I rarely rebelled and when a rule or two was disobeyed, it was not usually my fault. But to conciously bend a rule... could I do it? Would I be able to?
Maybe this was like my challenge. If it was really love, I'd be able to prove myself here and now. I'd have the willpower to do it. If this was my challenge, then I'd try my best to surpass it. I would win for Luka.
"It's nothing," I told Ia, unable to keep myself from smiling a little. I think a piece of the paper girl fell off then. Two, maybe three pieces fluttered to the ground, but I don't think she minded. Maybe she didn't even notice.
We were supposed to be on the beach today, tanning, playing in the sand and swimming in the cool lake water.
But I wouldn't be there.
Instead, I decided I'd search the entire camp for Luka.
As much as I would have loved to play on the beach - and I was really excited about it - finding Luka was more important to me. I'd prove I really loved her! And then, then she'd have no reason to avoid me, because she'd know I'm really serious and she'd realize she feels the same way. And... if I couldn't find her, I wouldn't be able to ask her if she'd be at the dance tonight...
Ah, my cheeks were burning up now, and it wasn't just from the hot summer sun!
The first place I checked was the basketball courts. As I squinted at every girl playing, it dawned on me just how little I really knew about Luka. I didn't even know what sports she played...! It was sad, really. Doesn't someone in love know every single little thing about the other person? Ah... but when I found her, I promised I'd find out about these things. We'd finally have some time together and I'd spend every moment of it asking her about her favorite colors, foods, activities... I'd make it up for what I didn't know now by knowing everything later.
I'd already checked the volleyball court when I'd escaped the beach, but maybe she was at The Eats?
Nope. The only people inside the big building were a few staff members cleaning up after our breakfast. Funny how much bigger The Eats seemed without everyone in it... I felt bad to the cleaning staff for having to work so much and made note to be more careful of the mess I made. I almost even went up to shyly offer my help before remembering why I'd come in the first place: Luka!
I searched the wide perimeter around The Eats as well. Behind it was a huge spread of healthy green grass, and right before that were the telephones. There were a few younger girls at the phones, but no Luka. At the back of the grounds near the fence was a cabin of girls that looked about eight-year-old. Not Luka, but maybe the counsellor...? No, she had brown hair. Not Luka.
I opened the door to the Dove store and peeked inside shyly. To my horror, someone called out to me from inside. "What t'chya actin' so shy for?" It was the counter girl inside the store. She laughed at the way I squeaked and beckoned me in. "It ain't no crime to step inside, girl. You don't have to act so scared, I won't eat you!"
So I came in, closing the door carefully behind me. It was nothing but a wooden-based screen and didn't really close right, but I tried my best. Maybe this lady would be able to help me?
I turned and found her popping a Rolo Dib in her mouth. She grinned. "Don't tell ol' Ann, 'kay? Here, I'll even bribe you, come 'ere an' I'll give ya one." I stepped forth nervously and she dropped three Dibs in my outstretched hand. "Geez, girl, it won't hurt ya! You're a cute little shy one, are ya? Mm, ain't easy to find real ones, nowadays. So unappreciated... Cute to their little toes, though, that's for sure."
She had two dark-haired pigtails with strands with bright strands of blue and pink flashing through. Her blue eyes were abnormally bright and really strikingly pretty, even shadowed by her bright blue visor.
As for clothes, she wore jean shorts and a three-quarter-sleeved plain navy shirt. Over that, she wore what I thought at first was an orange life jacket but turned out to be a counselor's vest instead.
"What's your name, shy girl?" she asked, her grin flashing brightly. She rested her hand on her hip and I admired her black-colored nail polish.
"M-Miku," I answered her nervously.
"Mm..." She was somewhat curvy but not fat, and there was just something about her that I couldn't help but find really pretty. "That's a cute name." She seemed thoughtful for a moment. "My name's Ruko." A yawn overtook her but she still managed a wink. "It's pretty borin' standing around here all day. You gonna keep me company?"
"W-Wha- Huh?" Keep her company? Oh, but... but I had to-...!
She laughed. "Ain't you got the cutest little face! I was only kidding." Her eyes sparkled mischievously. "Go on, tell me what ya want. Candy, right? Licorice, Dibs, popsicle? No, wait, you're here for pop, aren't you? Or a slushie? Nah, you seem more like a water-gal... I say it's the licorice you're here for. You look like a licorice kind o' person."
"A-Actually..." Ah, she was such a character that my cheeks were going red. I felt bad telling her I wasn't actually here for licorice... "I'm... I didn't come... to buy something. I was actually just... looking for someone..." I hid my face in my hands. "I'm sorry!" Oh gosh, I hoped I hadn't upset her, she seemed so nice after all... What if now she hated me?
To my surprise, she laughed. "Aw, honey, why didn't ya just say in the first place?" And she just kept laughing, her messy pigtails falling in her face. "Ah, girl, you crack me up... You're one-of-a-kind, really." She pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. "Well, darlin', who ya lookin' for? I can tell ya if they came in here. I've been 'ere all day, after all."
Well, now my face was really red. I had a feeling she'd tease me if I told her, even if she hadn't a clue who Luka was... and for a moment I almost chickened out.
And then I realized how cowardly that would be. What would Luka think if she saw me right now, chickening out because I was afraid of being teased? She'd be disappointed for sure. Maybe she'd get upset that I gave up so easily on her. Maybe she'd even hate me.
I really didn't want her to hate me.
"I'm... I'm looking for Luka..." I couldn't look her in the eye when I said it, but hey, I'd said it. I'd done it. That was enough.
Ruko did the worst thing she could possibly do: She laughed. "Aw, you cutie!" Even though I knew she wasn't trying to be mean, I felt a little hurt. I'd always had this fear that people would laugh at me whenever I said something important. One of my biggest worries at the moment was that I'd finally see Luka and I'd ask her if what had happened that day was real, if she really meant it, and... I was afraid she'd laugh at me. Tell me 'of course not' and say I was silly for thinking so, stupid even. That would break me. I'd cry if she said that, really cry.
I felt my eyes water for a second and panicked. No, no, no! Keep it in, keep it in...! I started blinking really quickly and managed to suck those tears back in before they fell. I couldn't cry, I promised myself and Mommy that I wouldn't be a baby on this trip. I couldn't cry, I was a big girl now, I could be strong...
"Hellooooooo? Earth to Miko?" Ruko waved her hand in front of my face and I finally snapped back to real life.
"U-Um, i-it's Miku, w-with... with a 'u' at the end." Would she get mad at me for correcting her? Maybe I shouldn't have, it wasn't like it was a really big deal anyway, I-
"Oh, sorry." So simply said. I was amazed. She hadn't gotten flustered or cried or anything like that. Her voice remained steady and she seemed in control of her body. I felt envious. Why couldn't I have that ability? How did she do it?! "Hey, did you hear what I said?"
Oh. I'd gotten distracted again. "Wh-What?"
She rolled her eyes. "Quit dreamin', girl, it's plain daytime. I said Luka came in here earlier, brought me my coffee and breakfast from The Eats. She's such a nice girl, really sweet. My ma' would love 'er. She's fun, I like 'er. You're talking about the pink-hair one, right?" I nodded after a pause, not having realized she was talking to me (though who else would she be talking to?). "Anyway, yeah, she came this mornin' but I haven't seen 'er since. She's a camper too, y'know, so she's probably doin' something right now."
I nodded politely. "Thank you very much."
"Don't thank me," Ruko laughed. "You've just entertained me for the last five minutes. Thank you!"
"O-Oh! Um..." That wasn't expected. I felt my cheeks prickle. "Th-Thank you...!"
She laughed again. Ruko seemed to find everything amusing. "Well, go on, girly, I won't keep ya any longer. Go find your soul-mate!" Even though it was her own little mischievous joke, she laughed at herself. That was really surprising to me. She laughed... at herself? How could she do that without getting embarrassed? How?
"Thank you for helping me," I said once last time at the door.
"We've been through this already, you're welcome. Now go!"
She didn't need to tell me twice.
... I knew what I'd said about this being my first challenge to test my feelings, and that if I chickened out, I was only being an undeserving coward, but... This wasn't chickening out.
It was giving up.
Luka had disappeared off the face of the earth, it'd been decided. I lay in the field she'd first kissed me in and sighed. I was tired and extremely disappointed at my own fruitlessness. Where could she be? Was she really avoiding me? But, why? What had I done wrong? Could... could I change anything about it? Maybe... Maybe if I just knew what it was, I could... fix things. I was lonely without her, even thought we'd only just met. I needed to see her.
I thought of her long cotton-pink hair and the way it had looked when I'd watched her play beach volleyball. She'd worn a simple spaguetti-strap and short shorts, and her hair was in a ponytail. I really liked it in a ponytail, the way it followed her movements like a wave. It looked so soft too, so nice to the touch...
And then here I was, with hair always stuck in knots, nothing about my chest worth bragging about, no real talents to present and amaze... No wonder she was avoiding me. She'd realized I was nowhere near good enough for her.
"HEY!"
I opened my eyes and looked over, just in case. It was more a force of habit than anything else. Someone with light-colored hair stormed over to a group of girls and I wondered what was going on over there. But then the girls continued walking as if no one had heard the voice. The one who'd shouted didn't stop or slow but kept walking ahead, straight ahead in my direction, probably just... ... Wait... In my direction?
I sat up as Ia arrived close enough for me to recognize her. "O-Oh, wh-what's-?"
"I knew you were planning to ditch!" she hissed. Her hands were balled up and drawn by her side, aggresive, almost violent. "I... I..." She was furious. "Do you think you're just allowed to leave whenever you feel like it?! Huh?! Iroha's been looking for you, stupid. She's worried sick." What? Iroha...? "Yeah, oh." Her face twisted and suddenly she looked more annoyed than angry.
I didn't know why but for some reason I just wasn't reacting. Normally I'd be apologizing until others began feeling bad for me instead (according to Miki), yet somehow, I didn't feel that necessary urge. It was strange. Maybe I really was depressed.
Even Ia noticed and she frowned. "Something happen?"
Well, not really... "No, I just... disappointed myself. That's all." And I really had. Perhaps you thought I was lying, but I really was feeling pretty terrible. I mean... in the end, I'd failed. If I really truly loved Luka, I'd have found her.
I let out a short sigh as I mourned my unsuccess and its possible reasons... Yes, when thinking things like that, maybe I was depressed. I sure didn't feel very happy.
She stared at me for a long time and slowly her anger melted away. "Alright, what's wrong? Feeling homesick or something?" She sat down beside me, her knees tucked in, and watched me with her piercing blue eyes. I only then noticed some dark notebook beside her, like a sketchpad but bound slightly differently. I didn't think much of it. I was preoccupied. I was acting selfish.
"Nothing's wrong," I told her.
She didn't believe me. "Why'd you ditch us at the beach?"
I hadn't really looked at what she was wearing until then. She had an over-sized T-shirt with the words 'Gamer Girl' printed on it. She wore no shorts, just her bathing-suit bottom, a simple black bikini with little decoration. I saw only the outline of her top underneath her shirt, but it seemed the same: black and simple, without much decoration.
Her hair was done differently too, pulled back into one longer braid instead of the usual way, with two thick ones in the front and the rest of her hair loose in the back. It looked nice... Hm.
"Hello-oh? Can't you even answer a stupid question?!" Uh-oh, she was getting annoyed with me now.
"I-I-I thought... I just thought I..." I swallowed hard, nervous under her watchful glare. I doubted she'd understand. I didn't think Ia would be able to believe in such a need to see someone. She'd probably call it stupid. Maybe it was after all... I mean, I never even found her. "It's nothing really. I was just being stupid..."
"Yeah, well, I've realized that already," she snapped. "All I want to know is what the heck you've been doing all this time." She leaned back and it seemed casual, yet I could tell she was getting impatient. That wasn't good.
"I wasn't doing anything important..."
Uh-oh. Her eyes locked onto mine and I flinched. I couldn't help it. She leaned in closer with that frightening glare and I just... oh my. I was completely terrified. Her face was dangerously close and she asked again, so coldly I could have sworn the temperature really dropped, "I asked you what you were doing. Answer me please."
Oh god. I couldn't do it. There was something about that look in her eyes that made me feel extremely guilty. I had to tell her the truth, I just couldn't stop myself. I had to- "I-I was helping out with... with the candy shop." What? "R-Ruko... Ruko said she needed help." I turned beet red. I... I'd actually lied to someone. I lied on purpose, not to protect myself from extreme danger. I felt the shame drown me.
She leaned back just the slightest bit, her eyes losing some of their hate. "The candy store, huh? So if I walk in there and ask, the lady'll tell me you were there helping?"
Another noisy swallow from my part. "Yes...?" Would Ruko do it? I wasn't sure. She might not be able to lie for me. ...The fact that I wanted someone to lie in itself was completely crazy. I was going nuts, I really was.
She stared at me for a long time. I held my breath. Finally she looked away, up at the sky, and I remembered I needed air. Ah, that was scary...! "I'll believe you," she said. "Well... not all of it. But I'll believe you weren't doing something stupid. You'd better not have." There was an awkward pause, like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure whether or not to. Finally she sighed. "I don't think you're a bad person."
I wasn't sure what to say to that, so instead, I turned my attention to the black notebook thing. "What's that?"
The way she recoiled, one would have thought I'd threatened to stab her. "Don't touch that!" She pulled it away and tucked it on her other side.
I was shocked by her reaction. What had I done? I'd only asked what it was, I hadn't tried to break it or take it or anything... What exactly was in there? It had to be something important to her. Or maybe... Maybe it was just very secret. Maybe it wasn't hers, but someone else's. No, I wasn't accusing her of stealing or anything, of course she wouldn't! But maybe she was bothering it, or... or something like that. Yes, that had to be it, the reason she was so protective of it was because she'd borrowed it off someone and just wanted to make sure it didn't get damaged.
"I-I'm sorry..." I tucked my hand to my chest. I honestly hadn't wanted to damage it or anything, but I understood her concern. Admired it, even. She must really care for whoever lent her that sketchpad.
"I... I didn't mean to snap like that." She seemed almost ashamed of herself, her cheeks the lightest tinge of red. "Just... it's something important to me. And private."
"Oh." Well. I was fine to leave it at that.
I wouldn't dare admit to her that inside I felt a little pinch, as if I was hurt she didn't want to share with me. And maybe I was. I felt like saying whatever was in that notebook was too private for me to see was like saying I just wasn't trustworthy enough. I wasn't good enough to see what was in there. And maybe that's not what she meant, but... that's how it felt. And when I began to think like that, more often than not tears would force me to blink my eyes and swallow my emotions.
After all, the paper girl's death was caused by her own tears...
I couldn't find much else to say to Ia. I probably could have talked about anything, but I felt as if she really wouldn't be interested. I doubted she'd want to hear about my family or school or my favorite things to do during the day. She wouldn't care less about my opinions on sexual descrimination or that essay I wrote last year that got the highest grades in my class. Realizing this made me very sad. I mean... if she wasn't interested in me at all, then what was there to talk about?
I began to feel uncomfortable, lying in the grass beside her. We didn't really have anything in common, and now I was beginning to realize what that truly meant.
Of course, maybe those feelings were exaggerated by offense over not being trusted, but it was true in certain ways.
I couldn't wait to see Luka again. I wanted to tell her everything about myself and learn everything about her too. It was an amazing feeling, though admittedly terrifying at the same time. Like... what if she decided to tell someone? Or what if she was only pretending to like me to be nice? Thoughts like those scared me so much I'd start trembling, yet I still felt like risking it. I couldn't quite say why, but it filled me with such adrenaline...
I didn't feel quite the same way around Ia.
Though she was really quite beautiful.
I admired her light pinkish hair. No matter how messy her braids became, they were always pretty somehow. Her eyes, though always icy, captivated me in a pleasing way. Even though they seemed cold and disgusted by everything reflected within them, she still came to me to talk sometimes, like she wasn't completely frozen within. Her nose wasn't abnormally small, but I liked it the way it was.
Not to mention the rest of her.
My mind wandered back to just that morning and then down the gutter. Oh no, that was not a safe place for me. No, no, no, best to wipe that out of my memory now, before things got strange between us.
"U-Um... I..." The silence wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, but for some reason I felt an urge to be alone. I really wanted to be by myself. That was the reason I'd come out into the fields in the first place; solitude. "I... I have to pee," I finally said, pushing myself up onto my feet.
Ia's eyes followed with disinterest. "You'll be coming back, right?"
"Of course." I couldn't say what this heavy feeling was, but it was it which pushed me, shoved me in direction of the cabins. I wanted nothing more than to sit in my bed and pull the blankets over my head.
And that's exactly what I did.
My heart felt like it was squeezing, because I'd completely failed myself. I hadn't found her, and it's not like she'd really looked for me either. Everything that had happened was exaggerated using my imagination. She didn't feel anything towards me, which was only natural; after all, we'd only just met a few days ago. It was stupid of me to have even hoped. It was stupid to believe such feelings could magically appear in just a few days.
I sulked for a long time thinking about how foolish I was and then furthermore, how selfish I'd acted, promising Ia I'd return while knowing I wouldn't. Was she still waiting there for me? I'd feel even worse if she was. Even though I hoped she wouldn't be too mad at me, I hoped she'd gotten the hint and had left already, or else... Or else...
The door opened and a flood of voices filled the room.
"Oh, hey, is...? Miku! There you are!"
Someone rushed over to my side and shook me as I tried to wipe my face of any tear-remnants. "Mikuuuu, where've you been all daaaaay?" Miki asked in a sing-song voice. "We had so much fun at the beeeeach!"
"Yeah, where were you?" Gumi asked.
I turned to look at them. They didn't seem worried, which was good. "I wasn't feeling well... sorry."
"You missed out," Rin said. "Iroha was totally flirting with one of the counsellors."
"Oh my gosh, that's right! Miku, it was so funny, like, oh my gosh!" Miki pressed her palms together as if in a prayer. "Like, he was really cute, and we keep telling her he liked her too but she won't believe us!"
"Shh, shush, she's coming!"
I watched Iroha pass through the doorframe. Indeed, her cheeks were flushed, and we all doubted it was from the sun's rays. Her eyes focused on me right away. "Miku! Where've you been all day?!" She rushed to my side, seeming a little angry but mostly relieved. "I was worried sick about you!"
Miki and Gumi snickered. "Mm-hm, sure seemed like that."
Even Rin couldn't help but smirk. "I'm surprised you left so soon, I was sure you'd try to find a room first." She walked closer, her eyes seductively half-lidded. "Unless, of course, the great outdoors is more your style..."
Iroha's face flushed a deep red. "Th-That's none of your business!"
It seemed like my absence was just simply forgotten after that. It made me feel... I didn't know. Not very good but not necessarily bad either. Just... strange.
Maybe my ego was getting inflated, craving more attention. That was bad, very bad. Mother had always told me that the only thing worse than having a lack of confidence was having too much of it. 'Arrogance is not a good thing. Arrogant people are disrespected; nobody likes them.' I really didn't want to be disliked.
And yet... I couldn't say I wouldn't deserve it. I'd snuck out without telling anyone and worried people. I sat and sulked in the middle of a field and when Ia came by to comfort me (I think), I just ran off without her. And to think my mother was paying a good sum to send me here and I was just skipping whichever classes I felt unnecessary, I mean, goodness...
"Come on, we have to get ready for the dance!"
"Dance?" I asked, a little drowsy. Maybe I'd fallen asleep while I'd been pathetically lying under my covers.
"Yeah, you know, the co-ed dance tonight?"
"Maybe Iroha will see her mystery man again~!"
"Oh shush..."
I watched Rin pull out strings of fake pearls from her bag and felt a pang of envy. "I didn't know there was going to be a dance..." Well, yes, Iroha had told us the first day, but I hadn't known while I'd been packing; I hadn't packed anything nice to wear.
"Whatchya' gonna wear, Miku?" Miki asked sweetly, her cheeks cutely puffed. "You're so pretty with your hair so long and all... I'll bet you'll get lots of boys asking to dance with you..." She sighed dreamily.
"Yeah, did you pack anything special, Miku?" Gumi asked, her eyes wide in excitement.
"U-Uh... no..." My cheeks heated a bit at all the attention suddenly brought onto me.
"Aw, well... I guess you can just wear your normal clothes..."
"I want to curl your hair!"
"Ooh, yeah! I'll bet Miku's hair will look so pretty all nice and curled!"
"It might take a while though since she's got so much..."
Suddenly the door opened. Ia stood there, seeming in a rather bad mood as she glowered at us all. To my fright, her eyes locked on mine and narrowed. "Where'd you go, Miku? Thought you said you were just going to the bathroom?" Her scowl stretched into a sneer as she slowly walked in my direction, gracefully yet brimming with anger.
Oh no. She was going to kill me. I was going to die tonight at the hands of Aria, I was sure of it.
Suddenly Rin stepped between us. "Hey, what do you think your problem is?" she asked rather coolly.
At first I'd gotten a bad impression of Rin and thought I wouldn't like her, yet that feeling had quickly changed. I'd grown to like her as much as I liked Miki and Gumi, though I wasn't sure either felt the same in return. I certainly wasn't expecting this from her.
"Yeah!" Miki stepped in as well. "It wasn't her fault she was sick!"
"Sick?" Ia blinked for a moment, caught off-guard.
"Yeah! For all you know, she could have been puking her guts out in there!" Rin said, jabbing a thumb back at the bathroom area. Well... that was a bit of an exaggeration, seeing as I'd never really been sick in the first place...
It felt very strange, watching everyone gang up against Ia this way. What had she done to them? Maybe she was a little cold at first, but... but... She wasn't really like that, not on the inside...
"Fine," Ia said, her voice dripping with venom. She brushed past them to her suitcase and said not another word.
The air was tense and awkward. I glanced over to where Iroha was, surprised she hadn't intervened, and found her staring off into space, probably day-dreaming of that pretty counsellor the other girls had been telling me about. For a moment I wondered if Iroha should really be a counsellor, if she was responsible enough. No, no, these were bad, negative thoughts.
"Ah, you know, I wish I'd paid a bit more attention to my weight," Gumi complained, glancing at her bare stomach. Her T-shirt was pulled up under her breasts. "I mean, it's not bad, but..." I couldn't really see what she had to complain about. I could think of many people who'd envy her figure.
"Oh shush about your tummy, at least you've actually got boobs!" Rin laughed.
"You know who's really pretty?" Miki asked in her innocent voice. "Luka! You know, the girl with the pink hair from that other cabin? She's the one usually helping Iroha get us up." She giggled cutely then.
"Yeah, I know who you're talking about."
I couldn't help but listen especially to this.
"She looked so nice in her bikini, like, there was almost no fat at all. She's curvy, but like, in a good way, you know? And... those boobies, they're like...!" Miki mimed squishing in front of her smaller chest. "I'm so jealous..."
"Wait... When did you see Luka in a bathing suit?" I asked. As their gazes turned to me I couldn't help but blush a little. Had I revealed too much by asking? Were they growing suspicious of me?
"Oh, well, her cabin was at the beach with us today!" Miki replied bubbily.
My heart sank. "Y-You're kidding..."
"Come to think of it, she asked us where you were... Are you two good friends?" She cocked her head out of simple curiosity. The others had stopped paying attention.
"E-Eh...!" Would she grow suspicious if I said yes? Oh, but wouldn't it be even worse if I answered no? Ah, I didn't know what to say...! "Y-Yes, we're... We're friends."
I held my breath, expecting her to point a finger at me and yell 'Liar!' Instead she smiled. "That's nice. She seems like a really, really nice person, like... It felt impossible. How can someone be so nice?!" She shook her head. "Then again, you're really nice too, Miku. I don't know how you both do it... maybe that's why you're both friends. You're both just really nice."
I tried to focus on finding something to wear, yet my mind kept getting distracted. I mean... I'd searched for Luka all day, only to find out now that she was exactly where I'd been supposed to be? Was it some kind of sign? Maybe it meant I shouldn't think of Luka that way, that the only way I should be able to see her would be as a friend.
But, then again... Luka had asked about me. It brought a small smile to my face that was too quickly replaced. After all, there were so many other things to fret about... Like, what if Luka was at this dance? Would she even show up, or did she have other, better things to attend to?
Maybe she had a girlfriend.
As that thought struck me I dropped the clothes in my hands, so unprepared was I. Why... of course. Why hadn't I thought of that before? She'd told me she wasn't really seeing anyone but what if it just wasn't official, yet she desired this person more than anything? Could I really try to get between something like that? What right did I have? After all, I... I was just... me. Just me, just this little paper girl so fragile that even her own tears risked killing her...
Gumi and Rin busied themselves curling my hair, ironing this and that and comparing clips and bows and whatnot, yet I couldn't really focus on anything.
I wondered what my mother would think of this all. She'd probably be repulsed. 'Nobody falls in love that quickly, Miku,' she imagined her saying. 'Grow up already. You're just being immature, sulking around like this. Wipe those childish tears off your face, you're supposed to be a grown woman. Grown-ups don't cry.'
When I looked up in the mirror, I saw the face of a teenage girl, but the expression of someone that definitely wasn't grown up. If growing up meant to hide all your emotions, or better yet, to not have any emotions at all, then I certainly wasn't anywhere close to being adult yet. I was nothing but a big, blubbering baby.
Maybe that's why she'd asked for me; she wanted to explain to me how that kiss we'd shared meant nothing really and that I should just forget it had ever happened, because she had a girlfriend now, and that girlfriend just wasn't me. And I should just forget. It'd be easier to forget. Yet... I couldn't.
I felt like a complete idiot as I moped about impossible fantasies, as though still believing I had a chance.
I let out a shriek as I felt something fall onto my lap.
It was a pale blue dress made with light material. The skirt seemed about knee-length and was decorated with small swirling rose patterns all over. There was a ribbon tied just under the bust. It was obviously just a simple summer dress, yet I didn't understand why she would have it.
"Wear it," Ia said.
I glanced back at the dress. It seemed so delicate and innocent, not like the Ia I knew, who was fierce and bold and all of those other things. Why would she have brought something so cutesy along with her if she wouldn't wear it? Well, it's not like I knew for sure Aria wouldn't wear it, but... It just didn't feel like it. It didn't feel right. I knew somehow that Aria would never wear something like this.
"Quit gawking at me," she snapped. "You don't have anything good to wear. It's not that big of a deal, but I thought this would... look nice on you." The pause intrigued me because Ia wasn't usually one to hesitate. It was so strange to see her like this, because for whatever reason, Ia seemed... nervous, almost.
"Where did you get this?" I asked her quietly. Maybe she'd gotten it as a present and simply didn't want to throw it away.
"It's none of your business!" She grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked upwards, encouraging me onto my feet. "Now go, get dressed already before you make all of us late again."
It fit me decently but was just a little loose in the chest area, which made me sigh sadly. It was no question why I was sometimes handed the kiddy menu at restaurants; despite my hips having nicely developed and my face not being all too bad either, my chest was my falling point. I had nothing to brag about (not that I would brag if I did, but... you know). There was nothing I could do about it. I just had to hope people would ignore it and resist teasing me.
I looked pretty though. I'd tried to check the tag and figure out where Ia might have bought a dress so pretty but there was no tag. Maybe she cut them off.
Still, it felt loose and soft and really nice on my skin. It felt different than normal clothes, but in a good way. 'Maybe the store makes them handmade,' I thought.
I gazed at myself in the mirror a while longer. I was pretty. My hair curled gracefully over my breasts and even though my shoulders had a bug bite or two, they seemed unharmed by the sun's rays. Good. My daily appliance of sunscreen had achieved something.
Rin hadn't gotten the same luck, fuming at her bright red shoulders and arms. "I burn way too easily," she'd said. "Sunscreen literally does nothing to me. If anything, it makes it worse."
I sighed and grabbed my toothbrush. I wasn't feeling nearly as excited as the other girls around me about this dance, even though I knew I should. I just couldn't find reason. So, we'd be seeing boys. I wasn't particularly fond of boys to begin with, if anything, it made me nervous. And... loud music would probably hurt my ears. And it'd be hot and sweaty too, and they probably wouldn't play any music I liked...
"Quit being such a pessimist," a voice snapped. I looked up to find Aria's reflection glaring at me. She scowled. "I can see it completely in your face. You don't even have to say a thing, you're so easy to read." She paused after that and looked me up and down. "... Hm. It suits you nicely."
"Oh, yeah..." I picked at the skirt. "It's a little big though, at the top, a little..." I felt my face heat as I said it because she'd probably laugh at my pitiful lack of feminism.
But she didn't laugh. Instead she walked back out without a word.
I wasn't sure what to think until she came back with a small pouch in her hand. She zipped it open and pulled out a few pins, then came by my side and went to work.
Somehow, Ia managed to tighten the bust of the dress using only pins and magical skills. I stared at her in amazement.
"What?" she asked coolly. I felt like maybe she was a little embarrassed.
"H-How did you...?"
Now she was definitely blushing. She averted her gaze and began putting extra pins back in their pouch with unneeded careful detail. "I... I made that dress," she answered quietly.
"Made...?" I gazed down at myself in wonder. "You made this?"
"Yeah, I get it," she scoffed, "I don't seem the type of person to play around with frills and lace. I don't seem girly enough to sow, right?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "I just don't fit the stereotypes. You can stop your gawking now."
"N-No, that's not it, I-I..."
"Luka doesn't completely fit the stereotypes either, you know, but she can sow" she continued to rant. I flinched at the name. "She draws too, even though she seems like a sports person only."
"You saw Luka?" Of course she did. She was talking about just how much fun they must have had together, playing in the water in their skimpy little bathing suits...
"She draws too, you know." At least Ia didn't seem so angry anymore. "She told me that's what she wants to do: something in the art department. Like graphic design. I bet that's what she'll do, I can't see her being a street-artist."
"An artist..." I didn't know that. I had no idea Luka liked drawing. But Ia knew.
"That black notebook you saw earlier..." Now Ia's face was really red, but I could barely concentrate on what she was saying. "That notebook has all my designs in it. That's why I freaked out when you touched it. It's just... personal. That's all."
"Oh." Silence. "I... I understand."
She waited as though waiting for me to say something more, but what was my line? What more could I say? Finally she seemed to give up. She gave a short nod and went back into the empty main room. "Don't take much longer. The others are already gone. You're lucky I'm being so nice and waiting for you."
Lucky, huh?
The room was mostly dark but colored lights flashed on and off. Music boomed and people shouted to be heard over the music, laughing and smiling. Some girls were dancing with boys from the other camp while most chose to socialize with others of their own genders.
Ia breathed out a sigh. "This kinda sucks, huh?"
On a regular day I would have been more than excited about all of this. I would have been grinning wider than a child in a candy store. I probably would have joined the girls out there in their laughing and smiling act. Instead I sat on the lowest step of a bleacher with Ia as we watched the night unfold.
My mood still hadn't recovered and with every hopeful glance into the crowd it plummeted a little deeper. Yes, I was still being hopeful, thinking out of nowhere Luka would appear and bring me off to some fantasy land. But that would never happen. I was probably the last thing on her mind.
"Hey... Miku."
I glanced over at Ia, not feeling all very interested. It felt strange because normally I'd give her my full attention. Normally... there were a lot of things I wouldn't do. I felt like a completely other person. Did it please me? I don't know. I couldn't really find any reason to care about anything.
I mumbled in reply to Ia, already turning away to face the crowd. A new song began playing, yet another that I knew not the name to. Whoopee.
"Do you want to leave?"
"Won't we get into trouble?" I asked her. It was strange; I couldn't remember even saying the words yet I heard myself say them.
"Don't think so. I think some people have already left anyway, so..."
I sighed. "Fine."
We began to walk towards the door when I noticed her staring at me. "What?"
"What's with your mood?" she asked. It was too dark to tell if she was angry or genuinely concerned.
"O-Oh, I'm just..." I blinked a few times, trying to zap myself out from the dark thoughts in my head and back to real life outside. "I'm just a bit tired. That's all."
"Hm."
And that was that. I'd been hoping for a conversation to keep me alert but with the silence, it was like my mind had no choice but to return to darker thoughts.
No one really wanted me.
Luka didn't want me. She'd just seen a pretty girl and thought she could mend a heart her ex-girlfriend had broken. When she noticed I was serious, she decided to keep her distance. After all, seeing me again would only make her problem worse.
Even Aria was only being nice to me. She didn't like being around me, she just felt bad for me, that's all. That was the only reason she ever let me borrow her dress or helped me pick my clothes; she felt bad for me. She'd gotten so annoyed with me that morning when she'd helped me get dressed faster, and she had good reason to, I guess. I was being silly when she was only trying to help. If I were her, maybe... maybe I'd get a little annoyed too, I guess...
It was like some haunted merry-go-round. No matter how bad I wanted to stop thinking these thoughts I was stuck going around in circles. The same voices echoed within my head and told me I was useless and I couldn't help but somewhat believe them. After all, I... I really am. I couldn't do anything for anybody. There was no point in my existence. I was nothing but a lovesick fool.
Until suddenly my merry-go-round paused, froze.
There she was, talking to Iroha. Her hair was tied up again, her long pink hair flowing behind her with the smallest hint of waves, kind of like she'd slept in braids the night before. She wore a simple pink halter top and small jean shorts that drew the eye to her bum (as embarrassed as I was to realize that) and gosh, the feelings I felt when I saw her there...
Iroha saw me first and waved me over. I think she might have called out my name but I couldn't hear her. I felt like I was underwater, unable to hear, feel, keeping my eyes as wide as possible to see all I could.
And she turned. She did it in normal speed of course - this isn't some cheesy movie - but my mind couldn't help but replay it over again. She was just so perfect, the way her arm was the first to start turning, then her head, followed by the rest of her body, twisting just so she could glance at me, me, stupid little Miku. And then her face, her clear blue eyes blinked a few times and then her mouth stretched into a smile as she slid her feet and turned full-frontal towards me.
I could have died just then. A part of that wish came true.
The dark thoughts rushed back in as quickly as they'd disappeared. Suddenly her face seemed much less genuine, her smile strained, showing more of a grimace than anything. The atmosphere became uncomfortable and awkward because I knew deep down that she didn't really want to see me, that there'd been a reason she'd avoided me.
"There you are, Miku!" she said as though she'd actually looked for me. "Where have you been these last few days? I haven't seen you at all! You've been like a ghost!"
No. You have. You're the one who didn't seem to be anywhere. You're the one who avoided me, not the other way around.
She seemed to finally notice my refusal to answer. Well, it wasn't really refusal, just that... I had no idea what to say. "Is everything okay?" she asked, quieter now.
"I'm fine." I didn't sound like myself. My regular self could never accomplish such a cool facade when inside I was melting just by being near her.
Now her face was void of any smile. She glanced up at Ia (who I'd completely forgotten was there beside me) and tugged on my arm. "I'll be taking her for a moment, thanks." I didn't need to look to know Ia was glaring daggers at us both.
Luka dragged me away from the music. We passed by the field, the cabins, but still we kept going. It wasn't until we reached the boundary woods that I started getting nervous. "H-Hey, where are you-?"
We were getting closer to the water's edge and for a second I was worried she was going to push me in the water and run away- but not before laughing at my paper body fell apart and floated away into I looked westward.
There was a giant arching sign that read 'YWH Dove 2003 - Cabin 5'. A bunch of names were signed onto the wood; I could make out the letters to Sara, Koko, something that looked like Nicola, and a few others. I wondered how many people were in that cabin, but Luka had dragged me through before I was able to count the scribbles.
The reason I hadn't seen anything from higher up on the path was because large bushes created a huge wall of green to hide us. There were two conveniently placed logs and one stump that seemed to also work as a stool of some sort. To the north the nearly non-existent waves brushed against the shore gently, as if welcoming us.
I liked it here. Maybe because she was the one who showed it to me. Even so, the way it was so hidden from the rest of the camp, it seemed... magical. Sort of. That didn't make much sense, but it filled me with a giddy feeling, like a little kid going to the zoo for the first time.
She sat down on one of the logs. "Is everything okay?" she asked. I wanted so bad to know what she was thinking and realized in amazement how the dark thoughts had disappeared almost as soon as Luka had taken my hand. "... Miku?"
"Hm?" What was the question again? "U-Um... Oh! I'm fine. I'm fine..." I wasn't angry or worried or anything anymore. In fact, all I could feel was some strange bliss, like... everything was okay now that she was here.
"Where've you been the last few days?" Luka asked. She didn't seem to feel the same peace I felt; in fact, her voice hinted at annoyance.
I waited for the dark thoughts to engulf me yet they kept their distance, watching, listening. "Where have I been?" I couldn't help but find it amusing. "You're the one who's disappeared, Luka!"
"Yeah, right." She was in a bad mood. "I've been looking for you and you're never where you're supposed to be. This morning, you were supposed to be at the beach with my cabin! Like... I kind of... I kind of..." Her face went pink. It was curious, very curious.
"What?"
"I kind of..." Her face had now turned from pink to red. "Nothing. Never mind."
Aw, but I wanted to know! Still, it'd be rude to press when she'd told me to forget about it. "Actually, though... This morning, I went looking for you, that's why I wasn't with my cabin..." I felt a small smile come on even though I probably shouldn't be smiling. "I got really upset because I couldn't find you..."
She studied me for a long time and I felt my breath catch. Those clear blue eyes... I stared into them and had a silly thought about looking at them forever and ever. "Are you sure?" She blinked and cleared her throat, rephrasing. "I mean, you mean it?"
I nodded. "You can ask Ia if you want." I thought of the way Ia had glared at us as we'd left and frowned. "Or... maybe Ruko would be better..."
She stood. Luka was very tall, probably even close to six feet. Five foot eight, I guessed, maybe five foot seven. Taller than me, that was certain. I was only about five foot four, maybe, though I was only guessing. I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually measured myself.
She seemed so much taller up close. "You mean it, right? You wouldn't lie to me, right?" Her eyes bore into mine, waiting for a response. "You weren't avoiding me, right?"
"I..." How could I answer coherently when she was so close to me? "I... I thought you were avoiding me..." I wasn't even sure what I'd said. It was as though my mouth had disconnected from my brain, blabbing random things on its own, yet I couldn't hear myself. I couldn't hear anything but my heart beating in my ears.
She made a sound that could have been a chuckle. "That's ridiculous," she said, and I wondered what on earth I might have told her. My wondering was called short, though, as she dipped her head down.
I couldn't really remember what I'd done to make her want to kiss me. I mean, all day I'd been convincing myself she didn't actually want me, that she was using me as a rebound, yet suddenly it didn't seem so bad. If this was a rebound, then I really wanted to know what the real thing was like.
Suddenly it didn't matter if she did or didn't want me, satisfying myself with the thought that I wanted her desperately and she was so generously giving herself to me.
She pulled away with a small laugh. "I see you've missed me," she murmured. "It's adorable though... Has anyone ever kissed you before me?"
"No." I still couldn't register what I was saying or hearing, but some part of my brain stood in for me instead and gave out sample answers. These seemed to be working alright. I resigned myself to staring at her beautiful face. Gosh, she was completely flawless...!
"No one?" Her eyes widened. "You're serious? I-I was your first... your first kiss?"
Her surprise made me wake up a bit. What had I said?
"Are you serious?"
I decided to nod, feeling a certain feeling of deja vu.
"Wow... It's no wonder you're so inexperienced... I mean... I didn't realize." A shy smile peaked through, followed by a nervous laugh. "That makes me feel kind of special."
Hearing her say that was kind of embarrassing, because, well... She'd called me inexperienced. What was that supposed to mean, exactly? Was I doing something wrong?
"Don't look so worried," she laughed. There was a strange look in her eye, like some kind of warmth. "You promise you're not upset with me? About anything?" I nodded. "No secret grudge?"
"I'm not angry," I promised. It came out as some strange whisper, like I was losing my voice.
"Mm..." She pulled me to her and kissed me lightly, then wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tight. "You know, I don't think I've ever fallen in love with someone so fast. It's weird. It was like... I watched you during the first day and... just the way you acted... I don't know. I just knew I felt different about you than I do about other people." I couldn't help a small giggle. She pulled back and grinned. "What's so funny?"
"You talk a lot... I think it's funny."
She reached down and grabbed my hand. "That's not a bad thing though, right?" I shook my head. "Good." We sat down together on one of the logs.
"H-Hey... Hey Luka...?" I felt nervous, really nervous, but not like that queasy feeling I got before presenting a speech to my class. It was a good nervousness, if that makes any sense. "I... I want you... to tell me about yourself."
She leant over to try and see my hair-hidden face. "What do you mean?"
"Just... talk to me. Tell me about yourself." I explained to her how I'd been feeling, about how I didn't even know her that well, how I wanted to know her. And she understood.
"Alright," she said thoughtfully. "Hmm... I'm not really sure what to say, though..." She laughed. "Umm..."
"What's your favorite color?" I encouraged her.
"My favorite color?" She thought for a moment. "I've always liked pink. I was the kind of girl who had ballet classes and stuff, the girly little princess, you know?" She laughed, seeming nostalgic. "I loved girly things, so I had a bunch of dolls - I think I still have them, actually. There's like, hundreds of them. Guess I was kind of spoiled. Still am, I guess."
I listened to her tell me stories of her childhood and told her some of mine too, and it was... nice.
"Holy crap, it's really late," she suddenly said, checking her (pink and girlish) watch. "They're probably getting worried. Come on!"
If this was what I'd been worried of all my life, then I was done with that. Maybe Momma was right; there was no point in letting my paper soak with my own tears. Sure, maybe being around people would rip her paper body, but wouldn't it be worth it for the feelings felt along the way? Wasn't it worth it for the memories?
A paper girl took a few steps into the light.
"Miku! Where were you all night?!"
"Yeah, I was looking for you everywhere! I wanted to dance with you!"
She smiled as she felt the sun on her skin, almost burning her. Still, it was... warm. Just like the faces of the people around her.
I looked up and noticed Ia on her bed. She stared at me with those cool blue eyes of hers and I had to suppress a shiver. In her eyes shone betrayal as she glared, like I'd done something I shouldn't have and that I would regret it very soon.
I reached down and fingered one of the fabric roses of my dress.
It didn't matter if one person tried to rip me: I had enough people around me to tape me up if they did.
For every scratch, there is a bandaid, but if you're too afraid of getting hurt, the only person you'll be hurting is yourself.
I know that now. I'm still afraid, but I'm gonna try. I'm going to try my best, one stumble at a time.
February 28th, 2014; 1:58 PM
DONE! FINALLY.
Happy late Valentines' Day, guys! ;D
It's been a while, I'm sorry, but high school has been ick. It's hard to find time for writing when there's so much other stuff I have to do.
Mum has decided she doesn't want my laptop at her house, which greatly limits my writing time, so I'm stuck trying to write as much as I can at school. Which isn't much. I'm trying to remember to write at least an hour a day when at Daddy's house, but it's difficult. It's one thing to remember, it's another to get off my lazy ass and do it.
ANYWAY, enough with my excuses, how was your Valentines' Day? Mm? :3 Did any of you get any roses? Get any boyfriends? ;D I wanna hear all about it! In fact, how about we make that the question of the chapter?
Question of the Chapter: How was your Valentines' Day? :3
I'm actually really anti-Valentine's. Like, to me, it's annoying. I'm a pretty girl, so I have my fair share of guys who want a piece (hehehehe), but they're not usually people I like. Well, people I'm friends with, sure, but not people I'd consider boyfriend-material. Valentines' Day seems to be the day they all muster up the courage to do something that makes me REALLY uncomfortable and turns our relationship into something REALLY awkward. Thing is, I friend-zone pretty much everyone. It's rare that I'll ever have feelings for someone.
Just once in a while, every few years or so, someone gets lucky. Or unlucky. Depends. (Hehehe~)
Anyway, this took FOREVER to write. I'm really curious about the word count, I can't wait to see if it's longer or shorter than part one! (Edit: It's shorter... Part 1 was 17k, this one is only 14k. Pooey. Well, actually, it's 13,929 words, which is why I'm trying to add as many words so as to make the word count over 14,000 because I'm already so close and- oh, there we go. ^^ Job done.)
Personally, this was kind of... well... dreadful to write. Like, it took FOREVER. It was kind of boring for me because I much prefer description over dialogue. Like... where is the angst?
Those dark thoughts were nothing. That wasn't even dark, that was like... gray. *shivers* It was just way too... too happy! Ew. XD
Speaking of dark, Remi asked me to play a certain game... Have you heard of 'Ib'? ... HOLY MOTHER OF- NOT THAT GAME. o_o Yes, I played it. Absolutely hated it at first. Oh god, I couldn't stand it...!
I had no idea where to look (where the hell is the key to the door?!) and I can't stand games with life counts. You should have seen how angry I got at PacMan.
For example, I managed to finally find the first key in this room and I was like, 'Oh, oops, I didn't look at the picture frame!' All of a sudden, the statue took a step towards me. Ib backed up, but the statue didn't move any further, so I thought, 'Hm, I want to check that painting, they're cool.' And then the freaking statgue... ALL I WANTED WAS TO LOOK AT THE PAINTING AND THE STUPID STATUE HAD TO COME UP AND JUST- UUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHH!
While playing that game I repeatedly screamed 'I hate my life'. Again and again and again. It tormented me and gave my poor little brother nightmares (he watched me play).
Except, I couldn't give up. I was way too stubborn. I had to be able to say I'd beaten this game, no matter what!
And gradually, my feelings changed.
It has just such an interesting plot that I felt drawn into it, and it was just so original, so damn unique, that... I fell in love.
As a dark-topic-lover, that game filled me with so much inspiration and I realized that I really want to write something completely horror-themed. I mean, sure, Puppy Mill has horror as one of its themes, but it's not really scary. I want to write something that will give people nightmares, but that they won't be able to stop reading at the same time, something that will make fear enjoyable somehow.
Of course, I'm still developing ideas, so I really can't say anything yet, but we may be seeing an Ib fic sooner or later on my profile. ;)
(P.S: If you hate getting murdered by statues and paintings, I suggest you don't try this game. They're so scary! Q-Q)
Ha, it's been a while since I've written a nice lengthy A/N~! If you guys bug me as much as you did during part 1, it's possible you'll see a part 3, so get your reviewing fingers ready~! ;) (Oh god, what the hell will I do for Part 3?! O-O)
Because this was such a pain in the ass, I am very VERY open to ideas. Like, you could suggest setting the camp on fire and I would still be infinitely grateful. (Now THERE'S some darkness~! XD) You could suggest I turn Luka into a pyromaniac (ooh, I like it~) or something as ridiculous as asking for elephants to march through, I am that desperate for ideas. Though... I would prefer some normal-er ones. You know, that I could actually use. ^^"
Love,
~Naty17
Part one was fun
Part two was poo
Part three may someday be
If only you'll review~
(Teehee, it says poo~ XD)