Shinji was sweating buckets as he waited outside his father's office, pondering just how bad his father's sermon would be. Although, he couldn't imagine which would be worse: facing Gendo's accusatory stare and callous indifference or dealing with the onslaught of the second child who was no doubt, at this very moment, planning to give him the thrashing of his lifetime?
He wanted to cry. Why do things like this always happen to me? He just wanted to be a normal boy. He wanted to be left alone to his own devices. Do his homework. Watch television. Play an occasional video game. Chasing after angels with a progknife and a lascannon for a living was not at all how he'd imagined he'd spend the last few good years of his adolescence. And definitely not swapping bodies with the girl who terrified him on a regular basis.
Suddenly the door to his father's office hissed open, and he found himself staring up at the imposing figure of Deputy Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki. Gendo's confidant reddened from ear to ear as he looked down at Shinji, obviously aware of the situation, and he cleared his throat. "Well, we'll finish this later," he said to Gendo over his shoulder. "UNESCO's breathing down my neck and I've got a stack of paperwork a mile high." He uttered an awkward, Hello Shinji, before speedily making an exit.
The third child mustered what little confidence he knew he had and walked forward, ready to face the music. Gendo sat behind a broad, black, steel desk, his hands folded as usual and cradling his chin. His glasses gleamed as he regarded his son.
"You wanted to see me?" Shinji mumbled, embarrassed at the new pitch of his own voice.
Gendo adjusted his spectacles with his middle finger. "Come closer."
Shinji obeyed. Now he was standing several feet away from his father. A slight chill swept across the room, and goose bumps rose on his skin.
"Turn around," Gendo instructed.
"What?"
"Do as you're told," his father commanded austerely.
Confused, Shinji made a 360 degree turn before putting his hands on his hips and growling, "What's the big deal?"
"Everything looks normal," Gendo noted to himself.
"Normal?" Shinji nearly shrieked. "How could you call this normal? I'm stuck in Asuka's body!"
"Calm down," Gendo assured him. "More importantly, do you feel alright?"
Shinji stared blankly at his father who returned the same blank stare. "What?"
"Have you observed anything out of the ordinary? Any migraines? Fatigue? Unusual sensations?"
"No," Shinji lied, still not sure if the vision he'd had earlier was only a figment of his over-active imagination.
"Good," Gendo finished. "Then you're dismissed."
Shinji stood fast, slightly agitated at his father's brusqueness. Gendo returned to sifting through the files on his desk.
"Father!" Shinji cried. "How long do I have to stay like this? You can change me back, right?"
Gendo ignored Shinji deliberately.
"Scheisse!" the third child snarled. "Fine, be like that." He turned and left without another word.
"Asuka, try to be calm," Misato was saying as four NERV MPs slowly edged around the table where Asuka, inhabiting Shinji's body, was holding an I.V. unit like a weapon.
"CALM?!" the second child roared. "How the hell can I stay calm?! I look like Shinji!"
Ritsuko entered the room and Asuka's eyes darted to the door frantically.
"This is your fault, isn't it!" she wailed.
"If you stop being so immature and shouting maybe someone will explain it to you," the scientist offered.
"Somebody better explain this to me!" the German girl shot back, pulling up her hospital gown and exposing Shinji's genitals to everyone in the room. Misato blushed profusely and cast her eyes to the floor, but Ritsuko's neutral countenance was undeterred.
"You and Shinji have temporarily switched bodies," the woman soothed. "We're doing everything we can to sort it out."
"That pathetic little dweeb is walking around in my body?!" the German yelled furiously. "Who knows what that stupid pervert might do?"
"I assure you, Asuka, he's just as terrified as you are, and he'll need your support to get through this. We all know how emotionally fragile he is."
"Sag mal bist du derb?*" Shinji's body's keeper quipped. "He's a boy!"
"Well, currently so are you," Misato said under her breath, inciting a nervous chuckle from the NERV MPs.
"Oh, you're loving this, aren't you, pervert? You've always wanted a good long look at little Shinji's thing, why don't you come cop a feel while you're at it?"
"That's a bit out of line, don't you think?" Kaji said leaning against the door frame.
"I thought he might help make this easier," Ritsuko nodded at Misato.
"K…Kaji!" Asuka blurted. She covered herself quickly and hid behind the hospital bed. "Don't look at me like this!"
"Come out from there," Kaji laughed. "You're being ridiculous and unladylike. The sooner you cooperate with these goons the sooner you'll be back to your sexy self."
"Don't overdo it," Ritsuko warned quietly.
Kaji shrugged and walked across the room, past the NERV MPs, motioning for them to back off. He sat on the bed and swung his legs over, placed his hands on his knees, and looked down at Shinji's cowering figure.
"Don't look!" Asuka begged.
"Personally I'd have thought you'd relish the chance to take Shinji for a test drive. You're always trying to one-up him; now's your chance to figure out why he's such a good EVA pilot."
Asuka started to cry. "Anta baka," she sniffled into her arm. "Why did this have to happen? What if he… how can I…"
Kaji reached down and wrapped his left arm around Asuka's shoulders, and brought her chin up with his right hand. Their eyes met. "Things will work out. But I think first you should talk to Shinji. You're a lot stronger than he is, and he's got a lot on his plate right now. Of all possible times, he needs you now the most."
"Where is he?"
"Right now, I'd imagine he's probably getting chewed out by his old man. Either that or he's standing outside the girl's bathroom about to wet himself, much too terrified to urinate as a female."
"Shit!" Asuka gritted her teeth. "I've got to go find him!"
The second child leapt up and sprinted for the door, the MPs in tow. Ritsuko sighed and Misato began to laugh.
"You're an asshole, Kaj," she snorted.
"Ritsu-chan," Kaji said standing up. "You owe me. I'll be seeing you later."
Misato shot an icy glare at her colleague. Ritsuko shrugged casually. "You should go bring Shinji and Asuka back to the apartment now. Those kids will have a lot to talk about."
"Fine," she grimaced. She dared a glance at Kaji, who flashed the "V" sign over his shoulder.
"Ta," he mused playfully.
"Damn it," Major Katsuragi fumed.
---
*German -- "What are you, dense?"