Shinji Ikari was nervous as he headed back down the corridor. The nauseous feeling was creeping back into his stomach. The meeting with his father had been auspiciously brief, but predictably unnerving. His father had seemed minimally interested in the current physical state of his son, and more in his emotional status, no doubt trying to discern whether further synch ratio testing or EVA drills would have to be postponed. Although most times he would have just accepted his father's indifference and moved on, this time was exceptional. Gendo's cold, disinterested demeanor had really gotten under his skin, and that combined with the confusion and frustration he was feeling coping with being stuck in Asuka's body was starting to give him a migraine headache.
The sound of Shinji's angry footfalls echoed resentfully throughout the corridor. The bleak uniformity of the NERV building wasn't particularly comforting. It, like his mind, was a serpentine labyrinth of meandering corridors that lead nowhere. Beneath it all, three computers, the MAGI, dictated every action of every employee in the building. Metaphorically speaking, to Shinji those three computers were Misato, Ritsuko, and his father Gendo. He lived his life by their rules and regulations, and had little to show for it but a misspent youth and loneliness.
Loneliness was not a new feeling to the third child. It had been his only constant companion over the long years during which he struggled with an absentee father and a dead mother. In that respect, he did in fact have something in common with the fiery red head second child. Yet neither had fully come to terms with the realities of their childhoods, and subsequently, that bottled-up hurt inside them strained their communication. Shinji didn't have to possess Asuka's body to know she was ultra-competitive, and that never bothered him. What did aggravate him was the fact that Asuka believed her troubles were more numerous and superior than his own. She even had to take first place at suffering.
Still, no one could say Shinji hadn't attempted to befriend the ireful German. That's all he really ever desired anyway. Friendship. People who genuinely listened to him when he spoke. But true enough, it was difficult to hear someone's pleas for attention over the deafening roar of the MAGI and the EVAs. The EVAs had become as much a part of their pilots' lives as any living person. Inextricably, their fates were bound to the machines and there was nothing they could do about it. Did man make his own destiny, or was it already laid out for him? Shinji was pondering this question when he suddenly felt a tightness in his lower abdomen, and he realized that Asuka's body had to urinate. Badly.
The fear came back again. Going to the bathroom as a girl was something that hadn't even crossed his mind since the swap had occurred, and now the thought terrified him. He didn't dare even risk a glance at Asuka's secret treasures, even though he was definitely aware something downstairs he'd grown quite accustomed to having was missing in action. He respected—and feared—Asuka too much to do anything generally inappropriate, and he guessed she wouldn't look at his private parts either, probably out of disgust for the male gender. But he had to go to the bathroom, and it was something all humans did. He knew even the brilliant minds of NERV wouldn't be able to revert him to his old self before he had to seek out a bowl of porcelain.
Standing outside the girls' restroom, his ears flushed with blood and he felt his heart thundering against his chest as if it would burst right out through his body. He started to recite his usual mantra again and again: I musn't run away, I musn't run away. He started tapping his foot impatiently up and down, trying to convince himself that it was perfectly normal and that Asuka would rather him just relieve her bladder than publically soil her clothing. But then he remembered the dividing line she'd set up in Misato's apartment and how insistent she was on maintaining her personal space. His eyes began to well up with tears when a soft voice derailed his train of thought.
"Shinji?"
The third child whirled around to find lieutenant Maya Ibuki staring at him, blushing profusely.
"Oh, um, hi," Shinji replied sheepishly.
"Everything ok?" the girl asked.
Shinji started trembling, and crossed his thighs in desperation.
"Yup. Fine. Everything's absolutely wonderful."
Maya glanced from Shinji to the bathroom door and back to Shinji. Then suddenly, she stifled a giggle.
"Too embarrassed to pee, huh?" she chuckled.
Shinji turned a color analogous to a prize-winning beet. "Y…yeah," he admitted.
"Well you'll have to do this eventually," Maya nodded. "Here, I'll go in with you."
Shinji followed the lieutenant obediently into the women's restroom. He was immediately struck by how clean everything was and well lit, not at all like the guys' toilets where the nooks and crannies were yellow and odorous from NERV employees you wouldn't exactly call 'Hawkeye'. There was a smell in the air that reminded him of lilacs. It was comforting.
"Pick a stall, go in, and I'll be right here in case you have any problems."
Too mortified to speak, Shinji selected the stall in the middle, entered, and shut the door behind him. His heart was pounding in his ears.
"Be glad you're not wearing anything complicated," Maya offered, "like a lace up dress or something."
"Y..yeah," Shinji blurted. He squeezed his eyes shut, then pulled his shorts and panties down in one swift and uncoordinated motion. He fell back on the toilet seat, eyes still closed, knees wobbly, his hands clasped together between his knees. Just do it, he argued with himself in his mind. It's just peeing, for God's sake. Get a grip, Shinji. With a brief nod and a little sigh, Shinji arched his back and let go. He groaned as the warm liquid exited his body and cascaded into the toilet bowl beneath him. When he'd finished, he slumped back against the toilet seat. That felt so good, he thought to himself.
"Everything alright in there?" Maya called over the stall.
"Y-y-yeah, fine," the third child stammered.
"Don't forget to wipe yourself or you'll regret it later when you're doing laundry," the lieutenant added.
Wipe yourself. A self-proclaimed expert at urinals but an intern at the art of peeing sitting down, it hadn't even occurred to Shinji he'd have to clean up after himself every time he peed, even if it was only 'number one'*. He pulled a few sheets of toilet paper out of the dispenser before he realized exactly what wiping as a girl would most likely entail.
"I can't do it," he said suddenly, aloud.
"Can't do what?"
"I… you know… wipe. I can't touch Asuka there! It's just… it's… it's not right!"
"Shinji, do you realize when Asuka has to pee she's going to have to hold your penis, right?"
Shinji coughed loudly, turning dark red as he realized Maya was right. It made him sick, the very thought of Asuka 'manhandling' his member, probably being extremely violent in its handling too given her dislike of him. He wanted a hole to open up in the ground and swallow him whole.
"I've got to find her before that happens!" Shinji decided, also a bit conscious his size might not meet her expectations of manhood. Determined, Shinji stuck his hand between his thighs and gently pressed the tissue against Asuka's genitals. His entire body jolted with a sensation of entirely different sort, and he gasped. I musn't run away, I musn't run away…
It took several minutes before Shinji gathered the gusto to finish the deed, but he managed with a few quick flicks of his wrist, and he stood up, rocking a bit on his feet for a moment before bending down and grasping each side of the panties with his thumb and forefinger and pulling them up his body. He repeated the motion with the shorts before flushing the toilet and opening the stall door to find Maya waiting patiently, arms folded across her chest.
"Everything go alright?"
"Yeah."
"Wasn't so bad was it?"
"No. Where's Asuka?"
"That I'm not sure about. But I've got to go file these reports. Do you think you'll feel up to some synch ratio tests tomorrow?"
"Sure, yeah," Shinji said distractedly. He trotted toward the door of the ladies' room, and opened it. And blinked.
It was like staring at a mirror. In front of Shinji Ikari was Shinji Ikari, wearing only a hospital gown. Several NERV MPs were running down the corridor, panting and out-of-breath. It took a good solid few moments before the reality of the situation sunk in. Maya appeared behind him.
"Oh, there you are, Asuka," the girl smiled.
The second child looked from Shinji to Maya to the bathroom door, then back again. Asuka's face melted from shock to pure, unbridled rage in the span of a nanosecond. "YOU PERVERT!" she shrieked, before slapping him so hard across the face he stumbled back against the wall and knocked his head. He extended his arms helplessly before blackness descended upon him.
---
Shinji's eyelids fluttered. The room was bathed in golden light like a mid-summer's evening. The warm quilt that was pulled up to his neck felt wonderful against his skin. He smiled broadly, stretching his arms and legs, yawning. He suddenly became aware of a dull throbbing in the back of his head, which was vaguely disconcerting, and he rubbed the softness there for a moment before his eyes widened at finding his hair was a lot longer than he'd remembered it. He pulled a few strands with his fingertips. They were fiery orange.
No way…
Suddenly the door to the room slid open, and the blue-haired, red-eyed Rei Ayanami walked in, then stopped for a moment. Shinji thought her expression could have passed for surprise.
"Oh, you're up," the girl said monosyllabically.
"Where am I?" Shinji asked.
"Your room. Misato's apartment."
Shinji looked around him. There were posters of attractive men all over the walls, most of them comfortably in their mid-twenties, possibly early thirties. There were magazines, mangas, half-eaten bags of chips, miscellaneous articles of clothing, and beer cans strewn about the room. "This isn't my room," he concluded.
"Well, it's technically Asuka's," Rei replied. "But given your situation…"
It all flooded back to him in the blink of an eye. The battle with the angel. The explosion of the A.T. fields. Waking up at NERV in Asuka's body. Talking to Ritsuko in the cafeteria. The meeting with his father. He started feeling sick again.
"I'll make you some tea," Rei said, starting to turn and walk away.
"No, Rei, wait!"
The first child turned. "Yes?"
"Don't… don't go yet…"
Rei stared at him incredulously. "Are you sure you're feeling ok?"
Shinji nodded. "Yeah, yeah. My head hurts a little. Did I hit my head on something?"
"A wall to be precise," Rei told him. "And that mark on your cheek is from where you—where Asuka hit you."
Shinji recalled the slap that had sent him reeling, and he rubbed his left cheek. It felt warm to the touch. "Rei, where is Asuka?"
"With Misato. They'll both be back within the hour."
Shinji nodded. There was an awkward silence.
"I'll go make tea," Rei concluded.
"Rei, um…"
"Yes?"
"You don't think this whole mix-up is going to last a while do you? Like, they'll probably have it figured out tomorrow, right?"
It was difficult to tell if Rei registered the question or not, but at length she replied, "Get some rest. They'll be running extensive synch tests on you tomorrow."
And with that she was gone. Shinji didn't dare explore Asuka's room anymore than he already had. In fact, he knew there would be hell to pay for having lain in her bed. He drew the blankets aside, then quickly pulled them back over himself again, and screamed.
Rei entered once more. "What's wrong?"
"Where are my clothes?"
"Oh," the first child replied matter-of-factly. "Misato went shopping for you today, but I was supposed to give you these in case you woke up early."
Rei walked over to Asuka's bureau and picked up a plastic bag Shinji hadn't noticed before. She rounded the bedside and handed them to Shinji who held the blanket about himself defensively. He looked through the bag. There was a black tank top, size small, a pair of red and white striped boy short panties, and a pair of pajamas with penguins on them.
"They're Misato's," Rei noted, "but they'll do until they bring you something else."
Shinji stared at Rei for a minute. "What?" she cut the silence.
"Well, um, do you mind giving me some privacy?"
The first child nodded acquiescingly. "I'll be outside."
Once Rei had disappeared, Shinji rolled over in bed and groaned. This sucks, he thought. I just want to die. And at that moment, he had his second vision of the day.
---
*Idiom referring to urination, where 'number two' refers to excretion.