Brittany jolts awake with a start. She knows immediately what's woken her, it's the fact that she no longer appears to wrapped around Santana, and of course that starts that little ball of panic to form in her chest, the one that makes an appearance whenever she's reminded that Santana could still make a bolt for it any time she wants, could just get in her car and leave Lima, and Brittany, far behind her. And nothing sets it off as much as waking up to find Santana has left their bed. It's too ingrained in her from all those nights when Santana would sneak out and leave her in the middle of the night. Even though it's months since Santana promised to never do that to her again, a promise that she's kept, it's still hard to shake that feeling completely. Especially with everything that's happened.
She sits up, quickly scanning the room. That ball shrinks the moment her eyes fall on Santana sat at her desk, the soft glow of her laptop lighting up her features just enough so that Brittany can tell whatever it is she's doing, it has her full attention, headphones in her ears, eyes fixed on the screen in front of her. A quick glance at her alarm clock tells Brittany it's six am so she's lucky if she's had an hour's sleep, and for some reason she doubts Santana's even had that.
Brittany slides out of the bed and softly crosses the room. She's kind of awesome at sneaking up on Santana at the best of times, but with the headphones in, then Santana doesn't stand a chance. Once she's standing behind her, she leans down and wraps both arms around Santana's chest.
As expected Santana jumps in fright, and Brittany has to tighten her grip to stop her from falling out the chair. "Fuck."
"Sorry." Brittany can't help laughing, and buries her face into Santana's shoulder, hoping she won't hear. Maybe she does need to stop with her sneak attacks though. If she doesn't, one of these times she might end up causing her to have a heart attack, and well, that would suck. Like really suck.
Santana pulls out the headphones and drops them down onto the desk. She then quickly minimizes the window she had open, much to Brittany's disappointment "Always the ninja, aren't you, Britt?"
Brittany hugs her, and presses a soft kiss to her neck. "Everything's better with ninjas." Santana pulls her to sit on her lap.
She trails a hand down Santana's chest and doesn't miss the way her breath hitches as she does so. Her hand plays with the hem of the T-shirt Santana's wearing, her T-shirt. She frowns and tugs on the fabric gently. "How come we're at your house, but you still steal my clothes?"
Santana lets out a huff, but she can't hold back a smile. "Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were supposed to share everything. Do you want it back?" Santana moves to pull the offending article over her head, but Brittany places her hands on top of hers to stop her.
"Depends. You wearing anything under it?" She slips a hand underneath to check and finds only warm bare skin.
Santana captures her lips in a slow deep kiss, but something causes Brittany to pull away. Maybe it's how tense Santana feels against her. Or maybe it's that she's still worried about whatever it was that made Santana leave her arms at this time in the morning. Or maybe she just really doesn't want to do that thing again where they have sex when they really should be talking about something important.
Santana rests her forehead against Brittany's shoulder and sighs dramatically. "Tease. Walking around my room all naked and gorgeous, and then not following through. S'just mean."
Brittany pokes Santana playfully in the side, causing her to squirm a little underneath her. "You still love me though."
"I do." Santana presses a kiss to her bare shoulder that almost makes Brittany rethink the whole no sex thing. Somehow she manages to resist and pulls back slightly so she can see Santana better. Her hands slide under Santana's top and she slowly and carefully traces the outline of each of Santana's ribs.
"Britt..."
"Sorry," she mumbles and rests her forehead against Santana's. It's still the one thing they're not allowed to talk about, and she can't help worrying about it, and touch seems to be only way she has of judging when Santana is getting too thin.
"Don't be." Santana presses her lips against hers quickly, but once again Brittany pulls away, biting down on her bottom lip slightly. Santana rubs her nose against hers. "What?"
"You know how you said about us sharing things with each other?" There's a flash of panic in Santana's eyes, as if she's scared Brittany's about to push her, which okay, she is, but not on that, she'll never dare push her on that issue, she knows better than that, has always known better than that. Instead she nods towards the laptop. "I was just going to ask what has you out of bed so early?"
She feels Santana relax slightly, but she still looks nervous. For a moment Brittany thinks she isn't going to tell her, but then she reaches around her and restores the window. "I was just..."
Brittany shifts so that she's facing the screen. It looks like Santana has been on YouTube. The video on screen has the title It Gets Better. She has a second tab open and Brittany leans forward and clicks on to reveal a page of Google search results for LGBT suicides. Brittany doesn't like the look of this. "What is this?"
"I was just..." Santana's arms wrap around her waist, palms resting flat against her stomach, her fingers drawing small circles across Brittany's skin. "Just something Finn said yesterday."
Brittany hadn't even known Santana had spoken to him yesterday, and that anger starts up in her chest again, the anger that makes her want to smash his face in every time she sees him, the anger that she's getting less and less able to control. "And what did he say exactly?" She's really not sure she wants to know, but the worry will just eat at her insides if she doesn't, and she promised Mike she'd make sure she was well enough to take care of Santana and well, no insides wouldn't help with that.
Santana looks away. "Nothing. It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does matter." Brittany reaches out, placing her hands on the side of Santana's face and lifting her head so she has no choice but to look at her. "It always matters to me what you're thinking, you know that."
Santana hesitates, but only for a few seconds. "He was just telling me how some gay kid killed himself, and how he was worried that I might do the same."
Brittany is sure her blood runs cold at the very thought, both her hands automatically grabbing for Santana, her hands fisting in her shirt and pulling her towards her. Santana has always had a thing for self-destructive behavior but that? She searches her eyes for any hint that that is an actual possibility, that this is something else she needs to worry about.
Her fear must show as Santana shakes her head. "I wouldn't. I would never do that to you, Brittany." Santana holds her gaze, and for the first time lately, her eyes are calm, no conflict or anger in them, and Brittany finds she has no choice but to believe her. Besides the alternative is too much to even think about right now.
Santana's arms squeeze her tighter. "But I've been watching all these videos, and some of the shit these kids have to deal with? I don't know how they do it." Her head drops slightly. "I don't think I could do it. I'm not strong enough, B. I..."
"Santana..." She wants to tell her that of course she is, that she's the strongest person she knows, that she can handle anything, but Santana cuts her off with a kiss, then just as suddenly pulls away.
"Let me finish. Please?"
Brittany nods.
"I'm not strong enough to do any of this on my own."
Brittany struggles to stay silent, to not argue with every word Santana says.
"And I honestly wouldn't have a fucking clue how I'd cope if things got even half as bad as this." She gestures towards the laptop. "But..." Santana takes a deep breath. "But I'm not on my own. I have you. Brittany, I would never have gotten through this week if it weren't for that and I don't think you'll ever know how grateful I am, how lucky I feel that you've stuck by me through all this. Even back before this year when I was treating you like shit, you were always there for me."
"Santana, you never..."
"Yes, I did." There's tears in Santana's eyes now. "I did, because I used to be so angry at you sometimes. I used to blame you. I convinced myself it was all your fault that I felt the way I did, your fault for making me want you, for making me fall in love with you."
That hurts, maybe because it starts her worrying that there's some truth in it. After all she's always wanted to be with Santana. So maybe she did sometimes cuddle a bit too close at sleep-overs. Maybe sometimes she did deliberately wear a top that was cut a little too low, a skirt that was a little too short, knowing that Santana would quickly give in to her desires if Brittany showed enough flesh. She learned a long time how to get exactly what she wanted from Santana, physically at least, and had taken great delight in pushing those buttons.
"Puck made me realise something last night."
"Puck?" Brittany scrunches her face up, not sure she heard Santana right.
"Yeah. He pointed out that you were worth it. And he's right, you're worth all of it. The looks, the talks, all of it. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure that out. And once I tell my parents tonight, then things could get really bad, but I know that whatever happens, I've got you to get me through it. So thank you."
"Santana, you don't ever need to thank me. I want to be there for you."
"God, Britt, I love you so fucking much."
"I know." Brittany smiles.
Santana pinches at her side. "What, you're suddenly Han Solo now?"
"If that means you'll wear a gold bikini and be my Princess Leia, then yeah, I can totally be Han Solo." She leans forward, kissing Santana and pushing down with her hips until Santana's squirming underneath her. "Oh and Star Wars references? Really? You're such a dork."
"Shut up."
She isn't given much choice as Santana is immediately kissing her again.
Tina's not sure when exactly Sugar started calling her a friend, but lately whenever Mercedes isn't around, then Sugar seems to latch onto her. She'd only ever hung out with her once before this started happening. After Mercedes had invited her to The Lima Bean and Sugar had been there too. She's sure Mercedes did it on purpose, only asked her in the hopes that Sugar would turn her attentions to Tina instead of her, and well it seems to have worked. And it's more than a little weird that Sugar has followed her into the bathroom after Glee practice today.
She plans to simply wash her hands and then go, hoping she can ditch Sugar, but the girl has her cornered and doesn't appear about to let her leave. She has no idea why, but she thinks she's about to find out.
"You know how all your little Glee club buddies have sung Santana a song? Well do you think she'll be upset that the Trouble Tones haven't sung for her?" Sugar leans against the sinks.
"No." Tina shakes her head. Judging from what Mike has told her, she really doesn't think Santana would appreciate yet more people singing at her, and Brittany definitely wouldn't like it.
Sugar tilts her head and stares at her. "Why not?"
"I just don't think it's a good idea." She really can't say any more without telling her what Mike's told her in confidence, and okay so she might have already broken that by telling Mercedes, but she isn't about to tell Sugar.
That answer doesn't satisfy Sugar though and she steps closer to Tina. "Do you know something I don't? Because it's really not fair that you guys keep trying to exclude me from everything. You're not even on the Trouble Tones, so why should you know more than me?"
Tina moves away, but her back hits the wall and she's trapped. Thankfully she's saved by the door opening, though she's less thankful when she looks up to find it's Brittany and Santana who have entered.
Santana looks from her to Sugar, then raises an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, are we interrupting something?"
Tina shakes her head frantically, but Sugar just rolls her eyes. "Sorry, forgot this bathroom was reserved as your own personal make out spot."
"Excuse me?" Santana starts towards Sugar, but Brittany places a hand on her shoulder, and Tina's sure she hears her tell Santana to leave it. Santana folds her arms but stays where she is, glancing back at Brittany. "Oh come on, she's almost as annoying as Berry. If she keeps provoking me, you're not seriously going to expect me not to go all Lima Heights on her ass?"
Sugar doesn't seem to sense the danger here, or she just doesn't care. "You're not even from Lima Heights." Tina scurries as far away from Sugar as she can before everything kicks off. "Mercedes says your house has a swimming pool."
Santana starts rolling her sleeves up. "Alright, that's it. Do you want to throw down? Is that it? Are you some kind of masochist and you want me to beat your sorry ass? Because I can't think of a single other reason why you'd be trying to piss me off."
"I Drove All Night." Everyone turns to stare at Brittany.
"What?" Santana looks just as confused as the rest of them, but it distracts her from launching herself at Sugar.
Brittany shrugs. "I Drove All Night. That would have been a more inappropriate Cyndi Lauper song."
Santana seems to think it over, before nodding. "Okay, point taken."
Brittany grins and makes a fist pump motion. "Told ya I'd think of one."
"Yeah, yeah." Santana waves her off. "Don't you have Pixy Stix you should be handing out?"
"I'm going." Brittany kisses Santana on the cheek and then bounds over to the door. "Later, bitches. And Tina." She sticks her tongue out at Santana then leaves.
Santana turns to the mirror and starts fixing her make up.
Sugar is watching her, with a curious expression that makes Tina nervous. Now that there's no Brittany to keep Santana on her leash, well this could turn out very badly.
"So are you really gay?"
Santana had been reapplying her mascara, but now she freezes, frowning as she processes the words, then she slowly and deliberately turns to face Sugar. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Tina presses her palm to her forehead. Oh yeah, bad doesn't even begin to describe it. She would try to escape but she'd have to make it past both Sugar and Santana, and that might make them turn their attention to her, and that's too big a risk so she stays right where she is.
Santana shrugs off her jacket, draping it over the sinks. "Okay, that's it, Daddy's Girl. Lets go. In case you haven't noticed my girl isn't here to save you now, so lets get this over with."
Sugar's faster than Tina had given her credit for and she's out the door before Santana reaches her. Santana watches her go with a smirk, clearly having decided Sugar isn't worth the effort it would require to chase after her.
Tina has to admit that question has been burning at the back of her mind ever since this whole thing started, she's just never dared to ask it, but she thinks now that the damage is done and Sugar's already brought it up, surely there'll be no harm in seeing if she can get an answer. "So are you? Actually gay?"
Santana folds her arms, leaning back against the sinks. "What, you think I'm just doing all this for shits and giggles? That I'm enjoying all the attention?"
At least Santana isn't advancing on her right now, that's something at least and Tina will take anything she can get. "No, I just..."
"Just what, Lucy Liu?"
She'd expected Santana to lash out at her, but it doesn't happen. Instead Santana just looks tired, and maybe a little scared. Oh, Santana's hiding it, has buried it deep inside herself, but Tina can just about make out the fear in her eyes, and that's what makes her feel the need to explain her question. "It's just, Brittany's the only girl you've ever been with, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"But you've been with loads of guys?"
Santana hesitates, as if carefully considering her answer before she gives it. "Probably less than you think."
"I'm just saying you've dated boys, now you're dating a girl, so I was just wondering if you were gay, or if you were bisexual."
Santana shrugs. "What does it matter?"
"It doesn't matter." It doesn't, Tina's just curious. "It's just everyone is calling you a lesbian, and I just wondered if anyone had taken the time to ask, or if they'd all just assumed you were because you're dating Brittany."
Santana looks up, her forehead creasing as she studies her. "I don't see what difference it makes."
Tina's starting to think she isn't going to get any answers, that as usual Santana is far too defensive and guarded to give anything away, and she's crazy to have expected anything else. "Guess you're right. It doesn't make a difference." She turns to leave but as she grabs the door handle, Santana speaks again.
"I'm gay, I mean I'm pretty sure I'm gay at least."
Tina stops, but stays silent and keeps her back to Santana, in fear that she might spook her by turning around right now.
"I've never been attracted to guys. I tried, but..." Santana sighs. "But I've always been into Brittany."
Tina turns now and finds Santana is studying the floor once again, her arms wrapped around herself. "Is it just Brittany? Because maybe you're Brittany-sexual." It was supposed to be a joke, but she can tell that Santana is considering it as a possibility
"That would explain a lot." She glances at Tina and smiles shyly. "But no, there's been other girls that I've thought about..." She suddenly pushes off the sink and steps towards Tina, pointing a finger in her direction. "But if you ever tell Brittany that..."
She doesn't need Santana to finish that threat. "I won't." She shakes her head. "But you gonna tell me who those other girls are? Anyone I know?"
"No." Santana answers quickly, too quickly, and there's slight panic in her eyes.
She can't help wondering if maybe she's one of those girls, but that's another question that she would never dare ask. "Okay, and don't worry, I won't say a word to Brittany. I really don't want to risk her shooting the messenger."
The thing is everybody is always so busy being scared of Santana, they kind of miss that it's Brittany you really don't want to cross. Whereas Santana is quick to jump in all guns blazing when someone upsets her, Brittany, well Brittany is much more covert, and a lot more deadly. She knows better than to piss Brittany off. When Santana raises an eyebrow at her reaction, Tina just tells her, "Mike's always said that Brittany's a freakin ninja."
"She is." Santana smiles, but her face soon falls and she leans back against the stalls. "Does it bother you?"
"What?"
"That they've so close. Brittany and your boy."
Tina's almost about to say no, but something about Santana's expression makes her rethink that. "It used to. Last year when they were rehearsing for Sectionals, I was so sure that Mike was cheating on me with her. I even convinced Artie that there was something going on between them." She's not exactly proud of that fact, she's just lucky Artie never confronted Mike about it.
"Bitch, that was your fault? Do you know how many times I nearly wheeled Professor X off the stage over all that shit? For thinking that she'd cheat on him like that?"
Tina's fairly certain that if the rumors were anything to go by then Brittany was cheating on Artie, just with Santana instead of Mike, but pointing that out right now would be a mistake, a huge mistake. "My point is I used to worry about Mike spending time with her, but then I realised that he would never betray me like that, that they're just friends and that if I kept on being so jealous all the time then I'd only end up ruining what we had. And I loved him too much to do that."
Santana shoves her hands in her pockets, she doesn't say anything, just nods.
When she doesn't say anything else, Tina says, "We should double date sometime." Tina's not sure where that even comes from, but she's thrown it out there now. Her only hope is that Santana refuses to have any part of it, and judging by the way she's looking at her like she should be locked up in a padded cell for even suggesting it, well hopefully that's exactly what she's going to do.
"Even though you're probably the least annoying couple in Glee Club, it doesn't mean I want to socialize with you."
Tina chooses to take that as a compliment, and just focuses on being thankful Santana has more sense than her. "Well if you change your mind." She might be relieved it won't be happening, but she still feels the need to keep the offer there anyway.
"Not happening, Girl Chang." Santana walks past her heading for the door. "Anyway I need to go. Britts starts panicking that I've left town if I disappear on her for too long."
Tina can believe that. "Santana?"
Santana stops in the doorway and glances back over her shoulder at her.
"Mike's a good guy. You don't need to worry about him."
"We'll see."
Tina figures that's as close as Santana will ever come to agreeing with her, and it's good enough for her. She lets Santana leave, then finds herself grabbing her cellphone to call Mike, hit by the sudden urge to talk to him right now.
Santana had been hoping that they wouldn't be home. Sure she'd known that their flight landed this morning, but part of her had thought that they would have had better things to do once they got back then hang around the house. Unfortunately when she pulls up out front, both of their cars are in the driveway.
Brittany hasn't said a word since they left school. She still doesn't but she does reach across and place a hand on Santana's knee, squeezing gently as if to say, you can do this.
She's not sure she can though, but if she doesn't, they'll only find out when they see that damn campaign ad, and she's pretty sure that will be a lot worse than them finding out from her. Either way they'll know the truth by the end of the day.
Her hands tighten on the steering wheel and she takes a deep breath, but her chest feels tight and her lungs feel like they aren't getting enough air.
She's about to turn off the ignition but when she notices the way her hand shakes, she thinks better of it and instead pulls back out and drives off.
She notices Brittany frown but again she doesn't say anything.
Once they reach the T-junction at the end of her street, Santana slows the car to a stop, hand hovering over the indicator. Turning left would take them towards Brittany's. She could simply hide there, safe from having to deal with her parent's reactions. Brittany's dad has already said she can move in, right? So maybe she could just let them find out for themselves and simply never speak to them ever again. That could work. It's not like that would be all that different from the relationship she has with them anyway.
She looks over at Brittany, silently asking for her advice.
Brittany bites down on her bottom lip, her eyes darting from left to right, then back to rest on her. "I can't make this decision for you, Santana. You have to choose." She squeezes her knee again. "But I'm with you either way."
Santana stares straight ahead. Maybe if she keeps doing that then a third option might magically present itself. It doesn't look likely to happen though.
An SUV pulls up behind them and when it realizes they won't be moving anytime soon, it honks its horn. Santana simply turns and flips them off. They can wait.
Apparently they can't though as they honk again.
Brittany looks a little worried, probably afraid of Santana getting involved in some kind of road rage incident. It wouldn't be the first time and it's the memory of how much Brittany was left shaking, how pissed off she was with her, that makes Santana sigh and indicate right, hitting the accelerator and turning onto the next street. Thankfully their new friend goes left and Brittany seems to relax a little.
Santana takes the next right, then the next, and one more to take them back onto her street. When she reaches her house again, she doesn't even slow down, just keeps driving until they're back at that T-junction, where she once again stops in the middle of the road.
After five minutes of sitting there in silence, Santana once again turns right. Far too soon they're back on her street and once again Santana just keeps driving.
They're on maybe their fifth or sixth lap when Brittany finally speaks again. "So how many times do you think we can circle the block before we run out of gas? I think two hundred. What do you think?" There's no impatience in her voice. Santana knows she's genuinely curious, Brittany does love her experiments, and Santana doesn't doubt for a minute that Brittany would willingly sit in this car until that happens, but she has a point. Besides they'll need this car running to make their escape. Although of course her parents might not even let her keep it. They did pay for it after all. They've paid for pretty much everything she owns, and once again she's hit with the fact that she could very well be left with literally nothing after she tells them. No, not nothing, as a glance over at the passenger seat reminds her. She'll have Brittany, and really, is there anything else she needs?
She keeps driving but this time once they get to her house, she parks up. It takes her another five minutes to turn off the engine, but she's slowly getting there.
She turns to Brittany, needing to tell her something she might not like. "I don't want you to come in with me." She expects Brittany to be hurt by that, but instead she just looks confused.
Brittany opens her mouth as if to say something but quickly closes it again. She slowly nods. "Okay."
"I know it's kind of a shitty thing to say, but this is just something I need to do alone." She doesn't want Brittany in there, doesn't want her exposed to the things that are likely to be said when they find out. If this goes bad, then she can't risk Brittany getting caught in the crossfire, she needs to protect her. "But will you wait here?" She has no right to ask, she knows that, but whatever happens, she'll need Brittany afterwards.
"Santana, there's nowhere else I want to be right now."
Santana offers her a tight smile then opens her door. She leaves the keys in the ignition. "You might want to keep the engine running, just in case." She regrets saying that when she sees the concern in Brittany's eyes. "Sorry, it was a joke." She starts to climb out of the car but Brittany grabs her arm and pulls her back.
"I love you." She leans across the seat, wraps her arms around Santana and hugs her tight. "You're going to be fine. Whatever happens, you're going to be fine."
"I know." She does, but it doesn't stop her heart from trying to break out of her chest, or her body from shaking. "And I love you, B. More than anything."
Brittany pulls back slightly, just enough so she can press their lips together in one, two chaste kisses. Then she lets go of Santana, sliding back into her seat.
Santana gets out of the car and slams the door closed behind her. She makes her way up the path, stopping at the front door to look back at Brittany, who has moved over to the driver's seat. Maybe she's taking Santana seriously about them possibly needing to make a quick getaway, and that might not be a bad idea. Brittany's watching her and Santana fights the urge to run back to her and instead opens the door and enters the house.
She's greeted by silence, so nothing unusual there. The living room is empty. So's the kitchen. She finds her father in his study, sat at his desk, checking his emails. She's suddenly worried that he's noticed the missing bottle of scotch. That really should be the least of her concerns right now though. She knocks on the open door and leans against the frame.
He spins around in the chair, nods at her. "Santana."
"Hey, Papi. How was your conference?"
"It was fine, thank you. Very informative." He turns back to the computer screen, opening and deleting emails rapidly. "It's just a pain that I always have so much work to catch up on when I return home."
Santana takes that as a hint and leaves him to it. She heads upstairs, deciding maybe she should start with her mother. She can hear music playing from her parent's room where her mother is busy unpacking, humming along softly to the radio as she does so. She looks up as Santana enters. "Hello Mija. I wasn't sure if we were going to see you tonight. I thought you'd have been staying at Brittany's." She finishes folding the blouse she's holding, dropping it onto the bed.
Santana shrugs. "I am. I just wanted to drop by, let you know I'm still alive." She can't help the hint of bitterness that seeps into her voice, but her mother either doesn't notice or is just ignoring it.
"Well I'm pleased to see that there's no damage to the house this time. I swear every time we go away, we must spend half the trip worrying about what we're going to come home to."
It's nice to know that they're concerned about her trashing the house, at least it means they think about her occasionally whenever they leave her home alone. "Mami, can I talk to you about something?"
"I'm listening." Her mother continues moving around the room, emptying her suitcase and Santana knows she isn't giving her her full attention.
"Actually I need to talk to both you and Papi. Can we maybe go downstairs and sit down?"
That makes her mother freeze and she turns, looking Santana up and down carefully as if that will give her some clue as to what this may be about. She mustn't find it though as she just nods and gestures for Santana to lead the way.
Once they're back downstairs, her mother asks, "Where is your father?"
Santana points towards his office. "He's working." She shoves her hands in her Cheerios jacket and looks down at the floor.
"I'll get him."
Santana waits at the bottom of the stairs. She can hear her parents talking, though her mother does seems to be trying to keep her voice low.
"Lin, can you leave that for a minute and come into the living room?"
"Is it important? Because I really need to catch up with work."
She hears her mother take a deep breath. "Santana says she has something she needs to tell us."
"She's not..." Her father sounds afraid, though she isn't sure of what.
"I don't know, but if she is, please don't shout at her."
"Shout at her? I'll do more than shout. It'll be that Puckerman boy's, won't it?"
They think that she's pregnant. She almost finds it amusing considering the truth, but she's also a little offended that they're so quick to jump to that conclusion.
"I warned you he was bad news. But even after he got the Fabray girl pregnant, you still didn't do anything, you just let Santana continue to date him."
"I don't think she's been seeing him for a while now."
"Well whoever it is, I'll kill him. What was his name? That last boy she brought over to the house? The one who took her to prom. I knew he was acting suspicious when I came home to find him sitting on the sofa that day. That's because he knew he'd gone and knocked her up." Her father is definitely angry now and that doesn't exactly fill her with confidence. "Well she's going to have to tell us his name and I'm going over there to..."
"I'm not pregnant."
They both freeze when she speaks, their heads snapping towards the doorway.
She rolls her eyes at them, then storms off into the living room, sinking down into one of the armchairs.
They follow after her and sit down on the sofa opposite her. Her mother looks a little embarrassed, her father just relived.
She folds her arms and scowls at them. "Why would you assume I was pregnant?" She's stalling, she's aware of that, but needs a minute to figure out what exactly to say.
Her parents look at each other. Eventually her mother answers her, carefully choosing her words. "Mija, it's just that..."
"You think I'm a slut."
Her mother shakes her head. "No, we don't."
"Yes, you do." She knows they do. It explains the supply of condoms that randomly show up in her bedroom every few months.
Her father keeps his eyes fixed on the carpet. "Santana, you have always been overly interested in boys."
"Except I'm not." Santana can feel the tears starting. "I'm not interested in boys at all. I never have been." Her voice wavers slightly as she flicks between anger at them for never having noticed the truth, and fear over the consequences of letting them in on her secret. "How can you not have realised that?" She knows she isn't being fair, she's been hiding this for so long and it's not like they've spent much time around her to even have the chance to notice. Now they just look confused and she decides to just say it. "Mami, Papi, I'm gay."
It's done now, the words are out there and she's hit with a sudden wish that she could somehow take them back, but the damage is done. She can't even look at them, doesn't dare see their reactions. She rubs at her eyes, desperately trying to stop from crying in front of them. Her father has always seen tears as a sign of weakness and she doesn't want to disappoint him any more than she already has.
Neither of them say anything, but after a few minutes her father stands. "Excuse me."
Santana looks up just in time to see him leave the room. "Papi?" He just keeps walking so she climbs to her feet to go after him, though she doesn't even know why she thinks that's a good idea. She doesn't make it far though as her mother moves to block her way.
"Just give him a minute, Santana." She guides her over to the sofa and gently pushes her to sit down. "You've given us a bit of a shock. Give your father chance to absorb this information."
"You honestly had no idea?" She has to ask, though she's not sure she wants an answer, doesn't want that confirmation that her parents really don't know her at all.
Her mother perches on the coffee table in front of her. She doesn't answer right away, and Santana can tell she's thinking about it. "Sometimes, I'd catch you looking at Brittany, looking at her with so much love that I'd stop and wonder..." She trails off, running a hand over her face. "But no, I never suspected it was anything more than a crush on your best friend. I mean, Santana, you've dated so many boys, we had no reason to think otherwise."
Her mother has a point. And wasn't that exactly why she did it? Why she made sure she was always seen with a guy as much as possible? So nobody would question it? But it still bothers her that her own mother fell for it.
Her mother places a hand on her arm, causing her to finally look at her. "Brittany, is she your..." Again the words fall away. "Are you and her..."
Santana nods. "I'm sorry, Mami, but I love her. I love her so much. I tried not to, I promise, I really did, but..." Now she can't stop herself from crying.
Her mother moves across to sit next to her, sliding an arm around her and pulling her into a sideways hug. "Shh, it's okay, it's okay."
"It's not." She needs to tell her mother the rest of it. "It's not because the entire state is going to know. I'm going to be outed on TV and everybody is going to see it and know the truth."
Her mother pulls back to look at her. "What are you talking about?"
"They're using me to get at Coach Sylvester. Her opponent, that Salazar asshole, he's made a campaign ad asking why Coach let me be head cheerleader when I'm a lesbian and after it airs tonight everyone is going to know and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it."
Her mother must be in shock as she doesn't even tell her off for swearing. "But you're just a child, how can he..." Her mother kisses her forehead. "And it's definitely airing tonight?"
"According to Coach, yeah."
"I'll be back. Wait here." Her mother stands and quickly disappears into the hallway.
Santana moves over to the window, pulling back the blinds so she can see her car. It's empty and for a brief moment she thinks Brittany has abandoned her, but then she spots her sitting out on the front step, elbows resting on her knees, head in her hands. She's on her way to the door to go to her, when she runs into her mother, and quickly backs up into the living room.
"Your father is calling our lawyer. It may be too late but he's going to see if there's anything we can do to stop this."
Santana sits back down on the sofa. "So that no-one has to find out? So you don't have to live with the shame of everyone knowing your daughter is gay?"
"Santana, no. How can you think that?"
"So you're happy I'm gay?" She knows that they're not and there's an edge to her as the anger takes over. "Please. Let's be honest, this is just yet another way I've disappointed you, isn't it?"
"You've never disappointed us, Santana, we've never expected anything from you."
"Exactly." She jumps to her feet, pacing over to the other side of the room. "You've never expected anything from me. Except for me to not finish high school without ending up pregnant apparently." She wraps her arms around herself. "You've never once asked me what I plan to do after I graduate. Never mentioned college. Why is that, Mami?" She doesn't wait for an answer. "It's either because you never thought I'd amount to anything, or because you don't give a shit about me. So which is it?"
"Mija, you've never shown the slightest interest in going to college. To be honest you've never shown the slightest interest in anything. Ever since you were little, you've always been so indifferent to everything. Like you just didn't care, like nothing was important to you, and we didn't know what to do about that." Her mother looks close to tears herself now. "We didn't want to push you, you never have taken well to us interfering in your life, so we thought that if we left you to it, eventually you would figure out what you wanted to do with your future and let us know."
She turns away from Santana now. "And maybe we never did think that college was an option because you never seemed to. I guess I always thought as long as you didn't end up pregnant by any of those boys you're at school with, then you'd end up marrying a doctor or a lawyer."
"And end up some trophy wife?" It hurts that they think so little of her, even if she has had the same thoughts herself before now, but that was last year. Her plans have long since changed.
"Is that so bad a fate?" Her mother turns to face her and Santana can see the pain in her eyes. "After all, is that not what I am?"
And that is why Santana is determined to do more with her life. Ending up like her parents is one of her worst fears in fact. Of course she isn't about to tell her mother that. "Well, I'm sorry, Mami, but it isn't going to happen. And not just because I like girls."
Her mother goes and sits back down on the sofa, resting her head in her hands. "I've failed you, haven't I? As a mother?"
Santana frowns. "What are you talking about?"
"If this commercial had never happened, would you have ever told us the truth?"
Santana doesn't have an answer to that. "I don't know."
Her mother laughs. "And that's exactly my point. You didn't feel like you could talk to me about something as important as this. Why is that? What did you think we were going to do? Disown you?"
She shrugs, not wanting to give an honest answer to that.
"Oh Santana, I'm sorry if we ever made you think that."
"So wait, you're saying you're not going to?" The way her father couldn't even stand to be in the same room as her after she told them would suggest otherwise.
"No, of course not."
"But Papi..."
"Loves you. We both do. And I'll admit this is not something we would ever have chosen for you, but you just need to give us some time to adjust to the idea."
Santana can only nod. "I meant it when I said I'm going to stay at Britt's. Maybe for a few nights."
She half expects her mother to argue, but she doesn't. "Okay."
Santana starts to leave but stops in the doorway and turns back. "Mami? What about the rest of the family?"
"What do you want us to do?"
She's surprised that she's being given a choice. "I want to tell Abuela. I owe her that. But the rest? I really don't care." She doesn't, it's not like she's close to any of them, and it may be selfish but she's happy to leave her parents to deal with them.
"Okay. Well I'm sure they'll start phoning as soon as they see the ad."
She feels a little guilty, only now thinking about how this is going to affect her parents. "Do you want me to stay here tonight?" She really hopes they don't, she needs to be with Brittany.
Her mother shakes her head. "No, you go. Let us handle this."
She doesn't have to be told twice, she's out the room and out the front door immediately. Brittany leaps up when she steps outside. "Hey."
Santana closes the door behind her, leaning against it. "Hey." She pushes off it and throws herself into Brittany's arms, and this time doesn't even try to stop from crying.
Brittany wraps her arms around her and pulls her flush against her. "Was it bad?"
"No, it was just..." She doesn't even know what it was. She buries her face into Brittany's neck, and holds her tighter.
Brittany leads her back over to the step, and sits them down, her arms never moving from around Santana. "Long as it wasn't bad."
Santana sniffs. "I told them I was staying at yours. Is that okay?"
"Like you need to ask."
They both jump a little when the door opens again and her father joins them. Brittany tries to let go of Santana, but she won't let her.
Her father hangs back when he sees them. "Hello, Brittany."
"Hi, Mr Lopez." Santana can feel her shift against her and knows that she's nervous.
Her father sits down beside them. "Santana, I've spoken to Charlie about this video, and unfortunately there's nothing we can do at this late stage. If you'd come to us sooner, then maybe..." He sighs. "I'm sorry."
Santana doesn't say anything, there isn't anything to say. She hadn't expected him to be able to stop this. If Coach Sylvester couldn't, then no-one would be able to prevent this from happening. She resigned herself to that fact a week ago.
She doesn't know what to expect from him, but it certainly isn't him asking, "Brittany, do you love my daughter?"
Brittany's eyes widen and she starts to fidget, glancing down at Santana as if asking her permission to answer truthfully. When Santana nods slightly, Brittany turns to her father. "Yes, Sir, I do."
He stares straight ahead out into the street. "I always wanted a son."
Santana lets out a huff, she's heard this speech before, how it was always such a disappointment that he ended up with a daughter instead. Brittany nudges her though before she can interrupt, a hint to let him talk.
"And when I got this amazing strong independent daughter, I thought it's okay. She'll grow up and get married and I'll have a son-in-law and I'd be able to talk sports and cars with him. I know it sounds stupid, but it mattered. Having another man in the family. That I'd still have someone to watch the Superbowl with while the women cooked the dinner."
"You think Santana will ever be able to cook?"
He sighs. "I suppose you have a point there."
"Hey." Santana thinks she should be offended, but she has set the kitchen on fire on more than one occasion, though it's usually due to Brittany distracting her, so totally not her fault.
"I had all these plans for you, Santana, how I thought your life was going to turn out. So forgive me if I'm having a little trouble letting that future go. I'm trying though, I am trying."
Brittany shifts closer to her. "Would it help if I promised that someday we'll give you a grandson?"
Santana pulls away from her, eyes wide. "Brittany!" She's only just come out to her parents and here Brittany is talking about them having children? More scary is the way that Brittany is talking about it like it's no big deal.
"And if the first one is a girl, we'll just keep going until we have a boy."
"Brittany!" Santana holds her hands over her face, not being able to look at either of them right now.
Her father however seems to find it amusing and laughs. "Grandchildren, huh? I think I'd like that. Whether they're boys or girls." He places a hand on Santana's shoulder, squeezing gently. "I'll see you girls later." He stands and goes back inside the house.
Brittany pulls Santana's hands away from her face. "You okay?"
"Okay? Yeah, apart from the heart attack you just gave me. Telling my dad we're going to have babies? Really?"
Brittany kisses her cheek, then jumps to her feet. "Well, we are." She skips off down the path towards the car, leaving Santana gaping after her. She turns to shout back to her, "Relax, I said someday."
Santana shakes her head, then follows after her. Someday. She might just be okay with that.