Chapter 4 Snapes Bad Bad Bad News
harry woke up. he had a good dream. in his dream he was fucking choch change and he was winning like Charlie sheen.
then he woke up.
"WAKEY UP hair-pot." collings creevy said. "i am your number one fan and i don't fucking want you to be late for your first class today"
harry slapped colli in the face. so hard it left a purple spot.
"YOu little shit-git. I WAS HAVING A NICE DREAM AND YOU RUINED IT! " harry said. "I FUCKING HATE YOU" harry siad. he pushed collin. he helped him up and pushed him again. he pushed him a few more times then got bored so he just locked him in the closet.
"haha you fag, you'll never come out of the closet" harry said and then he laughed a lot.
"ATTENTION STUPID STUDENTS" THE INTERCOM SAID. "PRINICLAP PROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONOR ALBUST DUMBLY-DORE HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FOR YOU ASS"
"ok." ron said.
"what could the announcy-announcement be?" neville said as he continued looking at porn on a computer. he didn't really care.
"i don't know but it ain't be good" hermione said.
they went to the great grand hall.
dumbledore was there.
"i have bad news. for you kids." dumbassdoor said.
everyone was quiet.
"professor snape has more than diarrhea i'm a fraid. he has...cancer..." dubbledore said.
everyone cheered. this was the best news they got all year!
"he has ass cancer. they'll have to cut his butt off or just heal him with majick." dumbledor said. i hope he's ok.
"that's fucking brilliant news" rom said.
"id say it's scrilliant. you know like scrilla which is cash money mixed with the word you just said my fucking good chum." harry said.
"i expect all of you fucking kids to send the man some presents. because it will make him happy." dumbledoor said.
everyone was silent.
"i said SEND HIM A FUCKING PRESENT. NOW" dumblr dore said.
everyone started wrapping presents fast because they would not want to see dumblef when he was mad. they would not like him when he was angry...
"i got a good present for snape." harry said. he got a boxed of chocoaltes and dumbped the chocolates out on teh floor. he took a big stinky shit in the box and seeled it with duck tape.
"hehehehehe" harry laughed. his plan was super fucking devious.
"Now back to class with you all!" dumbledored said.
-
harry's first class was art class.
"ok kids." prof. Flig said. he had a big haircut and skinny jeans. he was an emo.
"this class is gay" harry said to ron. hermio wasn't in the class.
"i know, art is gay. fuck art." ron said.
"today we are going to learn... about...pottery!" flig said. hermio still wasn't in the class.
"harry potter should be good at this." draco malfoy said. he was also in the class. so was crab and goil.
"why is that?" flig said.
"BECAUSE HE ALREADY IS A FUCKING POTTER"
The classed laughed and threw pots at harry.
"hey fuck you all!" harry screamed.
"language potter. 1 and a half points from griffinder". flig said.
"Fuck you flig, you're a fag." harry said. the class laughed more.
"one half a point from gryffinider." flig said. he slapped harry on the gut. "don't ever fucking talk to me like that again you...potter."
draco malfoy started to laugh lots.
"you think this fucking funny malfag? I'll show you fucking funny." harry siad. he picked up clay and through it at malfoy. it hurt him bad.
mally started to cry. this made his best friends crab and goyley very mad!
"we gonna fuck you up harry potter" they said at the same time and charged at him and knocked him out.
"STOP IT CLASS PLEASE IM WARNING YOU ALL!" flig said.
ron started punching crab and goyle at the same time and malyfoy was crying still.
"THATS IT TO THE PRINCIAPLS OFFICE ALL OF YOU" flig said but no one listneed.
the kids placed flig into a pot and put him into the burning room. he was burned alive to death.
harry woke up and vomited. "where is hermonie?" he said in a knocked up accent.
prof. mcgonagagal came into the room.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" she screamed.
everyone stopped doing crazy shit.
"WHAT ARE YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCKERS DOING?! you all have done somethin very bad and not good. 100,000 points from all of your houses, you all fucked up and your all fucked up." she said. she was mad.
harry and ron ran away back to there dormintanty.
they all got an angry email from professio dumbdore later.
harry got some Doritos and sat down at the chouch to play some Modern Warefare 3 on his xbox 360.
ron was playing and getting his ass pwned hard.
"i can't believe that shit happened in art class." ron said.
"shut up ron"
"why harry" ron said.
"because art is gay and you are too and i'm gonna kick your ass at cod bro. your kd isn't that high at all!"
'shut up harry"
"fuck you ron"
"ok" ron said.
"hahaha you're gay ron." harry said.
"shut up i am not"
"prove it then fag."
"ok. i like hermionie and i wanna fuck her"
"wow cool" harry said.
"yeah" ron said.
"i guess your not gay" harry says.
"she was not in art class."
"i know" harry said.
"why was she not in that fucking class"
"i do not know"
"i do not know either" harry said.
"ok" ron said.
"wait. i have not seen hermo all day" harry said.
"oh no." ron said in a sad accent.
"where could she be?" harry said.
"let's fucking look for her!" ron said.
"ok after i finish a few rounds of this fucking game" harry said. he loved Modern Warefare 3
"I FUCKING LOVE THIS FUCKING GAME" harry said.
"ok who cares" ron said.
"ok i'm done let's look for the bitch"
"don't call her that harry, fucking please, just don't call her that harry."
"ok ron" harry said.
they snuck out of the dormity to look for hermione.
filch was there and his back was killing him after harry pushed him off the stairs and he fell 500 feet to the grownd.
"we have to watch out for fucking filch" harry whispered at the top of his lungs.
"ok ok ok" ron said three times.
"locumorotor motus!" ron said loudly as he cast a spell on filsch. he fell down and crushed his cat to death because he was frozen.
"ron you retard. what did you were thinking that would do for?" harry said.
" i don't know, it worked though he doesn't know we are even fucking here" ron said.
"let us go that way" hary said. they wnet into the library. they snuck in.
they saw hermione sitting at a chair. she was tied up. they untied her.
"you retarded fools. it was a trap!" she screamed.
then three people came out of the shadows... it was... draco and crab and goilye!
"AH!" Ron screamed.
"AH!" harry said.