PART THREE

Dr. Moira MacTaggert yawned and stretched as she reached clumsily into the freezer for the coffee tin. Fumbling blearily with the coffee machine, she somehow managed to scoop the coffee into the prepared filter and fill the back with water. She pushed the start button, then stumbled over to the kitchen table and folded herself into a chair, rubbing at her sleep-blurred eyes under her glasses.

Her short, auburn hair was a tousled mess and her glasses were askew, but she didn't care. Everyone in the manor knew that Dr. MacTaggert was never fully awake until she'd had her first cup of coffee.

"Morning Moira," Alice Wagner smiled on her way to the refrigerator.

"Hmumgehumbumum," the brilliant doctor replied, squinting to bring the dark-haired woman into some semblance of focus.

"Want some eggs?" Alice asked as she rummaged through the shelves. "I think we have some mushrooms left-oh, and here's a lovely tomato!"

The Scotswoman groaned.

"How dare you be so chipper this early in the morning," she grunted, scrunching her hair between her fingers. "It's unnatural."

Alice chuckled as she spread her findings out on the island.

"Don't worry, dear," she said, scanning the room for a large enough pan. "Your coffee will be ready in a minute."

"Grehummble," the good doctor sniffed as she rested her head down on the table.

"Good morning Alice," Brian Braddock's deep voice sounded from the doorway. "Moria. Coffee ready yet?"

Alice smirked.

"Honestly, Brian, do you really have to ask?"

The tall, muscular man glanced back at Moira.

"No, I suppose not," he observed, returning Alice's smirk. "I'm going to the control room to check for messages. Then I'm going to watch the news. When breakfast's ready, you can find me in the sitting room."

"That's a check, Cap," Alice saluted, though her attention was focused more on the tomato she was chopping than the departing Captain Britain. However, he had barely finished speaking before three new voices filtered in from the corridor.

"Good morning, Father."

"Morning, Father."

"Morning, love."

Alice and Moira both looked up as the rest of the Braddock family filed into the kitchen. The twins, Samuel and Eliza, took their seats at the table while their mother, Meggan, skipped over to the coffee machine.

"The coffee's almost ready!" she announced, busying herself by taking the mugs out of the cupboard and setting them up in a neat row on the counter.

"Almost ain't good enough," Moria grumped from the table.

"Aunt Alice," Samuel spoke up from where he was playing with his paper napkin. "Is it true that Uncle Kurt won't be pulling any pranks this year?"

Alice sighed from the stove and cracked a fourth egg into the sizzling pan.

"That's what I've been told," she said.

Samuel looked disappointed, but Eliza clapped her hands.

"Hooray!" she smiled. "I was so terrified that I'd find a tarantula in my shoe again. Last year it was so awful!" She turned to her twin. "Do you remember, Samuel? Do you remember how revolting it was?"

Samuel made a disgusted face, but it wasn't at the memory of the tarantula.

"The thing was an obvious fake," he said. "There was no cause to make such a scene."

Eliza scowled.

"Oooh, you are such a boy!" she huffed. "You probably thought it was funny!"

"It was funny," Suzie said from behind her, gathering up Eliza's long, blonde hair in her hand and flicking it over her face before taking her own seat. Eliza sputtered.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, brushing the hair from her eyes and mouth. "Mother! Did you see what Suzie did!" She pouted. "Now I'll have to brush it out all over again!"

Suzie rolled her eyes and shared a look with Samuel before she realized Alice was frowning at her.

"Behave," was all she said before turning back to the eggs.

Suzie smirked.

"Hey, Mum," she said, a distinctly crafty look crossing her pale face. "Would it be OK if I had some coffee this morning?"

Alice shook her head, oblivious to the glint in her daughter's golden eyes.

"You know you're too young for coffee, love. Go pour yourself some milk if you're thirsty. Oh, and while you're up, why don't you make us all some toast."

Suzie grumbled darkly under her breath, but got up to do as she'd been asked. A moment later, a sharp BING! sounded from the coffee machine.

"Mahcoffee!" Moria slurred, prying herself up from the table and reaching eagerly for the mug Meggan had just started to fill.

Samuel watched for a bemused moment, then turned to his sister.

"Eliza, remember in health class we were talking about how to recognize the signs of addiction?" he said, pronouncing his words with significant deliberation.

Moira shot him an eviscerating glare from over her steaming mug.

Samuel just raised his blonde eyebrows and sat back in his chair, proud to have scored one for the home team. Eliza, however, had missed the point entirely.

"No, I don't remember," she said, starting to get anxious. "Why? Do we have a test today?"

Samuel groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Eliza," he said, "for a smart girl, you can be terribly thick."

Eliza's jaw dropped at the insult.

"I am not!"

"You are too," Suzie said.

"Suzie," Alice warned, turning off the heat and heading across the room to find some plates.

"But why not?" a petulant voice interrupted the burgeoning argument from the hallway. All heads turned as a moment later, Edmund's back appeared in the doorway, followed closely by an exasperated Kurt Wagner. "Come on, Daddy, why? Why!"

"I already told you," Kurt said. "Eight times!"

"But you do have time, Daddy! April Fools Day is all day! Can't you pull just one little prank? Just one! It doesn't even have to be clever!"

"Edmund…" Kurt drawled, a warning note in his voice.

"Oh, just give it up, Eddie," Marta said, catching hold of the doorframe and swinging her way into the room. "He's not going to cave. You heard him. He's too old for pranks."

Kurt's eyes widened as though he'd been stung.

"That is not what I said," he told her. "I said I'd do it next year, when I've had time to plan som-."

"SPTHATTHHHHHEEEEEHHHHHHHH!"

A plume of hot coffee spewed into the air, showering the kitchen table and the people who sat there with dark brown droplets.

"PLEAAACHTH!" Moira continued, her tongue darting in and out of her scrunched up mouth. "PHEEETHHOUUEEEE!"

"Was!" Kurt exclaimed in alarmed concern, racing Alice and Meggan to Moira's side. "What's wrong, Moira?"

Moira turned on him with burning eyes, rising from the table like one possessed.

"YOU!" she roared, reaching out claw-like hands to grab for his neck. "YOU!"

Kurt stumbled back into Alice and Meggan.

"Moira, what is wrong with you?" he exclaimed, grasping her shoulders to keep her at bay. "What just happened?"

"You sneaky blue devil!" Moira shrieked, shaking herself loose from his grasp. "You put SALT in my COFFEE!"

"Was?" Kurt helplessly shook his head. "I didn't-how could I? I only just got here!"

"He's right," Meggan nodded. "He hasn't been anywhere near your coffee."

"Then who did it?" Moira glared, her hair as wild as her eyes. "I demand to know who's responsible!"

"Wait a moment," Alice said, turning to Meggan. "Did you put any sugar in her coffee?"

"Well, yes," Meggan said. "That's how she likes it in the morning. Black and sweet."

"Then maybe the salt is in the sugar bowl. Eliza," she said, picking up Moira's mug. "Go get the bag of sugar from the refrigerator. I'll dump this out, Moira, and pour you a fresh mug, OK?"

Moria snorted through her nose, but the fury was draining from her face.

"All right," she said. "But when I find the culprit who-"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Eliza shrieked, the sugar bag slipping from her arms as she reflexively clutched her fingers in her hair. Sugar sprayed all over the kitchen floor, skittering under the island and the stove.

"Eliza, ducky, what is it?" Meggan exclaimed, darting over to her distraught daughter and gathering her up in a hug. Eliza sobbed into her shoulder, completely panicked.

"A-a spider!" she gasped out, on the verge of hyperventilation. "I-I saw a spider! Crawling up the marmalade pot! Oh, Mother, it was awful!"

Marta wrinkled her forehead. "A spider," she said. "In the fridge?"

"No, no, on the marmalade pot! Right there beside the toaster!" Eliza pointed over her mother's shoulder.

Suzie tiptoed her way over the spilled sugar to examine the marmalade on the counter. Carefully, she picked off a small, black object.

"It's plastic, you ninny," she said, shooting Eliza a look of utmost disdain. "All this mess for a plastic spider!"

Eliza stood there gasping, her pale face flushed and her blue eyes shiny with tears.

"I thought it was real!" she exclaimed. "I honestly thought," she sniffed, "it was real!"

Alice looked dolefully down at the sugar-coated linoleum, then glanced over to her husband.

"Kurt," she said, "please tell me you didn't…"

Kurt shot her an incredulous look.

"I swear it wasn't me!" he protested, starting to get defensive under the weight of so many accusing eyes.

"WAGNER!"

"Ach, Gott," Kurt groaned, turning just in time to see Brian burst into the room. The right leg of the Captain's trousers was wet from the crotch down, and he held the remote control to the sitting room television and a broken water pistol accusingly in one hand.

Samuel snorted loudly at the sight.

"God, Dad, you look like you've had an accident!"

Meggan spoke through the hand she'd clamped over her mouth to hide her involuntary smile from view.

"Brian, love, why don't you go upstairs and change your trousers."

"I plan to," Brian growled from between clenched teeth. "After I rip that wretched blue fuzzball's head from his shoulders!"

"Hey!" Kurt frowned, his tail lashing angrily. "Stop right there. I said I wasn't going to pull any pranks this year, and I meant it! None of these are mine, not the spider, not the coffee, not…whatever happened to you," he said with a curious glance at the fishing line tied to the water pistol's trigger. "What did happen to you, Brian?"

"As if you didn't know," Brian growled. "This whole thing reeks of you, Wagner."

"Just humor me," Kurt said, trying to keep his calm.

Brian glared for a moment longer, then dumped the objects he was holding onto the coffee-dampened table.

"I was reaching for the remote control so I could watch the morning news, when my leg was suddenly sprayed with ice cold water. I looked down to see this clear fishing line," he pointed, "had been tied around the remote, connecting it to a water pistol I found taped to the floor. When I lifted the controller from the table, the lasso knot around the trigger tightened and I was squirted….you know where!"

Kurt looked deeply impressed.

"I have to hand it to whoever came up with this prank. It was very clever. However, I cannot take credit for it. I assure you that I had absolutely nothing to do with the events that led to you wetting your trousers this morning, Brian."

Suzie, who was at the point of bursting anyway, exploded into guffaws at her father's last comment, followed closely by everyone else-except for Brian.

"I know it was you, Wagner," he rumbled threateningly. "I'll get you back for this tenfold."

Before Kurt could respond, however, a piercing scream shook the manor to its very rafters.

"That sounded like Kitty!" Alice exclaimed.

Kurt grimaced.

"Gott im Himmel, what now?" he groaned, casting his golden gaze to the ceiling just as Kitty phased through it.

Everyone gasped. Instead of its usual rich brown, Kitty Stuart's short hair was now a gleaming white-blonde.

Suzie chucked with wicked glee, her pale face one big beaming grin.

"It was in my conditioner!" Kitty shrieked, alighting on the floor and advancing angrily on Kurt. "You put it in my conditioner! How can I go to the chemical factory today looking like this! They'll laugh in my face!"

"But, Auntie Kitty," Edmund said, looking slightly uncomfortable, "I thought you liked April Fools pranks."

Kitty glared.

"Look at my hair!" she demanded. "Do you think this is funny?"

"Actually," Suzie said, "yes. Yes I do."

Kitty's glare narrowed its deadly focus on the blue-haired girl.

"Then wait until next year, when I do it to you."

"Why wait?" Suzie asked with a cheeky grin, using her shape-shifting powers to change her hair color from blue to brown to blonde then back to blue. "See?" she said. "It's no big deal."

Kitty looked like she was literally about to explode.

Marta quickly elbowed her sister in the side before she could exacerbate the situation any further.

"I'm going to get you, Kurt Wagner," Kitty promised, striding up to Excalibur's leader and looking him right in the eye. "And I'm going to get you good. Just you wait."

And with that, she turned on her heel and stalked out of the room, passing right through Brian on her way out.

"That goes double for me," he said, casting one last glare over his shoulder before stomping his way towards the stairs to change his damp trousers.

Kurt shook his head, deeply irritated.

"Unglaublich," he said, turning around only to come face to face with a wall of accusing expressions from the rest of his team. He cleared his throat.

"Why is it that I suddenly feel a great affinity for the unfortunate boy who cried wolf?" he commented dryly.

"Maybe it's because you've fooled us once too often," Moira frowned. "Don't even try to play innocent with me, Kurt. I know it was you who put salt in my coffee."

"Alice," Kurt tried, starting to feel desperate, "surely you don't think…"

Alice shook her head.

"I don't know, Kurt," she sighed. "And I don't want to get pulled into this. If you're innocent, things will work out. But until we know who really did all this, the only thing I'm sure of is that you're cleaning up this kitchen."

"Was!" Kurt exclaimed, looking around at all the nodding heads. "Alice, that's completely un-"

"Erm, excuse me," a new voice interrupted rather hesitantly. A moment later, Professor Alistaire Stuart stepped into the sugar-sprinkled kitchen. "But can anyone tell me why these roller skates have taken it upon themselves to follow me here from my lab?"

He took another few steps into the room, his movements mirrored by a pair of child-sized metal skates trailing several centimeters behind him.

Everyone gaped in amazement at the almost eerie sight, except for Edmund who collapsed to the floor in a paroxysm of uncontrollable giggles.

Alistaire blinked down at him in surprise. "Did I miss a joke?" he asked.

To Be Continued...