Not Beyond Recovery
Disclaimer: None of the characters of Escaflowne belong to me.
Note: Here is the continuation of Van and Eries' conversation. That was originally meant to be just one chapter but as I wrote it, there was so much to explore so it's been extended. I hope you enjoy this.
Please leave a review if you can. Thank you!
UPDATE: Apparently, the full chapter wasn't published the first time so I hope it works now. That's what happens when I post a chapter in the wee hours of the morning.
I am sorry for any inconvenience that may have caused. I will be sure to check this time.
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Van's words seemed to have an oppressive weight and an uncomfortable silence persisted for a few moments. Eries and Van were lost in their thoughts, the latter so much so that he failed to notice the princess' reaction.
Her eyes had widened in surprise almost imperceptibly but she recovered quickly and her face wore its usual placid, unreadable expression. She had stiffened and thus stood even straighter than usual, adopting a very military posture. She pursed her lips and clenched her fists, trying to contain all that she felt in simple gestures. There would be time enough to reflect on this new development in the privacy of her quarters. For the moment she needed to put up a brave face, more for her benefit than for Van's.
The young king, in the meantime, had only seemed to realize the gravity of his declaration. He had not forgotten Folken's circumstances, not since the latter revealed his black wings in the ruins of Fanelia. But Van had pushed this crucial piece of information to the back of his mind, carefully shelved among all the painful memories he refused to revisit. He had not wanted to face it or dwell on it. He had never spoken of it until now and he almost felt that by uttering those ominous words, he had pronounced the sentence. Such a dark thought made him shudder. There was enough to think about where Folken was concerned without bringing this unfortunate matter up but then again, it was inevitable.
He was also beginning to take into account Eries' previous confusion. Van had believed that Folken manipulated people into pitying him by telling them about his condition but now he realized that his brother, whatever else he may have been, was too discreet a person to be flaunting such a fact, especially if he indeed felt ashamed of all he had done before.
If he had been embarrassed at underestimating Princess Eries' judgment before, he felt even more humbled now. He was aware that if such a dignified lady would come to his brother's defense even without knowing about the black wings than she had surely seen something good in the man. While he did not agree completely with Eries where Folken was concerned, Van had a great respect for her loyalty and generosity.
Having recollected herself after such a fateful declaration, Eries resumed the conversation.
"I was unaware of this," Eries said curtly.
"Then, I am sorry to bring you the news," Van replied sincerely, hoping that he had not offended her excessively, "and I apologize for my presumption about your motives. It was unjust."
"I thank you for your concern," Eries said with a courteous nod.
Van looked away uncomfortably and seemed to be fascinated by his feet. She had not sounded cold, exactly, but he still felt slightly apprehensive. He couldn't explain it but he felt that he had somehow wounded her by revealing Folken's condition. He gave the matter some more thought.
It wasn't exactly a secret, Van justified in his mind, and surely it was relevant information that should have been disclosed to the key leaders of the alliance, among whom Princess Eries surely counted.
If he had not told her now, she would have eventually found out. In fact, he was surprised that people were not already aware of this. And yet, in spite of all these rationalizations, Van still could not shake off the feeling that he had spoken out of turn, that he had revealed something that he had no right to.
Perhaps it would have been better if this revelation came from Folken himself?
But what difference would that have made?
Van was utterly perplexed and though he was sorely tempted to ask for an explanation from Princess Eries, he did not even know what he would ask. He did not want her to be angry with him and she did not seem so, despite his refusal to acquiesce to her request. And yet, something about her manner seemed to have changed but he really could not put his finger on it.
This was undoubtedly one of the most challenging conversations he had ever had and he longed for it to be over, though he did not know how that would come about. The situation with the war was complicated enough without having to deal with all these internal conflicts.
"Well, then."
Van snapped out of his reverie. The princess had spoken so softly that it had almost been a whisper and yet he was acutely aware of her presence and eager to resolve their conversation. He looked at her carefully. She did not seem sterner than usual, at least, and her tone seemed to have softened ever so slightly. He was relieved.
"If that is indeed the case," Eries continued gravely, "then is this not all the more reason that you should speak to your brother, to try and find some closure before it is too late?"
Van frowned and pondered her words carefully. She had a valid point and he could not refute her. And loathe though he was to admit it, she was right. He was reluctant to admit it but there was still some part of him that considered Folken his brother. And some part of his current resentment towards the latter was because for the second time in Van's life, Folken was going to leave him.
As much as he tried to convince himself that he would not mourn this time he knew in his heart that this was not true. And somehow the loss was made worse by his knowing its imminence. He had not allowed himself to think of it because he feared his own grief and he clung to his anger to distract himself from facing the emptiness that was to come. He resented Folken all the more for letting him go through this whole nightmare all over again.
Eries, for her part, clenched her fists even harder, the words "before it is too late" echoing in her mind. This particular phrase had power that she hoped would strengthen her case even as she felt its unavoidable sting.
But she saw that her words had hit their mark and for the first time since she had approached him, Van was seriously considering her proposition. She was finally making some progress but it brought less comfort than she had hoped it would. But she would press on because she was nothing if not determined.
"I do not believe that you have truly nothing to say to him," she proceeded, taking a bit of a risk.
So much history must not end in complete silence, she added, and yet if he persists in his stubbornness, it will. And she refused to allow that.
Since he had not contradicted her, she gained more confidence. She was not sure if he was doing this because he was beginning to agree with her or simply out of respect. Either way, she was going to make the most of his silence.
"And whatever you can have to say to him, whether pleasant or otherwise," Eries said solemnly, "this very well might be your only chance."
Although she had simply stated the obvious, Eries knew well that articulating the idea was the push it needed to be truly realized. Words need a voice to carry them, to make them echo in the halls of one's memory, to haunt one's dreams or nightmares.
Unconsciously, Van had already dealt such a blow. And now, Eries hoped that hers would be just as effective.
His silence was encouraging. She now knew enough of him to be sure that if he had had a ready argument, he would have voiced it by now, regardless of its strength or weakness. He was by far the more impulsive of the two brothers but she knew that in rare moments, Folken was capable of such spontaneity as well.
Shaking off thoughts of the older brother, Eries returned her attention to the younger. His expression was one of intense concentration, as if he weighed each of her words with extreme caution. But she noted with some satisfaction that despite his grave countenance, Van was beginning, if slowly, to yield.
Despite the many differences in their demeanor and perspectives, Van Fanel and Eries Aston had one thing in common: a fierce stubbornness. So the only way for any issue to be resolved between two such strong wills was for one to give in. And unfortunately for Van, Eries had more extensive experience in persuasion (and she was not always gentle.)
As Van continued his silent reflection, an uneasy thought occurred to Eries. She was not generally inclined to interfere in affairs as intimate as this and for a moment she wondered if she had perhaps gone too far. After all, one must not poke at wounds that cannot be healed.
She brushed off the thought. Doubt was extremely dangerous at this point and she could not afford to second-guess herself now, not when she had come so far.
She still believed that the brothers' relationship could be salvaged somehow. Theirs was not a lost cause and if they would not fight for it, she would make it her mission to do so. Too many families had been torn apart by profound misunderstandings.
"There is nothing worse than leaving things unsaid," Eries said earnestly and from her tone Van knew that she was speaking from bitter experience.
Painful memories seemed to resurface as she spoke, exacerbating her inner struggles. She could not let her emotions overpower her, not at this crucial juncture. And she was immensely thankful that Van was too engrossed in his own thoughts and feelings to notice how she blinked and frowned as she maintained a tenuous grip on her composure.
While she knew that the situation was far from comparable, she remembered Marlene. They had barely communicated since the latter's departure for Freid and once news of her sister's death had reached them, Eries had been distraught. But as usual, she had hidden her grief in a veneer of cold dignity not just for herself but also to support Millerna during those trying times.
Eries and Marlene's relationship had not been as strained as that with Millerna but the physical distance between them in those last few years had left its toll. Had she lived, Marlene would have cemented their bond as sisters. But that was not to be and to this day, Eries mourned the sister who, despite the stark contrast in their personalities, was one of the few people in the world who had truly understood and accepted her. Although her relationship with Millerna was improving of late, Eries still missed her older sister. What she would have given to have one more chance to speak to Marlene!
So it pained her immeasurably to see that another such opportunity might be squandered because of anger and pride. She would do anything in her power to prevent this.
As if the conflict between siblings was not tragic enough, the chance that it would never have any chance of resolution aggravated it all.
Added to this was the harrowing truth that, though she decided to face this fully and properly in the confines of her quarters, she needed to prepare herself for another devastating loss. She knew that grief was an integral part of life and that it should only be expected in times of war and that all things considered, she had not suffered as much as so many others had but all these rationalizations did nothing to ease the sting of this new wound.
Painful though the revelation was, it answered many of her questions about Folken's perplexing conduct. She remembered how he had tried to put some distance between them just when she felt they were gaining a better understanding of one another. She had been confused and hurt by his strange behavior but now she knew his reasons, she appreciated his concern.
She also understood why there had been a sense of urgency in his actions of late, how eager he was to make amends, how rapidly he decided to share his work with her sister, and even his readiness to speak with her when before he had been more hesitant and taken more time to consider every word. Indeed, everything was clear but just as her instincts had warned her, the answers only brought her no pleasure.
"It's not that simple," Van spoke hesitantly, after a seemingly interminable silence, "so much has happened. Where would I even begin?"
Eries had almost despaired that he would never answer so she was relieved to hear his voice again.
"I know," she replied, "but the key thing is to begin. Something is bound to follow. And I am certain that your brother will listen to whatever you have to say."
"I didn't say that I would talk to him," Van asserted but with significantly less conviction than before, "but I will consider your advice."
"Then, I am satisfied," Eries replied with a smile to show that despite their difficult discussion, they would part on good terms, "I thank you for your time."
Van bowed respectfully and the princess took her leave of him. He did not notice that her fists were clenched so tight they almost drew blood. As she turned around, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the full reaction to the news and the thorough examination of her feelings once she reached her chambers. The night was far from over.
If he had been more attuned to such matters, Van would have found reason enough to suspect something interesting going on between his brother and the princess. Careful though she was, Eries still spoke of Folken in a way that would suggest that she had more than a general concern for his welfare. But his revealing conversation with the princess had given the young king more than enough to occupy his mind.
"You have an exceptional ally in your corner, Folken," the young man thought, "I hope you know that."
Though Van was unaware of it, Princess Eries' influence had begun to manifest itself and work its wonders. Even in this silent, internal way, he had already begun to converse with his brother and he had even started thinking of Folken in a different light, which was more than he had ever done in the past few weeks.