Chapter Nine
Andrew blindly followed Alexander for hours, caught up in his own self-recriminations. He was angry at himself for being so disgusted by what he had done – after all, Alexander had done a decent job of explaining that, by all means, he shouldn't expect to have the self-control he desired of himself, at least not yet. He latched on to the hope that Alexander's friend could help him to understand himself, if not control what he was.
He was so introspective that it surprised him when Alexander suddenly stopped. They'd first traveled through redwood forests, then through mountainous terrain, and finally through deep pine forests. His senses told them they were far to the north of where they'd started. Alexander held his hand out to Andrew.
"It would be best if I went first to tell Carlisle of our arrival," he said. "Though they are more peaceful than your average vampire, they still aren't anything to sneak up on." Andrew nodded his understanding and watched as Alexander flitted through the dense forest.
In a matter of minutes, Alexander returned, not with one but five vampires in tow. At Andrew's look of surprise, Alexander smiled a little abashedly. "It seems Carlisle's family has grown in my absence," he explained. The oldest male, who really didn't look very old at all, stepped forward with a warm smile for the newborn.
"Hello, Andrew," he said kindly. He gestured to him family members in turn. "This is my wife, Esme; my sons, Edward and Emmett; my daughter, Rosalie." They all stood easily, which was to be expected, outnumbering the visitors as they did. What was surprising was the civilized air they all exhibited. Their golden eyes seemed to match their peaceful demeanor. The only thing that made Andrew slightly uncomfortable was the intensity with which the one called Edward studied him.
They were all well-dressed and it made Andrew momentarily self-conscious of his ragtag appearance. "I look like a pauper about to beg them for spare change," Andrew thought randomly, and was surprised when Edward snickered as if he'd heard.
"Alexander tells me you have questions," Carlisle said. "I don't know if I'll be able to answer them for you, but I'm more than willing to try," he offered with another smile.
"Carlisle is too modest," Alexander said. "If anyone can help you with your…dilemma…it's him."
Andrew nodded, unable to say more. Emmett stood easily, looking not exactly menacing, but the big vampire did look ready for trouble. He looked to Edward, who was still studying Andrew intently. Edward turned to his brother and gave a minute shake of the head. Emmett looked satisfied at the silent exchange. He relaxed, took Rosalie's hand, and disappeared into the forest. Esme curtsied with invisible skirts and followed them.
Alexander broke the silence. "It was good to see you again, Carlisle." He turned to Andrew. "You're in good hands, my friend. Please, visit me when you're through here. You know where to find me."
"You're not staying?" Andrew asked in surprise.
"I'm afraid not," Alexander replied. "As I said, this is the Cullens' range, and they prefer that no one hunt on their land. While I admire their lifestyle, it's not one I can abide by," he admitted. He shook first Carlisle's hand, then Edward's. He clapped Andrew on the shoulder, and then he was gone, back the way he'd come. Andrew felt gratitude toward him for traveling all this way just to make an introduction for him.
Carlisle motioned for Andrew to fall in beside him and Edward as he casually paced in the direction his family had gone. His gait was barely faster than human speed, and Andrew assumed it was to give the three of them the chance to speak in private. "Alexander tells me you're quite new to this life, but that you have an…aversion to our natural lifestyle," he said easily, and Andrew noticed how he'd casually placed himself in the same category as Andrew. He also noticed how he acknowledged that his family's lifestyle was unnatural.
"Yes, I guess," Andrew said. "Well, I don't know," he amended. "I…fed on a young woman earlier." He felt almost ashamed, speaking of killing a human in the presence of the obviously pacifistic vampires. "It was unpleasant. I liked her," he clarified. "I didn't want to kill her, but I didn't have a choice." He thought again of his new hosts. "Well, I suppose I did have a choice, but it didn't feel like it."
Carlisle nodded easily, as if he understood all too well what Andrew was trying to say. "I'm surprised that you felt any remorse at all," he said openly. "It usually takes years, and a very special connection, to reach the understanding you seem to have."
"But I don't understand anything," he objected. "I'm confused about everything."
Carlisle nodded again as they came into view of a large, beautiful house. "As I said, that's natural for some of us. It's only rare how soon it happened for you." He gestured to the grand home. "This is where we live. I want you to understand that you're welcome here for as long as you like; the only thing that I ask is that you refrain from hunting within a hundred miles or so. I have a feeling that might not be as much of a problem for you as it would be for others."
At the mention of hunting, Andrew felt an urge of desire, but he crushed it beneath his will. He would do nothing to offend these strange, kind vampires. "I'll do as you ask. You don't have to worry." Carlisle again looked at Edward inexplicably, who nodded as if in agreement with Andrew's statement.
Carlisle graced him with another smile. "According to what Alexander told me, I think you could benefit from a conversation with Edward. As I said, my home is your home. Please be at ease here." He left the two younger-looking vampires together as he joined the rest of his family inside.
Edward gave him a friendly nod. "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," he formally introduced himself with a proper human handshake. "I don't know how much I can help you, despite what Carlisle says – so much of who we are depends on our own experiences. I can tell you my story and let you make of it what you will," he offered.
Appreciation flowed through Andrew. "Thank you, that would be fine," he said. "I feel like anything could help at this point."
Edward nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. You're very confused, especially about Anne," he said carefully, not wanting to offend, but obviously wanting to get to the point.
Andrew's mouth opened in shock. He thought for a nanosecond that Alexander might have told the Cullens the name of the girl he'd abducted and killed, but realized he'd never told Alexander. Before he could speak, Edward clarified.
"Oh, um, yeah," he said, slightly awkward. "I can sort of read minds," he said with a hint of a smile.
Andrew smothered his shock. "Well, that's convenient," he said, and Edward snickered. Andrew decided then and there that he liked the younger Cullen brother. Edward started walking, taking a meandering path around the house, and Andrew fell into step beside him.
"I understand your confusion," he said, and his tone was understanding. "I was lucky enough to be converted by Carlisle, who's led this peaceful life for much longer than I've been alive," he explained. "I always knew it was an option, and in some ways, it's the less-tumultuous life for those like us. That doesn't mean I didn't…go off on my own, for a while," he said, sounding slightly embarrassed. "You see, I was resentful of Carlisle. I thought he was holding me back, making me deny my very nature. And I have an advantage over others – I can hear the minds of my potential prey. I knew which were good and which were evil. I thought by differentiating the two, it would make me somewhat immune to a guilty conscience. And for a while, it did."
Edward read the thoughts running through Andrew's mind, and nodded his agreement with them. "You're exactly right – it took me almost four years to understand that. I was playing God, and anyone who plays that game understands the risk involved. For me, when it came crashing down, it crashed hard. Carlisle welcomed me back into his family graciously – more graciously than I deserved," he admitted.
Andrew was impressed, both by Edward's honesty and obvious desire to be a good person. He also was very confused about one particular point, which he asked about. "But the thirst?" he questioned. "What do you do about the thirst? I wanted to fight it, with Anne…but I couldn't." He wondered if that made him weaker than Edward, who shook his head in mild disagreement with the thought.
"It's like any addiction, Andrew," he said calmly. "I had an alternative laid out for me. I had a support system in place. It still wasn't enough for me – not at first. Believe me – I understand all too well the fight to deny it. I also understand losing that fight. I am truly sorry, for you and for her," he said kindly.
"So, you drink animal blood?" Andrew asked, changing the subject. There was a direct correlation between scent and taste – the better a person smelled, the better they tasted. Andrew had never come across any animal that held a portion of the appeal of the least-desirable human.
"It's not the best," Edward allowed. "But, if you ask me, it's more than a fair trade. I don't have to fight with my conscience anymore."
Andrew tried to envision himself living like the Cullens. He tried to imagine never tasting human blood again. His whole mind rebelled against the idea violently. How? How could he ever go without it? The simple answer was that he didn't think he could.
Edward nodded as if Andrew had spoken out loud. "It is very difficult, especially at the beginning. It all comes down to one thing – if you want to be a murderer or not. If the answer is no, then the sacrifice is worth it. Now, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Edward inquired politely.
Andrew grinned. "Do you have to ask?"
Edward laughed. "I can only hear what you're thinking. If you're not thinking about it, then I do have to ask." Andrew motioned for him to go ahead. "You really don't remember anything about being…created?" he asked. "You don't remember the pain?"
At the mention of it, Andrew's mind did flash back to his excruciating birth. "It's the first memory I have. I wish I didn't remember," he said vehemently. "It would be worth it if I could remember anything before, but I can't."
"Very curious," Edward said thoughtfully. He seemed to brighten. "So. Would you like to see how we feed?"
Andrew thought of drinking animal blood, and the thought slightly disgusted him. "Don't knock it until you've tried it, I guess," he said, wrinkling his nose. Edward laughed heartily, and motioned for Andrew to follow him into the dimly lit forest.