Part Five: Almost Home
By the Valiant Child
-:-
You knocked me sideways
When you said that you were leaving.
You knocked me over
When you cried and told the truth.
And you left me speechless
The secrets you've been keeping
You're running now, 'cause someone's chasing you
And you bought a ticket
But you don't know where you're going
And you won't tell me
For fear I'll follow suit
And you're tryin' to save me
From your past of bad decisions
But my decision's always gonna be
To follow you (to follow you)
Never gonna stop 'til the clock stops tickin'
Never gonna quit 'til my legs stop kickin'
I will follow you and we'll both go missin'
No I'm never givin' up 'til my heart stops beatin'
Never lettin' go 'til my lungs stop breathing
I will follow you and we'll both go missin'
No, I and we don't even know where we're going
But I'm sitting with you and I'm glowing
~The Script: Glowing
-:-
"It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. Oh. It's been more than a long time. Years."
~Dean Winchester, Free to be You and Me
-:-
They stare down guiltily at their shopping cart as they make their way to the checkout counter. This was supposed to have been a simple milk run. They don't know when it escalated.
It starts when John decides that they also needed more Jammie Dodgers. Then, Rose has to go and add some chocolate. And John adds some ice cream into the cart, because one can never have enough ice cream. So Rose gets some marshmallows as well.
After that, before they know it, they are running from aisle to aisle in the department store adding all amounts of unhealthy sweet goodness they can lay their hands on. They whoop and cheer and collide against objects and people and wreak havoc like it's the end of the world and they are a couple of drunk teenagers.
They only just come to their sense and start to make their nearly full cart to the checkout counter when a sugar high Amelia rushes towards them with her arms full of more treats. She stops when she notices the sober looks on Rose and John's faces. They stand there, blinking at each other for a couple of moments before John cracks and with a cry of "Geronimo" runs to get some more biscuits that they don't need.
Another hour later, the lady at the checkout counter takes a moment to look over the strange pair who has three carts of junk food with them and a child seated upon one of the carts like it's her throne. All three of them are giggling uncontrollably and the woman vaguely wonders if she should ask them where their parents are.
It's only after they get back to their flat that they notice that they forgot the milk.
-:-
It almost starts to feel like their normal lives. Only a more domestic version with no time and space travel and no fighting aliens. Well, Rose still fights the aliens, only without the Doctor.
In one such case, she gets hurt in a nasty encounter with some rather unfriendly blue aliens. When she goes back to the flat with her entire arm bandaged, she is expecting the bombardment of questions from John that she receives. She tries her best to keep up with her cover story and to assure him that she's fine and that he doesn't have to worry. He does so anyway and insists that she takes leave from work for the week. He won't have it otherwise so Rose relents, knowing that he would bodily barricade the front door if it comes to that.
He refuses to let her do any work either. In her time without the Doctor, Rose had learnt how to cook, seeing as how she had to live by herself. And now, it was she who had been doing the cooking lately. But with her new wound, John insists on taking over this task as well.
However, omelettes are the only thing that he is good at. Everything else he cooks can hardly be called edible. He enlists Amelia's help after a couple of failed attempts at making dinner but she's no good either. In fact, together they somehow manage to almost burn down the half of the kitchen.
John's very good with the cutting though. And after much assurance from Rose that she's well enough to get out of the bed and that she won't keel over, she stands by him in the kitchen, telling him what to do and how to cook.
He's an incredibly fast learner and his skills with the knife leads Rose to blurt out, "where did you learn how to do that?"
"Paris, in the eighteenth century," he answers immediately. He doesn't notice what he's said.
But Rose does. She's noticed a lot of slip ups like this lately. In fact, just a week ago, he had compared a rather loathsome professor at his University with a Slitheen. And a few days before that, he mentioned having chips after the end of the Earth in a passing comment. He hasn't noticed anything wrong with his words though. And since they have only a few weeks to go until they're safe from the Family, Jack has asked Rose not to fret too much over the Doctor's memories returning. But Rose can't help it. They never found a solid lead on the speculations about the Family having arrived but the feeling of wrongness inside her hasn't relented a bit.
They're here, she knows. They're here and they're close and they want the Doctor.
She lets out an involuntary hiss when John accidentally bumps her injured arm. He sets off into a string of apologies as he guides her to a chair even as she's telling him that she's okay. He squats down by her seat and his fingers hover above the bandage, afraid to touch. His eyes move up to look at her face for any hint of pain. She smiles in reassurance and he lets out the breath that he's been holding but doesn't look away. There's something intense in his green eyes.
She lifts her uninjured hand to lightly stroke his cheek. He leans into her touch, almost like he can't help it. Her fingers glide up to run though his hair and he makes a happy sound at the back of his throat.
"I miss you," she says before she can stop herself. The words are almost inaudible and for a second, she thinks that he hasn't heard her.
He stands up and takes her hand—the one that's been stroking his hair—and pulls her up with him. His arms circle around her, minding her injury. "I'm right here," he says as she leans into his hug. "I'm right here."
"And so am I!"
They jump apart at the sound of Amelia's voice from the doorway.
"You should hang up a sign," she tells them, "Mating in progress. Do not disturb."
John splutters, turning bright red, "I...we...we're not...we're not...shut up."
"Right," Amelia says. "Anyway, I'm hungry. Are you done making dinner yet?"
"Oh! Dinner!" John shouts as he jumps towards the stove to salvage the burning food. "No, no, no! Don't do that!"
Rose watches as John dances around the kitchen, trying to find some way to contain the fire that has caught the frying pan and a similar image of him flying around the TRADIS console comes to her mind.
I'm right here.
-:-
She thinks that she can handle the song in her head. That she can cope with it without going entirely mad. That she can have a few weeks of normal before she can have the Doctor back. But then, one fine day, the doorbell rings and there's a woman with the curliest curly hair and a knowing smile standing there and before Rose can even get a word in, her mind explodes.
She doesn't remember the song ever being so loud. Not even in her dreams. It's screaming and clawing and tearing at her mind; glowing, growing, building, burning.
She falls back, clutching her head, trying not to scream out loud and failing badly. For a moment, she can see everything; all of time and space. And then, there's only blackness.
When she comes to, there's pair of chocolate brown eyes peering at her with concern. She blinks and a face comes to view. Wild, gravity defying hair, long nose, a sprinkle of freckles...
A song comes to mind, not the one that's in constant replay inside her head but a different one. A sad, longing one played by a music sphere reminding her of bananas and burning suns.
"Doctor?" she asks tentatively.
"Hello."
-:-
He has put a temporary block in her head, he explains. It won't last very long though and soon, she'll start burning again. Unless...
"No!" Rose says obstinately.
She has to forget again. But not just this Doctor. Not just his TARDIS. And not just travelling with him. But she has to forget her Doctor, their TARDIS and everything they've had. She has to forget she ever saw the stars, travelled to planets galaxies away, saw the end of the Earth, met Charles Dickens, fought a werewolf; saved civilisations...She has to forget that she's not just an ordinary shop girl. That's she's important and she's capable and she's fantastic and brilliant and absolutely wonderful. She has to forget that she's worth something. She has to forget being as happy. She has to forget being so brave. She has to forget being in love.
"Rose..." the Doctor tries.
"No!" she repeats, stumbling away from him.
"You'll die, Rose," the Doctor tells her. "The song will burn though your mind."
"I don't care!" she says in a fit of desperation.
"I can't let you die," he shouts back.
"I've got three week," she protests. That's how long the block he's put in her head will last. "We can figure something out by that time."
The Doctor looks desperate. "There's no other way."
"You don't know that!" Rose says. "There could be. Please."
The Doctor is torn. He doesn't want to do this either. This is Rose, for Rassilon's sake! Maybe not his Rose, but Rose nonetheless. And she had travelled with him too. Kept him sane and in line. Kept his nightmares away. Made him smile when he felt like he couldn't.
And she has a Doctor of her own. A Doctor who'd gone without her as he once had and now he'd lose her again.
Three weeks...the same time as when the watch is safe to be opened again. By the time John becomes the Doctor again, Rose will have either died or forgotten him.
"Please," Rose begs.
He stands in silence; conflicted. Before he can form a reply, they hear the front door open.
"Rose?" John calls.
Rose takes the opportunity to hurry out of her bedroom, and away from the Doctor. She needs more time. Just a little more time. There could be some other way to save her life. Maybe she won't hear the song when she goes back to her own world. Or maybe she could figure out a way to safely extract whatever bit of the vortex that still remains inside her. Anything, anything other than forgetting.
"Hello," John grins when he sees her. His smile drops immediately though, when he notices the look on her face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she says automatically. "I'm fine."
I'm always fine, his words echo back at her. He knows that she's lying and she knows that he knows. But before he can coax the truth out of her, he spots a stranger emerging from the other room. He immediately strikes as suspicious in John's eyes.
"Hello," John smiles, though coldly. "Who might you be?"
The Doctor steals a glance at Rose before smiling back at John. "Doctor Smith," he says. "You must be John."
John nods.
The Doctor hurriedly tells him that Rose fainted that afternoon and River—who'd come looking for John—had called him to check up on Rose.
"Nothing too big to worry about," the Doctor says. "Just a bit of dehydration. My guess is that Miss Tyler's been overworking herself. She'll be fine. Fit as a fiddle as soon as you get some sugar and some fluids in her system. And maybe a banana or two. Definitely a banana or two. Possibly two. Preferably three. Maybe a few more."
When he leaves, John takes a moment to look over Rose. She looks scared and pale. And no matter how many times he asks, she only tells him that she's fine. Everything's fine.
He sighs.
"I'm fine," she repeats.
He pulls her into a tight hug, breathing in her scent of tea and rain.
No, you're not.
-:-
He's not fine either. And she can tell. But they both keep lying to each other. There was a time when they didn't do that. When after much effort and persistence on her part he'd occasionally tell her his troubles and she'd make it better and he'd take away her fears with a tight hug and a trip to Disneyland Clom.
And then they'd solve the problems of the locals and forget their own and laugh and be happy and hold hands and run and run and run.
There's no travelling to Clom anymore and very little laughing. And she runs, but without him and he only runs when he's late for class. They no longer hold hands either.
Then one day, John decides that he's had enough.
It's Rose birthday and when he wishes her in the morning, there's only a meek nod of recognition. They have scarcely made eye contact for the past few days and this is the last straw for him. As Rose mumbles a muted goodbye and reaches for the front door to leave for work, John saunters forward, grabs her hand and leads her away to her bedroom.
There are loud protests all the way and demands of what he's thinking but he doesn't answer. He reaches into her wardrobe, pulls out one of his favourite dresses on her and hands it to her with a huge grin.
She looks at him incredulously. "What's this?" she asks.
"A dress!" he says. "You're supposed to wear it. See, this is where the hands go and that hole is for the head."
"I'm going to work, John. And I'm not going in a dress." Rose says, reluctantly pulling her hand away from his and folding her arms.
He misses the contact but his smile doesn't falter. "It's your birthday. You can take the day off."
"I've already taken too many days off," she retorts.
"Exactly!" he says. "And one more won't many any drastic differences."
"I can't take the day off!"
"Yes, you can. Here, I'll call Jack." He pulls out her phone from her pockets with the swiftest of movements and begins dialling.
"Stop that," Rose shouts, reaching for the phone but John raises it over his head, leaving Rose to resort to jumping. "I don't want to take the day off."
"Yes, you do."
"I don't!"
The Doctor slinks away from Rose, whooping as the call connects and Jack picks up.
"Hello, Jack. It's John. I'm calling to tell you that I'm taking Rose out today for fun things and she won't make it work because work is not a fun thing. Work is work. And—"
John gets cut off as Rose tackles him and they tumble to the floor. The phone skids off to the side and Rose makes a grab for it.
"He's kidding, Jack," Rose gasps into the phone.
Jack chuckles. "It's okay, Rosie. You can take the day off."
"I don't want to," Rose says.
"Yes, she does," John shouts.
Jack laughs. "Happy birthday, Rose. Take the day off."
Rose stares blankly at her mobile for a second before throwing it at John, meaning to hit him in the head but he dodges and sticks his tongue out.
"Five minutes, Rose Tyler," he says getting up, and dusting his coat. "Get dressed. We're going to do fun things"
-:-
"You're lying," Amelia says as they walk aimlessly through the streets, an ice cream in each of their hands.
"I am not!" John protests.
"Aliens did not discover chocolate," Amelia tells him calmly. "River told me that it was the Aztecs."
John spluttered. "River?! I'll let you know that River Song is an archaeologist and a liar."
"And you're stupid," Amelia sticks her tongue out.
Rose laughs at the indignant look on John face.
"Stop that," he pouts.
Rose laughs harder.
"No, don't do that," John whines. "You're supposed to be on my side."
"I'm not on anybody's side," Rose says diplomatically.
"You can't do that!" John says. "Amelia has River on her side. River has Amelia on her side. I'm all alone. You can't leave me all alone, Rose Tyler. You have to be on my side. Especially when I'm taking you out for fun things."
"Walking aimlessly is a fun thing?"
"I'll have you know that walking aimlessly is one of the top most fun things to do in Balhoon right up there with counting freckles and blowing raspberries. Remind me to take you there someday. Lovely place. Nice shops," he says knowingly. "But we could do other fun things if you want. We still have to buy you a gift. What would you like? A dashing bowtie? A flock of sheep? A swishy-wishy coat? A red bicycle? Ooh, or I know, a fez! We could get matching ones."
He doesn't give her time to reply, but instead grabs Rose and Amelia's hands and starts running as fast as their legs can carry them whooping happily about co-ordinating fezzes and bowties.
They dash about like little children, moving from shop to shop, trying to find the perfect gift for Rose. But Rose doesn't really need one. This moment, right now is the best gift she's received in a while. If she concentrates enough, she can pretend that she's in another planet in another world with her Doctor and they're running again to forget their troubles and she isn't dying and he isn't human and they were never apart.
She can pretend that she can sleep in her room in the TARDIS when they go back, that she can laugh about anything and everything with her Jack, that she can call her mum before she falls asleep with exhaustion, that she can hear her mum complain about the Doctor and how he hardly brings her home and then she can hear the change in Jackie's tone to an affectionate one as she asks if he's taking care of her and if she's taking care of him and if they're eating well and sleeping well and if they have lots of clean laundry and if they don't they should come over for a nice cuppa and a chat while Jackie takes care of the clothes and fusses over the pair.
She can pretend that she's home.
-:-
"I want to go home," Amelia says when it's dark.
They've been walking all over. Popping by shops, running through the streets, having a go at the swings in every park they come across...they've tasted a dozen different cakes in a dozen different cafes, bought matching fezzes as promised and had a lunch comprising of chips and ice cream.
"'kay," Rose says as she grabs both Amelia and John's hands each and pulls them gently in the direction of their flat. They're all tired but happy. It's been a fun day and they did do a lot of fun things. And they held hands and they ran and they laughed.
And for a moment, everything was alright.
When they get back to their flat, they find Jack and River waiting for them.
"Happy birthday," the duo chorus and Jack moves to hug Rose.
Half an hour later, Rose starts feeling a bit lightheaded from the wine Jack brought for her as a present. Jack, who is currently being beaten to a pulp at the wii by Amelia. John keeps throwing longing looks towards the pair, clearly wanting to play, but with River regaling Rose with one after another of his embarrassing antics at the University, he can't possibly leave them alone. Who knows what damage River might do?
"Shut up," he mumbles as he takes a sip of his wine, only to spit it back into the glass.
"I'd like to see you make me," River retorts. "Rose deserves to know what a catch you are."
"I'm sure she already knows," he groans and Rose giggles, patting his head comfortingly, sharing knowing looks with River.
She likes River, Rose decides. They'd begun talking and had got to know each other a bit better ever since Rose found out that River was a friend of the Doctor's and was looking out for John and also keeping an eye out for Rose's health. River calls or stops by every few days, making sure the song isn't bothering her too much, and providing Rose with news and speculations about the Family's whereabouts.
Rose absently notes that the song (which still plays, although much quietly, in the background) is a little louder than usual whenever River is near and it's back to normal when she's gone.
Rose also remembers having met River in the Library when she'd been travelling with the Doctor from this universe. Melody, she'd called her then. She'd also urged the Doctor to trust her, having seen something then, but she doesn't remember what it was that she'd seen to trust a complete stranger.
But she still trusts River still. Melody.
The song in her head has tells her to.
-:-
"Let's dance," Rose suggests when Jack and River are gone and Amelia has been tucked into bed. She's a bit drunk.
"I don't...I can't...I don't dance," the Doctor stammers.
"Please, please. It's my birthday," Rose pleads. "You said we'd do fun things. Dancing is a fun thing."
John shifts his weight uncomfortably from one foot to another, trying to come up with valid argument. Rose takes his silence for agreement, grinning as she dashes to her room to retrieve her music sphere.
There's a card lying beside the sphere. Rose has never seen it before. There's a comical Barcelonan dog with a party hat in the cover and inside are the words, "Happy Birthday, Rose Tyler" written in barely illegible handwriting. In the corner there are two signatures.
The Doctor and Rose.
Rose smiles and picks up the sphere, running back to John, whom she'd left in the living room. He's still standing there uneasily when she returns but he grins despite everything when he sees her smile.
Rose skips over to the coffee table and places the music sphere there and presses a button at the top so that the song keeps playing even after she's let go of the sphere.
"You'll find your feet at the end of your legs," Rose informs John. "You may care to move them."
He's immediately transported to a time years ago in another universe when he'd only started falling in love with her. He moves to hold her awkwardly, and they move slowly to the music, fumbling and stumbling but she looks happy and he thinks that this isn't so bad.
He likes seeing her happy. He hadn't seen that for a while. He hadn't seen her for a while. An entire year to be more precise. When she was here, probably protecting the Earth, and he, a universe away moping and considering retirement.
He remembers much more now. So much more. Burning planets and burning suns, finding hope, finding her. And losing it all like he always did. Everything always burns away. Even her.
And yet, here she is.
And she's smiling and she's so close.
But for how long? He won't be human soon. He knows that. Has known for a while now. He doesn't want to believe it though. He wants to be human. He wants to be hers. He doesn't want to be alone anymore. Left with only broken memories and a room full of broken things he couldn't fix from the aftermath of losing her.
"Rose?" he brings them to a standstill, while the music still plays in the background. Pink wispy clouds swirl inside the globe with tendrils of blue and green.
"Yeah?" she asks.
Tell her, his insides urge him. Just tell her already.
He takes a deep breath. "I..."
Tell her.
"Rose—"
He's cut off when she pulls him down by his lapels and presses her lips to his.
He doesn't move for a second. And then his eyes drift close but his brain isn't functioning properly and he doesn't know what to do with his hands. Does he place them on her waist? Her shoulders? Does he cup her face? Wound them through her hair?
He settles for flapping them like a chicken.
A second, and another, and she pulls away.
There's a dazed look on her face. He's sure that his expression beats hers though.
She blinks, bites her lip and her dazedness transforms to uncertainty and she starts to step away but he's having none of that. This time, he pulls her in for another kiss, wrapping his arms firmly around her, holding her as close as he possibly can. She makes a very nice sound at the back of her throat and he tries to hold her closer still, until she can barely breathe. He's running fast out of oxygen too but he doesn't want to break away.
Tell her, his pounding heart screams at him when he finally pulls away.
"Rose," he starts again between breaths. She lifts her wide, hazel eyes to his green ones.
Tell her.
"I..."
Tell her.
"Rose, I..."
Tell her.
"I need you," he says and his voice breaks.
She kisses him once more.
"I need you," he says again when they breaks again for breath. It's the closest he can bring himself to say to the real words that he wishes he could express. But they are as true as anything else. He does need her. So very much. She jumped into his life in a whirl of colours and laughter and now she's rooted herself so deep that having to spend a year without her had been agony. He'd been left broken once more as when he had been after the Time War. She had fixed him back when they'd first met and he needs her to do it again. "I need you. I need you. I need you."
He mumbles the words like a prayer over and over into her hair, holding on as tightly as he can to her.
"I need you."
What he means is, I love you.
-:-
"I love you," she says as the wind whips her hair. There are tears trailing down her cheeks and he wishes that he could reach out and wipe them away but he's just an image. No touch.
He opens his mouth to say the words...to tell her that he loves her too; has always loved her. Ever since he realised how brave and kind and magnificent and beautiful she is. She makes him better and kinder and braver and less lonely. She likes his bowties and makes a good cup of tea and she hugs him when he has nightmares and holds his hand and runs with him. She laughs at his silly jokes and treats the TARDIS like a sister. She puts up with his terrible cooking and enormous ego and bad driving skills. She has the nicest smile and the prettiest eyes. She always knows the right things to say and the right things to do and he needs her.
He needs her desperately.
He doesn't know how he'll cope now that she's a universe away and he's just a projection with mere seconds left. So, he has to tell her he loves her because this is it. This is his last chance and she deserves to know even though he's sure that she already does know.
"Rose Tyler—"
But before he can complete the sentence, he's falling. Down, down, down into a seemingly bottomless pit that's as black the night and silent as a grave. He closes his eyes and braces for impact but it never comes. He finds himself floating among the darkness and a mocking laughter starts in the distance.
"She will die," a voice tells him. "The Valiant Child. Your saviour. She will die in battle and she will be lost to you forever. Just like everything else that's lost to you."
He wakes up, gasping for breath.
In the next room, the pocket watch lying tightly in Rose Tyler's grasp burns bright as she shifts uneasily in her sleep.
-:-
A/N: No, this is not the final chapter. Yes, I know I promised otherwise. But the plot seems to me controlling me into making it stretch. But really though, the next part will honestly be the last. So, brace yourselves.
This chapter was un-beta'd so I apologise if its a bit rusty. I tried my best.
My thanks to JollyRoger1, OnyxDay, becksie, Independent.C, Galexz, Palomeke, The Doctor Rose and Valerie E. Mackin for the reviews. And another big thanks to everyone who added this fic to their favourites' list and/or followed this story.