I am so so so sorry this took so long for me to write. I got really depressed and just went numb. There's really nothing to say, except that I'm back now, and I'm determined to finish this. Please, I hope you still read this and review it. I'm so sorry.

Chapter Eighteen
Emerging

"Blue?" Katara's voice echoed in the small room, and she peeked around the corner to see her companion slashing the air to ribbons of silence. He turned quickly and sheathed his swords, but she didn't go on, mesmerized by the smooth, practiced movements of his swordplay.

He cocked his head to the side, telling her to go on, but she bit back the question about lunch and instead stepped towards him. "Can you teach me how to use those?" The question was out of her mouth before she realized what she was asking, and it hung like a fog in the space between them. The water bender blushed, then tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and folded her arms.

"It's just… well, I don't always have water around to bend. I was thinking maybe that if I knew how to use knives or something, I'd be a little bit more prepared. I don't know. Never mind, but I was also wondering what you wanted for- hey!" She dived to the right, narrowly missing being impaled by a thrown knife. She glared up at Blue from the floor.

"What the hell was that?" she shouted, and then rolled, avoiding another blade which hit the ground where her hand had been and skidded, resting against the far wall. Blue was advancing, and she didn't think, just acted. She rose up into a crouch, lunged for the steel and wheeled around, expecting an attack that didn't come.

Blue was staring down at her, spinning a knife between his fingers. "What are you doing?" she demanded, and he walked to the wall, scratching a message on it.

'Where were you looking?'

"At you," she answered, and he shook his head and kept scratching words into the wall.

'When you fight a bender, you watch the element. When you fight a weapons master, you watch the weapons.' She nodded, thinking back to her fight with Mai, and remembered how hard it had been to catch the needles and knives in ice before they hit her and Sokka. Blue spread his feet apart, and with a flick of his wrist, sent another knife hurtling towards her.

She jerked to the left and shot her hand out, brushing the handle before it clattered to the ground. He shrugged, and she picked it up, eying him apprehensively. The Blue Spirit stood still for a moment, then threw himself at her as she shrieked and wildly slashed at him.

She froze when something cold and sharp hit the soft skin of her throat. He had gotten under her swing and pressed his knife against her throat, and then stepped back and made a slitting motion. He didn't need words to say it- you're dead.

More words were cut into the plaster wall, and she studied them as he relaxed beside her. 'Drawing on what you know- when you waterbend, you wait for the right moment to strike. The same is true for knives, if you're too hasty you'll defeat yourself.'

"Wise words," she muttered, and punched his shoulder. He flinched away, then nudged her until she smiled and blushed. Katara ignored the voice screaming at her from the back of her mind, the one which just said Zuko Zuko Zukozukozukozuko traitor traitor Zuko Zuko unfaithful- and faced Blue.

"Can we go slower?" she asked, and he nodded. He stepped towards her and raised his arm, the blade moving towards her neck, and she countered the blow, hitting the inside of his elbow and then grabbing his arm and twisting it. He resisted, but she kicked his legs out from under him, and he crashed to the ground. A laugh bubbled out from behind her control.

"Katara, master of ice, water, and weapons!" she yelled, and looked down her nose at the man still crumpled on the ground. She smirked and put her foot on his back, striking a triumphant pose, her arms raised in victory.

She didn't expect him to grab her foot and tug hard, laying her flat out onto her back. The air left her lungs and she grabbed her stomach, curling into a little ball with a grimace on her delicate features. "My stitches," she whimpered, "I think you… ow!" Immediately he was kneeling by her side, his hands on hers, the knives lying forgotten on the ground. She whimpered again, and he shook his head in regret.

Then, Katara grabbed his hands, yanked them towards her as she raised her foot and planted it against his chest, kicking him off and throwing him to the ground. She pounced on him and held a knife to his throat, feeling his heart beat against her thigh, breathing hard from the victory and from the sudden rush she felt.

"I'm sure you were going to say something about letting my guard down… but you should really follow your own advice, Blue," she taunted him, and he stared up at her through the mask's eyeholes, his body languid and relaxed. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that she was wearing his clothes, and that their bodies were pressed together… very aware that she had kissed him only a couple days ago.

He reached up and stroked her face, then shifted his weight, his muscles tensing beneath her. Katara swallowed and rolled off him, staring at the ground as he sat up and looked at her. For someone who never spoke, had never said a word to her, she could hear his thoughts pretty clearly. There was a deeper bond than she wanted to admit- than she could admit.

"That's enough for today, right?" she asked, and then left the room, her back tingling from the weight of his gaze. She shut the door behind her and sighed, making her way to her bedroom- Blue's bedroom, actually, that he'd let her take over.

She kicked off her soft leather boots and went over to the cracked mirror, squinting until she became accustomed to the dim light. Then, she pulled up her shirt, inspecting the neat row of stitches marching across her side. He'd done a good job on them, as if he'd done them many times before. But was he a doctor? Maybe a soldier gone rogue?

The skin around the thread was tight, and she could already feel the itch of scabbing wounds. She'd healed faster than she thought she would, especially since she'd only been able to help the process along minimally.

She pulled a swirl of water from the basin and concentrated, opening her mind to the space around her, waiting for everything to rush in and tell her exactly what to do. She guided the water to her side, up and down Han's last act until the skin was shiny and pink, instead of a mottled scab.

"Finally," she breathed, and released the hem of her shirt, searching around the room for something sharp enough to cut the stitches out. The knife she'd taken from Blue was too big to fit beneath the thread, so she walked into the kitchen, her eyes narrowed and her stomach gurgling unpleasantly. They had eaten breakfast hours ago, and had skipped lunch.

Katara rifled around in the cupboards, finding a cool hunk of bread, and reached into the icebox for a piece of cheese. After she ate, she opened drawer after drawer, finding nothing that could take the stitches out without cutting her open.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and jumped violently, just barely holding in a shriek. Blue's shoulders shook, and she chipped a piece of ice off the cooler and flicked it at his head, where it bounced harmlessly off his mask and dropped to the floor. He held out a little note- 'try freezing the stitches and breaking the ice. The thread should be weak enough by now to snap in half, and then you can just pull it out.'

"How do you write so fast?" she asked casually, and did what he suggested. A half hour later, the skin was raw and tender, but completely free of foreign materials. Blue clapped mockingly as she swept everything into the trash, and she smiled, punching him lightly like Toph would have done.

She wondered for a moment if Aang had taken Lani to see Toph, and bit her lip at the pang of longing she felt. She missed her little girl, the bright smile, the innocent eyes- she knew sending her to Iroh was the right thing to do, but she couldn't wait any longer to get her back somehow. The only way Lani could come home was if it was safe. The only way Caldera would ever be safe for them was if Zuko's killers were brought to justice.

She thought back to her days on Ember Island, trying to remember just how long it had been since then- a week? Two weeks? Now that she was healed, there was no reason to stay.

"Blue…" she hesitated, felt him stop moving and pay attention to her. Her voice sounded all wrong, soft and weak when she needed to be strong and determined. "I need to go."

Silence greeted her words- silence in the lack of movement, in the frozen posture of her one ally. She knew she'd surprised him because even his hands weren't moving as they usually were, flexing and relaxing. She felt something begin to grow in the pit of her stomach and swallowed, stepping closer to him plaintively.

"I know that probably seems like it's coming out of nowhere, but… okay, well you know Lani? I miss her more than you could ever know. I feel bad now that I'm healed. I could have been out of here days ago, I could have found who killed Zuko by now and moved on with my life."

He swept his arm out, and with a flick of his wrist, wrote the three words on a little scrap of paper that she would have given anything not to see.

'Why didn't you?'

Katara knew there was no way out of the situation. He knew her well enough to be able to tell when she was lying. She didn't want to lie, anyways, it was just another wall to put up and hope that it stood long enough for her to leave. The floor seemed to sway as she stepped closer to the mystery before her, and curiosity burned in the emptiness behind his mask. "I didn't because I couldn't," she murmured quietly, "I couldn't leave you."

Blue raised a hand and swept it along her cheek, down the length of her neck. She nodded, and felt the tears swell up into her vision, cleansing her eyes so that when they left to spill down her cheeks, she could see the world a little more clearly. "I don't know your name, or what you really look like. I don't know if you had a happy past, if you ever loved someone before- I don't even know h-how you feel about me," she said, stumbling over her words. He touched the tip of the pen to paper, but she shook her head, and he set the items down, listening, waiting. She had to say it now, before his silence brought her own.

"But I've stopped really caring about those things. I loved Zuko- I still do, but that road ended a long time ago." The tears fell faster now, and she bit back a half-hearted chuckle. She felt so stupid- always loving someone that would never be hers. Pining for her mother when she was young, lusting after Zuko when he was promised to both another woman and a country- and now, the elusive Blue Spirit, a man who couldn't kiss her through his mask, who would never tell her everything she didn't know.

"I'm falling in love with you, Blue," she said softly, "but I need to finish what I started on the outside before I'm free. You live without boundaries and rules. I want that, too, and I need to go get that right." He didn't move, still frozen reaching halfway out to her. Katara let her breath go, hoping it would loosen the knot in her chest, and he let his arms hang, his body go limp.

When the Blue Spirit finally straightened up and nodded briskly, she turned and fled the room. The mask couldn't hide everything from her- she knew him too well. She knew when he was laughing, when he was thinking, if he was angry or frustrated. It was when he put on the heartless posture, the mechanical responses that she truly felt like he was hidden from her.

The cool floor met her feet without noise. Her door didn't creak as she opened it. Even the sobs that shook her spine, made her heart ache and her breath catch, were silent. After living with ghosts for so long, it seemed only natural that she'd become as quiet as the grave. She packed her sack with the clothing she'd been wearing instead of the costume he'd brought her there in- it didn't make sense to keep it, considering it was spattered with gore and didn't suit her, anyways.

Katara's hair had been hanging loose for a while, but now, she pulled it back and swirled it into a small knot before braiding it the rest of the way down, tying a little string of leather around the end of the thick plait. She went into the weapon's room without Blue, took a few knives and their sheaths, and hid them in her clothing and boots. She glanced over at the wall of suspects and targets, reading each and every one of the names, hoping she'd remember them if she heard them being described as the victim of a murder, late at night, by an unknown swordsman.

As soon as the waterbender was ready, she stepped back out into the hallway, maneuvered her way through the simple maze of rooms, and found her guardian sitting against a wall in the makeshift bedroom he occupied. His gloved hands were laced together around his bent knee, and the mask was tilted towards the ground, so that she almost wondered if he was asleep.

"Blue?" she asked softly. He raised his head, then stood slowly and went to her, wrapping his arms around her, holding tightly like he wouldn't let go. The moisture in her eyes threatened to spill over, but she swallowed thickly and held onto him, trying to mask the pain she felt as he did for his own. When she pulled away, her face was blank. She didn't look up at him.

"Can you take me home?" she requested, and felt the air move- he was gone, heading out into the hallway and beckoning over his broad shoulders. She followed him into the armory as he strapped the Dao swords onto his back, folded throwing stars into his belt and shirt, made himself into a dangerous criminal.

He turned back to her, then drew his swords. A move like that would have scared her before, but she knew he wouldn't hurt her. She trusted him. He slashed the swords through the air, bringing the flat blade down on the torches, putting them out instantly. The world went black around her as her skin tingled with awareness, as she waited for him to show her where to go.

His rough gloved hand met hers, and he tugged her forward. She trailed her fingers along the cool wall, apprehension bubbling in her stomach and causing her hands to tremble. He led her through the darkness, gliding slowly and silently as a spirit-

And then a sliver of light appeared. She drew in a breath, gazing at the bright, whiteness she'd missed for what seemed like forever. Their steps were faster now, the light growing and illuminating a stone passage which led up, into the waking world. Blue's grip was tighter, as if he was holding himself back from grabbing her and whisking her back down into his cool world of darkened hues. She could feel the restraint in his stiff shoulder, in the way his thumb grazed her hand.

They came to a door, half open. She could see the mask and the body, and felt with everything inside her the sadness he felt. "Blue," she murmured, and hugged him, her arms clutching him tightly. She knew he would be out and about, that he'd still watch over her, but leaving felt like giving something up. She couldn't explain it, just buried her head against his shoulder and fought back the tears. He rubbed small, soothing circles on her back, and drew away, facing her.

The Blue Spirit put a hand on his chest, looking out at the sliver of the world the door showed, and drew his hand across the empty light. Then, he reached forward and cupped her chin, wiping away the tear which escaped before bending forward and laying the forehead of his mask against the hollow of her neck. She understood instantly, and nodded her head. I will be here, in the world around you and inside your heart.

"Me too," she whispered brokenly, and grasped the back of his neck, bringing his face back up so that she could once again press her lips to the cheek on the mask, avoiding the fearsome teeth and leer. "I love you."

And then he was gone, moving back into the darkness with hurried steps, so unlike his usually controlled, silent gait. She bit back a cry, forced her reaching hand back to her side, and pushed open the wooden door before she could follow him. She stepped out into her old world, wondering at the chaos and action that she'd never quite considered before.

As a teenager, she'd been naïve, full of pretty notions. As the Avatar's comrade, she'd seen horrors and hope, dreams and nightmares. Then, as a young adult, she'd seen the dimmest, darkest part of the world when Zuko died. Everything which was bad, cruel and hidden, she sought out and judged.

Now, she was changed once again. She saw light where there had only been shadows, she heard laughter beneath the raised voices of people arguing. She saw small happiness in the desolation, and everything she knew gave her the strength to walk out of the shadows and back into what was once her only reality.

Katara tightened her hold on her bag and walked out of the alley and onto the street. It was unfamiliar, but commonplace- she was in a market. People walked by her, smiling at her or ignoring her, and she smiled back, straightening her shoulders and letting out a breath. There was nothing to hide from at the moment, just people in their own lives who wouldn't even remember being a part of hers.

It took a half hour, but she finally made it back to a road she recognized. Here, she pulled one of Blue's cloaks out of the bag and drew it over her head as she'd always done, not knowing who could be watching her street. She kept walking, her head low and her stomach bubbling with excitement.

She could start by finding Han's mother, if she was even still alive- Azula wasn't known for keeping her promises. From there, there would be a path of information, maybe of scattered bodies. She'd have to be careful, because she didn't know who was watching, but-

"Hey, lady!" Katara froze, then turned, realizing she was on her street. A shopkeeper ran towards her, sweating and panting, bending over to rest his hands on his knees when he reached her. He was a portly man, someone she'd seen vending loaves of bread and biscuits. "You're not going to want to go down there," he wheezed, "there have been… bad things… just stay away, for your own good."

She stepped closer, ice entering her veins. "What sort of bad things?" she demanded, "I live down there, sir, please- tell me!" He shook his head, looking up at her through puffy eyes.

"There's been yelling… fires… it went quiet yesterday, but no one's gone there. Please, you seem like a nice person. Don't go down there, I'm telling you, it's- hey!" She turned and began to run, not caring when the hood fell off her crown, when she stumbled and skidded. Dread dragged her down and she fought bile in her throat, growling low and fierce. She found the handle of a knife in her belt and felt the adrenaline surge through her. She rounded the corner into the teashop's courtyard.

A brilliant white light greeted her, as well as the bodies of Fire Nation guards. She stopped dead, staring at the corpses in horror. Some were crushed, some were slit all over with cuts, some were stabbed with spikes of ice that had yet to melt- waterbending. The grisliest ones were those who had been burned past recognition, but all were past help.

"Aang," she whispered, and ran up the stairs and through the blasted hole in her wall. More bodies littered the opening, slung over the rubble, eyes wide and unseeing. Everything was cast in an eerie white brightness that she'd seen before, and she ran into the living room, her eyes wide, her throat closed off by panic.

Aang was laid out on the ground, his eyes and arrows glowing, his face tight and full of rage. She moved closer, crying out his name, and saw the blood on his stomach, his hands. "No, no, no," she muttered, kneeling beside him, cradling his head in her hands.

In a flash, his arms came up, grabbed her and threw her down. He rolled on top of her as Blue had done, but this time, she knew she would die if she fought against him. "Where is she?" he screamed at her, his voice inhumanly wrought with the rage of the Avatars before him. "Where did you take her?"

She saw his hand rise up, his brow furrow, and she screamed.

"Aang, stop!"

I'm not expecting any reviews, but I'd be grateful for them. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry this took so long.