Well hello hello, and sorry this took so long! Basically, I had a mid-midlife crisis, and had to make some painful decisions. Now, I am finally in a place where I can write again, and find enjoyment in things I used to love. Thank you to everyone who has waited, and please know that I am determined to finish this story. Thanks thanks thanks. And sorry sorry sorry. Please review!

Chapter 20

For the Child

Waterbending was never meant to hurt, to torture. She was not built to break men, and her body betrayed her after she was done. The man had cried, begged her to stop, shivered like an infant animal without its parent, but she'd gotten the information. It did not sink into her brain, it rolled like a marble along her tongue and she clung to it like a lifeline.

Two miles out of North Chung-Ling, formerly known as the Fire Fountain City, there was an abandoned mine. Inside the mine were two tunnels. One of them was caved in, but the other went down deep into the earth. That was where Lani was, with the rest of his men- from what he knew, there were about fifteen of them.

He was down by two fingers when he finally told her who hired him.

"Please!" he screamed. She gagged and brought another finger to his mouth. "No! NO!"

"Tell me now! Who hired you? Who hired you to take my daughter?" Her mouth tasted like pennies. She was dizzy. His mouth was bloody, and he swerved. They were connected, too far in, and she couldn't stop. This was for Zuko, for Lani, for her. This was for Blue, for the Fire Nation.

"It was a man-" he burbled, and her stomach dropped, "a nobleman. He's one of the feudal lords outside Caldera- Lord Tenji. A v-very close friend of Fire Lord Azula! This time of year, he lives in the upper ring of Caldera and s-sought me and my gang out to take the girl! He said to kill you when you came after us. Please, that's all I know!"

Desperation overcame them both. He screamed, and she felt as if her throat were on fire. No more. She released the man, slammed his head into the ground, and left.

Katara stood and took deep breaths until the nausea passed. She knew she'd never forget the monstrous things she'd done to him, and thought the guilt was enormous; she couldn't give in to it. Lani was waiting. Her daughter was waiting for her, surrounded by corrupted men, innocent and scared. All her fault, for not taking her to Iroh herself. The waterbender pulled fresh moisture from the waterfall and filled her pouches, made sure the knives were clean, and then left the clearing, moving quickly and ignoring the paranoia which whispered after her, they're coming for you, Katara. You can't escape.

She walked until the edge of the forest, walked until her legs ached, walked until she collapsed and dry-heaved, with nothing left to throw up. She drank from her bending supply and waited, then got up, made it three steps and stumbled again. The world swam before Katara's eyes, and she sighed in annoyance. Then, she sat down and closed her eyes, cursing under her breath. She didn't have time for this.

"Excuse me, miss?" She looked up and saw a man and a woman walking towards her, their faces concerned. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she answered hoarsely, trying to smile, trying to act normal. "Just dizzy." The man nodded, and the woman looked around nervously. They were both dressed in simple clothes, with brown hair and eyes. They were clearly Fire Nation, and Katara felt a twinge of unease hit her when the man bent down, leveling with her.

"You shouldn't stay here very long. There have been some rumors about what happens in the forest, and a young woman like you should steer clear of such a place." Katara smiled hollowly- these people wouldn't be bothered by rumors for very much longer. "Maybe you could come home with us, get a good meal in your stomach. You look like you've been traveling a while."

Katara nodded gratefully and stood, wobbling only slightly as she followed the couple. The man turned and smiled at her. "My name is Shen, and this is my wife Karashi. We were walking into town, but there's nothing there that can't wait."

She nodded, thinking fast. It was too late to try and disguise her heritage, and something told her these people wouldn't hold it against her. "I'm Yue," she lied, "from the Northern Water Tribe. I came with a group of pilgrims to the Fire Nation, but I decided to go on my own and experience the people and culture personally. Thank you for your hospitality, and your concern."

"It's nothing, really. We have a farm about a mile from here and often come across people such as you. Where are you headed next?" he asked, and Katara inhaled thinly, a bubble of anticipation swelling up and bursting with something akin to dread.

"I'm going to North Chung-Ling, to visit family." The woman smiled, moving a delicate strand of brown hair out of her eyes. Katara felt something jerk inside her stomach as she realized how much the woman reminded her of her mother. Only hazy memories still remained of Kya, but the strangest recollections cropped up at random, throwing her off balance.

"It is very rare for us to see a member of the Water Tribe here in our part of the nation. I'm very glad that our people are beginning to come together like this. It makes everyone feel safer and happier," the woman commented with a smile. Katara nodded and tried to engage herself in the conversation.

"You're right to feel that way. Our waterbenders aren't the only ones of us who are skilled, though they are usually the most revered. Our Water Tribe warriors are the most loyal, protective and skilled hunters and sailors I've ever known. With us as your ally, you have our word that we will protect you as you do us." Shen harrumphed in an agreeable sort of way, and Karashi smiled wider.

"You seem very proud of them," she commented, and then inclined her head. Katara looked over and saw a small house, smoke coming out of the chimney and various animals milling around the back of it. "We're home! We have a son, Kuza, who looks to be around your age. Unless he's out hunting, he'll be at dinner." Katara let herself be led inside by the older woman, and immediately felt soothed by the warmth of the fire and the flickering, bright light it cast in the room. A dark wood table took up a corner near the fireplace, where a young man sat, cleaning his knives. For a moment, he looked so much like Blue that Katara's breath hitched. Then, he turned around, and she relaxed at the surprised expression, the twist of a smile as he stood up and introduced himself.

Katara sat quietly and listened to the family interact. Shen teased his son about a village girl, Karashi pestered them both about washing their hands as she began cooking. It had been so long since she'd been in such a safe, merry group of people that it was unnerving. She had known for a long time that she'd given up the part of her that could exist so simply- she'd never have a life like this again, where the biggest problems were taxes and a marriage proposal.

"So Yue, if you don't mind me asking, how did you survive the attacks on your nation?" Shen asked brusquely, and instantly her past was on the tip of her tongue, without her being able to tell the truth-Katara's mind went blank. She opened her mouth, closed it, and blushed, trying to think frantically beyond everything that made her legendary, remembering life from before Aang. How would she have survived if she had been just another girl caught amongst war?

"Well…" she started off, and Karashi tutted, laying a weathered hand on top of Katara's clasped hands.

"Don't mind this nosey old man, dear," she said primly, "you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to." Katara let herself relax into the adrenaline rush, and the thoughts poured back into her head like smoke from a low-burning fire. There was a brief silence, a still moment that awakened something long forgotten inside her. She was Katara of the Southern Water Tribe. Her heritage was shared through stories and songs, celebrated with whispers and laughs and intent ears.

"No," she said softly, "it's alright. For the majority of the time, the people of the Northern Water Tribe were content to remain inside the walls of the city, protected and on familiar ground. It is the land of our ancestors, the settings for our histories… we couldn't leave." She took a deep breath, thinking back to who she had been, trying to ignore what she had done. Zuko's face floated before her eyes, and

She belonged to a darker side of the world now. They'd had a word for it at the South Pole, but it was so rarely used that she couldn't remember exactly what it was. The word roughly translated to "the snow right above the sand", because on top, it looked crystal clear and pristine, but when flipped over, it was dirty and ruined. It had only been used to describe the most hopeless of situations. She wished she had asked Kana what the word was.

"Dinner's ready!" Karashi called, and Katara smiled, sitting down at the table and serving herself. Bread went onto a small plate, a thick stew was ladled into a bowl, and she immediately began eating. Shen watched her with satisfaction.

"Everything tastes delicious," Katara commented, and the woman nodded in thanks. The rest of the meal continued quietly, until finally she set her spoon down and sat back. Kuza looked at her expectantly, and she plastered a serene smile on her face, a thrill racing down her back.

"Thank you for the meal, but I'd better get going. It's a long way to North Chung-Ling." She stood, and Shen stood as well, bowing slightly. She bowed much further, as was polite.

"Good luck on your journey, Yue. Here," he said, "take some food for the road." He shoved four pieces of bread into her hands, ignoring her protests. "You wouldn't want to lose your strength, now." She thanked him, and said goodbye awkwardly, dipping her head down and grinning at Kuza before shutting the door behind herself. She got into her pack, pulled out her heavy cloak and slung it over her shoulders. She reached into her robe and pulled out her mother's pendant, staring at it thoughtfully. The pattern shimmered in the moonlight, pulling in the light and pushing warmth into Katara's fingers.

Kya would have never wanted Katara to do this… but would she have done it to save Katara? The waterbender swallowed convulsively in an effort to stop the old emotion from welling up in her throat. The question wasn't necessary; she'd lived with the evidence her entire life. No matter what, a mother would do whatever it took to protect her baby. Maybe, just maybe, Kya would understand.

The next few days followed behind her like a pack of wolves, snapping at her heels as she raced away. It was a long way to the Fire Fountain City where she and Toph had once tried to pull off a disastrous scheme, and she soon became frustrated with walking. It was on the third day that she finally let herself into a stable, took a mount and left a note saying she'd pay it off somehow when she returned. From then on, she rode clumsily, only stopping when the animal grew tired.

By the fifth day, she was passing through the town square, one that looked curiously empty since the huge statue of Ozai had been brought down. Everyone walked with their heads turned down, as if they still feared that the fire which came from his mouth and fists would erupt from the ground and devour them if they acknowledged the absence. They lived in a town of ghosts- specters who were once Fire Nation nationalists, who now could only hide their sneer when they caught a glimpse of her dark skin and blue eyes. She made good time, a prickle on the back of her neck telling her not to tarry long. These people wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire, and with so many hostile benders around, it was a legitimate possibility.

She was on the outskirts of town by nightfall, and this is where she left her ride. She ditched her pack behind a bush, only bringing out the necessities. She took off the heavy cloak and her mother's necklace, storing them safely. Then, she pushed knives into her belt, her boots, and one strapped to her left arm. She tore the sleeves off her robe, tearing the fabric into strips and winding them around her hands. Her pouches were full of water, and every cell in her body screamed for action.

Katara stood strongly and consulted the map of the city she'd picked up. The mine was on the east side of the town, and she was already about a mile out. She looked up, searching the stars for a heading, and then started walking. Her steps skimmed the ground, her hair blew out behind her, and her chest moved the rest of her body forward, abandoning fear and hesitation, leaving behind nothing but determination.

A shape rose out of the darkness ahead, too straight and linear to be natural. Katara ducked down behind a row of bushes, waiting for her eyes to adjust further. There was no one at the mouth of the mine, but that didn't mean no one was waiting just behind the shadows. She took a breath in to calm her heart rate, and rose, striding forward, listening hard. The night was completely devoid of wind or sound, and she fell forward into a crouch, beginning to run as she drew water from the pouch into a swirl before her.

She skidded into the entrance of the mine and ducked further, taking smaller steps. She was completely blind, and kept one hand on the wall. The right tunnel was caved in. She needed to take the left. As soon as the wall dropped away from her touch, she switched control of the bending to her right hand and began searching for the left wall with her fingertips.

The second she felt cool stone beneath her hand was the same second she heard the quiet whir of steel in motion. Katara dropped to the ground and felt air pass her cheek, and heard a thunk behind her as a blade was imbedded in the wall. Suddenly, light erupted and she rolled, slashing towards the fire with water, pushing it back, finding the source. She wrapped a coil of liquid around a hot body and pulled, throwing him forward towards her.

"Get her!" she heard, and she hauled a sheet of ice up as firebenders lunged towards her. She felt a battle cry come from her chest and through her throat, and pushed the ice forward, trapping them inside and slamming them against the wall until their heads lolled forward. She drew the water back and raced down the tunnel, knowing more would come, knowing she was in way over her head.

She saw light and skidded to a halt, her heart thudding violently, and realized she was at the entrance to a cavernous room lit with torches. She heard men yelling and stepped forward into a raging fight. Katara swung out with water, knocking men down, freezing them, but they kept getting up- she'd forgotten that most firebenders could expel heat from everywhere in their bodies. She didn't duck fast enough, and fire singed her arm.

She heard the men shout in surprise as she wrapped water into a disk below her feet and shot her body up into the air, suspended above them. With a huge sweeping motion, she pulled fog over the benders, muggy and confusing. There was a brief moment of horrified silence, in which Katara's heart beat madly. Then, they started yelling, and she heard the clash of knives as they began to attack each other by mistake. A spear erupted from the chaos and pierced the ice beneath her feet, and Katara slipped from her precarious position, falling back to the ground and immediately encasing her body in ice for protection.

It wasn't enough. She heard it crack with a deafening bang, and heat slammed into her. She flew backwards, felt something strike the back of her head, and suddenly she was fighting darkness as well as fire. She struggled to her feet, unsheathing a few knives, haphazardly slicing at her attackers. Everywhere, there was heat, fire, noise, pain.

For the first time, Katara realized that she just might not win this battle. Her body was betraying her- she could feel blood dripping from her hair to her neck, and every time she blinked, her eyes got harder to open. "Lani, Lani, Lani," she mouthed breathlessly, aiming at the closest man and slicing a gash in his neck. He fell. She retreated, spun, ducked, pounced on the man who'd lunged at her and plunged the knife into his arm, pinning him to the ground and going through a major artery, as Blue had taught her. She'd question him later.

There were seven left. They all came at her, blasting huge fireballs at her until she was forced up against a wall, bloody and exhausted. She took three out with a wave, buying time to parry a whip of flame with a quick shot of ice to the face. She felt a searing pain in her leg and cried out, collapsing as she looked down and saw blood pouring from a cut below her knee. The movement jarred her entire body, her poor, tired self. And then, everything was far away- even Lani. She couldn't feel anything.

How easy would it be to just close her eyes? There would be more pain, undoubtedly, but after that, would it be peaceful? No more aching muscles, aching heart, old wounds acting up. There would just be darkness, and nothing, and maybe-

Light, white and silent and filling, erupted, and the force of the blast knocked her over, winded but numb. Smoke billowed from the epicenter of the flash bomb, and someone stepped from inside the chaos. Two men sank down in front of her, eyes wide and unseeing. She didn't hear them fall, but the knives in their throats and chests were evidence enough. One man was crawling away- then suddenly, he wasn't, and blood pooled around him. She watched him curiously for a moment, then looked up into the hazy air.

Blue's mask seemed to be laughing at her. Katara let her eyes rove over the smirking features as he held out his hand and pulled her up. She swayed on her feet, but the pain cut through her nausea and within seconds, she was ashamed of her earlier moment of weakness. Blue was already bending over to pull a knife from the man's back, but Katara's heart dropped as she frantically realized something was missing.

"Wait- there were four left, Blue, one of them's still- no!" she screamed, lunging forward as the last man dragged Lani from behind a rock, fingers flaming and held inches away from her jugular. He was bleeding from both ears, his arm was mangled and his eyes were crazed.

He opened his mouth in a leer, and Blue moved like a whip, flicking the knife into his forehead. His hands fell away from Lani, he fell backwards, and the little girl screamed, frozen. Blue darted forward before Katara could even move, kneeling in front of her. She was taking quick little breaths, her eyes brimming with tears. Katara stepped towards her. "Honey, it's okay. You're safe now."

Lani nodded, then reached forward and laid a tender hand on Blue's hard, unfeeling cheek. His whole body tensed, and when she leaned forward, touching her forehead to the cool mask and whispering, "thank you, thank you, thank you," his arms came up. He scooped the child up and cradled her against his chest as she began to cry from pain and exhaustion and simply being a scared little girl. He turned his head towards Katara, and she bit her lip to keep the hope inside her heart, knowing this picture could never work out for any of them. No father could kiss his daughter goodnight through a metal surface. No child could fully trust someone she's never seen, and Katara knew she could never choose between them.

Still, the three of them left the cave together, and she was too tired to care about anything but having Lani safe beside her when she went to bed that night. She perused the girl's face for signs of nightmares as Blue watched the two of them silently, warding off ghosts and anything else that might haunt the darkness beyond the firelight.

Review! Thanks for reading :)

-Aleina