A/N: I really am very sorry for the delay in posting. I may as well share the good news as it isn't going to get any better for a while. My husband and I are expecting baby number two. So I have been suffering from awful morning sickness. Not just slight nausea, full on I can barely move without wanting to throw up. It isn't just the mornings either, and I couldn't bring myself to write anything. The screen hurts my eyes and makes me feel sick also. Been bedridden – well no bathroom-ridden, hugging the toilet.

The only way I can describe it is like an awful hangover you've ever had. Where you head hurts, every movement makes you feel sick and you can't stomach to eat anything. Even if you aren't sick you constantly feel like you are going to be sick. Not nice, but worth it in the end.

It's taken me so long to update, as every time I type a few paragraphs I have to stop as I feel too sick. Then I'd give up and try again the next day – eventually, I managed to write a chapter.

By the time this little one is born, my first little boy will be just over two. A nice age gap I think.

Anyway enough of my personal life. Enjoy this chapter.

Chapter Five

Harry was still in shock, standing by the pond lost in his own thoughts. He could not believe Draco had kissed him. It created so many thoughts and feelings to swirl in his mind he suddenly felt very tired.

A part of him was proud that after everything that Draco had been through, he had enough courage to kiss him. Harry smiled at that, he was really pleased that Draco made the first move. Harry had been ignoring his growing feelings for Draco, worried that he would frighten him away if he even showed Draco a hint of his feelings. Now Draco had made the first move, he knew Draco was not adverse to something happening between them.

Harry said goodnight to the Weasleys, Draco was in his room and Harry left him to his own thoughts. Harry would be back tomorrow anyway. He had two days off work, he spent all of his Saturday going after Stuart and making sure, he was locked away, in a muggle police station. Tomorrow was Sunday, and Harry had promised Draco he would help him get through a Weasley Sunday Lunch.

Usually, Draco would eat his dinner in his room, avoiding the Weasley children and keeping out of the way. He had said he would try and join them at the table for the first time. Harry would offer support and protection, getting Draco through the day. He needed to do this, he would feel so much better once he has done it.

Harry had a restless nights sleep and woke early. He knew from experience that Molly usually served Sunder Lunch around 1:30pm and various Weasleys and partners would start arriving from 11am to help with the cooking and to generally catch up. Harry woke, showered and ate a quick breakfast. He was going to go to The Burrow early, to help ease Draco's worries before all the other Weasleys descended on him.

He managed to get to The Burrow for 9am and entered the kitchen to find Arthur and Molly sat drinking tea and chatting.

"Hello, Harry dear."

"You're early."

"Morning Arthur, Molly. Yes, I thought Draco could use someone to support him before he is thrown in the deep end." Harry replied.

Molly nodded, "Thank you, Harry. Just having you around helps him, I've noticed the change in him. He's still in bed at the moment. He had a restless night, lots of nightmares. It did stop, but I think he finally put up a silencing spell to block the noise."

Harry frowned, he had hoped that Draco would sleep well knowing that his attacker was behind bars. But maybe all the talk of him had conjured up unwanted memories of that day. Draco had been with the Weasleys for months and months now, he had hoped that now Draco could move on, as he was feeling safe.

Molly handed Harry a tray of breakfast things and drinks, "Please take this up if you're going to check in on him."

Harry took the tray and smiled, "Sure."

Harry knocked on the door, waited and almost gave up, but then a quiet voice told him to enter. He pushed the door open to see Draco sat up against the headboard, knees pulled up against his chest and arms wrapped around them. He looked very tired and Harry wanted to go over and hug him but knew Draco would not want that. He seemed skittish, probably still jumpy after a night full of nightmares about his attack.

Harry placed the tray on the nightstand, "Molly asked me to bring you some breakfast. Are you okay?" Harry asked concerned.

Draco smiled sadly, "Never better."

Harry sat on the edge of the bed, "You don't look okay. You don't have to pretend otherwise in front of me."

Draco stared at his knees, "No. I'm not okay. However, I am better then I have been in weeks. I dreamt of the attack last night. I cannot seem to get that day out of my head." He admitted.

Harry felt awful, so hopeless. He could not do or say anything to make it better. "Do you want me to see if I can arrange for someone to wipe your memory with a charm?"

Draco shook his head, "No. I don't want anyone knowing about the attack and I need to overcome this. I do not want to take the easy way out and wipe the memory away. I want to fight it and become stronger for doing so." He sounded determined.

"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe telling me you can ease some of your stress?" Harry offered.

Draco frowned, "I don't know, Harry. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of what happened. I worry if I tell you certain things you would see me differently and …." He did not finish his sentence, quickly looking away from Harry.

Harry reached out and lightly touched his knee for a second, "Draco. Nothing you say will turn me away from you. Being attacked doesn't make you less worthy of anyone's affection. Not just mine, or even Molly and Arthur. It doesn't make you worthless and tainted."

Draco moved his head to rest his forehead on his knees, Harry could not see his face. After a long silence, Harry asked, "Shall I leave you alone to eat breakfast?"

Draco did not lift his head, but he replied, "No, do not go. Do not leave me."

Harry smiled and cast a spell at the teapot to warm the tea, pouring him and Draco a cup.

Draco lifted his head and took the tea from Harry, "I do not think I am coping very well." He admitted.

Harry shook his head to deny Draco's claim, "Rape is an overwhelming experience, which can lead to a whole range of feelings and reactions. Rape is also a very personal experience and there is no right or wrong way to react. Each individual is different and each individual's way of coping will be different. I think you are doing very well." Harry reassured him.

Draco snorted, "Yes you would. No one sees me at night when I am alone and everything gets too much."

"Draco you're not alone. Just get Arthur or Molly, or send me an owl I'll be over immediately. You don't have to fight this alone." Harry confirmed.

"I know. I just feel bad about dragging others into it," he confessed, nibbling on a corner of toast.

"You're not dragging anyone into this. Arthur, Molly and I, we all chose to help you. I know this will probably come out wrong, don't get upset or offended, okay?" Harry paused waiting for Draco to respond.

Draco nodded his head, "Okay, go on."

"Of course I'm not glad this happened to you. But you being attacked, being found by the Weasleys has brought you back into my life, and I'll be forever thankful for that. I want to be here for you, as a friend, or more. Whatever you want, and however slow you want to go too." Harry had not mentioned the kiss last night, he did not want Draco to think that he did not care about his issues, and only cared about the kissing.

Harry was pleased to note that Draco had lowered his knees, he was now sat cross-legged and seemed a bit more relaxed.

"I'm so messed up Harry. Even before the attack, I was a wreck and I'll understand if you decide that it is not worth the hassle." He was trying to talk Harry out of it, he was scared of what might happen. Even though he wanted Harry, as more than a friend he felt conflicted.

"What and I am a well balanced and carefree individual?" Harry retorted sarcastically.

Draco stared at him, "You come across as that."

Harry snorted, "Yes but like you said no one sees what goes on behind closed doors at night. I get nightmares about the war and everything but I'm still soldiering on."

Draco gave Harry a sympathetic smile, he could not even begin to fathom the horrible things that Harry had seen and been a part of. His role in the war was awful, seeing just as many horrible things, living with the dark lord and his damn snake. Nevertheless, Draco was sure compared to Harry, he had nothing to complain about.

After a moment's silence, Draco randomly blurted, "Father blames me for mother's death. Well, not death, suicide. He said the shock of me coming out, and refusing to marry a pureblood witch sent her over the edge."

Draco avoided Harry's eyes. He had been worrying about what his father had said, trying to work out if there was any truth to his words. He still had not properly mourned the loss of his mother and felt guilty for causing her so much stress.

Harry moved so he was sat next to Draco on the bed, he wrapped one arm around his shoulders, "Your father was just being spiteful and trying to blame anyone but himself. I have no idea what your mother would have been thinking, but I do know she loved you very much. What she did during the final battle showed that."

Draco smiled sadly, "I wish she could have come to me for help. Maybe we could have run away together, maybe gone to my aunts. To take her life – it's...the easy way out. I just do not understand why. Why did she do it?"

Harry had no idea what to say in this situation, "Maybe she saw no other way out. Please don't think any less of her, she obviously had her reasons, even if to you they seem ridiculous. Do you want me to take you to where she is buried?"

Draco shook his head, "No. She's not at the usual Malfoy plot, as that was on the estate in Wiltshire, and we lost the Manor. I do not want to risk running into, father, I do not feel strong enough to face him yet."

Harry could understand that. Draco needed to face one problem or issue at a time.

"Don't let your memories of your mother be overridden with her final decision to take her life. You will never truly know why she did it, and there is no point saying 'what if', it was an awful thing to happen, but you need to accept that it happened and instead spend the time celebrating all aspects of your mother's life." Harry squeezed his shoulder.

Harry was thoughtful for a moment, adding, "You should find a way to remember her as a whole person. The way someone dies should not define his or her life. It is a part of their story but it is far from the whole story."

Draco tilted his head to look at Harry, "Fuck! What has the world come to? Harry Potter talking sense, and with a level of maturity I would never have expected." He half heartily insulted but was really impressed with Harry. He obviously misjudged Harry at school, there was so much more to him.

Harry shrugged one shoulder, "I think going through all that I have, it would have been impossible to not grow up a little bit."

Draco guessed that made sense. Harry was forced to see and experience things that someone so young should never have gone through. It forced him to become a man.

Draco took strength from Harry, he looked to him and thought if Harry could survive all that had happened to him. Then maybe he could get through this difficult part of his life.

"Thank you, Harry. Without sounding like a sap, you really are inspirational. With your help, I think I can get some peace." He watched Harry intently.

Harry seemed taken back but the compliment but smiled a wide warm smile, "No, thank you, Draco. Thank you for not giving up, for not wallowing in self-pity and getting depressed. I'm proud of how you have handled all that has happened to you."

Draco felt happy, he smiled his own wide grin, "No one has ever told me that they were proud of me. With my parents, I was never shown affection. I mainly got told that I could do better or could have done things differently. They could never just say well done, or we're proud of you."

Harry thought that was a very sad thing indeed. "Shame. I know for a fact, Arthur and Molly think the same. You would make them feel really proud if you sat with everyone else for lunch today."

Draco chuckled, "Emotional blackmail, Potter?"

Harry looked sheepish, "Did it work?"

"Yes," Draco admitted. He wanted to sit with the whole Weasley family, as Molly would be happy to see him coming out of his shell and moving on.

Harry stood, "Good. I leave you to wash and get dressed. I'll be downstairs, come join me when you're ready. Maybe we can go for a walk before everyone else starts arriving." Harry suggested.

Draco nodded, "I'd like that."

Harry cast Draco one last lingering look and then left.

Draco joined him some time later, looking much better than when Harry first saw him. Molly hugged him and fiddled with Draco's collar even though it looked fine to Harry.

"Harry told me you want to sit with the family today. That's wonderful Draco." She beamed.

Draco could not help feeling happy, if he made Molly this happy just by doing something so simple, then maybe sitting with the others would be worth it.

Draco took Harry into the living room and showed him how Mrs Weasley's cookbook was progressing.

"Almost finished. Think we will be ready to start promoting them and selling them soon." He announced proudly.

Harry was surprised, "Wow so this is really happening. Mrs Weasley will soon be famous."

Draco grinned, "Yes. Um but I may need your help. I can draw up a contract and get a solicitor to look it over. But I need you to meet with the bookstore owners, pitch the book to them. Get them to agree to sell it in their stores, for a percentage of the profits of course." He sounded uncertain to Harry.

Harry stepped closer, "Of course I'll help." He would do it for Mrs Weasley, and because it meant so much to Draco.

"Do you think Molly could make a decent sum of money?" Harry hoped that was the case, they could use it to go visit Charlie.

Draco shrugged, "Yes. Depends on how many are sold of course. But say that each book is sold for the price of one Galleon and a few Sickles, and we sold one hundred books, that would be over a hundred Galleons, not counting the Sickles and Knuts. If we negotiate a small percentage to the bookstore, maybe 10% or something, that still leaves a reasonable sum for them. I am sure that the book will sell out and we will have to print more than one hundred."

Harry was pleased, the Weasleys could make a small income from selling these books, "I think Molly will be happy to just have a book that is published and available for purchase. I really hope it does well, she deserves the recognition and boost to her confidence, let alone the added bonus of some money."

Draco agreed, it was a small thing to do for them, but it was something Draco could do to repay them back for all that they had done for him. He only had the idea, Molly was the true genius behind it, after all, it was her recipes and helpful hints going into the book. He just made sure that it did not just stay as a nice idea, and actually became a reality.

Harry glanced at the clock on the mantle, "Others will start arriving soon. Do you want to go for a walk?" Harry did not want Draco to become panicky, and being outside would help him feel less cornered.

Draco was starting to really like Harry, he was so thoughtful and caring. "Okay."

They walked to the pond again and talked about Molly's up and coming debut as a published author.

"Do you think Flourish & Blotts would stock it?" Harry asked.

Draco was not sure, he was thinking of targeting the smaller bookstores, they were more likely to accept a smaller fee.

"Maybe. They might want a bigger cut of the profits. But that is why I asked for your help. They are more likely to agree to it if you asked, then if I did." He admitted truthfully.

"If it does well, maybe Molly could do a meet a greet and sign copies of the book. Even stage demonstrations of her cooking." Harry pondered out loud, there were so many possibilities.

Draco laughed, "One step at a time Potter. We have to promote the book first, it might only sell a few copies, and may be a slow process until they are sold out."

Harry laughed lightly, "I guess. Got carried away there. She really is a good cook, though. Once the word gets out about how good the book is. How easy the recipes are to follow, and how simple and cheap the ingredients are, that make wonderful meals – it will do well, I have a gut feeling."

After sitting in silence for a few minutes Harry asked, "Are you nervous? For today I mean. I'm sure Arthur and Molly have lectured the others to behave."

Draco watched the pond, not turning to face Harry, "Yes I am. What if they all gang up on me? I cannot handle that many Weasleys at once. They're not going to suddenly like me just because I was attacked. They probably think I deserve it."

Harry frowned, "I know that it will be awkward and strained, but I think apart from the odd comment, they will try and be civil. For their parent's sake, and mine. I told them how much you..." Harry stopped talking abruptly.

He was going to say 'how much you mean to me', he looked over at Draco, "How much you have changed."

Draco eyed Harry suspiciously but did not question him on his obvious change in wording.

"Do you think we should head in, start talking with the ones that have arrived already?" Draco asked, he did not want to but knew it was best to get it over with.

Harry smiled, "Sure. I think Bill and Fleur are here, and maybe George and Angelina are here now."

Draco sighed heavily, "Why are there so many of them?"

Harry laughed, "It is daunting under normal circumstances, let alone yours."

Draco paled, "Thanks, Potter, that was helpful." He snapped.

Harry reached for his hand and squeezed it, "You'll be fine. You have me, Molly and Arthur. We will make sure they leave you alone."

Harry released his hand and they walked slowly back to The Burrow. When they entered the kitchen, Molly was of course at the stove. Bill and Fleur were sat at the table talking to George.

They looked up as Harry and Draco entered. Harry pulled out a chair and sat next to George. Draco sat on Harry's other side.

"Hi, guys." Harry cheerfully greeted.

They returned his greeting, a little less cheerfully, but they were sneaking glances at Draco. Draco was looking at his hands, and avoiding all eye contact.

Harry was extremely happy and proud when bill spoke up, "So Draco I heard you have convinced mum to publish a cookbook. That's brilliant." He sounded friendly and did not sound fake.

Molly turned and beamed at Bill, before returning to stirring a saucepan of gravy.

Draco looked up and met Bill's gaze, "Yes. I think it will be a very popular book." He replied politely.

Harry noted that George had not said anything, but he assumed Molly had warned, 'If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all' and he was being silent, rather than lashing out. Harry respected that, at least he was not throwing insults and hexes.

"Will Angelina be joining us?" Harry asked George.

"Yes, she had to pop to her mums quickly, she will be along soon." He answered, a bit shortly, but polite enough.

Fleur was talking to Draco about France and all the places that he had been, and what she thought of them. Harry assumed that the older Weasleys would be nicer because they did not have to go to school with Draco and deal with his bullying. Ron and Ginny would be the worst, and Harry could not really blame them – but it was time to grow up.

Fifteen minutes later Hermione floo'ed in and was looking agitated. Harry noted Ron was not with her and guessed as to why she looked guilty, embarrassed and like she just been having a blazing row with Ron.

Hermione smiled and said a general 'Hello' to everyone.

Molly frowned, "Where is Ron?" She asked what everyone was thinking.

Hermione winced and informed them, "He is not coming. I told him he should stop being a brat, to grow up and just get over himself." She blushed, "But he refused, said he was not coming, and then Ginny turned up and took his side, and I stood no chance. I could maybe talk reason to Ron alone, but add Ginny to the mix, I stood no chance. She's refusing to come too, and they are at our flat together."

She sighed, "Sorry, I tried."

Molly looked dejected, "No worries dear. If Ronald and Ginevra want to act like children, then so be it. It is better than coming and causing trouble." She admitted.

Hermione nodded and surprised everyone by sitting down next to Draco.

"Mmm, dinner smells delicious as always Molly." She complimented, trying to change the subject.

Harry had felt Draco tense when Hermione had announced that Ron was not showing up. Harry decided he would talk to Ron at some point, just not today. There would be no point if Ginny was with him. She would be playing devil's advocate and would be encouraging Ron, getting him riled up and angry.

Dinner was uneventful, awkward in places, and the tension was thick. However, all the other Weasleys and respective partners were on their best behaviour. George was the most hostile, but it was more in his silent treatment. George was such a talkative person, him being quiet was strange for him and put everyone else on edge.

Hermione kept up a pleasant conversation and tried to include Draco in parts of it. Harry held a silent conversation with her, thanking her.

Draco did not talk unless he was spoken to and he kept his answers short and polite. A few times Harry could sense that Draco was close to panicking, but he had managed to get himself under control.

Draco waited until a decent amount of time after dessert and then excused himself to his room. Harry hung back, giving him his space, opting to talk to Hermione and the others for a bit.

Hermione cornered Harry and started asking him questions.

"I'm not meddling Harry. I simply want to know, why you care so much? I understand about moving on, growing up and being civil with Malfoy. But you're taking it above and beyond." She explained.

"And! So what if I am?" He demanded, getting annoyed at her.

She held up her hands, "Whoa I'm not having a go. I just think you need to be careful is all." She nudged his knee with hers, "Don't give me that look, I'm not warning you because it Malfoy, ex-death eater and all that. I'm warning you because he is broken, and it may take a while for him to fix himself, do you really want to get involved in all of that?" She asked without any shame.

"What do you mean 'get involved?'" Harry asked her.

"I do not know Harry, only you can really answer that. But I mean your becoming an important person in Malfoy's life, and that could be stressful, and hard work for you. Him releasing all his emotional baggage onto you, it is bound to get you down too. Whether that is as his friend or well whatever." She reasoned.

Harry frowned, "It's not that simple. I want to help him. I want him to recover and become a better person. I've seen some aspects of Draco that is really appealing and I want to learn more about. But I'm worried about pushing him and hurting him further. You're right as always, I like him – as in more than a friendly way." He confessed, it felt good to tell someone.

She smiled a small smug smile, that disappeared quickly, "Just do what feels right and what you want. Forget what everyone else wants. You never know, you being with Malfoy may be what he needs to finally heal and recover."

She stood, "I have to go. I'm sure Ginny has worked Ron into a foul mood. Don't worry I won't tell anyone what you've just told me."

Harry also stood and hugged her goodbye, walking her to the rest of the family. Leaving her to say her goodbyes, Harry snuck out quietly and headed for Draco's room.

Harry hesitated a moment, then raised his hands and knocked. Harry heard the sound of shovelling feet and then the door was opened.

"Hey, I came to see if you were alright?" Harry admitted, having no other reason for his visit prepared.

Draco stepped aside and gestured for Harry to come in. Harry remained standing and wondered what he was going to say, he had nothing planned. He just wanted to see Draco again before he left for the night.

Draco answered Harry's earlier question, "I'm alright. That went better than I thought, but I'm tired and I feel bad about causing trouble between the Weasleys. Because of me two of Molly's children missed the traditional family lunch."

Harry grunted, "The two stubbornest Weasleys skipped lunch. They will come around, and if they don't so what." Harry said a little too angrily. Not at Draco, just at Ron and Ginny's behaviour.

Draco sat down on the bed, "I care. I don't want to cause any trouble, or a rift between Molly and her own children. Maybe it would be better if I found somewhere else to stay."

"No." Harry blurted.

Draco looked startled at Harry's outburst but regained his composure quickly.

"I think it would solve so many problems. I'm not saying I will go back to ignoring the Weasleys. I cannot, not Molly and Arthur. They both mean a lot to me now, I'll make the effort to see them. I just hate being stuck in the middle like this." He complained.

Harry sat down gently next to him, "Discuss it with Molly and Arthur first. Where do you think you'd go? I don't think you should live on your own just yet." Harry cautiously admitted. Draco still had flashbacks, panic attacks and nightmares, living on his own would be a bad idea.

Draco could see the sense in Harry's words, he was not ready to live alone. He is a coward and would not cope with being alone, he'd be too frightened.

"Maybe I can stay with Pansy? I don't know, it was just a thought." He sounded defeated.

"But Mrs Weasley loves having you here. She likes to fuss over you and make sure you're okay. Pansy won't be able to do the same as Molly." Harry argued, he really did not want Draco to leave.

Draco laughed, "Okay I'll stay for now. I think I'll miss Molly and Arthur too much anyway."

Harry grinned, "Brilliant."

Harry stood, "I'd better go. I have work tomorrow and I have lots to sort out before then. I have no idea why I leave washing my uniform until the last moment."

Draco's face was easy to read, Harry knew he was holding back many insults about Harry and his laziness.

Draco stood too and they watched one another in silence, both wanting to initiate another kiss, but both feeling awkward and unsure.

Harry frowned and walked to the door, "Right. So I finish early Friday. Do you think Molly's book will be ready by then and a contract drawn up? I can arrange to go to a bookstore on Friday."

Draco thought for a moment, "Yes, I think I can manage that." He answered, happy to have Molly's book release to keep him busy and distract him.

Harry was about to open the door, his hand was on the handle, but he wanted to mention the kiss by the pond. He did not want Draco to think he was acting like it never happened.

"About yesterday, by the pond..."

"It's okay. I know you want to forget it happened."

"What! No, not at all. I didn't know when it was best to bring it up, and it was just...you know surprising." Harry quickly corrected.

Adding, "A nice surprise, a welcomed surprise."

Draco smiled at Harry, he had been worrying, thinking Harry did not like him in that way and he had been regretting kissing him. Now Harry was admitting he wanted Draco to kiss him and actually liked it.

Again both of them stood, lingering. Neither wanting to say goodnight and go their separate ways, and neither of them knowing how to make the move for a kiss.

"This is stupid I feel like an awkward thirteen-year-old. Draco I want to kiss you, so I am going to. Okay?" Harry blurted.

Draco chuckled, "Yes."

Harry stepped closer to him, Harry watched as Draco's pupils grew wide and he could feel his own heart thumping fast. The anticipation was thick, both anticipating what the kiss would be like. Harry did not know he had done it, but his hand had reached out and his fingers were lingering next to Draco's hand. Their fingers interlocked, Harry stared into Draco's eyes, then the connection was lost as the space between them was closed, as they leant in to kiss.

Harry tilted his head and his lips met Draco's. It was soft and hesitant, Harry felt Draco's other hand come to rest on his lower back and he moved his own hand to cup the side of Draco's face.

Harry closed his eyes and pressed his lips harder against Draco's, moving and opening his lips slowly and gently. It was such a simple kiss, yet it was intense and Harry was in no rush to slip his tongue in. He liked the slow build of passion, the lingering kisses and intimacy of it.

Harry pulled away slowly, keeping his lips close, lingering over Draco's. After a few seconds he moved in for another heated kiss, it was cliché but Harry could feel his body tingle and he felt light headed.

The next time Harry pulled away, he took a step back. Knowing if he did not put space between him and Draco's lips, he'd be here all night kissing him.

"Night Draco," Harry said in a low soft voice.

Harry smiled, noting he was not the only one affected by their kisses.

"Night Harry," Draco called as Harry opened the door and walked down the hall.

Draco smiled at the closed door and for the first time in a long time, felt his life was not worthless. He had something to live for.

- TBC -