A/N: So, I think I've found a bit of motivation for this story… just going to take it one chapter at a time. If you guys are enjoying it I would really appreciate if you would leave me just a little review letting me know. That definitely helps me continue writing.

I was lonely sitting at the house. It had been a few hours since Juice had left and I figured he had to at least be done with church so I decided I would head to T-M. I hadn't seen Gemma in a while, and I knew I still had to talk to Opie, even though I was sure Jax had already caught him up.

I made my way through the front door. Not many girls could say they had the privilege of just walking into clubhouse but I had been here so often I didn't even think twice about it. When we were in high school I would come here to hang out at the parties with Jax and Opie during their prospect days. Gemma took me under her wing and was like a second mother to me. I really did love her, overbearing bitch and all.

I used to love hanging out here, that was until Matt and I got together. Even then, with his hate for Jax apparent, he despised me even mentioning to him that I was stopping by here. I still haven't figured out what his hang up with Jax and the club is, and I don't know if I ever will, but I'm just glad I don't have to deal with that shit anymore.

My heart leapt into my throat and I thought I would lose my lunch, mixed with the beer I had before I came, all over the floor at the sight in front of me. That bleach blonde bimbo with her hands all over Juice made me see nothing but red. Then it happened, she pressed her lips to his neck, made her way up and pressed them against his lips, the lips that just hours ago were making me moan his name.

If it were possible for a human to spit nails I'm pretty sure at that moment I could have fired them off like bullets out of a glock. I just couldn't believe my eyes, was this for real?

I tried to gain my composure. I couldn't let him see that this little show bothered me. How could I have thought it would be any different? Juice and I weren't anything but friends with benefits. So what I had told him I had feelings for him, and who cares that he told me he had feelings for me. It obviously didn't matter to him. I couldn't stand here and criticize him for doing something that, in all honesty, I couldn't expect him not to be doing.

I wasn't his old lady. I'm not stupid, I knew I wasn't the only girl he had been with and was currently with. There was nothing stopping him and who was I to march in here and act like there was.

I took a deep breath and made my way over to where Opie was sitting at the bar. Jax obviously hadn't gotten to him yet or he would have been all over Juice like flies on shit.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I haven't been with Christie in months and the one time she has to be around Holli has to conveniently walk in.

I could almost feel the frigid air blow in my face as she walked past me and made her way to Opie. Thank God Jax wasn't here or else my balls would be filleted and served on a platter to Holli.

I had no words for Christie. She was nothing but a croweater and I couldn't stand to have her touching me anymore. I pushed her aside and looked over at Holli. I was fully expecting to be six feet under with any glance that she shot me, but she just had a blank stare. That couldn't be good, that had to be worse.

I wasn't sure what to do or where to go. I made my way out the door and wandered over to the garage aimlessly. I wasn't ready to go home yet, especially since she was here and not there.

My brain was running ramped. How would I explain this to her? How bad did this look? Just hours ago we were in bed together and now I look Juice Bigalow, male gigolo. Fuck was the only word I could come up with. I was fucked.

"Hey Op. Rough day?" He looked run down and ragged. I knew he wasn't himself, he never really had been since Donna was murdered. He had been seeing Lyla, the CaraCara porn star, for a couple months but I seemed to be the only one who noticed that it never fully filled the void that was left in his chest.

"Kinda. What about you? You're looking pretty chipper for a girl who just walked in on her man making out with some whore."

Woah. That took me by surprise. Jax had told him, but why was he being so calm about all of it.

I couldn't react the way I wanted to. "He isn't my man. I'm just crashing at his place until I can get my housing situation figured out."

"Jax told me everything you told him. You should have come to us when Matt started hitting you. I'm pretty fucking pissed that you would think you could handle something like that on your own. And, Juice… really?" A smirk appeared on his lips and I knew his mood was lightening a little. He loved to give me shit and this time wasn't any different.

"Well you and Jax are taken so I had to settle for Juice. It was either him or Tig." I eyed him, I knew his feelings on Tig and his "fucked up" sex life.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't go with Tig, this talk would be a lot different if that were the case."

I chuckled. I loved him like an uncle but the thought of me and Tig made me dry heave a little.

"And as far as Juice, well you're on your own with that one. I could have warned you about hooking up with a brother before you went ahead and shacked up with him." His eyes cast down on me even though we were sitting side by side.

And there it was, it flashed across his eyes. He was just as hurt as Jax had been. I knew that if it really came down to it though he would still have my back.

I needed to get the subject off of my sex life and onto something else.

"How are the kids? They warming up to Lyla?" I knew Kenny and Ellie were having a hard time, what kid wouldn't who lost their mom.

"They're doing ok, starting to get a little better with her. They like playing with Piper so that helps."

I just nodded. I knew Opie was going through a lot of turmoil, he would never be the same gentle giant he once was and that made me sad, for both him and the rest of us

"Well I'm gonna head out and find Gemma. See if she needs any help this week. The good doctor put me out of work so I need to find something to occupy myself." I stood up and patted Opie's knee.

"See ya later, Hol."

I headed out to the office. On my way across the lot I spotted Juice in the garage, tinkering on an old bike, ex- chief Unser by his side. My anger had returned but it seemed to have morphed into something else. More like embarrassment. I was an idiot.

We locked eyes and I could've sworn I saw a flicker of fear in his.

Gemma approached me as I tore my eyes away from the dark brown ones that I could still feel boring a hole into my skull.

"Hey baby. You look like shit." Subtlety wasn't her specialty.

"Thanks, Gem. You really know how to kick a girl when she's down." She met me halfway through the lot and wrapped her arms around me.

I had to admit, as much shit as she gave Jax over the years, she was a good mom. I wish my own mother had been as protective and caring as Gemma was over him. She took me under her wing once she realized I wasn't after Jax just for his patch. After my parents divorced I spent most of my free time at her house. She was the mother I always wanted.

I followed her lead to the office. She closed the door behind me. "Care to tell me what happened?"

Jax hadn't told her yet. "Matt. We had a fight and this is how he handled it."

"Jesus Christ. I hope you killed the bastard." She brushed a stray piece of hair away from my bruised eye socket.

"Nope, just left him. Jax came with me today to get some more of my stuff."

"Where are you staying? With Jax I hope."

"No, actually I'm staying at Juice's house." She gave me that look and with one eyebrow raised I knew I had to explain. "Jax and Tara wanted me to stay with them, but I wasn't sure if Matt would come looking for me and I know Jaxs' house would be the first place he would look. So Juice offered me to stay at his place." Ok, so she didn't need to know EVERY detail.

"Well, as long as you're with one of the guys then I guess you're safe."

I could save the rest of the story for another day. "Need any help around here this week? Tara is making me stay out of work for the week. Says I need to rest but I can't just sit on my ass doing nothing."

She flashed me her famous Gemma smile "Sure, sweetheart. Come byMonday morning and I'll find something for you to do. I could use another girl around here anyways, too much dick out there." She motioned to the garage.

"Thanks, Gem." I headed out the door and towards my car. "I'll see you Monday."

I climbed in, shutting the door behind me and letting out an audible sigh. When did my life become a soap opera?

I decided to drive around a bit. I needed to clear my mind of the shit I had just witnessed and think about what I really wanted from Juice. Was I ready to jump into a relationship after the last one turned out so shitty?

I liked Juice, a lot. Things were good between us, well up until I saw that skank with her lips on my property. That was it, he was mine. I had claimed him long ago with all of my late night visits and the fact that the sight of him and someone else made me feel so enraged was proof that I needed to let him know he was mine.

I spotted her car in my driveway and let out the breath I had been holding almost the entire ride home. I was afraid she would already be gone without even giving me a chance to explain.

I parked my bike in the garage and slipped in through the side door. I shrugged my kutte off and noticed her sitting in the back yard, magazine in hand and drink resting on the small table beside her. She looked so at home I couldn't help but think that this is what my life would be like if she never left, if I never let her leave.

I needed to make a move, especially after her spotting me and Christie. I needed to let her know this wasn't a game to me, I wanted to take her as my old lady.

I made my way out the sliding glass door.

"Hey." She greeted me and I figured she must have heard my bike when I pulled in.

"Hey. Listen, about earlier." I knew there was no point in waiting to acknowledge what had happened. I needed to clear the air.

"Juice, "She turned to face me as I took the empty spot next to her "is that what you want? Because I don't want you to feel like my presence here or my feelings for you are holding you back from doing what you want to do."

I couldn't believe this, she really thought after I had told her how I felt about her that Christie was what I wanted? That being with sweet butts and crow eaters was the life I wanted to continue to live?

"No, that's not what I want. Christie just did that, I didn't want that at all. I want you, Holli. I want you as my old lady."

She pulled her sunglasses off her face and looked me straight in the eye.

"That's what you really want?" She looked apprehensive and I knew I had to reassure her.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want. I've wanted that for a long time. It killed me to sit by and watch you leave every night. I know it may feel like I'm rushing this, we haven't even really been together but, I know I don't want to lose you. I don't want to watch you walk out my door ever again."