A/N: Thank you guys so much for your amazing reviews! I know a lot of you are curious about what happened to Jason. Why did he lose his memory or were the last few years really his memory to begin with? Interesting...but on to this chapter now.

Warning: This chapter is extremely sad and depressing. It wouldn't hurt to have some tissue and a bowl of ice cream as you read.

Jason Morgan cried himself to sleep that night.

When he woke up the next morning, he felt awful. His head was throbbing, and a quick look in the mirror revealed his puffy eyes. He was almost inclined to think that last night was some kind of cruel dream. Then, Elizabeth's words from the previous night came flooding back to him.

A car accident. It was dark. Jake was outside, and I didn't know...until it was too late.

Once again, tears streamed down his face, and his head hurt even worse. He didn't care. What was there to care about anymore? His son was dead. Jake would never grow up. He would never have his first crush. Never ace or fail an algebra test. Never go to prom. Never graduate high school. Never go to college. Never get married or have children of his own. All of that was robbed from him.

But the most painful aspect of all for Jason was the realization that he would never get to hold his son in his arms again. He would never get to see him smile again. He had missed all of the significant moments in his son's short life. Something that he just couldn't imagine himself doing. But he had. And his heart ached as it hit him. Jake probably died never knowing who he was.

Jason wouldn't have just walked away. He knew in his heart that he wouldn't. And yet, the person that he trusted most in the world had said otherwise. There had been no bitterness or resentment in Elizabeth's voice when she had informed him of this. Of course not. She just wasn't that kind of person. But he hated himself enough for the both of them. He walked away from her, from the family that they were supposed to have together.

Now, he had nothing. He didn't know what he expected life to be like when he finally got home. But he thought he would still have Elizabeth. He thought he would still have Jake. And as it turned out, he had neither. All he wanted was to be able to hold his son in his arms one more time, and tell him how much he loved him. He would never have that chance now. And it was his own fault.

"How did it happen?"

Elizabeth stood up from her position on the couch to see Jason standing behind her. His voice was still filled with so much pain and confusion. She was sure it would be for a long time. It was so unfair that he had to go through this twice. And now, she would have to explain everything that happened that night. He deserved to know. Even if he blamed her this time.

She slowly approached him, sympathy written all over her face. "Do you want to know just how it happened or all the circumstances leading up to it too?", she asked in a near-whisper, not even attempting to sidetrack the question.

"I want to know everything", he said quietly.

She nodded, and led him to the couch. Once they were seated, she began to speak. "I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of. And once you know, you might not look at me the same."

Jason didn't respond, so Elizabeth took a deep breath and continued. "I got back together with Lucky. But I think, subconsciously, I knew I didn't want to be with him. And I ended up doing something really awful. Something so awful that I knew, deep down, he would never really forgive me for. I had an affair with Nikolas."

His eyes widened, displaying his shock. He didn't want to hear about her being with any other man, but Nikolas? Lucky's brother? God, she must have been really desperate to get away from Lucky. But what did any of that have to do with Jake?

"I got pregnant", she continued.

"With Aiden, right?" She nodded, and Jason felt like he needed to lie down again. "So, Nikolas is Aiden's father?", he asked in disbelief.

"Well, we thought he was. For a long time, even after he was born. And then people kept telling me how much he looked like Lucky, so I got suspicious. It turns out that Helena had the other paternity tests tampered with. Lucky was Aiden's biological father."

"Okay. But what does any of this have to do with how Jake...", Jason trailed off, unable to bring himself to say the word "died." He fought back a new wave of tears that were threatening to fall.

Elizabeth looked down at the floor. "I got the test results in the mail the night that the accident happened. That's why I didn't notice that Jake had gone outside. Until I saw the door open."

She allowed the tears to stream down her face. She closed her eyes in agony as she remembered the events of that night. That open door. Her precious baby lying on the cold pavement. Those moments at the hospital where she was praying for a miracle. Lucky coming into the room and telling her that they didn't get one. How she wanted to die right then and there.

"Elizabeth? What happened next?", Jason pressed gently. He didn't want to know. He really didn't. But he needed answers.

"I saw the door was open", she repeated, taking a shaky breath. "And then, I went outside. And there was Jake. Lying there in the road."

Elizabeth buried her head in her hands. She hated this. She had to live with the loss of her baby every day. His sweet smile. His laughing blue eyes. God, she missed him.

"He...he got hit...by a car", Jason managed, almost choking on every word.

"Yeah", she confirmed, unable to restrain her sobs. Jason felt like he was frozen. He couldn't cry anymore. He was pretty sure that there wasn't one more tear left in him.

"The doctors...they did everything they could. There just wasn't any more they could do. I'm so sorry, Jason."

Jason allowed her to rest her arms around him. He held onto her tightly, so tightly that he was afraid she wouldn't be able to breathe. He didn't know how he was going to be able to get through this. How do you ever get over losing a child? Is it even possible? He wanted to ask her. Would this pain ever go away? Or does it linger every day for the rest of your life, and you just have to find some way to go on?

Finally, he was able to speak. "I want to go see him."

Elizabeth slowly backed away from him, shaking her head. "Jason, that's not..."

"He's my son, Elizabeth", he said, cutting her off. "I never got to say goodbye."

"Okay", she whispered.

It was a beautiful day. A little cool, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It would've been more fitting if it had been rainy and depressing, but no. It was one of the prettiest days Port Charles had seen in weeks. Jason and Elizabeth walked in silence across the graveyard. No parent should ever have to visit their child's grave, and yet here they were. Jason followed Elizabeth step for step, paying little attention to his surroundings. Until she finally stopped.

He took a shaky breath, and forced himself to look down at his son's tombstone.

"Jacob Martin Spencer", he finally uttered, reading the engraving. This just kept getting worse and worse. "Lucky raised him."

"Oh, Jason...", Elizabeth breathed, shaking her head sympathetically.

She wasn't sure what to say. Nothing that she could come up with would possibly make him feel any better. It had taken a long time, but the pain that she felt now was a dull pain. It was always there. It always hurt. But it was one she could live with, that she had to live with. Jason's pain was like someone jabbed a knife in his heart. She knew that because that's how she felt for months after Jake died. It would take him a long time to be able to heal from this.

"He didn't even know me", Jason whispered, unable to tear his eyes from the stone. "I was his father, and he didn't even know me."

"I'm going to go wait in the car, okay?", she finally said, gently touching his shoulder. He just nodded. She took one last regretful look, and walked away. She knew he needed to talk to Jake alone.

Jason reluctantly knelt down on the grass. His eyes glistened with tears that he thought he was all cried-out of. He moved one hand along the surface of the stone, and covered his mouth with the other one. Why couldn't it have been him who died? He would trade his life for Jake to have his back in a heartbeat.

"Hey, Jake", he finally managed to speak. "I love you, buddy. I love you so much."

He leaned his head down, and took a deep breath. "You don't know me. I wish I could tell you that I'm your daddy...but I guess I wasn't. And I don't know why. I don't know how I could've walked away from you."

A moment passed, and Jason continued to stare at the stone. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Jake", he said softly. "I'm so sorry. I don't remember walking away. God help me. I can't remember."

Jason glanced upwards at the sky, wondering if his son's spirit was looking down on him. He prayed that it was. That Jake could somehow hear everything he was saying.

"You had so much ahead of you. You were going to be amazing. Just like your mom. I always knew it. You had the best mom in the world, Jake. I bet you knew that. She loved you so much...so do I. I know that you're in...Heaven now", he sighed, his heart breaking more with each word. "But you shouldn't be. You should be here. With your mom and your brothers...and with me. I thought about you so much. I couldn't wait to get to see you again. And now...I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this."

Jason glanced back at the car where Elizabeth was looking at him. Then, he sadly took one last look at the tombstone. "I guess what I came here to say is...goodbye. Goodbye, Jake. I love you. I'll always love you. So much."

He touched the surface of the stone one more time, feeling a stray tear run down his cheek. And then he forced himself up off the ground, and staggered back to the car. He almost felt paralyzed. Elizabeth got out of the car, and threw her arms around him.

"I don't know how to do this", he whispered into her hair. "I don't know how to let him go."

She slowly pulled back, and cupped his face in her hands. "I know. It's the hardest thing in the world to do. There were times when I thought it was impossible. There are still times when I dream about him and wake up crying in the middle of the night. There are times when I take the boys in a toy store, and I see a toy motorcycle. And it kills me. The pain never goes away. But you learn to live in spite of it. That's all we can do. That's what Jake would want us to do."

"There's just so much I wish I'd done differently."

"We can't change the past", she said simply. "All we can do is move forward, and learn from it. Jason, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this all over again. But I hope you know that if you ever need to talk or scream or cry, I'll listen. Because I know exactly what you're going through."

Jason looked into her eyes, so full of sincerity and kindness. She was so strong. She raised this child. She made him breakfast every morning. She tucked him in every night. She was there for every significant moment. This was a nightmare for him. But he could only imagine how devastating it had been for her. And yet, she continued to live. But he didn't know if he had that kind of strength.

"You're going to make it through this", Elizabeth vowed. "I promise."

He slowly nodded, and pulled her into his arms. He needed her. She was the only thing that was keeping him remotely sane. He had already lost Jake. He couldn't afford to lose her too.

Tough chapter to read I know. But let me know what you think, please.