A/N: I believe this is a really important step in this specific relationship, and it might seem unnecessary, but I'm gonna try to tie it in later. #songs
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Glee!
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I added some messages to some guest reviewers from the update I posted forty minutes ago lol, so if you're one of them, check the bottom of the A/N :P
Dani found herself scribbling words down on a loose leaf sheet of paper during her fourth period class. She was bored as hell, because she had already finished the class's assignment, and she really just wanted to leave so she could go to lunch and stare across the room at Santana.
It was stupid really, because Dani and Santana could be having lunch together, but there was some sort of silent agreement between them that they ate lunch apart. It wasn't really describable. Actually, she was hoping to change that agreement soon. Maybe after winter break, which started in a week, they could switch up how they had lunches. Maybe they could have it together somewhere; the auditorium or something.
She wasn't planning on suggesting that to her girlfriend anytime soon. Sure, they were far ahead of what Dani thought they would ever be at in terms of their relationship, but she wasn't going to push Santana any further than she already had.
Looking down at the words she had written, her expression darkened. She crumpled the paper and stuffed it in her pocket. She had a really bad habit of scribbling her thoughts as she thought them, but not as she thought them. They came out in lyrics, and formed all of the songs that she had written and never shown anyone.
She kept them all under her bed. But not just sitting there. Her bed was one of the ones with space under it, so if someone rolled under it, they would look up and see the support boards of her bed frame. Stuffed in between the mattress and one of those boards, were stacks and stacks of papers, filled with words and lyrics. Things that had poured out of her without her even realizing it.
It was a side of Dani that she wasn't sure she liked. All of her feelings came out, even ones she hadn't known she had. Hatred, anger... things she tried not to feel too strongly. Luckily, there weren't many people that brought it out in her, but apparently, her mother had been one. After she got kicked out of her house, she found words appearing on paper that displayed how she'd been feeling in such an elegant, musical way.
It was a gift, she knew, but it wasn't something easy to use publicly. She'd tried to write normal songs, but really, she couldn't. They had to be filled with emotion, her emotion.
Of course, not all of her songs were dark. Especially as of late, when her emotions were mostly on the up side. She found herself recently writing songs of love and joy, but they were still things she didn't want to show to other people. They were so raw, her songs. She didn't want someone to see that much of her.
And there lay her problem, she knew. She was trying so hard to have Santana be open to her and move past her problems, but Dani was a pretty sealed book. Sure, Santana knew about her past with her mom, and about her sexuality and some of the problems in her life, but Dani didn't open all of her feelings to her. She didn't tell her how happy being with her made her, she didn't tell her that she felt herself falling faster than she felt possible.
Which were the exact things she wanted to hear Santana say. But who was she to expect those things said to her, when she wasn't brave enough to say them to Santana?
Brave. That song they sang for sectionals. That's what got Santana to really decide to be brave. Dani ran the lyrics over in her head as she sat in her class, waiting for the final minutes of class to pass so she could leave. Maybe she should start being more brave as well.
Walking into the cafeteria, her paper lunch bag in hand, Dani felt her eyes drift over to a certain Latina who was talking and laughing with the Glee kids. Her eyes lingered there as she thought. Santana was currently the thing in her life that was making her most happy. She had hated the idea of coming to Lima, but Santana had made it worth it. Honestly, now she was dreading going back to LA.
Feeling her stomach twist up, she pushed such thoughts away and found herself sitting down with her senior friends at their table. She had to do something about this feeling she was having. She needed to do something to open up to Santana more, but how?
Her hand drifted to her pocket, fingering with the crumpled paper in her pocket. Her songs. Santana had wanted to see them, right?
Well, maybe now was the right time to show her.
For the rest of the day, Dani felt herself getting nervous. During theater, she'd asked Santana if she could come over, and the Latina had happily said yes. Unfortunately, her songs were under her bed, which meant that she somehow how to get them out of there.
Basically, she skipped her last two classes to get the songs, put them in her car and then go back to school for Glee, so that Santana had no idea.
Glee was spent celebrating about sectionals, and pepping them up for regionals, which from what Dani heard, was a whole different level. They were up against some team called The Warblers, who were apparently the team to beat this year. Santana didn't seem nervous though. She said that the team was full of a bunch of preppy gay guys and that their lack of real femininity would cause them to lose. Although Dani wasn't sure if Santana's assumptions were generally correct, she didn't find herself worried about it. They were good, they would beat them.
On their way home, Dani found herself being oddly quiet, and she knew that Santana would pick up on it. And just like she knew, halfway through the ride, Santana asked, "Something on your mind, babe?"
Dani bit her lip, not sure what to say. She composed her thoughts, before saying slowly, "Remember that song I played for you the other weekend on the guitar?"
Santana nodded.
"Well, I have the perfect lyrics to go with it," Dani breathed out, hoping that some of her nerves would leave with the carbon dioxide.
Santana gave her a sideways glance. "That's cool. What are they about?"
"Love, I think," Dani answered with a shrug. "Maybe falling in love. I wrote them a couple of weeks ago."
Santana didn't say anything.
"You can... you can read them if you want," Dani added, her voice barely audible. "Maybe some of the other ones, too."
Santana gave the blue-haired girl a surprised look that Dani could see even while staring straight ahead to drive. "Why? Are you sure?"
Dani shook her head, she wasn't sure. "Santana, I've been trying so hard to get you to be brave, but I realized that I'm not being brave."
"What are you talking about? You're the one that asked me to be your girlfriend, and for us to try dating. You took me out on our first date, not the other way around," Santana reminded her, sounding confused.
"It's not that," Dani argued, shaking her head and trying to think of a way to explain it. "It's like the little things. I don't know. But my songs are my emotions, Santana. You can't have me, if you don't read them. It's not possible."
"Okay," Santana replied in a quiet voice.
They drove in silence until they got to Santana's house. Dani grabbed her songs before following Santana inside. This was it. Santana was going to be the first person to read any of her songs.
When they reached Santana's room, Dani found herself sitting on her normal spot on the Latina's bed. She looked down at the sheets of paper in her hand. Some of them were from years before. Some of them were stained with tears. These were all of her emotions that she had never shown anyone.
"Here," Dani finally said to Santana, who was sitting across from her. She passed her the papers.
SSS
Santana had no idea what to expect. Dani had sounded so closed off, and the Latina had no idea what was in the songs that would make her act like that.
When she started to read some of the lyrics, she found herself smiling. Even at the sad ones. It wasn't big things. Santana could tell where Dani had been in her life when she wrote each one, because she already knew the big things about Dani. It was the little things, like the swell of joy she felt at doing something, or the rage she kept hidden when her mom did certain things.
Santana disagreed with what Dani had said. She could have had Dani without knowing these little things, but something about it felt intimate. Normally, that would have scared the shit out of her, but not it just made her feel happy. That's it. She was happy.
Dani was watching her carefully, she could feel her dark eyes burning into her. Carefully, Santana set the stack of papers aside and looked up at her girlfriend, moving in suddenly and placing a soft kiss on her lips. Dani returned it slowly, and when the pulled apart, Santana found herself laying down on her bed and pulling Dani down with her.
They were close, their faces mere inches apart and their bodies practically molded together, despite their clothing. "Thank you," Santana whispered out. She liked this closeness. A lot.
"For what?" Dani asked, even though Santana was sure that she knew damn well just what.
"Showing me those lyrics."
"I just... I felt like I should be opening up to you, since I'm trying so hard to get you to open up to me," Dani whispered.
Santana closed the gap between their faces again with a soft kiss. "I'm glad you did, babe," she whispered against Dani's lips.
They laid there for a while, their eyes closed and bodies closer as their lips hovered over one another's. It would look weird to anyone else, but to them it felt good, natural.
What was unexpected was when Santana heard the door downstairs open and then close. It was such an unnatural sound to hear when Dani and Santana were both already together in the house, that Santana physically jumped and gasped at the sound. She sat up quickly, and Dani rolled over and sat up.
"Mija?" came Maribel's voice. Santana sighed. It was her mom, but why?
Santana cracked open her door. "In my room, Mami! What are you doing here so early?"
"The night was going slow, so they put half of the nurses on call," her Mami called back. "Why don't you come down here, mija, and we can have dinner!"
"Uhh," Santana looked back at her girlfriend, sitting on her bed with wide eyes. "Dani is over."
"Oh she is? She can have dinner with us too!" Maribel exclaimed. Santana looked at Dani with an apologetic look.
"Wanna have dinner with us? Mami is a rocking cook, so you'll for sure like it," Santana told her.
"Why not?" Dani agreed, a slight smile on her face as she stood up. "But you're going to have to keep from staring at me and kissing me throughout the whole thing, so if you can't handle it, then I should go."
Santana scowled. The girl was such a tease. "I think I can handle myself."
"I hope so," Dani countered, quirking up a sexy eyebrow before heading downstairs. Santana let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. Her girlfriend was such a freaking tease and she loved it.
Geez when are they finally to get all of this sexual tension over with?! ;)
Did I write a 1,600 word chapter in half an hour? I believe the answer is yes. What is life.
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