Chapter Eighteen

Love and Death

"Oh god, Light. It's been so long. So long since I've gotten to see you so close. You have no idea how much I've missed you." Mikami exclaimed. His face was euphoric.

"It him! It's him! Run, Kira-kun, run!"

"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! Speak again and I will kill you right away." Mikami screamed, stamping his foot and waving his weapons.

Misa turned pale and bite her lip, shrinking into the chair, absolutely terrified. She was not only once gagged, but bound to the chair in which she sat.

"Mikami. Calm down. What's going on?" Light asked.

Mikami looked at him and immediately the angered expression melt back into the unsettlingly happy one.

"I'm sorry Light. I didn't want to be interrupted. I just have missed you so much, and I never liked sharing you, but it is necessary for her to be here. Don't worry, I'll explain everything. I know you have a lot of questions, feel free to sit if you want."

Light just stared at him, making no move to sit down or stop standing in front of Misa, separating her from Mikami. He kept an eye on the gun and knife, and Mikami noticed and relaxed the gun hand.

"This? I know, illegal. I got it from a client as a payment bonus. Didn't want it but it proved handy. Much easier to make Blondie be obedient when I needed her to be. Let me get rid of it, I don't need it any more."

Mikami tossed the gun away. It landed with a plop into the water, leaving Mikami standing alone with a knife and the unsettling smile.

Light's childhood friend had changed so much since he had last seen him. He had grown taller, and his frame had thickened. Not that he was fat but he was no longer the sickly thin teenage boy he had one been. His hair was still long and black and his skin still very pale. No school uniform anymore, but instead an ensemble not too different from Light's; pressed slacks and a button up dress shirt under an open tan trench coat.

But he was still very much his old friend. The way he held himself was like he had before. And the way he looked at Light was the same. Only now did Light really see how obsessively Mikami had always gazed at him. How closely he watched his every move, and seemed to reveal in very moment of it.

Though the gun was gone he still held that knife and Light couldn't help but stare at it. It was a kitchen knife.

No… not him…

"I know. It's beautiful, isn't it? Don't you recognize this knife? I made sure that I had it for this night, just for you. It's special, you see. This knife was the knife your mom used to stab your dad!" Mikami practically jumped with excitement.

Light froze. He quickly glanced at Mikami's face then back at the knife, and now he saw it.

It's funny, you don't think someone could remember the knife of such a situation, especially a plain old kitchen knife, not when there was so much else to overwhelm the mind. But Light knew that knife. He had see his mom use it so many times before. The nine inches of high carbon stainless steel. The distinct curve and the Japanese lettering near the base, before the tang disappeared into a treated wooden handle, worn from many years of use. And worse… the distinct staining of dried blood, as they had kept the knife as it was when they bagged it for evidence.

"I picked it up from the police station today and left a present behind. The knives from my works. Artifacts, one could say. I imagine they will be put into a museum "

"What is wrong with you?" Misa exclaimed. She quickly fell silent again with a dark look from Mikami.

Mikami looked back up and Light and his expression softened. "I am sure you are very confused, Light, but let me explain… I think I'll have to start from the very beginning for you to understand fully. Not that I'll doubt you'll understand."

Mikami took a sigh and began.

"It started the day I first saw you. You were the new kid at school. Everyone could tell just by looking at you that you were something special. You were already tall, athletic, and brilliant.

"You eclipsed my thoughts from the very first mement. All I wanted to do is be with you, but the question was how? You were so aloof. Though you smiled at all the right cues and made conversation with the others, when you could you excluded yourself from all those around you. You ate alone. You studied alone. Some how for group projects teachers let you do them alone. All I could do was watch from afar and wait. I needed a way to be with you so badly…

"One day I worked up the courage to join you on that bench for lunch and you let me stay! It was amazing. I came back everyday, waiting for the day you would tell me to leave you alone but you never did. You accepted me into your world. The other kids at school never liked me. But you did. You did.

"It felt amazing to finally have a friend. I got you to talk to me in class instead of studying, shutting yourself off from everyone. And when you did study we studied together. I had never had someone willing to help me before. The next group project that came up I was able to convince you to join with me."

Light's heart burned. He had felt the same for Mikami. Finally having a friend who seemed to understand him after being alone for so long… a friend who asked nothing of him…

"I though I was living the perfect life, until that girl came around. Shiori. I have no idea what possessed you to invite her to join us for lunch, but at first I hated it. I hated her. She was interrupting the flow we had created. She was taking time with you away from me. But then Shiori managed to open you up. She gave me time with you beyond school and studying. She brought out a side of you that I only dreamed to see. She made you laugh and relax. She help bring that light to your eyes when you smiled. I accepted her for that, and she accepted me. I saw that she also saw you for what you were. That she admired you, loved you, needed you as much as I did. And you needed her, just like you needed me. We were three. And we three became one."

Mikami seemed close to tears, his grip on the knife loosening. Light would have acted and tried to get the knife out of his hand, but the story he was being told slowed him from acting, and before he knew it the moment disappeared and a dark look flashed over Mikami's face.

"Fate was cruel. We all believed in justice but injustice was dealt on us. My parents were moving away. They wanted me to come with them. No matter what I said I could change their minds. They gave me only a few days notice. They didn't understand. I needed you and you needed me. But at the time I thought I'd be able to make it. I could train to Tokyo and visit you on the weekends and during breaks. We could exchange letters… or talk on the phone. If it was a three way call I know Shiori would be able to make you talk. It seemed like I might be able to survive… I never should have left. I was punished for leaving. How was I supposed to know what would happen?

"It was the worst day of my life. I had to say goodbye to my only friends. Then the next thing I knew I was told they both died. Shiori was shot by a nutter with a gun and you… you had commited suicide."

The dark night seemed to darken even more around Light. He stared helplessly as Mikami continued.

"I thought it was because of me. Because both me and Shiori had left you. If I had never left we'd both still be with you. But I left and Shiori died and we left you alone. You disappeared and when the police found your wallet in the river… We all thought you were dead.

"I went mad with grief. But on the inside. I knew I could let you down and get locked away. You believed in justice… you were the light…I needed to find a way to continue that light. I studied harder then ever before. I became a law student. I am almost a lawyer now! I spent years in school learning all about the law and what I can do for justice…. But the path didn't feel right. Without you, life just didn't seem right.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. I moved back to Tokyo and looked for you everyday, hoping that they were all wrong and that you weren't dead. I searched and I searched and then one day, after years of searching, I finally saw you. I wonder how many times I had been close to seeing you, but just missed you. When I think about it, it drives me mad. But after seeing you nothing mattered anymore.

"It was a dark and stormy night, but it was the most beautiful night in the history of man. I saw you like a brilliant blaze flashing back into my life and I wanted to run to you. I wanted to throw myself in your arms and never let go.

"But I couldn't. I had left you. Shiori and I had failed our promise to stay by your side. I caused you to fake your own death and start a new one. I could see it on your face that night. You were in pain. You were lost. You looked haunted. When I snuck closer to get a better look I heard you call out for Shiori but knew she would never come. I knew you needed me again, too. I needed to prove myself worthy to you… but how? I followed you, looking for a sign, and saw you on that bridge. I saw you with that mystery man. I saw him take you with him and disappear, taking my place at your side.

"I grew angry. I had been replaced! I had missed my chance! But then I realized what night it was. It was the bloody anniversary of your parent's death. The day you told Shiori and me about your parents was unforgettable. To hear how your mom had wanted you so much to herself that she killed your father just to be alone with you was inspirational. Of course she killed for the wrong reason, which she realized and had to kill herself to make up for it. What she should have done was kill for you.

"I could do that. I could kill for you. I could prove my love for you by killing someone in you name, to save them from the pains of this world. To bright them to another one where everything is more like you. Light.

"I remembered the boy… the American boy… he went by my apartment everyday to get to school. He had reminded me of my school days with you. He would be perfect. His name even began with the same letter.

"Taking inspiration from your mother I decided on a kitchen knife and went to where I knew he'd be that night… I waited for him in an alley and when I saw him I grabbed him. He struggled but I kept control. I explained to him why I was doing what I was doing but it wouldn't calm him so I decided to liberate him so his torture on this earth would be over.

"It felt amazing. I knew why your mom had stabbed so many times. Each stab was like being closer to you. Sharing your past. Sharing the blood. Spilling it, all for you.

"The next day I looked for you again. I didn't follow the mystery man the night before so I had to find you all over again. It took me days. I was beginning to loose hope. But then by a miracle I saw you again.

"But it wasn't you. It was Kira on a mission. You were Kira! You were on a mission to bring justice to the world! I followed you and saw everything! Then I followed you to your apartment. I would have gone up to you the night to tell you what I have done but after seeing who you really were I couldn't. I wasn't ready.

"I had admired Kira before. He had done amazing things. But Kira hadn't been you. I believed in him but it wasn't the same. But after discovering you were Kira I finally understood.

"You are no mere human. You are a god. A god sent to earth to feel the pan of the world and try to heal it. That was why you lived a life of strife, so you could understand it better. But sadly being a god, you couldn't hide you divinity completely, which is why you were so perfect and why everyone wanted you so much. You couldn't bring yourself out of the world and leave it to rot, you believed in saving it. That is why you became Kira, to be justice for the weak.

"But I could see it. Being on the earth is also slowly killing you. Your tired face. The way crime and evil never ended. It drains your divinity and you needed to be saved. Shiori and I helped you find the joy of the world, but we left you. One death in your name would not be enough to make up for it.

"I needed to free more people. More, more! I picked out people from all walks of life to show how you meant to save everyone, the weak, the old, the rich, the young. The famous and the invisible. I chose them carefully. All in your name. Literally your name. I thought it was a nice touch, so at the end people knew who I did this for. I'm sure you already realized this.

"What I needed next was a way to present them to you. To show you what I have done. At the same time I couldn't let you stay on this earth anymore. I had seen you go to that hotel. I knew you were with the mystery man. The man who was replacing me. I simply could not allow that. I couldn't just kill him out of jealousy. That was the mistake your mom made. I would spare him, let him keep living in this rotten world. You and I would leave this world together. Just like in school.

"But it was the three of us in school… and unlike you,

Shiori did not come back from the dead. I had seen her body at the funeral. She was good and dead and already free, but we needed another to leave with us. To complete the number. You had chosen a new Shiori, just like you were trying to replace me, solving the problem of who would go with us. I saw you save Misa here from that gang. You were kind to her, just like you had been with Shiroi. You had even given her your coat. And when you left I saw that she had also seen what I had seen in you. That you were no ordinary man, you were something more.

"You see, Misa and I have something in common. She stalked you and found out where you lived. I could see the devotion to you through her actions as I followed her to make sure she was right for us. She believed in Kira and knew his true identity and could see you for the god you were.

"Meanwhile, I kept killing, completing my task, waiting, and keeping tabs on both of you so you would not disappear on me. But near the end I came across the most interesting situation. I had finally had a witness to one of my killings. It was a high school girl. She had unfortunately seen me free her friend from this life. What was interesting wad that she looked almost exactly like Shiori. It was close to a perfect match. It was just so… delicious. I couldn't resist. Her name was not right so her death would be wrong, but I could have a little fun with her. I threatened her that I would kill her and her family if she did not do me a little favor and she was surprisingly compliant.

"To celebrate almost being done I decided to show you my work early, up close and personal beyond what you had seen in the papers. I made sure my last victim was a male high school student, the same age we had been before being separated, to join the other three I had killed before. I made sure this one was a tennis player, and had his tennis equipment with him, as a throwback to you. My two previous victim were high school students too, for Shiori and I. The Shiori-look-alike I had grab your attention and lead you to the body. Don't worry about her, she's all right. Just a little traumatized. But she'll be over it soon enough like everyone else once they understand why and see you for the god you are.

"Now I just had to find a way to bring us all together and make it special. I broke into the police headquarters and raided the evidence room to find the knife your mom had used and dropped off the others. It was amazingly easy. I expected a bit more of a challenge but the security was so predictable. Then I alerted the media that I was going to send out a message. I had no way of knowing if you'd go home that night or not so I thought it would be best to alert the whole city so you would hear it and they would hear it and think of you. After that I captured our blonde Shiori, gave her a nice wig for fun, and stored her until it was time to release the message. Then I moved her here and waited for you to come, and you did! It is all just as I had planned…"

Misa and Light had listened to Mikami's story in silence but at this point Misa began shouting at Mikami, calling him sick and twisted but Light could barely hear her words. Mikami shouted back at her but his words were lost too.

Mikami had done this all for him… it was horrifying.

All those people… they had died such horrible deaths in agony with his name in their minds. They probably cursed his existences as Mikami drove a knife into their stomachs in his name.

Mikami… What happened to him? He had always been odd but never like this… Had he really been like this the entire time? Light had driven him to insanity. Mikami didn't leave him, he left Mikami. He abandoned him and let Mikmai think he was dead all because he could deal with the guilt of Shiori's death. All because he felt weak and abandoned himself. He was selfish and now Mikami had gone crazy and killed so many because of him.

Thank god he never discovered who the mystery man really was. No matter how confused Light felt about L he felt terrified at the thought of him being one of Mikami's victims.

L! L might have been watching him, and if he was he would know where Light was. Maybe he would come and save him and Misa. But that would mean L didn't really care about Light and had only ever seen him as the killer… but then Light would be saved. But if L truly did let him go, that meant nobody knew where he was and he was going to die.

Why should he care if he died or not? He had no where to go. He had no one… no one left but Mikami. But he had to save Misa. She was innocent. Her only crime was being obsessed with the worst person in the world to take an interest in. She had truly tried to help him solve this case and he brushed her off because he was too weak to see what was in front of his eyes. If he could not get away himself he had to save Misa.

Light held up a hand for them to be quite, which they did, Misa biting her lip to stop another insult.

"Mikami. Let Misa go. She is no one in this story. She is not the new Shiori. She is just an innocent. Let her go."

"But Light… I thought you chose her!" Mikami looked distraught, slouching his shoulders, his knife hand trembling.

"No Mikami. You are wrong. This is not what I wanted. Let her go."

"No! We need to be together! I won't allow it!" Mikami yelled, shaking and stamping his foot.

"I don't want her!" Light yelled back, demanding the crazed man's attention. Both Misa and Mikami flinched at the loudness of his voice. "Let's go back to the way it was before. Just us. We never needed Shiori. We don't need Misa. Let her go." These words were spoken calmly and Mikami paused and considered them.

"Just us?" Mikami's voice was quiet. He sounded as if he couldn't believe what he heard.

"You and me." Light promised.

After a silence he agreed and allowed Light to untie Misa. Light circled the chair and crouched down to undo her bonds. He was no afraid of Misa being attacked because he felt Mikami was just impatient right now to have her go away, so he and Light could die together without her. As he untied her she pleaded with him to come with her and run, but Light knew better that if he tried Mikami would most likely attack and kill them both. He had overpowered eleven people before them, he obviously knew how to be as fatal as possible.

When Misa was free she immediately tried to cling to Light but he kept her at a distance and looked her square in the face. He concentrated hard, hoping she'd finally listen to him.

"Misa. You said you wanted to help me once. Leave now. That is what I ask of you. Leave this park and don't try to come back."

Her eyes gleamed with tears and she nodded. Light would have watched her go but his gaze immediately went back to his old friend with the knife, which was once again raised and ready to strike.

Eventually he could hear her no longer and he knew they were alone.

"Now it's truly like the old times. I think I understand… There was only one Shiori. And there would only ever be one me. I'm sorry Light! I'm so sorry for thinking I was replaceable, but here you are, proving your devotion to our friendship!"

Misa was gone. She was safe.

"Mikami…" Light sighed. What was he going to do now? Light decided he'd try talking Mikami out of it. "What happened to you? Killing it wrong. You know that."

"Light!" The pain in Mikami's voice went right through Light. "I killed for you!"

"I didn't ask for this! Why would I want you to kill people?" I never asked for this. I never asked for anything.

"To prove my loyalty! They were already dying in this rotten world. I tried to be the justice we believed in!"

"Justice isn't killing the innocent!" He yelled back.

"Justice is what ever you say it is! And I know you believe it is liberating the innocent from evil!"

"The only evil I see right now is you." When the words left Light's mouth the expression on Mikami's face darkened and any traces of his old friend were gone completely.

"Evil? You think I'm evil? Who killed his parents? Who killed Shiori? Who really killed my victims? It was you. You are the central cause to it all!"

His word hit Light hard. Until now no one had ever voiced the thoughts that poisoned his mind. That he had been the reason Shiori and his father had die, and the reason why his mom went insane. It drove him insane. And now Mikami said it, confirming he was not the only on who thought this way. How many others blamed him?

What he should have done was keep trying to talk Mikami down but instead he stumbled backwards in shock. It just set Mikami off.

Mikami launched himself at Light, who was unable to avoid the attack and came crashing to the ground under the weight. Light struggle to push Mikami off him but it quickly turned into a struggle to control his knife had, to keep it away from him and to try to wrestle it out of his grasp.

"Why are you doing this, Light? Why won't you just let me kill you!"

"Get off Mikami! Drop the knife! You don't have to do this!"

"I didn't kill all those people for nothing! I just wanted you! Now let me have you!"

They were rolling around now on the floor of the gazebo. Mikami kept getting the advantage, managing to pin Light below him and try stabbing motions towards him chest but Light grip on his arm kept the knife from hitting its target.

"Mikami! Stop this! Where is the Mikami I knew years ago? This isn't you!"

"It's always been me! Light, open your eyes and embrace the truth!"

"No, this isn't who you are!"

"If I have changed at all it's because of you. It's all because of you!"

Eventually the thrashing around allowed Mikami to bang Light's head on a pillar and instantly Light's world blurred and pain paralyzed him. Mikami had cause him to rehit his head in the exact location he had been injured before. He could feel the warm blood seeping out but the pain was extreme enough that he could stop Mikami from successfully trapping Light and retching his knife hand free from Light's grasp.

"Mikami… please…" Light begged.

"I love you, Light Yagami." Mikami said, and then let out a crazed laugh-sob as he brought the knife down and plunged it into Light.

End of Chapter