Thank you for all the reviews! I'm sorry about the cliffhanger, so I tried to write this chapter as quickly as possible. Hope you enjoy :-)

Chapter 9

Places to be

Carson thought he might fall over. He grabbed the edge of the desk for support. His body had started to shake. "Leaving?", he repeated the most terrible word he had ever heard. His voice was hoarse and the lasting volume cracking with emotion. There were a million things he wanted to say. A million reasons to make her stay tried to escape his mouth, but all he managed to say was a quiet and weak "Why?"

Despite her sad and worried mood Mrs Hughes sensed and saw what effect her words had on the butler. "I will only leave temporarily", she said gently, hoping that this was enough to make him calm down.

Carson collapsed onto the next chair in his reach and ran his fingers through his hair. His heart had gone completely crazy in his chest and sent an intense pain up and down his body. "Tell me what happened, Elsie", he begged, desperate to understand her.

She got up from her chair, walked around his desk and stopped in front of him, biting her bottom lip, unsure whether she should do what had come to her mind. She decided that she had to do it. She needed to do it if she was to tell him.

He waited patiently for her to begin and couldn't deny that he was glad when she sat down on his lap and steadied herself by putting her arms around his neck. Her warmth assured him her presence. He wrapped his arms around her middle and held her close. He forgot about the door that could swing open any time. He forgot that dinner would start soon and they would come looking for them if they didn't appear. There was only one thing important to him in this moment, one person that mattered. And that person was sitting on his lap.

"I was called earlier by Gordon, my brother-in-law", she began and he remembered her talking to someone on the phone. Carson tried to have a clear mind and suspected that if her brother-in-law called something was wrong with her sister.

"Charles, my sister is very ill." He could hear her hesitating. "She might die." His grip on her tightened to give her the strength to continue. "I have to be at her side. I can't leave her alone with this. I can't leave them alone with this. So I have spoken to her ladyship who insisted that I should go for as long as necessary." She searched for Charles eyes which were fixed on the ground. "You understand me, don't you?", she asked worriedly because he hadn't said a thing.

"I do understand", he answered. "And I very much hope that your sister will recover soon." So that you will return soon.

"I promise to write", she said, knowing that he wished with every fibre of his being that she could stay.

He nodded. "I will miss you", he mumbled and she couldn't help but smile. "I will miss you too." She kissed his cheek and got up. "We should go. They will wonder where we are."

"Will you tell them that you'll be gone for a while?"

"I have to. I'll leave tomorrow morning and they need to know. Anna will take over some of my duties and…"

"Don't worry", he interrupted gently. "We'll manage."

"I wonder if you will still say that in your first letter", she teased, escaping all thoughts of what awaited her in Scotland. He gave her a small smile. He knew as well as she that his tone would change as soon as she was gone.

At dinner the staff dealt in a most professional manner with the news of the housekeeper being gone for a few weeks. They all told Mrs. Hughes that they hoped her sister would recover soon and she would be back in a short while. She couldn't say how much she wished this would become true. She didn't know if she could handle her sister's death. And the thought of being away from Carson made her uncomfortable. But all this didn't change the fact that she went up to her room after dinner to pack. After the luck she had had since the London season her sister being ill seemed even worse. She came back downstairs hoping to find Carson in his pantry to enjoy their last glass of wine for the next few weeks. He was there waiting for her. Of course he was. He had already poured two glasses and handed one to her, sitting down with a sigh.

"It's strange, isn't it? All these years we have been separated from each other every season, but I have never felt like this before", he said.

"You didn't miss me?", she asked, knowing the answer.

"Of course I did, but it was different", he replied.

"We are not the same anymore, you and I. We have come a long way." She sipped at the wine. "Life has altered you as it has altered me", she told him, repeating the words he had said to her years ago.

He smiled at her, remembering having said that himself. It showed him once more just how much they shared. Memories of more than two decades. While he sat there looking at her, chatting about their day, he couldn't deny that there was this feeling inside of him. A feeling of being tired of work. It was new to him. Yes, he had been exhausted because of work, but tired of it? The feeling wasn't too strong yet, but about to develop. He knew that. Maybe her being gone for a while made him finally ready for this life changing last step: Retiring. The thought stayed with him. He bid Mrs. Hughes a good night when they had reached the door that would separate them and as it had become their habit he kissed her forehead before going to his room. The thought was still there. He dressed for bed and made himself comfortable under his blanket. Carson turned off the light and the darkness made him sleepy. The thought followed him to sleep and made him dream about a cottage with a lovely garden full of flowers and vegetables. He was kneeling on the ground, doing some garden work. His hands were covered with dark moist earth. He could feel that this one stubborn curl had fallen to his forehead. He smelled water and fresh cut grass, flowers and earth. The sun was shining above him, warming his face. His gaze went over the flower-bed before him and stopped when his hands came into view once again. It was a short, but close look he gave them. The golden band on his left hand reflected the sun light, making sure that it wouldn't go unnoticed. When Carson opened his eyes he was torn between two places and he had no idea how to choose one.

Mrs. Hughes gave Anna a quick overview on things before breakfast. Of course Anna knew by now how to run the house, but Mrs. Hughes was to leave for longer than usual so she made sure to mention everything that could be of importance. During breakfast, one by one had to leave to attend their duties. Before they left they said goodbye and then disappeared somewhere in the house. Mrs. Patmore had prepared a huge lunch pack for the housekeeper who thanked her with an amused smile. Carson carried her suitcase outside for her. She had decided to walk to the village. It gave her more time to think about everything and the fresh air would also do her some good. He put the suitcase down and turned towards her. It pained him to see her off even if it was only for a little while. He would have accompanied her to the station, but not only that his work kept him from doing it, it would have also made the wrong impression. But then again it wouldn't have been wrong, he thought. "Goodbye, Elsie", he said.

"Goodbye, Charles. I'll write soon", she replied, rose to her tip toes and kissed his cheek. They smiled at each other for a moment and then she walked away. He watched after her. She stopped and turned around. She raised her hand and waved. He waved back. Then she disappeared around the corner. His hand remained in the air. He already missed her. And that wouldn't become any better if he stood outside all day. Carson went back to work. He couldn't wait for the first letter.

The train stopped with creaky brakes. Mrs. Hughes picked up her suitcase and stepped out on the platform. The small train station with the old conductor's house that was covered with ivy and the lonely green bench standing next to its red door looked the same, year in and year out. It was Sunday. Service must have ended a short while ago. The villagers were probably all at home now, preparing for the rest of the day. Mrs. Hughes hadn't expected that Gordon would meet her at the station. He couldn't leave Ann alone. She crossed the street and followed the small back road. Nice little cottages framed it. In spring and summer dozens of flowers grew in the front gardens. But now the trees were naked, the bushes and grass beamless green and a few puddles were the leftover of the last rain. Her sister lived in the middle of the road, their shop creating a contrast to all other houses. It had one large French window on each side of the dark blue painted door. The closed sign hang on the left, behind the glass. Mrs. Hughes walked around the house to the backdoor. Her sister's flower-beds followed along the small path and once again Mrs. Hughes wished it were summer. But the colourless nature of late autumn accompanied the situation inside the house in a very fitting manner. She knocked twice, waiting patiently for Gordon to answer the door. She could hear his footsteps moving towards the door and it swung open. "Elsie", he said. Relief washed over him and he grabbed the door knob for support. "I can't tell you how glad I am to see you."

She smiled warmly at him. "It's good to see you, even if I wished the circumstances were less dramatic. How is she?", she asked and stepped inside.

"Not too bad. I think knowing that you would arrive today gave her some strength", he replied. He led Mrs. Hughes upstairs. "I have prepared the guest room for you, the one next door to our bedroom. The doctor told me to sleep elsewhere for as long as she was ill to give her some space", he explained.

"You haven't been sleeping on the settee, have you?", she asked reproachfully.

"Either there or on the armchair next to our bed. When she was feeling terrible I couldn't leave her alone." He stopped in front of the closed door.

"How long has it been since you had a good night's sleep, Gordon?"

"A while", he admitted. "But don't worry. I'm fine, really. All I worry about is Ann." His dark green eyes were fixed on his shoes. She gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "That's why I'm here."

"I know and I am so very grateful. I can imagine that your employers weren't too happy about you leaving."

"No", she answered honestly. "But they understood."

He nodded. "I'll bring your suitcase to your room, so you can say hello to Ann."

"And afterwards you go downstairs and sleep a little, I insist."

He gave her an amused smile. "All right, Elsie. You know where to find me." He left. She took in a deep breath, knocked softly and entered. The sun shone brightly through the window. Ann was sitting in her bed, leaning against the wall. She was pale and thinner than Mrs. Hughes remembered. Her sister's hair was full of grey strains. She got old within a few months, but her deep blue eyes showed the same strength as always. Mrs. Hughes closed the door behind her, walked to her sister and sat down in the edge of the bed. "Hello, Ann."

"Please don't look so shocked, Els. I might have made a healthier impression once, but given the circumstances…"

"How are you?", Mrs. Hughes asked.

"Today is a good day", her sister answered. "The doctor has bound me to bed, but I'm well enough for some little adventures."

"Such as?"

"First of all you can tell me how things are at Downton Abbey." Ann looked at her full of expectation.

"I'd like to hear how things are here first", Mrs. Hughes replied. She wasn't surprised that her sister made the best out of everything. Ann wasn't the one for being in a bad mood. She always used to be cheerful and hopeful.

"You know how things are, Els. I'm ill, maybe about to die and Gordon can't possibly manage all by himself. I'm glad he called you for help."

It was the third time at least Mrs. Hughes was about to ask what disease exactly Ann suffered from, but she didn't want to bother her sister. 'Very ill' would be enough information until she had a chance to talk to the doctor. "All right, all right", she gave in. "Let's talk about Downton." Mrs. Hughes had of course written in her letters to Ann about many things that had happened at Downton including the progress she had made with Carson. But she never found the time to write in all detail. An hour passed and Ann smiled fondly at her little sister, seeing and hearing how much the butler meant to her. In the early hours of the afternoon Ann was tired and Mrs. Hughes left to let her sleep. She went downstairs to prepare something to eat. Gordon was asleep on the settee, so she did her best to be quiet. The kitchen window gave a nice view on the garden and the path to the backdoor. She had only just started to put together some ingredients that made cooking possible, when she spotted someone coming towards the backdoor. Since the man reminded her a little of Dr. Clarkson, she guessed that it was the local doctor. Her visits had never been long enough to get the village and its inhabitants too well. He was seemed surprised when Mrs. Hughes opened the door. He furrowed his brows for a moment, bit quickly understood. "You must be Mrs. Wilson's sister", he said.

"Mrs. Elsie Hughes", she informed him.

"Doctor Blake, pleased to meet you", he introduced himself and raised his hat. "I've come to check on Mr. and Mrs. Wilson. They both give me a lot to worry about."

"Please do come in. We can talk in the kitchen." She stepped aside to let him in and they walked together to the kitchen where they both sat down. "I hope you had a pleasant journey", he said politely and she nodded. "How long will you stay?"

"For as long as I'm needed", she answered honestly.

"Good, that will help them both a lot. How are they? The last time I checked, Mr. Wilson wasn't sleeping enough and Mrs. Wilson lay in bed with a fever and a heavy cough."

"Mr. Wilson is sleeping as is Mrs. Wilson who seems to be not too ill today", Mrs Hughes told him. He shook his head and scratched his chin. "That is odd." When he realized that his statement didn't make too much sense he tried his best to explain. "You see, I am not sure what kind of disease your sister has, The symptoms are those of the flu – fever, coughing headaches -, but if she had the flu she would feel bad for a time period and then get better. Instead she is both twice or thrice within a week. I have given her some medicine that helps flu patients. If we are lucky she'll be better in a short while."

"So you say that it might not be that bad?", Mrs. Hughes asked hopefully.

"It might not, but if the disease continues on its current path it will weaken her and make her vulnerable for other diseases in which case the consequences could be deadly."

Mrs. Hughes nodded. "Then I'll better make sure it won't come to this. After all, that's why I am here."

Carson was sitting in his pantry. It had gone late and he had stopped focusing on his paper work long ago. His thoughts wandered to Mrs. Hughes. He hadn't heard of her yet. There was a soft knock on the door. He blinked his eyes a few times. Who could that be?

It was the cook who entered. Mrs. Patmore was carrying a tray which she put down in front of him, forcing him to move his paper work quickly aside to save it from being crushed under the tray. A plate with biscuits and two cups of tea were put on it. He looked at her questioningly.

"You look like Downton has burned to the ground and taken monarchy with it. Interestingly that this certain expression is on your face since our housekeeper headed for Scotland", she said knowingly and sat down, taking one cup and a biscuit.

Carson felt his ears turning red. "Is it that obvious?", he asked, swallowing hard.

"What? That you miss her or that you love her?"

He started coughing.

Mrs. Patmore gave him a lopsided grin. "I've known you for how long? Twenty years? I know you. I know her. I'm not blind. And I am Mrs. Hughes' friend."

"Now that's calming", he half coughed, half laughed and drank his tea.

"You'll tell me if she writes? I'd like to know how she is."

"I'll let you know", he promised. She nodded and rose from her seat. "I'll send Sophie tomorrow morning to get the tray. I'm far too tired to take care of that now."

"Very well", he agreed. "And Beryl", he said when she had already reached the door. "Thank you for the tea."

"You're welcome, Charles", she replied and left. In the hallway she stopped for a second and thought about what had just happened. He had used her first name. He had never done that in all the years she knew him. How he had changed. He was actually behaving like they were friends. And Mrs. Patmore wouldn't complain about that.

Ann had had another bad day. The coughing mad it hard for her to breath and the fever had weakened her so much that she was hardly able to drink let alone eat in the evening. Now she was sleeping, giving the house some peace. Mrs. Hughes was sitting in the armchair next to the bed, dozing off. She tried to stay awake, but the lack of sleep showed its effect. Gordon was worse. He looked as pale as Ann and his eyes were always tired, surrounded by dark circles. Mrs. Hughes had just found the time to write to Carson. Writing the address on the envelope had felt strange. Downton seemed so far away. She could imagine every minute what was going on in the house, but it felt unreal. Things there were busy, but fine. Things here in Scotland were busy too, but not at all fine. She was homesick for Downton where everything had a certain way of happening. She was homesick for Carson, the one person that made her feel safe. But she had to be with her sister. Losing her was out of the question for the housekeeper. She would have preferred to be at Downton, to be with Carson to help and protect their maids and hallboys, but she was in Scotland, trying to help and protect another part of her family.

The next morning Carson waited impatiently for the postman to arrive. He was handed a pack of letters for upstairs and downstairs. He scanned each envelope quickly and finally found one that was addressed to him in Mrs. Hughes' writing. He put the letter in the inside pocket of his jacket and headed to breakfast. Despite his curiosity he only managed to read the letter two hours later, because his hallboys kept him busy scolding them. He retreated to his pantry, slamming the door to keep everyone from disturbing him. He collapsed rather ungracefully on his chair and opened the top drawer of his desk to get his letter opener. Carefully he opened the envelope and unfolded the piece of paper.

Dear Charles,

I have arrived safely in Scotland, but hardly have a moment to spare here. Gordon works all day in his small general store and I don't think I have ever seen a man being that tired. Currently he is looking for a shop assistant since neither Ann nor I can help him. She has her ups and downs. Some days she is burning with fever and then again she feels better. I try to make good use of these rare moments of her feeling better. We play cards or chat about old times. She asks a lot about Downton. I keep telling her stories about it. It seems to make her happy imagining what an exciting life her little sister has. I think she tries to ignore her illness as much as that is possible. The local doctor told me that there is still hope so I'm hoping. I can't deny that I sometimes wish you were here to help me. I guess I forgot how it feels like when I have no backup.

I presume everything is fine at the house and expect you to not be too crabby to everyone while I'm away.

My very best wishes

Elsie

PS: Please tell Mrs. Patmore that she was right with what she said when I left. She will be very pleased to hear it!

Carson smiled fondly at the last few lines of the letter. He was glad to receive some good news, even if they were not entirely good. He decided to write his answer in the evening so that he could add Mrs. Patmore's reply and post the letter in the morning. The carefully folded the letter and put it in his top drawer. He would later take it with him to his room where it would be safer to keep it. Now that their tone was far more familiar than it used to be. It wouldn't be good if anyone stumbled across it. He checked his pocket watch. He could spare a few moments before his was needed upstairs. A lot of rattle and clangour swapped though the hall way from the kitchen. Of course they would be busy preparing the upstairs dinner. When he entered, Sophie and Daisy were both running from one side of the kitchen to the other carrying trays and pots. Mrs. Patmore was partly disappearing in the oven. Something seemed to be wrong, but when he approached her, he could hear her curse first and then a triumphantly cry escaped her mouth.

"Mrs. Patmore?", he said, bowing slightly so that she would recognize him. She startled at hearing his voice and bumped her head on the inside of the oven. "Blast!", she shouted and then put herself back up to face him, stroking the back of her head. "You startled me", she said with a disapproving look on her face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for you to hurt yourself", he apologized.

"Never mind that", she responded. "What was it you wanted?"

"I received a letter from Mrs. Hughes. She asks me to tell you that you were right about what you said when she left."

Mrs. Patmore grinned. "I knew it!"

"She said you would be pleased", he said.

"Of course I am! But how is she?"

"Worried, but it seems that her sister is doing quite well, so there is some hope", he told the cook.

"Good news then", she decided. "Thank the lord." She took the chicken and placed it in the now working oven. "Was there anything else?", she asked when Carson showed no signs of leaving.

"What exactly did you say to her before she left?"

"Curious, are we?", Mrs. Patmore teased. "I told her that she would miss my cooking sooner than she'd like."

Carson raised his eyebrows. "How could someone not miss it?", he wondered astonished.

The cook snorted and rolled her eyes at him. "Get on with you! These kind of compliments won't get you an extra slice of apple pie."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It was worth the try."

Dear Elsie,

I am glad to hear that your sister has a good chance of recovering and I very much hope that she will do so soon. I also hope that your brother-in-law will find someone to help him in his shop. I have to admit, I'm slightly worried that you'll have to take care of two people. If you run out of Downton tales I volunteer to write about some. You already know this, I suppose, but it makes me rather proud to hear that these stories have such a positive effect on your sister. I wish I could help you with more than my words, but you'll always have my support. Please remember this when you feel there's no back up.

Your absence is visible, but Anna is doing a fine job. The house shows no signs of falling into pieces yet. I am afraid I have already been quite crabby, but you know how they can be.

Please tell your sister my well wishes.

I am thinking of you

Charles

PS: I told Mrs. Patmore what you asked me to and she is indeed pleased with herself.

Carson posted the letter the next morning, rather satisfied with how comfortable he felt to write to the housekeeper in a more familiar and friendly tone. It seemed more natural and was easier. And it helped him to find an answer for this one question which kept his mind busy: Downton or retirement? Of course as long as Mrs. Hughes was gone it was unlikely that he made a final decision, but he wanted to be able to discuss this topic with her again, this time having another opinion on things.

Day by day passed and more and more letters were received and posted. Unfortunately, things didn't seem to get better. Gordon did find himself a shop assistant, but Ann showed no signs of recovery. She was alternating between being better and being worse and the housekeeper's letters sounded more and more helpless and desperate. Carson tried his best to encourage and support her, but he was as helpless as her. The cook did her best to cheer him up. He appreciated Mrs. Patmore's support, but his focus was on the calendar. Christmas was moving closer and closer and slowly Carson had to accept that this year's festivities would take place without his love. And he knew if things were different between them this could never happen. Once more he dreamt about that beautiful cottage, the one place where everything wasn't complicated. But he was at Downton and she in Scotland and the cottage seemed the last place they would be at any time soon.