Part Six – His Warm Embrace

Now my body was cold. Scenes from Jonathan''s dream flashed in my head.

What the result of that dreams? I thought in panic. What if that dream really imprinted Jonathan?

In a blink of an eye, my mind getting confused.

What have I done?

I kept on asking myself. Couldn't feel a thing but fears and confused.

Nah, I jumped as magnus spoke again, now I have to tell the others that you are okay before they break into my apartment again and drag me to do another crazy rites.

I would have laughed imagining Jace and the others hounded Magnus to seek for me if only my hands weren't this cold.

"Tell them I'm okay," I said, forcing a smile to appear. I felt my fuzz started to rise, "Don't be worried."

Is there another special messages?

Magnus said teasingly. My face turned red in an instance. No matter how scared I was, I still could blush when it came to Jace. One thing I felt thankful of was the fact that Magnus couldn't see me.

"Tell jace I love him."

I heard Magnus chuckled so clear as if he was laying next to me. My face blushed even more.

I'll tell him, Magnus told me, now I have to go. I wish you always keep yourselves safe.

I nodded in agreement.

And, Clary, suddenly Magnus called me again.

"Yeah?"

In front of Sebastian, please pretend as if you wanna cooperate with him.

"What?" I could handle myself not to asking.

I did it before, and I had to admit, it didn't really work out because Jonathan already knew I was pretending, he and queen Seelie had eavesdropped the conversations between me and Simon. Now I doubt that Jonathan was still trust me. Especially after I ruined his plans about the dark shadowhunters.

I know that Sebastian won't kill you easily, but it will be more safe for you if you act like a nice girl in front of him. So you'll be safe, at least untul we find a way to get you out of there.

Actually I didn't completely agree with that, especially I didn't really sure if I could pretend to be nice to Jonathan, but I definitely knew Magnus, once again, was right. It would be more safe if I didn't resist Jonathan directly.

"Okay," I finally said it, hardly, "I'll try."

Good.

Magnus spoke with satisfaction. After that, the room became quiet again. Magnus had gone from my mind.

Oh, what have I done? I repeated the same words over again as I laid down. I had my eyes looking at the cellar again, traced it ornament with my gaze. I thought I'd done something terrible.

Really really terrible.

Did that dream really make a change in Jonathan?

What a stupid Clary! I cursed at myself. I really regretted that I had ever let myself pitied Jonathan.

But there was nothing left to do. It was already happened. I could only hope that Jonathan wouldn't remember that dream when he got up.

My mind was really confused, but in the other side, a single thought enlightened my mind.

They were looking for me.

Jace was looking for me.

I couldn't help but let the joy slipped into my heart, filled it with warmth and wiped away the coldness and the feeling of benumbed.

They were trying to take me out of here.

I smiled at the cellar.

Jace would definitely safe me, I was sure about it. If he had Magnus with him, nothing they couldn't do.

With that joy remained in my heart, I fell asleep. I saw Jace in my dreams. He smiled and seemed so happy. His golden hair was shimmering under the sunshine as his eyes shone with happiness. Once again I saw the gold in his eyes melted and wrapped me with its warmth.

Suddenly I couldn't breathe.

Jace came closer as I stunned, watching him. I was sucked into his charm which could be rivaled only by the angels themselves. He looked down upon me, smile never left his lips.

"Jace," I gasped as if I ran out the oxygen.

Jace didnt answer me instantly. Instead, he stretched out his hand, bowed toward me.

"Clarissa."

I stunned.

Wrong. It felt wrong.

Jace's touch in my face was cold. Jace never felt cold, and should have never felt this way.

I gasped for air. Felt completely breathless.

No! No! this wasn't Jace!

With one jolt I pulled away from Jace, and screamed.

"No!"

I sat with terror flooded into my head. I dreamed about Jace, that was a good thing, but this Jace felt like Jonathan, and it ruined everything. It was so cary when you saw Jace but felt your brother was touching you instead.

I took a deep breath over and over again in order to get myself calm. It even hadn't completely over when a pair of arms circled around my shoulder from behind. It made my body tensed at a sudden.

"Had a nightmare, Little Sister?" Jonathan's voice was soft, right in my ears, causing my fuzz to rose. Suddenly my heart filled with the same terrors as before.

I recalled the dream, one which I saw, and also which was seen by Jonathan

"I also had a dream too," he spoke again.

I felt something as if someone had knocked my head very very hard and made me dazzled.

"Let go of me, Sebastian," I said coldly. Trying to hide my fears. Clearly, Jonathan didn't release me that easy.

Of course he didn't. even if I struggled, he still might not release me.

"You don't wanna hear about my dream, Clarissa?"

Instead of letting me go, Jonathan continued his words. He laid his chin upon my shoulder and leaned his head toward my head. His legs half stretched, pressed against my both side.

"I think I'm not in a good mood to hear that," I responded after gulped over and over again, "Could you let me go. Please?"

"Ah, what a shame," Jonathan sounded full of regret. As if he didn't hear my last request, he continued, "I think you'll like it. But, well, do you wanna know something, Clarissa?"

Jonathan's skin felt so cold against mine even though his breath had some strange warmth. I could feel his hard chest pressed in my back. His heart beat fast beneath that firm muscle which built during his battle training.

"What?" I asked with a trembling voice.

I really didn't enjoy our position. For God's sake, he made me feel scared to death.

Jonathan sloped his head. Now he was facing to my face's side.

"It felt so real. Too real," he whispered. So soft and slowly against my ear. His lips almost touched my earlobe, "And do you know what I saw when I woke up this morning?"

I gulped to reduce the numb in my throat before asked.

"What?"

Inside my heart, I was cursing upon myself for being scared. Unfortunately, that wasn't helping. After what I'd been through last night, I completely became scared of my brother. I didn't know how to face him.

"I found a stele and a seraph blade next to my bed. I'm sure it wasn't there when I went to sleep."

Deg!

Oh my God! No! I'd left that things just there when I stormed out of Jonathan's room this morning. How careless I was!

I kept silent even though I felt nearly dead inside. I heard jonathan clicked his tongue.

"How do you think it could be there?"

Jonathan asked in a slow tone, sweet, but almost deathly. I really didn't know what I should said. Moreover, Jonathan must had been felt my fastened heartbeat right when he talked about stele and seraph blade. So he didn't have to wait for my answer.

I heard Jonathan sighed, sounded full of regret. I didn't understand what he was regreting. Either my silence or my harsh attitude to come into his room without permission.

"You didn't have to answer me, Clarissa," Jonathan continued as if he didn't be bothered by my silence, "It was clear that you've come into my room last night and took that seraph blade from it place in the corner. But there's just one thing I wanna ask you."

For the umpteenth times I cursed inside my mind before opened my mouth.

"What?"

Jonathan enforced himself and pressed me harder against his chest. Now It was like I'd drowned beneath his jaw. His body a little bit tilted as he placed his chin on the top of my head.

"Why do I still alive?"

He whispered softly, implied nothing but pure curiousness.

"Why didn't you kill me?"

I stunned, didn't intend to hear such a question like that. Above all question, why he wondered about that instead? About the reason why I didn't kill him?

"Why do you ask me that question?" finally I said a bit long sentence. I could felt that my voice was so stiff and cold. Not only my voice but also all of my body was never got calmed when Jonathan was touching me.

How could I relax if every time he touched me, I recalled the scenes back there in the Valentine's apartment when he almost raped me? I couldn't helped but feeling disgusted about my brother.

How could he think that there was a chance for us to be together in that way?

"Because there isn't any reason for you to keep me alive, is it?" he asked cynically, "Or maybe you just worried about being stuck in here forever if you killed me?"

I chose not to answer.

Jonathan could choose not to release me from his arms, but I could choose not to say anything. He could force me, but I didn't have to answer him honestly, did I?

"You can think as you wish," finally I said. Still in a rigid tone, "I don't have to answer anything."

I could feel Jonathan growled. That growl made a vibration in his throat, and then went along his body like fire burns the straws.

"Okay," he was back to his calm tone when he opened his mouth again.

I felt something in my head and found Jonathan was pressing one of his cheek against my hair. He said softly.

"This time I won't force you to say something, Clarissa. Let's say that it's due to my very nice mood."

I don't know why, but I swore that Jonathan sounded happy when he spoke. His voice felt as if it was floating. This was rarely happened, or maybe this was the first time I saw Jonathan was happy. I meant, really happy, not an euphoria after he did something, which usually terrible for other people.

As he fell silent, I felt his arms around me loosened, and….

You could say that I had lost my mind, but for a brief moment, I felt like he truly embraced me.

You know, not the kind of hold that supposed to make me stay still or caged me between his arms, but really a hug.

At that moment, my brother's body felt a little bit comfortable, warm and safe.

Unfortunately, that feeling just remained for seconds because Jonathan then released me and sprung off from the bed. Pulled me along with him.

"What are you doing?"

I jerked more because I was surprised as Jonathan suddenly held a tight grip around my wrist and started pulling me out of the room.

"Don't be panicked like that, Clarissa," he spoke with an amusement that made make stomach twisted rather than comfort me.

Everything which amused Jonathan Morgenstern was never had a good meaning for others.

I tried to free myself from his grip, but Jonathan was far too strong to be fought.

"I told you not to get panicked," he said impatiently as he pulled me down the stairs, "We have plans for today."

I couldn't see Jonathan's face but I heard a smile played in his voice, and it gave me a bad feeling. The worst one.

But I could do nothing. I could only let myself dragged by my brother, praying that whatever he'd planned for us, it won't hurt other people.

And I really hoped Magnus find a way to save me immediately.

I wished.