Chapter 12

Lisa and I had completely made up by the end of the night and were back to being how we used to be before Josh died….. I couldn't stop smiling. She also made me promise to tell Paul about the bet today because she could see that it had been eating me alive. She also told me that if I did fall for him, which I claimed would never happen, she'd be okay with it.

The next morning I got dressed to go out with Paul. I heard him knock on the door and Lisa got up to get it which I knew he would be thrilled about. I hurried downstairs to see Lisa doing her best to annoy Paul. She then saw me and did a wolf whistle, "Someone looks awfully sexy this morning," she winked at me.

"We all know its you in that onesie, Lisa," I joked and she laughed.

Paul looked at us like we'd gone mad. I walked forward and gave him a hug, "Morning!" I said cheerfully before turning to give Lisa a goodbye hug.

"You're going to spend the night at mine tonight, right?" I asked her.

"As long as you don't turn into Miss Perfect again," she sang spreading her legs slightly.

She had turned my deepest darkest secret into a joke a last night…..and that's why I loved her. I turned maroon glancing at Paul wide eyed who simply looked confused, "Lisa, stop being a bitch," I grinned.

Lisa grinned putting her hands over heart, "Aw, I'm sorry," she joked laughing pulling me into a hug.

"Bye love you!" I sang.

"LOVE YOU MORE!" she sang back kissing my cheek before pushing me into Paul with a devious smirk.

Paul took his chance to pull me out the door. "What the hell happened last night?" he asked me wide eyed opening the passenger side for me.

"Lisa and I talked, like really talked for the first time in two years," I sighed happily.

He mumbled something about girls under his breath and I just laughed, nothing was going to break my mood today…..well until I broke the news about the bet to him...but I hoped that he'd forgive me quickly, Lisa promised me he would….and as I was slowly starting to learn she actually knew stuff when it came to Paul….

"You seem happy," he told me as he jumped in on his side.

I sighed again grinning from ear to ear, "I am, Paul, I really am. Last night, made all those years of putting up with her bitchiness worth it, I got my best friend back," I grinned.

He looked at me a bit worriedly, "Am I not #1 anymore?" he asked.

I chuckled until I realized he was serious, "Paul, you're my best friend, Lisa is like my sister," I told him.

He grinned pleased with my answer, "I'm glad she is finally treating you right then," he told me.

I laughed giddily, "So what was her deal or is it too personal?" he asked curiously.

I smiled, "It was my fault really. She was suffering and making mistakes and I was being the perfect best friend always there, keeping a strong face on. It was driving her crazy. See something happened two years ago…..and we were both extremely hurt by it. She dealt with it by partying and sleeping with guys. I pretended to be strong for her, thinking she needed to see me strong. She thought I was perfect that after the incident I didn't make any mistakes and that I wasn't a mess as well. We just dealt with it differently. I kept everything bottled up and secret. She has been pissed at me for two years thinking I was perfect. Well, last night I kind of fell apart and let her comfort me, and that's honestly all she's wanted for two years," I said softly.

"I didn't know you were hurting, Ali, I didn't know that it really bothered you how she treated you, I always teased you saying you needed to ditch her," he said horrified.

I smiled at him, "Paul, you didn't know, and after two years I wasn't sure that you weren't right," I joked.

"I'm supposed to be your best friend, I should have known you were hurting," he said softly.

I reached over and grabbed his hand, "Paul, you've been my best friend for a month, Lisa has known me her whole life and couldn't tell I was hurting," I told him.

"But I…." he started.

"Paul, you became my best friend that I've needed for a long time, Hunter lived at my house he knew some of what was going on with me…..you were utterly clueless, and I needed that…..I know that doesn't make sense to you, but I needed someone in my life that would just make me laugh and forget about all the crap that I was dealing with," I told him.

He was silent, "Really?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," I grinned at him.

He smiled widely at that, "I'm glad," he said.

I chuckled, "So now that we got all deep, where are we going?" I asked.

"I know how you love Starbucks, so I figured I'd bring you to the original Starbucks?" he asked.

Seattle wouldn't even bring me down today, I was so happy. "That sounds great!" I said cheerfully.

"I love that you're so happy, you and Lisa need to make up more often," he joked.

I laughed softly realizing that if we were going to Seattle, I needed to stop him before he got to far and tell him the truth…..If he hated me afterwards I didn't want to get stuck in Seattle, and I didn't want it to damper my trip with him waiting till the last minute.

"Could you um pull over?" I asked him softly.

He looked at me curiously, but did as I asked looking nervous. "What's up…." he asked worriedly.

I looked down, "I didn't want you to get to Seattle before I told you….." I whispered looking up at him.

As I looked into his eyes, I saw true fear in them. It was then that I realized Paul truly cared about me, and he thought I was going to break his heart…now that Lisa and I were close again…..he knew Lisa wasn't a fan of him….

"Promise me you'll hear me out before you get mad?" I whispered nervously.

"I'm going to be mad?" he whispered.

"Probably," I gulped.

He sucked in a deep breath, before saying quite possibly the worst thing he could before I began, "You're the first girl, I've ever cared about Ali, ever, you mean a lot to me….I hope you realize that," he whispered.

I was shaking like a leaf now, "I know," I whispered.

He sighed taking both of my hands, "Spit it out," he said gently as if waiting for me to break his heart.

I looked down unable to meet his eyes as I began to talk, "Lisa was really mad at you about breaking up with her in front of everyone and then asking me out. She then came up with this plan for me to make you fall for me and then break your heart, to show you what it felt like. I thought you were just some jerk, and Lisa was begging and begging, so I agreed…that whole jealous thing at the movies….that was all an act, she wanted you to think that's why she was okay with us hanging out….. She came up with this whole extravagant plan of how you were going to fall for me, and all these things I had to do to get you to confess your love for me, and then how she wanted me to break your heart in that moment… I'm so sorry," I whispered looking away from him tears in my eyes.

"So it was all an act?" he whispered his voice weak.

I squeezed my eyes shut before opening them and turning to look at him in the eyes for part two. "No, I never acted with you, Paul, I promise, you got me the real me the entire time, I never really went along with her extravagant plan, I just kind of hung out with you like she wanted me too, and I felt so guilty Paul, because I realized you weren't a bad guy. A player, sure…..but you had feelings….and then you became my best friend, and you started going above and beyond for me…and I kind of got a little attached. I know you now, Paul, and I don't want to hurt you, that's why I'm telling you. That's what started the whole fight last night, I told her that I wasn't going to go through with it," I whispered.

He was silent no longer looking at me, he then sighed, "I knew about the bet, Ali," he whispered.

I dropped his hands as if burned, he knew….he'd been playing me… "No, no…..hear me out would you? You owe me that much," he said seriously.

I gulped, but nodded knowing it was true, "I heard Lisa telling a friend about it before she even asked me to go on that stupid double date," he whispered.

My eyes started to water, he'd been playing me…..he had the ENTIRE time. I reached for the door, but he grabbed my hand, "Would you listen to me?" he begged and suddenly I was brought back to that first night when he told me about his mom the weakness he showed.

"I didn't care, Ali, I liked you, God, I liked you….. I practically stalked you before the stupid double date thing, I used it as an excuse to get to know you. I figured it was worth the risk of you actually going through with the plan, but as I got to know you, I knew you wouldn't or I hoped you wouldn't anyway. You seemed too real, I've dated a lot of fake girls, Ali, but you were never fake with me, and I knew that. I thought that maybe possibly you'd fall for me too…..then I heard Lisa mention….James…..and…I was kind of pissed and thought you had been fake the entire time…..at the beach…..in the car…so I avoided you. Didn't go to school for a week, and you showed up on Sam's doorstep absolutely pissed at me. I knew then and there that you weren't faking it the entire time. You were being you. I didn't care that you didn't like me like I liked you Ali. There was just something about you. I just had to be in your life. So I became your best friend. I figured that it could end one of three ways, one you broke my heart like the bet foretold, two, you kept silent about the thing and never told me hoping I would never find out, or three, you'd tell me feeling extremely guilty because you did care about me at least a little," he told me.

I gulped. "I hoped it would be number three," he whispered looking at me.

Paul practically just confessed his love to me…and he truly cared about me…..it was obvious. I looked away from him, "Paul, I do care about you, but we can't be more than best friends," I whispered.

He actually chuckled, "I know, Ali, I came to terms with that since I heard about James, doesn't make my feelings change, but I respect yours," he told me.

I gulped opening my mouth to tell him, I didn't love James…..that I never had….. but he surprised me by just pulling me into a hug, "I'm okay as long you care about me at least a little," he told me seemingly perfectly happy with that.

I stared at him, for the first time seeing that Paul, didn't believe in himself very much…..he didn't even say care about him as much as I would a best friend, and for the first time I actually wished I wasn't still head over heels in love with Josh. Still so heartbroken over him…..that I could take my heart back from Josh and give it to Paul. I wanted to do that for him. I wanted to love Paul. I did love Paul. I did…..I was in love with Paul….but Josh still had my heart…..I was still so broken over Josh…..Paul didn't deserve that.

I squeezed him tightly against me as if that would make me love him. "You mean the world to me, never doubt that," I whispered in his ear.

He squeezed me even tighter, "I love you," he told me without a single doubt.

I squeezed my eyes shut to hold in the tears, I wanted so much to tell him I loved him too….but I just couldn't…I couldn't say those words to him. I couldn't say those words when Josh wasn't on the receiving end.