Chapter 18

I was clinging to him like my life depended on it. "Josh," I let out a strangled sob.

"It's okay, Ali, I'm here," he whispered to me burying his face in my hair clinging to me just as I was him.

"I messed up….." I started to cry.

"It's okay, Ali, I forgive you," he told me so sincerely I just started to sob clinging onto him even tighter not even caring that he was as cold as ice and practically made of stone.

He held me as I cried whispering sweet memories in my ear and brushing my hair with his fingers just like he used to until I calmed down. He then smiled at me and brushed the last tear away with his thumb, "Now please, Ali, don't spoil anymore of our reunion with tears," he begged and I couldn't help, but smile from ear to ear.

"I should probably give you two some privacy, I'll be outside, Ali," Paul said making his presence known once again.

"Wait," I said grabbing Paul's arm and I met his eyes. They looked empty and completely heartbroken.

"Paul…." I whispered.

"It's okay, Ali," he told me softly.

"Paul?" Josh spoke this time directly to Paul.

Paul looked at him, his wall immediately going up. Josh then held out his hand to him, "Thank you, thank you for taking care of her," Josh told him sincerely.

Paul took his hand slowly and shook it looking a bit confused, "Um, your welcome?" he said a bit gruffly, but Josh wasn't done.

"Thank you also for making her smile, I've watched her from afar these past two years, and it was only with you, that I actually saw her give real smiles," he told him.

He'd watched me… Paul just nodded before walking out the door of the restaurant. Josh then turned to me a kind smile on his face and I melted forgetting about Paul. "Sit," he said pulling out my chair for me.

I obliged sitting down as he went and sat down where Paul had been sitting. "Did it hurt?" I whispered.

"Like it was setting my blood to boil," he told me.

I gulped, "Let's not talk about that though," Josh begged.

I nodded reaching over and grabbing his hand. "Paul has helped a lot hasn't he?" Josh asked me gently.

"Paul's my best friend, Josh, I still love you and only you," I told him.

Josh looked down, "I still love you too," he whispered.

I beamed from ear to ear, he still loved me…..he still loved me…..he came back like he promised me. "But you love Paul too," he told me.

"As a best friend," I replied.

Josh smiled at me a bit, "Ali….." he started.

"I love you, Josh and only you, don't doubt that," I told him seriously.

"Ali, you don't get it, do you," he said using my words against me.

I turned to him wide eyed, "What don't I get Josh? I've always understood you, just like you've always understood me….we get each other…..just like the sand and ocean right?" I asked slightly panicked.

Josh sighed looking extremely sad, "We are like the sand and ocean, Ali," he told me.

"Then what's wrong with that? What don't I get?" I asked frustrated.

"That I'm a vampire, Ali," he whispered.

"I do get that, Paul explained it to me," I told him.

Josh scoffed, "So you're telling me a wolf told you all the ugly stuff about vampires and you are still confessing your undying love for me?" he asked in disbelief.

"You're my Josh, I don't care, I've made mistakes too," I told him.

"Damn it, Ali, don't you get it? I'm a murderer!" he exclaimed frustrated at me.

"I don't care!" I yelled back at him making people look at us.

"You should, because at this very second my throat is burning and you smell extremely delicious, and it would be so easy to lean forward and suck you dry," he said viciously.

I leaned back some, shocked at his words. "You wouldn't hurt me," I stated firmly.

"I don't want to, Ali, but you have to understand just sitting here at this table with you is a struggle, it doesn't matter that I love you more than anyone else in the world," he told me.

I did understand, "Then make me a vampire like you," I said simply.

Josh actually rolled his eyes at me, "I would die before I let you become a vampire," he snapped at me.

"Why not? We could be together? There's a coven of vampires that feeds only on animals, they don't hurt anybody, we could live with them…..and…." I started.

"Ali, stop," Josh begged.

"Why? Josh, don't you see…..we could be together….and….." I started again.

"Ali, you aren't becoming a vampire, end of discussion," Josh growled at me and I saw in his red eyes for a split second the killer in them.

Why couldn't he see, that I'd do anything for him? "I don't care that you want to murder me right now, Josh, you wanted to see me, you still love me, I still love you, what is so complicated about that?" I asked.

"The fact that you have a werewolf that fucking imprinted you, that you love just as much as you love me. You are just denying it, I know you Ali, being a vampire doesn't change the fact I can read you like an open book! You are hiding behind your love for me, you are so scared that if you admit you love him, that he'll leave you too," he told me.

I clenched my teeth pissed, how dare he, claim that I loved Paul as much as him… "I'm not in love with Paul, Josh," I growled at him.

"Yes, you are, I've watched you with him, Ali, you light up around him, he makes you SO happy, I want you to love him, Ali," he told me.

I leaned back in my chair his words cutting my heart. "Y-you want me to love him?" I whispered.

Josh sighed, reaching over and grabbing my hands, "Ali, you are the single most important person in the world to me. You can't possibly fathom how much I love you. I know you love me too, I don't doubt that, but I know that I would hurt you, you couldn't take it being a vampire…..you're too kind Ali, it'd eat you alive. You said we'd join the Cullens…you wouldn't be able to even kill a deer, Ali," he told me.

My eyes were watering, "I would for you though, Josh, I would, I'd kill a human for you," I whispered.

"And I would never forgive myself if you did," he told me his eyes so sad that I knew he'd be crying too if he could, he gently stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"Josh, I just found you….." I started.

"I'm dead, Ali, my heart doesn't even beat, nothing has changed in two years, Ali, I'm still dead," he told me.

"But you're also alive," I whispered.

"Barely, I shouldn't be, I cheated death, I wish I was dead," he told me.

"Josh, don't talk like….." I started, but he glared at me shutting me up.

"I have to live for an eternity killing people Ali, that's no life I want to live. I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to gain control over myself so that I could find you. I watched over you for two years, I watched you fall apart, I watched you search for me in Seattle…..Ali. I knew you needed me to forgive you and to get closure….." he whispered.

"No, Josh, I don't need closure, I need you," I sobbed.

"Ali, I don't think you understood when I told you that Paul imprinted you," he said softly.

"I don't even know what that is," I sobbed.

"It's when a werewolf meets his soul mate, Ali, the two are meant to be together, the moment he lays eyes on her he knows she's the one, and he'd do anything to make her happy, and it's not only one sided Ali, you can deny you love him all you want, but I know you love him. That ache in your heart when you're apart…..how you wanted to be around him…how he makes you feel safe and loved…..how he makes you happy? That's the imprint, Ali…." He whispered.

I was silent, I knew I loved, Paul, and I now understood why, but I still loved Josh…..no magic wolf imprint thing would be able to stop that. "I still love you though," I whispered.

"I know, remember when Paul told you about Sam, Emily, and Leah….." he whispered.

I sucked in a deep breath, "Sam still loves Leah too…..but…..he loves Emily more," I whispered.

"Yes, Ali, and if I hadn't died that day in the car accident I would have been Leah," he whispered.

"No you wouldn't have, I would never have left you," I defended.

"Ali, an imprint isn't something to mess with," he told me gently.

I glared at him, "It can't make me stop loving you," I argued.

"No, but if you fight it, it will make you completely miserable, don't act like you don't want Paul to kiss you, that you don't like when he hugs you, that it doesn't make you insane with jealousy that he has touched your best friend that way, but not you," he told me.

I glared at him harshly, I hated when Josh knew me. He knew me too well, and he knew it. He smirked proudly, "He loves you Ali, and it's killing him knowing you are in love with me, he doesn't even think you love him at all you know, Paul's got a tougher life than he lets on, Al, he needs you, and you need him," he told me.

I just stared at the table, "But what about you?" I whispered.

He smiled at me, "I have an eternity to find my own soul mate, Al, I'll find her, and until then, I'm going to smile watching you fall in love, grow up, get married, and have kids," he told me.

"You'll be around though, I'll see you?" I whispered.

He chuckled standing up and pulling me into his cold embrace, "Ali, I haven't left you once since I could control myself not to hunt you down and kill you then and there. I'll always be there, at every major event in your life. I want you to be happy, Ali, that's all I've ever wanted," he told me.

I clung to him, "You'll be my best friend then?" I whispered.

"Ali, you misunderstood….." he trailed off.

I pushed him away, "What do you mean? You aren't leaving me again!" I shrieked at him.

He looked down, "Ali, I have a gift…..I can make you forget," he whispered.

"NO! Josh, I don't want to forget!" I screamed at him making people turn to look at us.

"Ali, you could be so happy with Paul," he started.

"No, Josh, I refuse to forget you," I glared at him putting my foot down.

"Not forget me, forget that I'm not completely dead," he told me.

"No," I told him.

"Ali, stop being difficult, I want you to be happy," he said.

"I can, just don't leave me, I'll be with Paul if you want me to, I'll do it I'll act so in love with him, just…don't leave me please, don't make me forget," I whimpered.

"You wouldn't be acting Ali, stop lying to yourself," he whispered pulling me into a hug.

"Please, Josh, don't make me forget, I'll be good, I'll do what you want, I'll be happy," I sobbed.

"Okay, I won't make you forget," he said softly, but I knew he was lying as he placed his hands on my forehead and pulling me up to meet his eyes.

"I want you to forget that I've been watching you, forget that I'll continue to watch you grow, I want you to remember all the good times we had together, I want you to remember this meeting as closure, I want you to move on," he whispered as everything went black.