Chapter Three

Darcy stared out the window of the carriage as it drove away from Netherfield, through the streets of Meryton, and then out of Hertfordshire. He gazed out into the trees, then town, and then across the expanse of the fields. He saw nothing. His mind did not wander, his eyes barely moved and his breathing was cautiously steady. He knew, at the very back of his mind, that he did not have the strength this would take. He could feel it with each passing mile, each minute, and every turn of the road. But what else could he do? This had gone too far as it was, he had no choice, he would simply have to overcome it.

He reached the Darcy house before nightfall. He walked up the stairs and was let into the hallway. "We are not receiving any calls at present save for Colonel Fitzwilliam and my solicitor or steward." he informed Carter, his butler. He then turned to Mrs. Carter, the housekeeper. "I shall be in need of a bath, and I will have a tray brought to my room this evening, as I intend to retire early." She acknowledged his request and immediately set two footmen and a maid about on the errands.

Mrs. Carter and her husband had been in service with the Darcys for five and twenty years now. They had started when Fitzwilliam Darcy had been but a babe, not yet three years of ages. They had seen him grow into a fiercely loyal friend, brother and son and had watched as he suffered so silently when each of his parents were taken from him. He had once been more open, less taciturn and jovial in some ways. He had smiled more as a younger man and used to laugh freely when his mother was still living. They had loved Mr. and Mrs. Darcy dearly and in turn both of the Darcy children had taken a place in their hearts. It was with no small amount of sadness that they saw the lives of such dearly loved ones torn apart after the death of both parents.

He made his way to his study. He did not wish to be alone, but with Georgiana and Mrs. Anesly back at Pemberly, and with him refusing callers, he was unlikely to see a friendly face for sometime. He pulled a thick book off the shelf and began reading, yet he saw none of the words, his mind occupied elsewhere... In Hertfordshire, in fact, along with his heart, not that he would admit so, not even to himself. He chastised himself for the lack of concentration and threw the book aside and, opting for a less taxing task, he stoked the fire.

One piece of business which he convinced himself was necessary was to write to his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and to ask that he request information concerning Wickham from the war office. He was not willing to become involved with the 'gentleman' again, but he would at least keep tabs on him.

The rest of his week passed slowly. He had small matters of business to which he attended: his solicitor called, his steward wrote frequently regarding the estate, and he reviewed the final quarters accounts a month in advance. All was, as usual, in top condition and on the increase. He distracted himself in any way he could throughout those long days in London. He rode through the park in the mornings, worked in the afternoon, and fenced or visited his club in the evenings. He exhausted every fibre in his body but still, every night as he climbed the great staircase of Darcy House, his body aching and eyes weary, he couldn't help but imagine ascending the stairs with her on his arm, taking her to his bed as his wife and waking up to her the next morning. Every night he would crawl beneath the counterpane and lie on the cusp of sleep for hours, simply thinking about her and when sleep finally found him, he would spend hours dreaming of her before he was torn from his sleep. His dreams were vivid and varied, ranging from sublime imaginings of having her to himself and taking her in his arms, to the nightmarish and very real visions of her standing, so beautiful, so close and so enchanting but so entirely out of his grasp. He woke feeling more exhausted than when he went to bed, his head often aching, before he dragged himself through the drudgery of another day.

~oOo~

Elizabeth started after her friend as Charlotte retreated down the path away from Longbourn. She was dumb struck, she was shocked, simply shocked. No one as smart as Charlotte could have ever, in all of history, done something so idiotic! Elizabeth hadn't believed it at first, she had thought it to be some terrible joke, but Charlotte pressed the point of how 'rational' the match was. "How could she degrade herself so thoughtlessly?" thought Elizabeth, a wave of anger coursing through her.

She turned on her heels and ran back to the house then quickly to her room, where she closed the door hard and leaned her head against the cold, hard oak of the frame. "Foolish, thoughtless girl! How could she marry such an imbecile even if for security? He will make her miserable in every way!" Lizzy told herself.

Charlotte Lucas had come to see her friend and to give her the news that she would soon be Mrs. Charlotte Collins. There was no doubt Elizabeth's mama would hear of it today, and she wanted to give Lizzy fair warning. Charlotte had looked embarrassed; she knew what she had agreed to, what it entailed, and was well aware of her friend's feelings toward the man she would soon call husband, but she was almost seven and twenty and no romantic. She knew this was likely to be her only offer and she was conscious of the security that was guaranteed by marriage, so she had done the rational thing and accepted. Mrs. Bennet was indeed angry when she found out and the house was thrown into turmoil once again and it was some weeks before any peace was found at Longbourn again.

It was after these weeks that Elizabeth began to feel herself once again. She regained some semblance of normality as their lives settled back into their usual comings and goings. Her mother was enthusiastic as ever to have her daughters wed, if not more so, and threw all of her energy into Jane's wedding. Elizabeth's aunt and uncle were due any day now along with their children for Christmas, and their arrive could not have been more eagerly anticipated.

Christmas at Longbourn was a loud, chaotic event filled with laughter and merriment that could be heard all through the house and, with the addition of the Gardiner children, this year was no exception. Even when dining at Netherfield for an evening they could not but slightly raise the spirits of even their most stubbornly petulant host, Miss Caroline Bingley. Not that she would ever admit to anyone that she had hosted a tradesmen and his family in her formal dining room!

Christmas for the Darcy's was spent at their Aunt and Uncle Matlocks. Darcy had decided to spend the winter in town so that Georgiana could have her family around her. Georgiana had noticed the recent change in her brother and worried for him and, although she would not dare ask too many questions for fear of prying, she showed enough concern for him to realise that his change in mood was affecting her as well. They returned to Pemberly on January 6th and Georgiana was glad to be back. Darcy had always found comfort in his home and set himself hard at work on estate matters, for there was always something to be done and he buried himself in the distraction of business. Slowly but surely his life was returning to normal and, though he still dreamed of what it would be like to have Elizabeth there with him, he felt the loss less keenly and used the fact as assurance that he would someday forget she had ever existed. He had, however, forgotten that at some point in a few weeks he would be facing her at the altar as they stood with Jane and Bingley as bridesmaid and groomsman.

Elizabeth and Jane were ecstatic, the wedding date was set and invitations were issued. The wedding would be on the seventh of March, and plans were in full speed. Their mama was in a constant state of elation as she primped and preened all of her daughters dresses and planned to have the house cleaned from the eves to the floorboards in the space of a month. Mr. Bennet was well ensconced in his study for much of January, hidden from the talk of lace and frills and had a regular visitor in Elizabeth, when her mama did not require her. The younger ladies made their usual trips into Meryton and had frequent callers in the form of officers, encouraged, of course, by Mrs. Bennet. Longbourn was a house of joy and, though not quite 'peaceful,' it was happy nonetheless.

It was just two weeks after arriving back at Pemberly that Darcy received a letter from his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, with details of Wickham. Darcy had asked him to keep him informed on any of the man's movements, as he wanted to bring Georgiana to the wedding with him but knew he couldn't expose her to the scoundrel again. He sat at his desk one fine morning in January and began his correspondence. He was a very methodical man and so after completing his letters of estate business, he moved onto society invitations, compiling a set of events he would attend, those who deserved a response of his regrets and those which warranted neither attendance nor regrets. He then began to read through his personal correspondence, the first letters being from his Aunt and Uncle Matlock, no doubt checking up on him after his more than usually despondent state at Christmas, which he put to one side. The next was from his Aunt Catherine who, in her usual haughty, high-handed nature, told him that he would join her a week before Easter at Rosings. Darcy rolled his eyes and then laid the letter to one side. He then picked up his letter from his cousin and began the task of delving into Wickham's matters yet again.

Dear Cousin,

Forgive the bluntness of this, I'll be sure to write properly when I get the chance but things down at the war office have me in high demand and hard hours at present.

Wickham is still in Hertfordshire, and it seems he bought his commission in November and was installed in a regiment in a small town of Meryton. Nothing too heinous reported yet, only some minor gambling debts with fellow officers and extended credit on one or two local shops. It's early, yet I say he'll be in trouble sooner or later. His regiment is to remove to Brighton in a few months, but it seems Wickham has taken a particular fancy to a lady in Meryton and is now engaged to the poor girl, no doubt one of some small fortune. Don't know too many particulars but he'll have to be good if he's to marry into the area. Let's see if he slips up when he reaches the coast, preferably into the sea!

Hope all is well with you, dear friend. Your petulant sulking at Christmas didn't go unnoticed! I'll have it out of you sooner or later!

Sincerest regards,

Richard.

Darcy stood abruptly and clenched his fists, crumpling the letter in his hand. He flew out from behind the desk and began pacing, raking his hands through his hair as his mind raced. "She could not, she would not be so fooled!" he declared, but at that moment memories of the ball finally rushed back to him. She had defended Wickham at the ball, made him out to be a victim and implied he had lost Darcy's friendship unjustly! He knew how charming Wickham could be; he had seen him turn his wiles on many a young lady over the years and had cleaned up his mess after him. But Elizabeth had no fortune, as he knew through Bingley that the Jane's dowry did not exceed £500 pounds. Would Wickham truly marry a country woman of so little fortune? But this was no ordinary woman; she was charming, beautiful, witty, intelligent, she was worthy of a king in immaterial value. Could Wickham have fallen under her spell as he himself had? He unfurled the crumpled missive and read the lines again. There was nothing to be done, but he would be back in Hertfordshire before long, so he would simply have to wait.

It was around the same time that Elizabeth learned of the news herself. Lydia and Kitty came bursting into the parlour one afternoon after spending the morning making calls. They were flushed and breathing heavily as they explained, "We have such news to tell! Oh, you will not believe us when we tell you!" Panted Lydia.

"We have just been to speak with Sarah Jones and..." began Kitty before Lydia cut her off.

"Hush Kitty, I will tell them for I heard more and asked the most questions!" she exclaimed.

"Oh mama, it is so terrible I cannot speak of it! Mary King, that short freckled girl who just inherited £10,000 has just become engaged and you will never guess to who, for she does not deserve him!" she said scrunching her face at her older sisters' reproofs for belittling Miss King.

"Oh who, child? Who is she to marry?" squealed Mrs. Bennet.

"Oh it is perfectly horrible and terribly unfair. She has stolen the pride of the army and she is engaged to... To be married to..." she said, reveling at being the centre of attention, before finally falling dramatically across a chaise and sighing, "To Mr. Wickham..."

The effusions continued for a short while as Kitty, Lydia and their mother talked of redcoats and love before the very subject of their discussions arrived. The officers were introduced and ushered into the parlour, whereupon Mrs. Bennet, not being one to miss out on a chance at having the gossip straight from the horse's mouth, congratulated Lt. Wickham and wished him joy. He glanced to where Elizabeth sat, her expression unreadable, before he thanked Mrs. Bennet and then recommended a walk through the gardens, as the sky appeared to be inclined to remain clear today.

Elizabeth had taken the news rather well. She expected to be upset, or maybe a little jealous even, but neither anger nor envy had she felt. She was aware that his attentions to her now seemed rather shallow and perhaps a little practiced, if she thought about it, but it only solidified the fact that he had never given her any real indication of his regard. She thought she should feel offended somewhat, but she was no fool. Even handsome young men needed something to live on, and Mary King was a sweet girl, and perhaps Mr. Wickham really was taken with her. But still, why did she not feel the loss of his attention? She had liked him, of that much she had been aware. "But," she thought, "he never did engage my heart." It was during her musings that the man in question had requested them all go to the garden, she shrugged internally and stood as she fixed a light smile on her features. She would make sure he knew that he still had her friendship.