Chapter Seven
The month that held Jane and Bingley away on their honeymoon period passed quickly for Elizabeth, as life at Longbourn began to take on most of its normality, save for the absence of Jane, her closest confidant. But this did not cause so much of a profound effect as she had expected, for without Lydia there, Mrs. Bennet had no one to gossip quite so much to and so even her flighty attitude was subdued. Kitty began to follow Mary and Lizzy's example more and more each day and it soon showed when her fashion magazines were swapped to novels and even sometimes one of Mary's more pious readings. She was much less inclined to gossip and took to joining Elizabeth on her shorter walks, and, as Mary had her piano and Elizabeth her wit, Kitty decided her talent would be drawing, and by practicing several hours a day, she became rather good.
Mary too, finding that the house calmed in the absence of Lydia, sermonized less and grew to be more social. Mr. Bennet, finding that his household took on more of a felicitous air, was drawn out of his study more often and seemed to take a stronger interest in his remaining daughters and could even be found walking in the gardens with his wife from time to time. Elizabeth enjoyed this happy experience of familial serenity and peace, it was calming and made up for her dearest sister's absence.
However, no amount of peace could take away from the excitement Elizabeth felt at the return of Mr. and Mrs. Bingley from their honeymoon tour. They arrived back at Netherfield Park on a Tuesday, and Jane wasted no time in having the carriage sent to Longbourn to retrieve her mother and sisters, with Mr. Bennet joining them later for dinner. The carriage rolled up to the front of the house where a beaming Mr. and Mrs. Bingley stood. Mrs. Bennet practically jumped from the carriage, her recently established calmer nature dissipating in her enthusiasm as she squealed, "Mr. and Mrs. Bingley! Oh how lovely it sounds, my dear Jane..." trilled the lady. "Oh, Mrs. Bingley, of course," she amended. Her effusions were transferred to Mr. Bingley for a short while and Jane greeted the Kitty and Mary happily before she threw her arms about Lizzy, tears forming as the two friends and sisters embraced. The small party went into the house and sat down for tea, Mr. Bingley excusing himself after fifteen minutes to see to business, although not before ensuring that all his new sisters called him by his first name and he called them by theirs. "Goodbye, brother!" giggled Kitty as Mr. Bingley made his way out of the room after placing a chaste kiss on his wife's cheek, a look in his eye which made Jane blush.
The conversation was limited for the meantime, as Mrs. Bennet wanted only for Jane to regale her about the plush carriage and pretty inns or fine jewels from her honeymoon. Elizabeth was able to glean but a very few stories of their travels and where they went during the time. There was a particularly calm moment when Mrs. Bennet was attempting to imagine the magnificence of the carriage her daughter described, which they had recently purchased. Elizabeth took the opportunity to speak to Jane more privately. "Jane, how are you dearest? I know you have only just returned to Netherfield but how is the rest of married life to you?" she asked, smiling as Jane's pretty blush crept up her neck and over her cheeks.
"Perfectly wonderful, Lizzy, Charles is so attentive to everything I could possibly need and want. He spoils me terribly but we are both so very happy! Of course, I miss all of my family sometimes but, I feel so mean to say it, but... Lizzy, I am just so happy with Charles, I can never miss anyone for long." She laughed a little. Their conversation was broken by Kitty's questions on Jane's new wardrobe.
Later, after Mr. Bennet had joined them and dinner was finished, the Bennets made their way into the carriage to go home, Lizzy promising to call in the morning. Jane rushed over to Lizzy and held her in a tight embrace, both sisters knowing that after being away from each other for a time they would usually use the night of the return to sit up and speak privately for some hours. But Jane's nights were now Mr. Bingley's too and Elizabeth was happy for her sister.
The next morning, Elizabeth woke later than usual, so by the time she had eaten breakfast, the carriage had arrived to take her to Netherfield. Jane was outside at the steps to the house when the carriage holding Elizabeth drew up to the house, and she smiled sweetly at the driver, thanking him and the footman kindly. The servants were more than pleased with the new Mrs. Bingley, those at Netherfield knew the Bennet girls from when they were young and those at Bingley's London residence, which they had visited during their honeymoon tour, all loved her immediately. Jane was, well, Jane; always kind and serene and, what's more, Jane was a vast improvement on the previous mistress to Mr. Bingley's homes. Miss Caroline Bingley had sulked quite enough during the build up to the wedding for Charles' liking and arranged for her to go away to an aunt in Bath for a few months before rejoining the Hursts in town, giving Jane a chance to become accustomed to running the house without Caroline's 'assistance'.
Jane rushed to her sister and embraced her then took her hand and led her to the house, "Lizzy, you must tell me all. Mary, Kitty and, I dare say, even Mama, have altered so notably, what have you done?" Jane cried as she led Lizzy into the large, well-lit sitting room.
Elizabeth laughed at her sister. "Oh Jane, I have done nothing to induce such change, you know nothing I could say would have any effect on Mama. It is simply much calmer at home now. I cannot speak for everyone, but Papa and I have found it immensely therapeutic to have such little noise in the house. With Lydia gone, Mama gossips only a little and she even walks out with Papa some days. Kitty and Mary seem to have a very good effect on each other. In fact, Kitty brings Mary out of herself, making her performance on the piano forte rather more confident and altogether more enjoyable, and she also sermonizes a great deal less now that Lydia is gone and no one is flirting outrageously with red coats!" she laughed as Jane looked at her laughingly but partly reproachful. "And Mary subdues Kitty's temper and improves her concentration, her drawing has come along exceedingly well this past month," she added. "But without my Jane and with Papa spending more time with our mother, I have become quite a loose thread." she sighed and feigned a sad longing look before adding, "If only I had married Mr. Collins..." she said wistfully. Jane suppressed a laugh and merely giggled, trying to berate Lizzy for teasing but once one sister was laughing, the other couldn't help but laugh too, and soon the two ladies were clutching at their sides as tears of joy and laughter rolled down their flushed cheeks.
Over dinner, Elizabeth watched as Jane and Bingley looked more in love than ever, the three of them sharing joyous conversation and swapping entertaining stories from the month they were separated. "Well I can't say that I wasn't warned not to trust all street merchants along the coast!" said Mr. Bingley as he told Elizabeth about a scam he managed to avoid falling victim to whilst on the coast with his wife. "Darcy advised me well enough to know what was what and how to avoid any damages to my purse." He laughed.
"Yes, I can imagine Mr. Darcy is one who keeps a tight reign on his spendings, not that it is bad to be frugal, but I also imagine he worried for your outgoings considering the recent strain on your money." she said with a tone, which denoted sarcasm and disapprobation of the man concerned. She then turned herself to face her new brother directly. "Mr. Bi-" she broke off after his reproachful look at her for reverting back to formal titles. "Charles, please, you must allow me to thank you for what you did for my foolish sister Lydia. She would be lost to us and we would have been ruined were it not... for..." She stopped speaking at his awkward looks from the ceiling to his wife, then back down at the table. This didn't look like modesty, it was as though she had missed something, and so she looked to Jane who was holding her husband's hand now and giving him reassuring glances. "I apologize, I did not... Have I said something wrong?" she asked.
Charles Bingley looked to his wife nervously and squeezed her hand for strength, he swallowed hard and then turned to Elizabeth who sat to his left, a very puzzled look on her face as she glanced back and forth between the couple before her. He took a deep breath and said, "Elizabeth, as my sister and closest friend to my darling wife, I think it best you are made aware of the truth of the matter concerning Lydia. You will, after all, run into Darce an awful lot, what with you and Jane and he and I being so close, it's inevitable, he will understand my telling you I'm sure and he may never know in fact, but..." He stopped his nonsensical rambling when Jane squeezed his hand. He gulped and blushed deep crimson. His wife decided to begin for her husband.
"Lizzy, what Charles is trying to tell you is that there is more to Lydia's tale than you think. Charles had every intention of paying Mr. Wickham's debts and he wrote to Mr. Darcy to beg assistance, knowing he had once held an acquaintance of sorts with Mr. Wickham." She looked to her husband for confirmation and he nodded hard. "But when Mr. Darcy arrived the tale of his dealings with Mr. Wickham were much more... serious than Charles had thought." Here Mr. Bingley seemed to find his voice, taking in a deep breath and shaking his head as he stared down at the table, he said, "I had no idea what I was dragging him into." He sighed.
Elizabeth sat in shock, her mouth dropped slightly open as Mr. Bingley recounted all of the doings he knew Mr. Darcy had with Wickham, not, of course, including the most recent affair, Ramsgate, as Darcy had never made this known to his friend. At the details of Wickham's profligate ways and Mr. Darcy's constant efforts to reform him or dig him out of debt, she felt sick, she had been so rude and judgmental. The last time they spoke she had acted abominably. Granted that he was just as rude, but he was provoked as she had accused him so wrongly. Her thoughts were interrupted by Bingley. "…And then when I told him the amounts Wickham was demanding, he insisted to take it all upon himself and..." He was cut off by her cry of shock. "What?!" she said, leaning closer to him in disbelief. "Mr. Darcy! He... it was him who, he..." she trailed off, still staring into Mr. Bingley's eyes in hopes that he might tell her that she was wrong in her thinking Mr. Darcy had paid off Wickham. He did not.
Bingley spent another forty five minutes explaining everything to her as her head spun wildly at the information. When Mr. Bingley began mentioning sums, she felt sick and repressed the urge to scream in frustration, how erroneous her impression of this man had been! A man like the kind she had thought he was would never go to this much trouble for anyone but themselves, yet she had thought him selfish and cold, controlling and arrogant. "And the figures just continued to increase, when they reach twelve thousand pounds I stopped asking, though I know they stretched higher." continued Bingley. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut as she let out a ragged breath.
Earlier in the day, Elizabeth's bags had been sent for after Jane had asked her to spend a week with them at Netherfield as they would be leaving for London the week following. It would be frustrating and disheartening for the sisters to have to say goodbye so soon, but Bingley had business in London and they would have to spend some months there so that he could rearrange business and remain at Netherfield more of the year. What's more, Jane would have to be introduced soon to London society as his wife and he wanted to make everything perfect for her. Elizabeth climbed the stairs early that night. The evening had taken a toll on her senses, her head spun from all she had learned and she felt a dull pain beginning at the back of her neck.
She crawled beneath the counterpane a half an hour later, after the maid Jane assigned her during her stay, Sophia, had readied her for bed. She lay there, exhausted, staring but un-seeing up at the ceiling, as she concentrated her attention on the last encounter she had with Mr. Darcy. He had tried to apologize to her for his rude remark! Ha! He was apologizing to her for a silly slight about not being handsome after he had just paid upwards of twelve thousand pounds to save her foolish sister? And she was insulting him and rejecting his every attempt at friendliness, sure in her mind that he was mocking her. What a fool she was. He had every right to point out her family's faults after what he had done to clean up the havoc Lydia wrecked. He was a true friend to Bingley to have done so much to ensure he could marry Jane, and was clearly responsible, perhaps even taking too much upon him, paying off Wickham and Lord knows what else. She felt awful. She couldn't have behaved worse, he had tried to befriend her. She began to recall some of Charles' ramblings from dinner, he was talking about her and Mr. Darcy meeting often because of her closeness to Jane and His to Bingley. Mr. Darcy had clearly attempted to create an amiable friendship between them so they could meet without any discomfort when around the Bingley's and she had thrown all kindness and civilities back at him and scolded him for his taciturn nature, arrogance and conceit. She groaned as she rolled onto her side and fell into a fitful sleep.
The next few days with Jane were pleasant, but went by in a blurred fashion as Elizabeth recalled laughter, music and little serious conversation. It was not long before Elizabeth returned to Longbourn, on the eve of Jane and Bingley's departure to London. The house was quiet, Mary and Kitty were reading whilst Mr. and Mrs. Bennet were outside in the gardens, the servants were going about daily work deftly and Elizabeth noted the change in their demeanor also, they didn't seem flustered or hasty in the execution of tasks anymore. For the first time in she knew not how long, Elizabeth Bennet was truly glad to be home.
She could not, however she might try, escape the effects of the new information she had received. She had fleeting yet very frequent recalls of all of her encounters with Mr. Darcy, her time at Netherfield, their meetings in town, around Meryton drawing rooms and that fateful day of the assembly. She soon realised that it was that night of the Meryton assembly that formed her first impression of the man and it was her marred pride and slighted vanity which gave her the lasting opinion leading to her willingness to believe so ill of him. With so much time to herself now, she had an abundance of hours to think over the nature of her acquaintance with the stranger from Derbyshire. For that he was, a stranger. She had made no effort to ask him about himself, instead she had formed her own ill opinion of him based on falsehoods and presumptions. He filled her thoughts on her morning walks, in her every day movements and, worst of all, he was always on her mind when she lay in bed, sleep eluding her addled mind. She could no longer silence the thoughts that she had misjudged him severely, nor could she disregard the pangs of regret at her mistreatment of the gentleman. What mortification it must have cost him, as well as the money. Bingley had told her the history between Wickham and Mr. Darcy and she could instantly see the truth in what Mr. Bingley recounted and what Wickham had contorted to suit his own end. She felt so thoroughly ashamed of herself and how willing, nay, wanting to believe she had been.
She felt severely chagrined, but, being of an inherently happy disposition, she did not dwell in her upset feelings and began to fall back into her routines and habits quite happily. She received further cause for joy upon the arrival of an invitation to visit her dear sister, Mrs. Bingley, in their London townhouse in two weeks time. She had declined an invitation a fortnight past to travel with Sir William Lucas and Maria to see her friend Charlotte Collins, nee Lucas. She was in no spirits to travel across the country to be subject to torture in the form of Mr. Collins, but she gave her apologies to Charlotte in a way so as not to sound impolitic and promised to come soon enough. But Jane had written and requested Elizabeth be by her side in her first season as Mrs. Bingley, and Elizabeth could not refuse her sister even if she wanted to. She could read from Jane's missive that she was in fact nervous about entering into the society she would be and wanted support from her sister. "I know you, my dear Lizzy, will have no qualms with making light and witty conversation with those about the society rooms and balls, I dare say you will enjoy it," Jane had written. This Elizabeth had read as a plea for help and a defender against the many women who would no doubt be taking Jane's measure in every way. She did not doubt that Bingley would protect her sister but it was evident that Jane was in need of a friend, a confidant to stay by her side at times when her husband was elsewhere. She resolved to go as it was for her Jane and, if she were completely honest, for herself as an escape from the subjects that currently occupied her mind. Arrangements were made for the departure in a fortnight, and Elizabeth began to feel a modicum of peace for the first night in a long time.
~oOo~
Darcy had been feeling the lack of his friend acutely, without Bingley and with Colonel Fitzwilliam unable to remove himself from the home office or the barracks, he had no one to truly confide in. His resolve to improve his social manner was still strong and he made every effort with his servants and acquaintances alike. He had gone to see his aunt, Lady Matlock, a week after his return to town, and though she had not voiced her surprise at his change in character during his visit, or really his visiting at all, it was evident in her expression. His servants too, though the soul of discretion and fiercely loyal to the Darcy family, were not able to hide their fleeting looks of shock at their usually taciturn master's heartfelt thanks and personal consideration regarding themselves. It did not help to improve his own emotions concerning the matter, it simply amplified the truth in Elizabeth's reproofs and made his heart sink to think of her.
Had he learned of this before he met her perhaps... No, it would not do for him to dwell on it, he had damned himself in that regard, and he would never have Elizabeth Bennet. He didn't truly want to have her; he wanted her loyalty, her smiles, her laughter, her arched wit and for her to turn those stunning eyes on him. He wanted her love and he wanted her to give it willingly to him. "But I shall forever be bereft of all these aspects that are Elizabeth. What I have is her disdain, and rightly so, for in no way have I attempted to inspire any feeling of love or even friendship. If I could only see her, if she could see how I have changed, considered her reproaches, even..." His thoughts were broken by a knock at the door and, awoken from the reverie he chastised himself for such foolish thinking before bidding the intruder enter.
Miss Georgiana Darcy was young and very pretty with an endearing innocence. She had sweet blonde curls and a constant rosy hue to her cheeks, she looked every inch the woman in form. If not for the serene and innocent expression of her face and eyes, she would appear, to anyone who didn't know her, a woman of perhaps one and twenty, not a child of sixteen. What's more, she looked every bit like her mother, elegant and beautiful in an angelic way and it showed more and more each passing day. It was she who had knocked so gently on the study door in search of her brother.
She entered the room and crossed to his desk where he sat. He looked up at her and smiled halfheartedly. "Georgiana, to what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked making an effort to bring his full attention to the conversation at hand, but his voice had a curt edge due to the lack of concentration.
"I..." She stumbled and began nervously rubbing her hands together.
He seemed concerned at her reticence to talk with him, she had been like it for months now. Ever since Ramsgate she had lost some of her confidence and natural trust in others, and so he frowned and spoke more softly, "Is something the matter, dearest?" She looked up at him with a surprised expression that he was becoming all too familiar with. His sweet tone and term of endearment gave her confidence and she dropped her hands and raised her head.
"Fitzwilliam... William," she said, her use of his family nickname indicating the personal nature of her intended words. "You... Are you quite all right? Only lately you have seemed so, so... Different. Not in a bad way, but, you are so very, well... So very... Altered." She furrowed her brow and looked at him intently before her newfound confidence failed her and she averted her eyes again. He regarded his sister for a moment, noticing both concern and curiosity in her look before she drew back into herself.
"Forgive me, Georgiana, I hope you have not felt any ill effects from this change you believe to see in me," he said sincerely.
"Oh no! Not ill effects, no not at all!" She was quick to reassure him. "It is only that, you are being so... Kind lately and even speaking more. In fact you are speaking in public, even our Aunt has told me that when you visited last week you were quite verbose and willing to converse even though Richard was not there. Why, even with myself William, you come and sit with me and talk more and even..." she trailed off when she caught his expression.
He was hurt, it was now that he saw the full extent the repercussions of his actions and manner had wrought. His dear, sweet, loving sister was distant with him, she was nervous around him and he had never set her at ease but instead treated her with cold civility at times like this. He would come out of his shell at times, he knew at Pemberly when they would sit together in the music room and he would hear her play that he was immensely more jovial. But that was so infrequent an occasion, yet it was the only time he was relaxed and open with his dear sister, in fact, it was the only time he was truly a brother and not an authority figure to her.
He looked up from across his desk and saw his dear sister, so young and fragile, so very vulnerable yet always seeking strength. He stood abruptly and, more out of habit than distress, he strode to the window. When he turned back to face her, she was on the verge of tears.
"I'm so sorry, William. I did not mean to pry, I... I... I only... I only wondered if there was some happy news," she managed to say in a whisper. Fitzwilliam felt his heart thud as he watched her retreat far into herself, a look of pained agitation on her face.
"Georgie..." he began as he stepped forward toward the now weeping girl.
"What was that?" she said, a startled look now on her tear stained face.
"What?" he replied, stepping closer to the chair where she sat. Again she began to cry softly as he came closer.
"You haven't called me that, you haven't called me Georgie... since..." she trailed off.
"Since when, dearest?" He said, a pleading look in his eyes as he approached her.
"You haven't called me Georgie since you found me in... since that awful thing I did, I thought you couldn't forgive me. Please William, you must know how sorry..." her sobbing was muted as she buried her face in her hands, willing her tears to stop.
He stopped abruptly as if he'd been struck, he watched as his sister rubbed the tears from her eyes only to have fresh floods gush out. He froze for a moment, unsure of what to do, he felt the overwhelming urge to retreat into himself and stare blankly out of the window. Georgiana let out a ragged sob, unable to hold back her tears, it shook him further and, without thought, he made his way to kneel beside her chair. He looked at her, a mixture of worry and uncomfortable confusion playing within him, worry won over. He took in the sight of his fragile little sister as she wept unrelenting tears of pain, sorrow and worst of all embarrassment, as if crying in front of him should distress her further, she should be able to confide in him, but he knew she did not, not anymore. "Georgiana, no," He said leaning closer. "No you must forgive me. Forgive me for not showing you the care I should have after what happened! I never blamed you in the slightest, Georgie. Never, it was never your fault, never," he pleaded. He took one of her hands and held it between his before he withdrew a handkerchief and went to pass it to her before, on impulse, he tentatively reached up and dabbed at her cheeks then pressed it to her hand. She stared at him in disbelief for a moment afterwards, it was not only the most affection she had received from him in all these months since Ramsgate but, it was the most kindness he'd shown her since their father had died. Another rush of emotion washed over her and brought forth tears of remorse to be added to the turmoil she was suffering. He stood, drew her to him and held her close, he was not stiff or formal and he did not hold back, he wrapped his arms about his weeping sister, her head resting at his shoulder, her arms pinned between their chests and he truly held her for the first time in he knew not how long. They stayed like that for some time, until Georgiana's sobs faded into muffled whimpers and then ragged sighs as she loosened her grip on Darcy's jacket.
Eventually, she lifted her tear-stained face, looked him in the eye and gave him a weak, watery smile. "I have missed you so very much, brother. I had resigned myself to never having your true affection again," she said before wrapping her arms about his neck. He sighed and held her close to him.
At her words he felt a stab of pain and regret shoot through him, he regarded her, so small and gentle in his arms, he remembered when he first held her as a babe and the protective brotherly instinct took effect. "Georgie, my dearest sister, you always have and always will have my deepest affection and if I ever fail to show you the love I feel for you, know it it always there. We have only each other now and I simply cannot bear this world without you." It was in that instant that he realised how she had been pining not the loss of that scoundrel Wickham, but the loss of himself. This realization brought on the sudden, sobering recognition of how he would always pine for Elizabeth, he knew that he would never have her love and affection but he now realised that he would forever wish for it.