For MMEPAC ladies who requested this

Shelagh walked up to the steps to Nonnatus, unable to shake the feeling she was walking to her doom. Melodramatic maybe but she was about to explain to her religious sisters that she was pregnant. She couldn't help but think back to the four days that had led to this one.

1. The Day They Admitted Their Love

She knocked on the door reassuring herself that passers by wouldn't be able to know her intentions. She worked with him day in day out. It was perfectly logical for her to be there. Nobody would suspect. They had no idea that the last time she and the doctor had lain eyes on each other he had kissed her hand amend opened up her heart to unbearable pain. The door swans open.

'Sister Bernadette?!' He gaped.

'May I come in Doctor?' She asked quietly, studiously looking over his shoulder.

'Of course?'

'Thank you.' They walked through to his sitting room silently and she perched on the end of his armchair. The silence continued, both struggling to find adequate words to follow their previous actions.

'I'm sorry-''why did you. Sorry Doctor. What were you going to say?'

'After you Sister.'

'Thanks.' She took a deep breath before she burst out. 'Why did you kiss me?'

'I am sorry about that. It truly was unforgivable.'

'But why did you do it?'

'I'm weak.'

'I'm sorry?' She frowned. He dropped down onto the sofa, close enough that he could he could reach her if necessary whilst still retaining a respectable distance

'I'm weak. I should have reigned in my feeling better.'

'your feelings? You have feelings for me?' He nodded humbly. 'tell me. Tell me what these feelings are. Please. I need to know. Tell me and I promise I won't think badly of you.' He smiled at her characteristic kindness. He leant forwards and took her hand in his.

'I'm in love with you Sister. God forgive me but I am. I've tried so hard not to be but it just gets stronger and stronger.'

'I love you too.'

'That's lovely Sister but I wasn't talking in a fraternal sense.'

'Neither was I.' She squeezed his hand. 'I've fallen in love with you Doctor Turner but I couldn't admit it to myself until you kissed my hand. I can't stop thinking about it. Or you.'

'That puts in quite the quandary then.'

'Indeed. I don't want to stop being a nun. Right now that's too much for me to handle. But I don't want to not be with you either.' She explained.

'What do you suggest we do then? Short of having a secret relationship I came think of any way to have both.'

'Then let's have a secret relationship. God forgive me.'

'Are you sure?' He asked tentatively. This was a big event, life changing. He refused to proceed unless she was completely certain.

'I'm sure. I love you Doctor.'

'Well in that case you should probably call me Patrick.'

'Patrick.' She smiled. 'You should probably call me Shelagh then.'

'Shelagh? That's a beautiful name.'

'It was my grandmothers name. She died about a week before I was born.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Thank you.'

'I want to know everything about you yet I barely know where to begin.' He exclaimed softly.

'How long do you have?'

'For you? Forever.' He smiled

'I'd better start at the beginning then.' She grinned.

2. The Day They Kissed For The First Time

It had been 2 weeks since that day yet they had yet to properly kiss. Shelagh had not been confident enough to broach the subject. Neither could think of anything else however. They had exchanged mild tokens of affection, a kiss to the hand, a brush of his lips against her forehead, a chaste peck on her cheek but had gone no further. She almost worried that he had gone off of her. No matter, she would find her way to the truth. She was determined to change that however.

'Patrick?' She said suddenly. He looked over at her. She scolded herself. Whenever he looked at her like that she felt foolish. He adored her. It was plain to see. She smiled.

'Yes my love?'

'Why haven't you kissed me?' She asked brashly. His jaw dropped. He stared at her silently for a minute before choking out-

'Pardon?'

'Why haven't you kissed me yet? I mean you've kissed me on the cheek and the hand but you haven't kissed me yet. It's okay if you don't want to...In know the habit is a bit of a repellent.'

'My darling there is nothing I want more than to kiss you. To kiss you and never stop kissing you until the day I die. But that's the problem. Once I kiss you I won't be able to stop. Kissing you would be the greatest honour in the world but-'

'Who said I wanted you to ever stop?' She smirked. 'Who says I don't want to kiss you forever?'

'Oh Shelagh. My beautiful Shelagh. Are you certain? Everything will be so much more real. There'll be no turning back. I don't want to rush you.'

'You aren't rushing me. You gave me the time and space to come to you when I was ready. I love you even more for it. But please Patrick. Kiss me.'

'I wanted to do it somewhere special. After a romantic meal or something like that.'

'I'm not sure we'll ever manage to go out for a romantic meal Patrick. But even if we did this moment is special. Because it's us. Forget everything else. Right now we're just Patrick and Shelagh-two crazy kids hopelessly in love with each other. Patrick I want you to kiss me. I don't want to turn back. Kiss me.'

'With pleasure sweetheart.' He pulled her up off the sofa and into his arms. One arm wrapped around her waist, the raised to her face. He brushed his thumb across her lips, smiling when she puckered them to lay a tender kiss to its bud. 'I love you Shelagh.'

'I love you too Patrick. So much.' He lowered his head to hers and time became meaningless. The only thing in the entire universe that mattered was his breath, warm on her lips as he took her lower one between his. He kissed her reverently, agonizingly slow before pulling back. She smiled.

'That was nice.'

'It was perfect.'

'I don't know. More practice can't hurt surely?'

'It's worth a try. And don't call me Shirley.' Her exasperated groan was cut off as he descended once more.

3. The Day They Made Love For The First Time

'I'd ask you to marry me if you weren't a nun.' Patrick sighed looking down at the woman curled up in his arms. She looked up and he tucked an errant lock if hair behind her ear.

'I'd say yes if I wasn't a nun.'

'But you are a nun.' He said resigned.

'And so we can't.' She frowned, eyes flashing with a deep sadness.

'You're married to God.'

'Yes. I am. Where's this all come from suddenly?'

'It doesn't matter. How was your day? I heard Nurse Franklin say you'd had a hard case.

'My love? Don't change the subject. Why raise that now?'

'You'd be disappointed in me. It might scare you away.' He admitted looking ashamed

'I can handle it Patrick.'

'I love you so much...' He trailed off, grasping for the best way to explain himself.

'And I love you too. What's the problem?'

'I want to make love to you. But I can't, because we can't get married.'

'Oh.' She gaped at him, sitting up straight to look him straight in the eye. He paled.

'I've frightened you. I'm sorry.'

'No Patrick. You haven't frightened me. Not at all. I want it too.' She admitted, quietly, but strongly. 'Ever since you kissed me I've been thinking about it. I have had many dreams. When I awoke this morning I came to a decision. If He gave me a sign I would come to you fully with His blessing. He knows it is only circumstance that prevents us from marrying,not lack of love or a lack of devotion. We are completely dedicated to each other. Our souls are already intertwined.' She explained, smirking at she watched his face go from confused, to quietly hopeful, to euphoric before settling back on confusion.

'Are you saying what I think you're saying?' He gulped, hardly able to believe it.

'I want to make love with you Patrick.'

'You have no idea how wonderful it is to her you say that. But I want you to sleep on it. This isn't something to be rushed into.' He said though the words obviously pained him

'I'm not rushing anything. Patrick look at me. I've thought about it and I've made my decision. Take me to bed.'

'Yes my love.' They grinned before capturing her in a sweet kiss pouring his devotion into every movement.. He took her hand and led her through to his bedroom.

4. The Day They Became Parents (Even If They Didn't Know It At The Time)

It was an ordinary day really. Nothing of note had happened. Timothy had been visiting Granny Parkers house and so Shelagh had visited under the pretence of going over some patient files. Instead it had been Patrick who'd had received an in depth going over.

'What did I ever do to deserve you?' He sighed contentedly as she slunk back up his body to rest her cheek over his heart, proud to note it's heightened pace.

'I'm not sure. Did you save any chicken from a burning building? Donate lots of money to charity? You must have done something right. I'm not cheap in karmic currency.'

'I love you.' He chuckled as she nuzzled into his neck.

'I love you darling.'

'You do? Prove it?'

'It's such a hard life I live.'

'I should go. Tim will be back from his Granny's soon.' She sighed as she finished redressing.

'I hate this part.'

'So do I. But it's worth it, all of the sneaking around, the pretending in public. For being with you, being loved by you. It's all worth it.'

'I know. Until the next time my darling.'

'Bye Patrick.' She walked out and he watched her sadly, sighing as she left the flat. Both ruminating on their pain, both unaware they'd just made the solution that was soon to begin growing within her.

Shelagh smiled at the memories. No matter what would happen inside Nonnatus House she had a family, she was walking the right road. Taking a deep breath for courage she raised her hand and knocked, ready to face whatever He was about to throw at her.

Shameless Airplane reference :)

Reviews appreciated xxxx