For Hannah who came out of hospital today after a worrying stay

'Are you sure?' Sister Julienne frowned up at the Doctor before her.

'I'm sure. I'm very sorry Sister.' He nodded at them all before leaving the sitting room where they had congregated.

Doctor Johnson had been in Poplar several months now but Sister Julienne still didn't quite trust him. There was something about him the she just didn't like. As a nun she was supposed to love all but there was just something..off about him. She supposed it could just be the fact that he wasn't Doctor Turner that unsettled her. Doctor Turner had been in Poplar for over 20 years-he knew how things were done and how to accommodate the needs and whims of the nuns so long as they didn't impede medical advancement or recovery. She missed him.

Ever since she had left Poplar the Sister had clung to what she knew and what she trusted, her world had already been turned upside down once. But he had left and been replaced by an unfeeling, stubborn young Doctor who thought he knew everything. He was a good doctor she had to admit, but he was no Doctor Turner. And now her life was changing again.

Sister Monica Joan was dying.

It was days like this she missed Sister Bernadette most. Her quiet strength and fortitude, her strong will and calm presence was sorely missed in Nonnatus House. Sister Winifred was a lovely young girl, full of unending happiness and eagerness, but sometimes it was like dealing with a wind up toy that was permanently wound up.

Oh what hadn't she been more forgiving to Sister Bernadette when she had come to her that life changing night over a year ago. The poor girl had probably been terrified-struck down by a potentially fatal illness and facing a life changing development. She had wanted someone to tell her everything would be okay but instead had faced harsh words and rejection from those she loved most dearly.

She would be a mother by now assuming the unthinkable had not happened. She prayed nightly that it had not. That child should be her family, that child was her family, even if she did not know it. She didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. She ached to know. Sometimes, unbidden, the most horrific outcome of all would occur to her- tuberculosis in a pregnant mother carried distinct risks. What if both Sister Bernadette and her unborn child had been lost before she could apologise for her actions. She couldn't stand those thoughts and would go to her office and catch up on paperwork or read a book-anything to stop her thinking.

Sister Julienne had lost the one person she cared most for in her life and now she was losing someone else very dear to her heart. She wasn't sure she could bear it.

'She should be here.' She mused aloud, not realising she had spoken aloud until several sad gazes moved to face her confused.

'Who should Sister?' Jane asked quietly.

'Sister Bernadette. They both deserve a chance to say goodbye.' The nurses looked at each, silently debating the unspoken decision they had instantly made.

'Yes. She should.' Trixie stood and made to leave.

'Where are you going?'

'To phone her. Like you said, she deserves the chance to say goodbye.' Trixie smiled nervously, aware of the situation she was placing herself in.

'You know where she is?' Sister Julienne gasped.

'I do. I have done every day since the day she left. She will want to know.'

'You knew and you never told me?' Sister Julienne was heartbroken.

'She didn't want you to know. We made her a promise. She knew what she had done was wrong but you hurt her deeply.' Jenny said sadly.

'You knew too?' She had trusted her nurses, trusted them enough to let them see how distraught she had been by Sister Bernadette's sudden departure, had been comforted by them as she broke down at the dinner table whenever she accidentally went to address the absent nun, had let them take her in their arms as she had to accept defeat and stop searching.

'We all did. We've been visiting her-that's why we've taken so many personal holidays.' Cynthia explained.

'Is she okay? The TB?!'

'She's okay. But I do not wish to disclose anymore without Shelagh's permission. Now I'll go phone her.' Trixie smiled weakly, squeezing the stunned nuns shoulder.

'Turner Household, Mrs Turner speaking.' Trixie's heart sank as the chipper voice of her dear friend came down the line. Shelagh had finally found total happiness in her life but Trixie was going to have to bring that crashing back into her old reality.

'Shelagh!'

'Hello Trixie. We weren't due for a catch up today were we?'

'No. Something's happened.' She sighed.

'Trixie? What's going on?'

'Sister Monica Joan went wandering again. She fell in the river, she's got pneumonia. Shelagh this is it, the doctor says she's not going to survive it this time.' Trixie explained gently. She heard Shelagh gasp and a gentle thud she assumed to be her leaning heavily against the wall

'Oh.'Shelagh's exclamation was barely audible yet the distress in it was clear.

'Would you…would you like to come and say goodbye? Sister Julienne knows now that we know where you are but we haven't told her anything else. She's really missed you She. The first thing she asked was if you were alright. She loves you. And I know how much you love her too.'

'Trix..I don't know. Obviously I want to go back and say goodbye to her. I love Sister Monica Joan. I desperately want to see them all again but I don't know if I can.'

'This will be your only chance to say goodbye, to reconcile with Sister Monica Joan. Think about it-you could reconcile with Sisters Evangelina and Julienne as well. Maybe this is a sign from Him that the time is now.'

'Okay. I'll have to bring the twins though-Patrick's at work, Tim's at school and I don't trust anyone else enough with them. I'll be there in an hour.'

'Thank you. It'll be nice to see you again without the secrecy.'

'I know. And I'm sorry i've forced you to keep quiet. That ends today-whether they throw me out on my ear or not they know you know. You won't have to hide it.'

'Not a problem. We all love you so much. We just want you to be happy.'

'I love you too. I'd better get ready to leave.'

'See you soon then She.' Trixie put down the phone and walked back into the sitting room smiling tightly. Sister Julienne jumped up, eager for news. 'She's on her way.'

'Who is?' Sister Evangelina strode in.

'Sister Bernadette. It seems our nurses have known where she is all along.' Sister Julienne frowned at the nurses who shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

'Oh. Is she…okay?'

'Very much so. But we'd best leave the details to her.' Sister Evangelina nodded and left the room again, her head spinning with all that was happening.

'Why didn't you say anything? You knew how much I missed her, how much I regretted my actions that day.' The nun asked quietly, unable to get the hurt from her voice.

'And we told her that. But she was still too afraid to get in contact. In theory you may be kind but in practise…she didn't know quite how you'd react. She's so happy, she has the perfect life and she didn't want to upset the apple cart as it were.'

'I suppose I can understand that. And I don't suppose you're willing to tell me anything else?'

'No. That's up to She.'

Next chapter already in progress so hopefully it shouldn't be too long a wait

Reviews appreciated xxx